“What do you mean by that.”
“…….”
“It’s over…… Why would we be over?”
Even under interrogation, those firmly sealed lips refused to open. As Gi-hyeon stepped closer, Do-gyeom reflexively stepped back. An indirect rejection that felt like being sent back to the very beginning — an ominous premonition that everything could fall apart at any moment washed over Gi-hyeon. He had fought so hard to get here, barely managed to stay by his side — so why did he still feel this way. A bewildered murmur slipped through Gi-hyeon’s teeth.
“What are you thinking?”
Do-gyeom was within arm’s reach, yet he felt like a distant mirage. Gi-hyeon knew he had to say something — anything — to hold onto him, but no words came to mind. After searching for the right thing to say for a long while, Gi-hyeon finally forced out something pitiful.
“I feel like I’m going insane.”
“…….”
“I’m terrified that I might be facing the end without even realizing it.”
Even at the desperation in his voice, Do-gyeom’s eyes remained clouded. It felt as though even if Gi-hyeon got down on his knees and begged, those stone-still lips would never open. Gi-hyeon silently stared at those tightly sealed lips and ground his back teeth together. A hairline fracture began to form in his aching heart.
Just what on earth is he thinking……
Gi-hyeon had never pressed Do-gyeom when he suddenly went quiet. It was often difficult to understand, but somehow it felt like something he shouldn’t ask about. The questions he had swallowed down had, before he knew it, risen all the way to the back of his throat.
All this time, Gi-hyeon had been trying to give him reassurance, yet Do-gyeom kept making Gi-hyeon feel anxious and on edge. In the crack that had formed, a small seed of resentment began to sprout. Gi-hyeon was suddenly seized by the urge to corner Do-gyeom. He wanted to grip his shoulders firmly so he could no longer evade him, to force open those tightly shut lips. Gi-hyeon barely suppressed the destructive impulse as he opened his mouth.
“I want to know what you’re thinking. If you need time, I’ll wait. So, so——”
“…….”
“Please don’t pull away on your own without saying a word.”
At the pained voice, the light gradually returned to Do-gyeom’s eyes. His glazed gaze blinked rapidly.
“Oh…….”
Only then did Do-gyeom seem to realize he had hurt Gi-hyeon. He urgently reached out and grabbed Gi-hyeon’s hand.
“No, that’s not it.”
“…….”
“I said that because I’d never imagined Jakka-nim leaving this place…… I didn’t mean that I wanted to end things.”
Do-gyeom’s denial swept away all the hurt and resentment that had built up. Having lost his composure, Gi-hyeon pulled Do-gyeom into his arms. The moment their chests pressed together, Gi-hyeon realized his heart was pounding wildly. He buried his nose in Do-gyeom’s nape and breathed his scent in deeply. The faint smell of grass soothed his frayed nerves. Gently cradling that slender neck, he continued.
“Nothing will change after a hundred days. Not my feelings, not Do-gyeom-ssi’s. Everything will stay exactly the same. If you want, I’ll prove it.”
“I’m not doubting you. It’s just……”
Do-gyeom’s voice trailed off as he burrowed deeper into Gi-hyeon’s embrace. The arms wrapped desperately around his waist trembled pathetically. Suddenly, moments from the past surfaced in his mind.
“Why are you curious about that? No, I’ve never really thought about it, so I’m a little caught off guard.”
Looking back, there had been moments when Do-gyeom had reacted far too sensitively.
“Actually, I’ve barely ever left the estate, so I was anxious the whole way here. This is the farthest I’ve ever gone…….”
There had been many signs. It was only that Gi-hyeon hadn’t noticed them — Do-gyeom had been saying he was afraid, with his face drained white and his lips chewed raw: afraid of the future that had seemed nothing but radiant to Gi-hyeon, afraid of the outside world that had been Do-gyeom’s very foundation.
“I don’t need a better place. Wherever Jakka-nim is, that is the best place for me.”
Do-gyeom had never had a single thing that Gi-hyeon had taken for granted — not parents, not friends, not a lover. He had simply known Gwok Un’s estate as his entire world and had lived depending on his shallow affection. Gi-hyeon felt a deep sorrow for the kind of person Do-gyeom was. That was why he had wanted to get out of here as quickly as possible and give Do-gyeom the world as a gift. But that had been the wrong thought.
Why only now……
How could Do-gyeom, who had barely scraped through each day, possibly dream of a hopeful future? To have been so caught up in excitement over the future they’d share, only to have failed to look back at Do-gyeom…… Gi-hyeon’s face darkened as though he had swallowed a nail. He tightened his arms around Do-gyeom and whispered.
“I’m sorry.”
“……Pardon?”
“There are about a hundred days left now — don’t push yourself. I’ll try harder during the time that remains.”
Gi-hyeon gently stroked Do-gyeom’s back. At the tender touch, familiar as always, Do-gyeom let out the breath he had been holding. It occurred to Gi-hyeon that perhaps he had only ever seen one facet of Do-gyeom. That he had been interpreting Do-gyeom through only the moments and aspects that had captivated him.
“This time, I want to properly get to know you.”
