His voice had lost interest. Cha Ihyun held his breath, waiting for the unwelcome guest to leave. Because of the scene from moments ago, he could barely manage his expression. His trembling lips still shook as if he were about to cry.
However, he couldn’t avoid Cha Dobum’s eyes. His chin was lifted helplessly by a forceful grip. It was a strength on a completely different level, making any attempt to resist futile.
Cha Dobum stared intently at the face that hadn’t yet lost its traces of tears before opening his mouth.
“You.”
Cha Ihyun held his breath. Those sharp pupils seemed to see through everything, making it impossible to carelessly look away. It was like not being able to show one’s back to a predator.
A moment later, Cha Dobum’s lips moved slowly.
“Are you crying?”
Normally, he would have snapped back telling him not to talk bullshit, but his mouth wouldn’t open easily. As he swallowed with a trembling throat, Cha Dobum’s eyes followed the movement downward. After a while, he was able to force out a calm voice.
“What are you talking about. Let go.”
Cha Dobum’s eyes narrowed. Cha Ihyun’s face, looking as if he’d been rejected in love, was clearly not that of a ‘younger brother’ who had just witnessed his ‘hyung’s’ romantic scene.
“I think you know better what I’m talking about.”
“What are you going on about. I said let go.”
“Do you like Cha Minhyun?”
Cha Ihyun flinched. But since that couldn’t show outwardly, he immediately retorted.
“Of course I like him. Did you just figure that out?”
The fact that he followed Cha Minhyun well was something everyone knew unless they were stupid. As he replied brazenly, the corners of Cha Dobum’s mouth quietly rose.
“No, I know it damn well.”
The grip that had been holding his chin loosened. Cha Dobum glanced out the window and muttered.
“Oh, they’re kissing.”
His heart dropped with a thud. Cha Ihyun jumped up urgently and clung to the window. His trembling gaze searched for his hyung frantically. But the two people were just conversing in the same position as before. Behind him, Cha Dobum burst into laughter.
“Anyone would think you’re a puppy, hm? An abandoned puppy.”
“……”
Even though he was clearly being mocked, Cha Ihyun couldn’t take his eyes off his hyung. Although Cha Dobum’s words had been a lie, the two still looked like lovers. At that sight, tears welled up again.
For the first time, it felt like his hyung had been stolen from him. It wasn’t simple jealousy. The sense of betrayal made his stomach drop, making him truly feel as if he’d been abandoned by his hyung.
I thought hyung only kept me close. I thought we’d naturally continue to be together… He wanted to pull that woman away right now and hug his hyung for all to see.
…!
Cha Ihyun flinched at the true feelings he’d unconsciously reached.
He was confused. He did like his hyung a lot, and his heart did flutter and race when he saw his hyung… but he’d thought that was just admiration. Because it was between a man and a man. He’d only thought of them as somewhat special brothers, never thinking beyond that.
But the true feelings he faced were too petty and murky to call simple admiration. Leaving aside man and man, these were feelings he shouldn’t harbor for family.
The moment he became aware of that deformed heart, only one thought took hold in Cha Ihyun’s mind.
I have to hide it.
These impure feelings must not be discovered. Never, especially not by hyung.
Cha Ihyun took a deep breath. First, he had to deal with the bastard behind him. When he composed his expression to some degree and turned around, Cha Dobum sneered.
“Did it stop? You recover from heartbreak quickly.”
“Heartbreak my ass. If you’re going to talk nonsense, get out.”
“I’m just curious. Wondering if there’s a younger brother who bawls his eyes out because his hyung is dating.”
“Who bawled their eyes out? Don’t go imagining things just because I yawned a bit.”
“Strange. But why aren’t my tears coming out?”
Cha Ihyun silently glared at the mocking face. Cha Dobum was always like this. Indifferent to everything in the world, but when something piqued his interest, he’d persistently latch onto it—a selfish and capricious bastard.
In times like these, ignoring him was the answer. As he passed by him and approached the desk, a light chuckle—hm—brushed past.
“I should ask.”
He was momentarily flustered but didn’t do something foolish like show interest. As he deliberately opened his school bag and took out a textbook, Cha Dobum’s muttering continued.
“Who should I ask. Hmm, Dad?”
