“Just a moment… let’s stay like this for just a moment.”
Jung Hyun-wook pressed his chest against my back and slowly breathed in. His breath touching the nape of my neck tickled.
“Sorry. Do I smell?”
When I shrugged my shoulders, he slowly pulled back. I quietly shook my head. I turned around and examined Jung Hyun-wook’s face first.
He had lost weight in a few days, making his jawline even sharper. I felt anxious because I couldn’t see well the eyes hidden under his cap. What was Jung Hyun-wook thinking right now?
“I… I thought I was seeing things. I thought I’d finally lost it from not being able to sleep.”
He said with a dazed face and chuckled. Then, seeing me standing barefoot, he knelt on the floor and put my shoes on. His palm wrapped around my ankle. Was Jung Hyun-wook always so loose with his knees?
“Sorry I couldn’t contact you.”
He couldn’t continue speaking and only looked at the floor.
“That phone call I got when I was with you at the hospital. It was from the women I work with. The company suddenly notified them of dismissal by text…”
Standing up, he leaned not in front of me but next to me.
“I saw the news.”
“How did you know I was here?”
“Sung Woo-jae told me. Everyone’s worried about you.”
“Ah, Woo-jae introduced me here. Woo-jae’s father is in charge of personnel at a security company. Originally, I was only going to work for a week, but somehow…”
He laughed quietly with a face recalling memories.
“You always smelled like bleach. So I roughly guessed. What work you do at dawn.”
“Even now? Bleach smell must not be great.”
Jung Hyun-wook raised his arm and sniffed.
“No. It’s a clean smell. Refreshing too…”
Jung Hyun-wook laughed quietly. After looking at the floor for a while, he spoke hesitantly.
“I’m sorry about that day.”
“About what?”
“Saying harsh things at the hospital.”
“……”
“It wasn’t something I should have said to you. When I couldn’t even properly get angry at people who do anything for necessity. I was pathetic.”
Jung Hyun-wook self-deprecated painfully. Only then did I realize.
I didn’t like him because he was the top student receiving everyone’s attention at the entrance ceremony podium. It wasn’t that I liked the confident and cool appearance of always being in the center of many people’s attention.
I liked Jung Hyun-wook who finished work in the darkest dawn before sunrise and bought cigarettes with a tired face. I liked Jung Hyun-wook who couldn’t hide his exhaustion and made do with instant ramen for meals.
I liked that he wasn’t someone who magnificently won against everyone, but rather someone who fought on despite everything.
I liked his anguish. I liked that he was a person who could despair. But I liked that he was a man who quickly got back up.
I spoke. I wanted to show him too.
“Our presentation is next period.”
A terribly low voice, hoarse with emotion, answered.
“I might not be able to get out by then.”
“Yeah. It’s okay. I’ve almost finished writing the script. If you can’t come, I’ll try presenting.”
Jung Hyun-wook turned his head to look at me. Finally, I could see Jung Hyun-wook’s face that had been hidden in darkness. His expression asked if I could really do it.
“I can do it. So you do what you need to do here.”
“I feel somehow reassured.”
He suddenly pulled my hand.
“It’s time to go home. There are people I want to introduce you to before you go.”
***
“Oh my, how did a man end up so pale white like rice cake? Completely different from Hyun-wook.”
“Wow. Hyun-wook is handsome too.”
“Try this?”
Sweet snacks pushed into my mouth. I didn’t even have time to refuse. As I chewed the snack in my mouth, Jung Hyun-wook bent over laughing, finding something funny.
“But won’t your parents worry if you’re this late? I told this brat Hyun-wook to go in too, but he’s being stubborn.”
I fiddled with the blanket laid on the floor.
“Why worry about grown men?”
“Oh my, wow. Are you jealous?”
The bickering ajumma and ahjussi were actually a married couple. I was caught in the middle, not knowing what to do.
“Hyun-wook says he’s helping us. Why is he suffering like this doing who knows what? He’s young and strong, he could do any work anywhere.”
