I heard that when exposed randomly to various pheromones, the nervous system becomes excessively sensitive, but Kwon Yujin looked far more overwhelmed than when I’d simply heard the explanation.
Guilt washed over me, feeling like I’d made him suffer more when these meetings had started to help him.
And naturally, I couldn’t leave the sick child alone and go by myself.
“Did you take medicine?”
“Huu.”
“There must be medicine you take at times like this. Right? Or patches.”
“I’ll handle it myself, so stop being a nuisance and get lost.”
Kwon Yujin found the agent’s name in his call list and made a call. But only the dial tone continued without any response. The more this went on, the more Kwon Yujin’s complexion turned pale.
“Fuck, I’m going crazy.”
Blue veins bulged over the back of Kwon Yujin’s hand gripping his phone. It was truly frustrating and upsetting. Even though I was this close, there was nothing I could do. Moreover, I was the cause of his suffering.
‘Sexual activity would certainly be the most definite help.’
The doctor’s voice was ringing clearly in my ears. As if presenting a solution.
The moment Kwon Yujin irritably tried to press the call button again, I made a decision.
“What are you doing…”
I took off my hat, then grabbed Kwon Yujin’s trembling arm and pushed him against the wall. Then I kissed him just like that.
“Mmph.”
I didn’t know if this could be called a kiss since I was wearing a mask, but when our lips collided with the thin fabric between them, the other person’s breath and body heat quickly reached me.
I could see Kwon Yujin’s eyes widen very closely. At the same time, I felt his alpha pheromones very clearly.
“Hngh, mmh…”
I too was startled by the unfamiliar sensation, my eyes widening. Perhaps because I’d never perceived them this closely before, Kwon Yujin’s pheromones stimulated me particularly sharply.
It was similar to a scent yet also a different feeling. Like the fragrance of fresh fruit… The more I tried to breathe it in deeply, the more strangely I felt strength draining from my body.
When an unexpected physical reaction came, I released the strength from the hand holding Kwon Yujin. Was something wrong?
“Haa.”
Just as I tried to pull my body back in anxiety, Kwon Yujin, who had been frozen stiff like stone for a few seconds, suddenly pulled me in. Then he trapped my body in his arms and kissed me more deeply than what I’d just done.
“Ah, hng, wait…”
Even though he couldn’t see because of the mask, Kwon Yujin accurately found and bit my lips. He bit somewhat roughly, then attacked as if he’d devour me.
“Take this off. It’s getting in the way.”
Then, as if the mask was bothersome, he reached his hand toward my ear. As soon as Kwon Yujin’s large hand touched my earlobe, my mind became clear as if I’d been doused with cold water.
“Wait. Just a moment.”
When I pushed Kwon Yujin away in alarm, his brows furrowed.
“I-if you’ve calmed down, let’s stop now.”
“Who kisses while wearing this kind of crap? If we’re going to do it, do it properly.”
“That won’t do.”
I shook my head violently. At that, Kwon Yujin let out a rough breath and growled.
“I know what your face looks like, so stop being coy and just take it off.”
“N-no, I said no. I don’t want to.”
I firmly covered my mouth with my hand in case Kwon Yujin forcibly removed the mask. The mask was damp, soaked with saliva.
Still, perhaps that skinship just now had definitely been effective, as Kwon Yujin’s breathing, which had been rough and unstable, had returned to normal. His anxious look had also disappeared.
If I could, I wanted to give him all my pheromones. Why did he have to imprint on an omega like me of all people? I found it hard to shake off the guilt, feeling like it was all my fault that Kwon Yujin’s recent swimming records had been disrupted.
“……”
“……”
During the awkward silence, just when Kwon Yujin opened his mouth to say something, his phone vibrated. It was a callback from his agent.
“Then I’ll… go now.”
While Kwon Yujin checked his phone screen, I picked up the fallen hat and left the bathroom as if fleeing.
I headed straight for the emergency exit stairs and removed the mask that seemed to suffocate me.