“……”
A kind face flashed through Cha Ihyun’s mind. Thinking of his uncle who habitually said ‘my three sons are my treasure,’ his throat tightened with guilt. If he knew that after raising him preciously like his own child, he harbored such filthy feelings for his actual son… The hand gripping the textbook trembled faintly.
“Ah, but he went golfing with Mom.”
That won’t work then. At the muttering voice, Cha Ihyun secretly let out a sigh of relief. He felt newly grateful that the two of them went to screen golf every weekday evening.
Perhaps having lost interest at the lack of response, Cha Dobum passed by the desk and approached the door. That lazy gait seemed especially slower today. Though he didn’t even glance in that direction, all his nerves were focused on Cha Dobum.
“Then I have no choice but to ask Cha Minhyun.”
But at those words, he ended up turning his head. A panicked Cha Ihyun blocked Cha Dobum’s path. His face, which had been acting calm, was mercilessly crumpled.
He groped behind his back to lock the door and glared at Cha Dobum.
“Don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
Cha Dobum tilted his head as if he really didn’t know. Cha Ihyun ground his teeth. He was doing it on purpose. But Cha Dobum really was a bastard who could tell hyung.
“Don’t… tell hyung.”
At the words that leaked out as he bit his lips, the corners of Cha Dobum’s mouth twisted crookedly.
“So Ihyun-ah, what exactly shouldn’t I tell him?”
“……”
“Hm? You need to tell me clearly so I don’t run my mouth carelessly.”
Cha Ihyun squeezed his eyes shut. It seemed he intended to make him confess with his own mouth no matter what. To make it so he couldn’t even back out. Truly, not only did he look like a thug, he acted like one too.
Cha Dobum had clearly already noticed the shape of his heart. Making pointless excuses wouldn’t be good. More than anything, he didn’t want to dirty his hyung’s ears.
“I… hyung…”
When hyung would call him ‘my dongsaeng’ with affectionate eyes, he could feel how much hyung cherished him. He couldn’t let him know what kind of gaze the younger brother he cherished so much was looking at him with. No matter what, he had to hide it. Only then could he continue to remain as hyung’s younger brother.
“In that… way, I like…”
His eyes grew hot like a complete idiot. As he brought out the intimate feelings he’d been harboring all this time, he could feel their weight anew.
“…That I like him… that…”
He liked his hyung too much. That’s why it hurt so much. Tears came at the fact that he liked someone he shouldn’t like. But just as Cha Dobum said, he didn’t want to do something like bawl, so he put all his strength into his eyes.
Though his vision wavered from the tears that precariously pooled, he could tell that Cha Dobum was staring at him intently. And with a very strange expression at that.
“I know too. That it’s strange for me to be like this… toward a cousin hyung.”
The tears that had been stubbornly clinging seeped into the mucous membrane rather than down his cheeks as Cha Ihyun had hoped. But his reddened eyes remained.
“So I won’t do anything. I don’t expect anything from hyung or anything like that. I won’t cause trouble for anyone in the family and I’ll take it to my grave alone.”
“……”
“Don’t tell hyung.”
Cha Dobum was silent. Though the right corner of his mouth was still turned upward, his eyes were calm. There was no way to predict what he was thinking. With an anxious heart, Cha Ihyun added as if vomiting the words.
“…You won’t, right?”
“Depends on what I see?”
“What do I have to do?”
A presence could be heard beyond the door. Footsteps climbing the stairs in a regular pace. It was hyung. His voice, lowered as much as possible, burst out urgently.
“Say it quickly. I’ll do anything.”
Only then did Cha Dobum show a reaction. He tilted his head at an angle.
“Anything?”
“I-if it’s something I can do.”
As if quite tempted, his white teeth showed through his crooked lips. Looking at that grinning face, he couldn’t let his guard down. What would Cha Dobum ask for? Cha Ihyun gulped. Since he hadn’t hung out with Cha Dobum after growing older, he had no idea what he might demand.
“Then—”
Cha Ihyun quickly covered Cha Dobum’s mouth. It was because the footsteps had gotten closer than before.
The footsteps stopped in front of the door. As if puzzled that the door which was always open was now closed, there was no sound of any presence after that.
“……”
“……”
