Cha Ihyun, who had entered the shower booth, carefully inhaled. No matter how many times he breathed in, it was full of his hyung’s scent. His lips twitched at the feeling of being buried in his hyung’s wardrobe. As he spread his hyung’s body wash on his body, this time it felt like he was wearing his hyung’s clothes.
The moment Cha Ihyun buried his nose in his shoulder and sniffed, the bathroom door suddenly opened.
“—Hyu, hyung?!”
“Sorry. I knocked but it seemed like you didn’t hear.”
Cha Ihyun hurriedly covered his body with the showerhead. The all-glass shower booth was opaque with hazy steam, but that didn’t mean it could hide everything. Cha Minhyun walked into the bathroom.
“Excuse me for a moment.”
Cha Ihyun couldn’t move and only blinked his eyes. He was so flustered that words wouldn’t come out. Unlike him who was completely naked, his hyung was already dressed in his outdoor clothes. From his neck to his shoulders flushed red with embarrassment.
Unlike Cha Ihyun who didn’t know what to do, Cha Minhyun was relaxed and calm. Only after seeing him place thin clothes to change into, a pure white gown, and a thick bath towel on the shelf next to the sink did Cha Ihyun realize why he had come.
“You, you could’ve just left them outside…”
“You’ll catch a cold. You need to change inside and come out.”
It was all for his sake. Not deliberately looking this way was also out of consideration for him.
His face burned with embarrassment for overreacting. But at that moment, their eyes met.
“Hyu, hyuung! Why… Ah, don’t look!”
Cha Ihyun whipped his body around while choking up. It was because there was a hint of laughter in the eyes that met his for a moment. A playful voice tapped on his back.
“I’ll go out and come back. You can’t cry when you come out and hyung’s not here, okay?”
“Hyung!”
Just once before, not knowing that his hyung had gone out, he had cried his eyes out until they were swollen. It was because he thought his hyung had abandoned him and left. But that was when he was in elementary school.
“I’m not a little kid anymore…”
Does hyung still think of me as an elementary schooler? I’ll be an adult in just a few months. Feeling sulky, he just glared at the bathroom tiles for no reason, and after a brief silence, his hyung spoke.
“Yeah. I guess so.”
With those words, the door closed.
“…”
Yeah, I guess so…? Cha Ihyun was still standing frozen in place. His face was bright red, as if it would burst at any moment, because of those strange words his hyung had left behind.
He belatedly realized his situation. He had come in impulsively wanting to be helpful to his hyung, but thinking about it, now was different from before. That is, this was the first time sharing a bed since becoming aware of his feelings for his hyung.
Aren’t I a complete idiot? Cha Ihyun covered his face as if blaming himself. His hyung even liked to sleep with his face buried in his chest. In this state, his noisy heartbeat would definitely be heard.
He placed his hand on his chest. …As expected, it was beating too fast. In a situation where he was lying alone with his cousin hyung, beating this fast was clearly strange to anyone.
The sofa… Right, I should sleep on the sofa. If I suddenly say I’m going home, it’ll just make hyung drive for no reason, so as soon as I come out I’ll yawn and go to the sofa. And then naturally pretend to fall asleep.
Even after diligently making plans, Cha Ihyun stayed under the shower for almost over an hour. When he came out after cooling down both his heated body and head, the room was quiet as a mouse.
Seeing unfamiliar fruits placed on the dining table, it seemed he had already finished going out and returned. While peeking around and checking each room, he saw a faint light leaking from the darkened bedroom.
“Hyung?”
Cha Ihyun hesitantly entered the bedroom. His hyung was lying quietly with only one nightstand lamp turned on. His forearm covering his eyes and his slightly closed mouth beneath it didn’t move at all. He seemed to have fallen asleep.
Relieved, Cha Ihyun turned off the lamp on the nightstand while looking at his hyung. He thought about covering him with the blanket, but it seemed impossible to pull out the blanket trapped under his body with his own strength. So he decided to just organize the book he had been reading that was left there.
But the book was at the head of the bed, so his arm couldn’t reach it. He carefully put his knee up on the mattress, but fortunately the bed didn’t shake. Between his careful knee-steps, he could hear even breathing.
The moment the off-guard Cha Ihyun was about to reach for the book, the arm that had been lying still pulled his waist.
“…Wah?!”
Cha Ihyun, who fell backward just like that, swallowed a hiccup. The mattress softly cushioned his back so there was no impact, but his startled heart was wildly pounding.
