Even though he knew no one was listening, Cha Ihyun whispered his feelings with his voice lowered as much as possible. Just voicing his secret feelings made his heart pound. As he gazed at his hyung without being able to take his eyes off him for even a moment, a light breeze poured over his chest.
Whether that laugh like a sigh was sleep talk, a breath exhaled while tossing and turning, or perhaps an answer to his thief-like confession—pondering over that sound, Cha Ihyun couldn’t fall asleep until dawn broke.
***
The house after Imo-nim’s visit was as clean as a new home.
There was a note stuck on the refrigerator that read ‘Princess Sundae,’ but Cha Ihyun immediately holed up in his room and just fiddled with his phone. His search history was filled with things like ‘range of distant relatives,’ ‘from what degree of relation is marriage possible,’ ‘degree of relation conventionally recognized as strangers,’ and so on.
According to his searches, marriage was prohibited up to 8th-degree relations. However, the truly important information remained a mystery. Cha Ihyun recalled this morning’s conversation with his hyung.
‘I don’t know. They didn’t tell me.’
That had been the answer when he’d asked about the exact degree of relation. It seemed Big Aunt and Big Uncle had deliberately not told him. He immediately called Big Aunt, but likewise gained nothing.
‘Our youngest? You’re my child, so you’re 1st-degree relation.’
‘That’s not what I mean……’
‘Baby, none of that matters at all. No matter what degree of relation you are, you’re our family’s youngest. You understand, right?’
It meant she would absolutely never tell him. Since they’d really raised him like their own child, he understood what feelings led her to say that. Cha Ihyun turned off his phone and let out a sigh.
“It needs to be beyond 8th-degree relation at least……”
Honestly speaking, even if it’s beyond 8th-degree relation, it’s not like I can marry hyung anyway, yet here I am obsessing over this like an idiot.
‘Forget it. Let’s just read.’
It happened to be the weekend and a day without lessons. He carefully opened the book he’d taken out of his school bag.
The protagonist’s secret crush had continued since childhood. The boy who followed his neighborhood hyung, whom he’d grown up with like real brothers, like a parent, truly resembled him exactly. The scene where he went to the neighbor’s house under the excuse of asking about exam questions had a line drawn under it, making him feel guilty for no reason and punch an innocent pillow.
In the scene where the boy imagined dating his neighborhood hyung, Cha Ihyun also spread the wings of imagination following the boy. Holding hands, going on dates every day, wearing matching rings they got together…… Just imagining dating his hyung made his cheeks squirm.
When he turned the chapter, the boy had become a college student. He was interestingly following the story of the protagonist who, unlike himself, had become an adult first, when suddenly a strange scene appeared.
At first, he didn’t understand right away. The book only described the protagonist locking his room door and pouring out a secret fever until late at night. But as it went on, the descriptions became more explicit. Cha Ihyun, shocked by the naked sentences, hurriedly closed the book.
What the heck is this? Th-this should be rated unsuitable for minors, shouldn’t it?
He looked at the book cover, but there was no red sticker anywhere. Flustered, Cha Ihyun couldn’t decide what to do with the book and eventually shoved it deep into his bookshelf.
‘Wait a minute……’
He suddenly felt wronged. His hyung had said he thought of him when seeing the protagonist. But he swore he had never done such things to his hyung. The explicit sentences came to mind, making his face keep flushing red. Cha Ihyun, who had been glaring at the book spine, pulled the blanket over his head.
Think good thoughts. Good thoughts.
I don’t do stuff like that. If I were to be greedy at all, it would be lip… kissing at most, that kind of filthy stuff has nothing to do with me. As he kept repeating that, now scenes of kissing his hyung began creeping into his mind.
‘……I should carry a toothbrush around all the time.’
Just in case, for keeping lips pressed together for a long time. But then do you keep your mouth closed the whole time? What about breathing? How do you breathe?
He was about to search for this too but stopped, feeling self-loathing. Unfortunately, he didn’t have any friends now, so he couldn’t even hear about their experiences. That’s when someone’s face suddenly came to mind.
Cha Dobum. Naturally, the item he’d seen in his wallet followed in association.
He’s probably kissed, right? If he carries a condom in his wallet, he’s probably done way more than that and is probably really good at it……
‘No, wait.’
Cha Ihyun, who had turned serious, shook his head vigorously as if shaking off the filthy thoughts. Then he squeezed his eyes shut.
Whether it was because he ultimately hadn’t slept a wink last night, or because he’d spread his wings of imagination too much, drowsiness began pouring over him.
When he opened his eyes because it was too hot, it was the middle of the night.
He tried to get up but his body wouldn’t move. Looking down, he saw a silhouette covering his body. Cha Ihyun, whose body had stiffened in alarm, relaxed the moment he realized it was Cha Minhyun.
Hyung.
He gently shook his shoulder, but there was no sign of him waking. But it was too hot. He could feel sweat flowing down his temples and solar plexus.