“Huk, huk.”
My face was hot. And my heart was beating crazily fast.
Before I knew it, I was roughly rubbing my face, wet with saliva and sweat, as if dry-washing it.
What was that feeling just now? During that act that was ambiguous to even call a kiss, from a certain moment, a tingling sensation shot up between my fingers and toes. My head was dizzy. Heat rushed to my face in an instant, making my mind dazed.
Am I a pervert? Why did I react like that to Kwon Yujin?
After standing in a daze for a moment, I barely grasped my scattered reason. Then I took out a new mask I carried around for emergencies from my pocket and put it on.
It had been an attempt with the hope that Kwon Yujin would calm down, but in the end, it felt like I’d committed something I shouldn’t have done.
After catching my breath to some extent, fortunately the unfamiliar emotions that had confused me gradually subsided. This time I pressed my hat down deeper than usual and quickly descended the stairs in case Kwon Yujin followed after me.
***
Dad often hit the child. The child, who initially got upset or resisted little by little, quickly became powerless in front of violence. The process of the sense of self I felt when I first saw him dying rapidly was clearly visible. Just like what happened to me.
At that time, I knew almost nothing about the child, but I was certain the child’s parents were wealthy. Because Dad would interrogate the child about assets and such.
Of course, the child, who was only ten years old, couldn’t give most of the answers Dad wanted. Then indiscriminate violence would follow again.
Disliking how the child’s doll-like face and sparkling eyes gradually became mottled, I tried to stop Dad. But the more I did, the greater violence returned to the child, so from a certain point, I could only watch helplessly. The child being in pain.
When the child’s two eyes, bright like stars, filled with fear and tears even flowed out, it was painful as if my insides were being trampled. I didn’t know why. It was a similar pain to what I felt when Dad hit Mom before she left home.
Dad would bring thin chains, tie the child’s hands and feet to the bathroom sink pedestal, and go out. There were times when he’d make the child cry into a recorder or beg Mom and Dad to save him, then disappear for several days.
At that time, as an elementary school student, I understood Dad’s purpose to some extent. But I never once thought I should report to the police or ask someone for help.
Because being hit or locked up was my daily life. And because no one had ever helped until now. What flowed according to Dad’s wishes was something that couldn’t be resisted.
“You’re hungry, right? Eat this.”
“I don’t want it.”
When I held out raw ramen crumbs, the child weakly shook his head.
“Why? Does it not taste good?”
Since it was like a staple food to me, I couldn’t understand why the child was refusing. All that was in the house was spoiled rice and water, and kimchi that had gone so bad it was impossible to eat.
The child, who was only three years younger than me but had a much smaller build, had already been starving for several days, either unable to eat such things or for some other reason.
I was anxious. The face that had been white and round like a snowflake when he came to this place had become haggard, and he neither made eye contact with me nor spoke to me.
I wish I could be hit by Dad in his place instead. I’d been hit by Dad since I was much younger, so I was tougher. It hurt too much to just watch the small, pretty child being hit.
“There’s also rice. Just a little though…”
“I don’t need it.”
“Then what do you like?”
“……”
“Ah! There should also be peanuts that Dad eats as snacks. Do you like peanuts?”
“I can’t eat peanuts.”
“Why?”
“If I eat them… my face swells and it hurts…”
“Then there’s nothing to eat, what should we do?”
“…want.”
“Huh? What did you say?”
“Yujin wants to see Mommy and Daddy… Hyung too… hic.”
“Ah.”
That’s something I can’t grant. When I stopped moving busily, the child curled up his body while sitting. Tears welled up in the eyes of the child who hugged his knees tightly.
I didn’t know what to do and moved my lips wordlessly. While thinking for a moment, I clapped my hands at a thought that crossed my mind.
“Want to eat jjajangmyeon and tangsuyuk?”
I remembered the wallet Dad had left behind. I’d hardly ever touched Dad’s things, but at that time, I was only thinking about somehow making the child stop crying.
