“Is there anything else you’re hiding from me? If there is, say it now.”
I was being unreasonable.
“This bastard’s crazy again. Fuck. I can’t get it up without a condom because I’m afraid I might create something like me! Happy? What kind of secret is this to be acting all crazy.”
I rummaged through my bag and held out the watch in front of Jong-hwa. Jong-hwa stopped short. That means he knows this watch.
“You saw this that day, didn’t you?”
Jong-hwa, this sharp bastard, saw this watch first when he was grabbed by the collar the day he first met Jung Hyun-wook. That’s why he asked if Jung Hyun-wook really was a dragon rising from a stream.
“Fuck, he gave this to you?”
I swatted away Jong-hwa’s hand as he tried to take the watch. With his gaze fixed on the watch, Jong-hwa asks,
“But is this real?”
“I don’t know. But it’s probably real.”
“Why?”
“Jung Hyun-wook’s family is rich. It’s a great law firm. No, the best law firm in Korea.”
At my words, he shut his mouth tight and thought about something, then raised his head and grinned. Then he grabbed my head with one hand.
“As expected, there’s no one at that school who only has a brain like you. Hm? How are you so all-in on your brain? With this pretty face and a brain for studying. Our Hyo-kyung has nothing but this, right?”
My hair shakes like a doll’s.
“So don’t think about chasing after some guy’s ass and just go to school properly. Hak!”
With his suddenly released hand, my head bounced back powerlessly. Tears welled up.
Ahn Jong-hwa knows me best in the world. He’s the only human who knows how to provoke me. Growing up, the only one who made tearless me cry was Ahn Jong-hwa. I cried and hit the back of his head.
“You pervert bastard! I heard all those weird sounds you made earlier. Fix that! All the women will run away!”
His dirty talk was so obscene I couldn’t bear to listen.
“Get lost. They like that stuff more. Fuck, you don’t even know!”
I rushed at him and grabbed and shook Jong-hwa’s hair as if I’d pull out every strand.
“Agh…!”
With the sole determination to show him what real craziness is.
***
My bag was as heavy as if it had stones in it. All that was in the bag was Jung Hyun-wook’s watch. I recklessly skipped my morning classes and came back to school to return this watch.
Once I return this watch, there will be no more reason to be involved with Jung Hyun-wook.
I entered the lecture hall. I felt the atmosphere around me had changed subtly since the presentation class. From hostile feelings to curiosity mixed with goodwill.
The front seat where Jung Hyun-wook always sits was empty. It seemed he hadn’t arrived yet. When should I give him the watch? It would be better after class when it’s a bit less crowded.
It’s just a watch anyway. Even if I return this watch, Jung Hyun-wook can’t guess anything about what I’ve learned.
I put my bag down and sat in my usual corner seat. As I was taking out my textbook, I felt a presence next to me.
“You’re late?”
Jung Hyun-wook put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me toward him. I was helplessly held in Jung Hyun-wook’s embrace. I felt his firm arms holding my body tightly. When Jung Hyun-wook’s familiar scent reached my nose, heat rushed to my eyes and I bit my lips hard. Only then did Jung Hyun-wook release me.
“Hm? What’s wrong? Your mood is different today? Did something happen?”
A cold hand suddenly touched my forehead.
“Did you catch a cold? You don’t have a fever though.”
The hand that tapped the bandage on my cheek to check if it was stuck well finally fell away. The professor came in. I lowered my voice and whispered to Jung Hyun-wook.
“Are you going to stay here?”
“Yeah. I’m going to always sit here from now on, okay?”
Jung Hyun-wook’s eyes curved into crescents.
Throughout the class, my mind was complicated. Jong-hwa’s words to not chase after a guy and just study were accurate advice.
Then Jung Hyun-wook’s notebook came over the desk boundary.
Let’s have dinner after this
He had been looking forward diligently throughout class, so I thought he was concentrating on the lesson. When I didn’t answer, his finger tapped on my desk. Jung Hyun-wook’s familiar habit caught my gaze. I couldn’t refuse at all.
Yeah, what’s wrong with eating one last meal together?