Cha Ihyun, who barely managed to push Cha Minhyun away, curled his body into a ball at the edge of the bed. Even though he’d separated from his hyung, the heat in his body wouldn’t subside.
It’s suffocating.
Cha Ihyun groaned and gripped the bed sheets. It was strange how the lower part of his body kept feeling heavy. It was itchy yet somehow swollen and aching, making him think he’d caught some strange disease.
As he was writhing from the sensation he was experiencing for the first time, a voice fell by his bedside.
Princess.
Cha Dobum was sitting on the edge of the bed. Cha Ihyun blankly looked up at the face looking down at him. Looking closer, he had something in his mouth.
Should I teach you a bit?
A stiff square package.
It was a condom.
“Huk……!”
His upper body sprang up like a coil. His light brown eyes quickly fumbled over the clock hands. It was late dawn.
Cha Ihyun, who was blankly catching his breath, lowered his gaze. The shabby t-shirt he was wearing as pajamas was completely soaked with sweat. But that alone couldn’t explain this unpleasant and unfamiliar sensation he was feeling now. His gaze went down a bit more.
“……”
The lingering feeling from the incomprehensible dream had spread even inside his underwear. At the lukewarm sensation that had invaded even his pants, Cha Ihyun nearly sobbed.
What do I do.
In middle school, who the ‘first dream partner’ was had been a hot topic. He’d thought the guys babbling about it frivolously were idiots. One teacher had called that symptom ‘a physiological phenomenon experienced when you come to know real love,’ but in the faces of those who bragged about that experience like a trophy, ‘real love’ couldn’t be found anywhere.
So he hadn’t believed it. He just thought they did such things because they’d seen too much weird stuff. He’d lived thinking it was their minds becoming dirty so murky things came out of their bodies too.
‘How could I… with hyung……’
What’s more, it wasn’t even just his hyung who appeared. It was a bizarre dream where even Cha Dobum had suddenly popped up. Cha Ihyun, who had been drowning in self-loathing, suddenly snapped to his senses.
He had to deal with it while everyone was sleeping. He couldn’t let anyone catch him. He hurriedly hugged the blanket and rushed down to the first floor.
As soon as he arrived at the laundry room, he took off his pants. Cha Ihyun, holding his underwear, pajama pants, and blanket in both arms, briefly looked around the laundry room.
There were identical machines attached top and bottom, and there were too many buttons. Although he’d been to the laundry room a few times, he’d never done laundry with his own hands even once, so he had no idea what buttons to press in what order.
After hesitating for a long time in front of the washing machine as big as himself, Cha Ihyun dumped the clothes into the sink. Even if he didn’t know how to operate the washing machine, he could do hand-washing. He just had to rub and scrub. His hands turned red as he clumsily rubbed the blanket and pants under the gushing water.
“What are you doing?”
Cha Ihyun, startled, turned around. Not knowing from when he’d been there, Cha Dobum was leaning against the laundry room door. Whether he’d woken from sleep, his eyes were more half-closed than usual and his hair was a mess. Wearing only training shorts, Cha Dobum yawned widely.
“I wondered if some burglar brat had broken in. Turns out it’s our family’s princess.”
He’d overlooked that Cha Dobum’s room was right next to the laundry room. As he stood frozen like ice, Dobum approached closer.
“Did you decide to become Patjwi instead of a princess? Suddenly doing laundry? And at the crack of dawn at that.”
Instead of answering, Cha Ihyun submerged the laundry behind his back deep into the water. Cha Dobum glanced at the sink and tilted his head.
“It’s a blanket? You can just put it in there. Did you get something on it?”
“Wh-what did I get on it? I didn’t get anything on it!”
At the obviously suspicious answer, Cha Dobum’s expression turned strange. Cha Ihyun hurriedly added.
“I just… spilled something. Imo-nim cleaned and left, so it would be embarrassing if laundry piled up again.”
“I’m the one who washes your blankets, so why would you be embarrassed to Imo-nim? Give it here.”
“I-I’ll do it myself!”
Cha Ihyun spread both arms to defend the sink. Cha Dobum’s gaze, which had been scanning him carefully, fixed on his bare legs. Only then did Cha Ihyun look down at his own state. His appearance with nothing but a pajama t-shirt after having stripped off everything below, even his underwear.
Cha Ihyun, whose face had turned ashen, pulled down his t-shirt firmly. At least it was fortunate it came down below his butt. Cha Dobum chuckled.
“Did you pee yourself?”
“What……”!
“What are you embarrassed about? I washed everything for you even when you peed yourself.”
“It’s not that!”
“If you keep lying, hair will grow on your butthole, you know? No wait, thinking about it, where is there a kid without hair? So what adults say is bullshit, all lies, huh?”
Cha Dobum went “Huh?” and tilted his head. His black eyes headed toward Cha Ihyun’s legs again. The slender legs were so white that only transparent fine hair was barely visible. Cha Dobum muttered.
