The counseling continued, but in conclusion, they couldn’t find a clear solution to the problem of physical reactions occurring during guiding.
The counseling teacher suggested that he honestly open up to his partner about such matters, but Yeoul weakly shook his head saying that at least that wouldn’t work.
How could he say it? ‘Hyung, my dick gets hard every time I guide you’? No matter how much he thought about it, it wasn’t something to say to the team leader who was both his next-door hyung that he’d lived with like family for 13 years and his direct superior.
“Is this someone with almost no possibility of developing into lovers?”
“Yes… I suppose so.”
“Excuse me for asking, but Guide Kim Yeoul, you have feelings for them, right? Ah, to add so you don’t misunderstand, such feelings often greatly help the smooth flow of guiding.”
“…That, um, …yes. It’s actually true.”
Yeoul looked at the phrase ‘Absolute Confidentiality Guaranteed’ written as large as a door on the corner of the counseling room and nodded with difficulty. After partially opening up to the counseling teacher about his feelings toward Kang Hyeseong and the history of liking him, he felt slightly relieved.
‘Anyway, this… isn’t completely abnormal, right?’
The counseling teacher emphasized several times that it was a phenomenon that could easily occur when frequently in close contact with a healthy body. And it was even more natural since he had feelings for his partner.
However, since there was a possibility it could lead to unwanted contact for both himself and the other person, the teacher advised him to change positions even if it meant the guiding efficiency would drop if such a thing continued.
‘They mean to go back to hand guiding… right?’
He sighed for no reason. To think he had to lower the level again after working so hard to raise it.
He was grateful to be able to open up about the long-hidden feelings he’d kept tightly concealed and receive comfort from the teacher, but separately from that, he couldn’t help but feel a bit anxious because he hadn’t obtained a clear solution.
Yeoul, who came out of the counseling center, began walking along a quiet trail. The sunlight was very nice. Since there were no calls, he was trying to calm his mind while taking a walk for the first time in a while, when his phone started ringing. Yeoul, who confirmed the name displayed on the screen, answered the phone startled as if he’d seen a ghost.
“…P-Peace! Second Lieutenant Kim Yeoul.”
—Yeoul. Where are you? Did you eat lunch?
The affectionate voice belonged to the very person he’d just been agonizing about in the counseling room. Naturally, his tone, unaware of these feelings, was only calm and clear. Only the startled Yeoul stammered his words, feeling guilty on his own.
‘Ha… what on earth have I done?’
Hearing his caring voice as usual, deep self-reproach washed over him. Even during the team meeting earlier, he couldn’t look at Kang Hyeseong’s face properly. He’d barely finished the meeting and ran to the counseling center as if fleeing.
Did Kang Hyeseong feel something was strange seeing me like that? Hoping he hadn’t, Yeoul deliberately cleared his voice, pretending to be nonchalant.
“I… not yet. I was just taking a walk. How about you, hyung?”
—I have some business, so I think I need to eat with the other officers. I called in case you were waiting. Eat first.
“Ah… o-okay. I will.”
—And, Yeoul.
Although the surrounding noise rang noisily through the phone, it didn’t matter. Only the low resonance he created could be heard in Yeoul’s ears.
—Thank you for guiding me this morning. I really wanted to say this.
“……”
—My body’s been light since morning. It’s all thanks to our Yeoul.
Yeoul swallowed the small sigh that burst out and replied ‘…yeah.’ Kang Hyeseong hung up with an affectionate greeting to make sure he ate lunch properly.
For some reason, his throat suddenly choked up. The bewilderment that had filled his head white and the embarrassment that had colored his face red were momentarily pushed back by Kang Hyeseong’s one caring word.
…As expected, I don’t want to go back to hand guiding.
I didn’t even guide him properly. After receiving guiding for barely 2-3 minutes, to deliberately call just to say thank you like this. Even though he must be busy and hectic being with the other officers.
He was fortunate to be able to be the guide of such an affectionate person. To be able to help him who had spent such a hard time until now. To be able to give even a little strength to Kang Hyeseong who had been carrying alone the modifier of national hero, which was glamorous on the outside but endlessly heavy.
That’s why he wanted to continue doing his best to guide him from now on. For a long, long time if possible. Somehow gathering all the strength he had to pour guiding onto Kang Hyeseong’s exhausted body. It doesn’t matter what happens to my body, if I can give Kang Hyeseong more comfortable rest…
“…Ah.”
At the realization that suddenly came, Yeoul unconsciously stopped walking.
I… really do like Kang Hyeseong.
The fact, though not new, distinctly dug into his chest.
It was like accumulating snow. The feelings he held toward Kang Hyeseong. So beautiful, so cozy that he wanted to embrace it forever. While it piled up bit by bit, he’d been watching endlessly in a daze. Without even realizing how heavy the weight stacked and overlapped in his heart was.
The feelings that only deepened as days went by, however, would not be reciprocated in the future either. Because Kang Hyeseong would always see him only as a child. No matter how much he bore the name of exclusive guide, anything beyond hand guiding seemed to not exist at all in his options.
…Someday, if time passes.
Would the day come when he could confess these feelings to Kang Hyeseong?
‘That won’t… happen.’
Yeoul weakly dropped his head. Just because the accumulated feelings were heavy didn’t mean he could express them refreshingly as if shaking them off.