There wouldn’t be enough time, but Gi-hyeon wanted to truly know Do-gyeom, even now — not the image he had wished for and built up in his mind, but the whole of Do-gyeom, the unsightly and incomprehensible parts included. When Do-gyeom feared the future, rather than searching for reasons, he wanted to take his hand. As Gi-hyeon’s arms tightened around his waist, Do-gyeom wriggled inside his embrace. At the sound of his shirt rustling and creasing, Gi-hyeon glanced down.
“Why are you squirming so much? It’s cute.”
“Cu…cute……”
At the embarrassing words, Do-gyeom froze up. His tender eyes darted about with nowhere to land, and Gi-hyeon burst out laughing, unable to hold it in any longer. He leaned back and met Do-gyeom’s gaze.
“So just promise me one thing. That you’ll never pull away in silence on your own — that no matter what happens, we’ll talk it through together and face it side by side.”
“…….”
“Promise.”
Those pitch-black eyes, like the night sky, seemed to say that everything would be all right. Do-gyeom, glancing back and forth between Gi-hyeon and his ring finger, hooked their pinky fingers together.
Gi-hyeon resolved to start by learning about Do-gyeom’s daily life. Do-gyeom had seeped into Gi-hyeon’s everyday existence, but Gi-hyeon had never truly understood Do-gyeom’s. If they could share the small but meaningful things — how Do-gyeom tended the garden, which parts he found tricky when baking cookies — he felt he’d come to know him better. Gi-hyeon glanced sideways at the clock and spoke.
“It’s already three. Shall we do the garden now?”
“Yes……”
“Let’s do it together.”
“What?!”
Do-gyeom, who had been resting his cheek against Gi-hyeon’s chest and breathing evenly, jerked his face away. Gi-hyeon took Do-gyeom’s hand and walked out of the studio. The curious glances of the servants turned toward Do-gyeom and Gi-hyeon. Gi-hyeon laced their fingers together around Do-gyeom’s tense hand and headed straight for the garden.
Gi-hyeon pushed the gate open and stepped into the garden. Once they were away from the servants, Do-gyeom finally seemed to breathe again and began to chatter.
“Jakka-nim, what about your work……. You said you were going to finish it quickly.”
“It’s fine. I can afford this much of a break.”
“I really am okay. You haven’t even fully recovered yet — what if you hurt yourself doing rough work like this?”
“Then Do-gyeom-ssi can nurse me back to health.”
At the brazen remark, Do-gyeom furrowed his brow slightly. Gi-hyeon smiled and added,
“Joking — then teach me well so I don’t get hurt.”
Do-gyeom gazed at the bright-spirited Gi-hyeon for a moment, then swallowed a sigh. Finally raising his hands in surrender at his stubbornness, he led Gi-hyeon into the garden.
Garden tending turned out to be harder than expected. No matter how many weeds he pulled, there was no end to them, and the blazing sun made his skin sting. Gi-hyeon wiped the sweat from his forehead and straightened his hunched back. A groan escaped him at the sound of his spine cracking back into place.
Gi-hyeon stole a sideways glance at Do-gyeom from under the wide brim of his hat. Do-gyeom, who had been busy keeping an eye on Gi-hyeon, had already finished pulling the weeds and was now tending to the flowers. The chattiness from before was nowhere to be found — his thoroughly deflated appearance sparked Gi-hyeon’s curiosity. Gi-hyeon quietly crept up behind Do-gyeom. The closer he got, the more clearly he could hear that sullen little voice.
“You were fine just yesterday — who did this to you?”
Do-gyeom stroked a leaf that had been gnawed by insects, a woeful expression on his face. At the small sigh that puffed out of him, Gi-hyeon’s eyes curved into crescents. He’d known Do-gyeom was warm-natured, but to be this gentle even with plants. Gi-hyeon plopped down beside Do-gyeom. A playful mischief danced in the depths of his eyes.
“Right. I wonder who could have done that?”
At the sudden presence beside him, Do-gyeom jumped. As Gi-hyeon burst into the laugh he’d been holding back, Do-gyeom shot him a glare, then whipped his head away. Gi-hyeon felt he might go mad from how adorable those flushed red ears and pouty lips were, left unguarded. Barely managing to stop laughing, Gi-hyeon poked Do-gyeom in the back.
“Are you sulking?”
“Me?!”
Do-gyeom indignantly turned his head — and Gi-hyeon kissed him, as if he had been waiting for just that. The warmly shining sun wrapped around them both.
“I’m going to die, honestly……”
Back inside the estate, Gi-hyeon kneaded his knees and the backs of his legs. Do-gyeom let out a quiet snicker watching Gi-hyeon rub his limbs. At the sound like air leaking out, Gi-hyeon shot him a look.
“Why are you laughing?”
“I wasn’t laughing.”
Watching that perfectly straight face, Gi-hyeon let out a short laugh of disbelief. Do-gyeom lightly sidestepped Gi-hyeon’s reach and slipped off into the kitchen. At those feather-light footsteps, Gi-hyeon scrunched his face with a grin. Following him into the kitchen, he snatched the ingredients Do-gyeom had been carrying.
“Let’s prepare dinner together.”
Before Do-gyeom could refuse again, Gi-hyeon set the ingredients on the cutting board. Flustered, Do-gyeom hurriedly snatched the kitchen knife away.