When I nodded in agreement, Jung Hyun-wook’s lips, which had been facing the blackboard, curved upward. Does he have eyes on the side too? I couldn’t help but smile.
I’d noticed before, but Jung Hyun-wook really ate well. He opened the lid of his fourth bowl of rice. Watching the rice disappear frighteningly again, I moved my spoon diligently, not to be outdone.
The home-style restaurant Jung Hyun-wook brought me to, saying it was his regular place, was really perfect for my taste. The kimchi jjigae place last time was delicious too…. What on earth was that pasta place he took me to the first time?
“That pasta place we went to at first. Is that your regular place too?”
Jung Hyun-wook, who had taken a big spoonful of doenjang jjigae, said,
“No.”
“Then?”
“I asked where’s a good restaurant for a first date and got it recommended.”
The tofu I was swallowing got stuck in my throat. I hastily swallowed water. My throat burned as if it was on fire. He laughed as if asking why I was so surprised.
“I wanted to take you somewhere with that good of an atmosphere.”
If it were before, I would have said I actually like this kind of home-style restaurant much more than that pasta. But now I could never say such shabby words in front of him.
After we finished eating and came out, it had become dusky. The evening breeze was quite muggy now.
“Since you bought dinner, I’ll buy the coffee.”
“Then let’s get canned coffee over there.”
“No.”
I grabbed Jung Hyun-wook’s arm as he headed toward the convenience store.
“Let’s go there today.”
I pointed to the franchise coffee shop.
“I got my part-time pay yesterday. So I want to buy you something good.”
Without even listening to Jung Hyun-wook’s answer, I ran over and bought the iced coffee Jung Hyun-wook likes. Unlike me who only drinks warm beverages, I handed the coffee full of ice to Jung Hyun-wook who only consumes things from the refrigerator.
“Thanks. But next time, let’s just drink canned coffee. This is too expensive.”
I nodded slightly while warming my hands on the warm cup.
Jung Hyun-wook walked me to the front of the convenience store. Every time our shoulders brushed as we walked side by side, the remaining distance to the convenience store felt endlessly regretful. Jung Hyun-wook’s steps also slowed to match my pace that kept deliberately slowing down.
Taking more time than usual, we arrived at the convenience store and stood facing each other to say goodbye. Jung Hyun-wook seemed to notice my somewhat sunken mood and spoke the words he had hesitated to say several times.
“If I did something wrong, can you tell me?”
A wave rose as if a stone had been thrown into my calm heart. I was angry. Furiously angry. But even who that emotion was directed at was unclear.
Was it at myself for stupidly judging him on my own and liking him? Or at Jung Hyun-wook who had several chances to tell me but let those opportunities pass?
I remember Jung Hyun-wook crumpling up the business card with Songrim written on it the moment he saw it at the police station.
‘What torments me is… that I could have changed it. From my position, it was a method I couldn’t do even if it killed me. But to people for whom that’s survival, I’m ultimately just a hypocrite.’
His words, which I couldn’t understand at all then, hit me clearly. Jung Hyun-wook must have sensed the future I would come to know.
But I had no intention of blaming him. I didn’t have that right. Instead, I took out Jung Hyun-wook’s watch from my bag and held it out.
“What did you do wrong? There’s nothing like that. I had to return this but I forgot.”
Jung Hyun-wook’s face, looking at the watch, became complicated.
“The owner said to just give it back to you. He said you can pay the money back slowly.”
Jung Hyun-wook, taking the watch, put it on his right wrist. The watch was hidden under the long sleeve.
“Get home safely.”
As I turned around with a smile, he held me back.
“I didn’t try to deceive you on purpose. I just… didn’t want to say I caused an accident and didn’t have the money to compensate right away. I didn’t want to look pathetic. So… that’s why.”
At least this was the most honest thing he’d said since meeting me. I suddenly became curious. Did Jung Hyun-wook also have things he was truly afraid of?
Did he have things that made him shudder just thinking about them, like my father’s ruined life and my mother’s miserable death?
I answered, facing Jung Hyun-wook whose eyes had darkened in a way that made his thoughts unreadable.