The outcome was never drawn in a positive direction. Kang Hyeseong would draw a line as firmly as his personality, and in the end, their relationship would become uncomfortable…
Hiding away the sincerity he couldn’t show was sad and stifling, but what he would lose if he showed it was too great for Yeoul. Becoming distant and uncomfortable with Kang Hyeseong was no different from losing the greatest thing in life for Yeoul.
So I have to hide these feelings well from now on too.
Even if I might never be able to show them forever… staying by Kang Hyeseong’s side is more important to me.
Yeoul, who had steeled his resolve, slowly moved his steps along the trail. The Yeoul of this time didn’t know that the day when the feelings that had piled up and piled up would collapse unable to bear their weight was approaching with big strides.
***
Several days had passed since visiting the counseling center.
Yeoul, who went to work at the Rescue1 team office early in the morning as usual, couldn’t hide his excited heart. Because today was finally the mock training day he’d been quietly looking forward to for several days.
‘But may I ask specifically what we do on this day?’
A few days ago, when Yeoul pointed to the team schedule board attached largely on the office wall and asked, Esper Jung Dasol stepped forward and explained.
‘Literally that. Espers conduct mock training when it becomes late October every year, and each team has to take turns picking a day and receive evaluation at the training ground. Think of it like measuring combat power.’
‘Ah… it sounds very difficult.’
‘Mm, actually the training itself isn’t that hard. For us, what we always do is deal with creatures, so what. Ah, and something more important.’
Jung Dasol made a cup shape with her thumb and index finger and tilted it in front of her face.
‘After it ends, this is waiting for us. Should I call it the official team dinner day?’
‘Wow… I see.’
‘That’s right, that’s right. We just ate simply during your welcome ceremony, right, Yeoul? A ton of gates happened to burst at that time. Let’s really go for it this time. Uhaha.’
As she laughed heartily, Guide Lee Bora clicked her tongue from the side telling her to drink less alcohol. While Jung Dasol, who became obedient at once, nodded, Esper Hyun Junho gave a supplementary explanation.
‘Yeoul, you can sit with Guide Lee Bora and watch what we do. If it looks hard, guide us in between. Honestly, mock training is kind of like a vacation for us, so you can be comfortable too.’
‘Yes! Understood.’
I’ll be able to spend a somewhat relaxing day today. He was also quite looking forward to watching the Espers’ training. The dinner after seems like it’ll be fun too… Yeoul boarded the bus heading to the training ground following the team members with an excited heart.
“Um, but isn’t the team leader participating?”
“Today the team leader went to a meeting led by the Director.”
“…Ah.”
“And the team leader doesn’t have the time to receive things like mock training. Unless he comes as an evaluator, maybe.”
Inside the bus, Hyun Junho sitting in the seat next to him said jokingly.
“You don’t know how fortunate it is for us that this year’s evaluator isn’t the team leader. When the team leader is the evaluator, we really break out in a cold sweat. We get unnecessarily more nervous and make mistakes we don’t usually make.”
“…Ah.”
He tried to imagine Kang Hyeseong conducting training evaluation with a stern face. Somehow the image wasn’t drawn well. Even though they’re the R1 team called the Republic of Korea’s best unit, just because he’s watching, they make mistakes they don’t make in actual work…?
Mm… it came to mind. Kang Hyeseong’s scary face. His appearance of getting furiously angry when he tried to raise the guiding level on his own was still engraved in Yeoul’s heart along with shock. It was a side he never knew before becoming an ability user, before becoming a guide.
Since Kang Hyeseong is so thorough about separating public and private matters, he’s probably like that with the team members too…? Thinking that way, he understood a little.
“Though you probably don’t know well, do you, Yeoul? How scary the team leader is.”
“Ah… no, sir. The team leader was really angry when I fainted last time too.”
“Mm, that’s probably cute compared to when he scolds us.”
No, the team leader was really scary and angry so tears almost came out, Yeoul timidly protested, but the more he did, the more a smile spread across Esper Hyun Junho’s face as if it was cute.
“No, really, really…”
“Okay, okay. I get it.”
In the end, unable to hold back, he giggled and waved his hand saying sorry.
“When the team leader stiffens his expression, it is really scary. But actually, he’s completely different when dealing with you, Yeoul, versus when dealing with us.”
“…Ah.”
“You know, things like his gaze or voice. Should I call it an aura? The atmosphere? Things like that are different too.”
Of course, most Espers cherish their exclusive guides, and Dasol noona is completely different when dealing with Bora noona versus when dealing with us. But even so, in the team leader’s case, the gap is so big it seems even more amazing. At Hyun Junho’s words, who giggled and added that, Yeoul was newly amazed.
Is it that different…? Come to think of it, when I first entered R1, they said Kang Hyeseong’s eyes changed when he dealt with me.
On one hand, he felt proud too. At that time, I was simply his ‘cherished younger sibling’, but before I knew it, everyone seems to see me as ‘Kang Hyeseong’s exclusive guide’.
“We’re here! Let’s get off.”
“Unnie, get off carefully. Hold my hand.”
The bus stopped in front of a giant dome-shaped training ground. Yeoul let out a “Wow” exclamation and approached the training ground entrance. Usually he only saw it while coming and going inside the shuttle, but actually visiting it, the scale and grandeur were even more tremendous.
‘It’s incomparable to the guide training ground…!’
Yeoul received a personal inspection in front of the main gate with an excited heart. Only after submitting his civil servant ID, writing a confidentiality pledge, and reading through the densely written precautions could he enter inside.