Jung Hyun-wook’s popularity seemed to transcend age.
“Hyun-wook told us. Otherwise, where would we have known something like this existed? Rights and whatnot. We would have just gotten drunk on soju feeling wronged.”
“I feel like this is all because of me. Because I slipped and broke my arm. The company said they wouldn’t do workers’ comp or anything, but Hyun-wook said he’d file with the labor board. While taking pictures of that slippery place, his arm ended up like this too. Oh my. I’m sick of this company. The bastards who usually greeted me so kindly completely ignored me this morning.”
The ajumma still had a brace on her wrist.
“Forget it! What can we do? Those snooty lawyer bastards. They only need us when we clean their toilets.”
“Still, how can they just send one text message after working for 7 years? When I went that day, they took away my ID card and completely blocked me from entering. Both Han and I still have our mugs and slippers inside. They didn’t let us take our stuff out.”
Jung Hyun-wook quietly watched as each person poured out their grievances and disappointments. His expression was heavy and complicated. Strangely, it resembled guilt. Why was that?
Saying it was time to send me off now, Jung Hyun-wook helped me up. I felt reluctant to leave after becoming attached in such a short time. The ajumma stuffed a heat pack in my pocket, saying my hands shouldn’t get cold in this cold weather.
“Take care of your health.”
That was all I could say. I felt devastated.
At the main entrance of the lobby, the two guards who had just been chasing me were standing watch. Perhaps annoyed that they had lost me and ran around, they grabbed my shoulder and said,
“You can’t come back in once you leave.”
Jung Hyun-wook roughly removed that arm.
“I won’t come back in. There’s no need to come in.”
Perhaps there had been many occasions for hurt feelings during the standoff here, Jung Hyun-wook was rougher than ever. I pushed him inside.
“Go in now. What will you do about the cold?”
“Don’t worry about me and be careful yourself. It’s dangerous, so stay at the convenience store and take the first train home. Got it?”
Jung Hyun-wook already knew I wouldn’t take a taxi. His hand lightly brushed past somewhere on my cheek.
“You’re hurt.”
That must be why he kept silently staring at the area around my cheek. When I unconsciously raised my hand to my face, he grabbed my hand. The back of my hand was completely covered by his large hand.
“Go put ointment on it.”
My chest somehow tickled, so I quickly turned around.
“I’ll go now.”
If I look at Jung Hyun-wook’s face now, I won’t be able to leave. I ran out onto the street in one go. I ran like crazy to the convenience store, ignoring even the fierce cold wind. Jun-il, surprised to see me suddenly appear, jumped up.
“What? You didn’t go?”
Without even time to calm my rising breath, I swept rice balls and sandwiches into a bag haphazardly. With Jun-il clinging to me asking what on earth was going on, I quickly scanned the barcodes. I tied up the bag after finishing payment and put it in my backpack.
“Jun-il. I’ll just go for a bit and come back. I’ll explain when I get back!”
Leaving behind Jun-il who had a clueless face but didn’t ask any more questions, I ran back the way I came. It was strange. It felt completely different from when I first ran this road.
I had never once looked to the side until now. I only looked ahead and ran. Because that was the only way I could take even one step forward. I only ran, wearing down my knees on the concrete floor without any cushioning.
But now it was different. I could see the sky. I could see the street trees. I could see people walking toward their respective lives.
Jung Hyun-wook had shown me that. I felt like I might cry.
***
Throughout the presentation, I thought about other things in my head to eliminate tension. Like Jung Hyun-wook’s action of naturally pulling me to the inside of the sidewalk when we walked. Was that a habit from his girlfriends?
Jung Hyun-wook, who bought lollipops along with condoms, always had candy and chocolate in his pockets. Was it also a lingering habit to occasionally give me such things even though he didn’t particularly enjoy sweets?
Also… tying his girlfriend’s shoelaces… Though countless other thoughts endlessly circled in my head, the presentation went smoothly. Because I had memorized it so thoroughly that words would pop out even if someone just barely touched my shoulder.