“Smells good…”
A half-asleep voice resonated from around his chest. Cha Ihyun gently lowered his eyes. His hyung, who was lying with his cheek resting on his chest, looked very comfortable. As he stared entranced at the eyelashes cast downward, his hyung murmured on his chest.
“Did you wash up?”
“Huh? Yeah.”
“Mm… Let’s sleep now.”
The position was stable like puzzle pieces fitting together. But that wasn’t the problem. His heart was pounding wildly again. He tried to gently push his hyung’s shoulder away, but a small breath tickled his chest.
“It’s been a while since I slept like this with Ihyun.”
Cha Minhyun smiled while slightly rubbing his cheek.
“I’ve been a bit busy lately…”
At the voice with a hint of sensitivity, Cha Ihyun’s ears perked up.
“Being like this makes everything seem okay.”
“…”
“As expected, there’s only Ihyun.”
Only. With just those two syllables, Cha Ihyun was invited into Cha Minhyun’s intimate room. Cha Ihyun’s face ripened bright red.
‘Only me…’
He was the only person who could enter the space his hyung had offered. Then various worries blurred and only the thought that it didn’t matter remained. Confining himself in that small room, Cha Ihyun stayed obedient even when his hyung hugged him tighter.
Cha Minhyun, who had brought his ear to the thumping heartbeat, smiled quietly.
“Hyung, you know.”
Mm. The voice that came back slowly was full of sleepiness. Cha Ihyun hesitated for a moment before speaking. He didn’t want to tire his hyung out, but he felt like he had to ask now.
“That book I borrowed before. Looking at the plot, the protagonist likes the same, a man…”
His throat was parched, so he gulped once.
“…Hyung, that kind of thing doesn’t bother you?”
“That kind of thing? Why?”
Cha Minhyun asked back, still with his eyes closed.
“It’s the same as liking a person.”
“Th, that’s true, but it’s not normal. If someone was like that to me, it would be a bit… disgusting.”
“Ihyun hasn’t read the book yet.”
At the gently chiding voice, Cha Ihyun unknowingly held his breath.
“If you read it, rather than disgusting, it’ll be beautiful. When I saw the protagonist, I thought of Ihyun. The personality and playing piano were similar.”
“…”
“So I wanted to cheer him on. To like freely.”
Those words sounded just like permission to like his hyung. A small candle flame ignited in the hope he had extinguished. The quiet and gentle flame resembling his hyung seemed to warmly heat his chest. Then his hyung chuckled.
“Ah, it got warm.”
“It’s because you, you keep clinging! I’m saying it’s hot…”
At the low laughter, Cha Ihyun busily fanned with his hands. Flutter flutter, the breathless hand gesture didn’t help cool down his heart at all.
Cha Ihyun vowed to finish reading the book as soon as he got home. Saying he wanted to cheer on the protagonist, then even if his hyung found out that he liked a man, wouldn’t that mean his hyung wouldn’t be disgusted?
…Even if that person was his hyung?
No, that’s not it. As expected, that would be hard to cheer on. It’s a bit ethically, you know. We’re relatives. He had heard it in class too. Marriage between close relatives is legally prohibited.
‘…Wait. Close?’
Then does that mean it’s possible between distant relatives? Cha Ihyun’s eyes widened.
Of course, even so, he couldn’t marry his hyung, and above all, his hyung’s feelings couldn’t be the same as his. Still, at least if these feelings weren’t taboo, maybe… couldn’t he at least tell his hyung? His hyung said he wanted to cheer him on.
His heart pounded with a thread of hope. Unable to hold back, Cha Ihyun broke the silence again.
“But hyung, exactly how many chon are we?”
No one in the family had ever answered clearly. So he asked again, but this time too, no answer came back.
Cha Ihyun carefully looked at Cha Minhyun. His regularly rising and falling body and even breathing let him know that he had fallen asleep.
‘I’ll ask tomorrow.’
If hyung doesn’t know either, I’ll ask Big Aunt or Big Uncle.
Cha Ihyun, who couldn’t possibly sleep, stole glances at his hyung’s sleeping face, losing track of time. It was a face so beautiful that he hesitated to dare say ‘pretty.’ As he kept looking at that unrealistic face, his heart swollen with fluttering wouldn’t easily subside.
“You know, hyung.”
Eventually, that feeling moved his trembling lips.
“I, I like you…”
