After that extremely private conversation with Cha Juheon, I opened my heart to him a bit more. It seemed to be the same for Cha Juheon, as he no longer showed the sensitive and fastidious appearance he had when he first dealt with me.
In daily life, he considered me as much as possible and treated me affectionately. He didn’t demand that I use masks and disinfectant, and rather, the time spent looking at my face and making eye contact while conversing grew longer.
At first, I who had been carefully talking while worrying whether saliva would spray or teeth would show, was now comfortably talking while looking at his face before I knew it. I was grateful to him who endured a lot out of consideration for me, who would be uncomfortable due to pregnancy. Sometimes, looking at his considerate appearance, I even had the illusion that perhaps Cha Juheon didn’t feel any discomfort toward me.
These days he treated me so comfortably that I often forgot about Cha Juheon’s germaphobia, but he was still strict with people other than me. I could confirm this once again when we went for walks or when I went to the hospital for checkups. Cha Juheon still couldn’t approach people closely, had difficulty talking while looking at faces, and carried disinfectant in his hand.
He still couldn’t sit on benches along walking paths, and frowned when his body touched something. Outside, he changed masks once every 30 minutes and disinfected his hands constantly.
How tiring must those actions be for him… Watching that appearance, I felt sorry about going out together and accompanying him to the hospital. I made a resolution every time that next time I should come alone. The reason I quietly left Cha Juheon’s accompaniment alone was partly because of his personality that he must do what he says he’ll do, but there was also the fact that I was afraid of running into Gyumin hyung.
But I heard news that due to internal regulations at Chasung Hospital, external doctor gatherings were eliminated. What good news this was—thanks to some hospital circumstances I didn’t understand, my worries disappeared. I didn’t know how grateful a coincidence this was.
Anyway, because of that, a big worry disappeared and I had sufficient reason to go to the hospital alone. So I wanted to fully enjoy that peace of mind, but…
“…But what do I do about this?”
Right. What do I really do? I’ve been a bit strange lately. It’s not that my body hurts or that I’m mentally unstable. It’s not that, but… strangely, I’ve become uncomfortable with alphas other than Cha Juheon. In all my life until now, I’d never been uncomfortable because of alphas. This isn’t the concept of ‘I’m an omega so I’m scared of alphas.’
Of course, thanks to the advantage of being a dominant omega, I’d never been swayed by alpha pheromones, so I’d never been afraid of alphas. My current discomfort with alphas is a slightly different problem from that. My sensitive omega senses have been triggered and I’m currently wary of all alphas. Large betas and omegas also become targets of vigilance, but naturally they’re better than alphas.
I indiscriminately become wary of even alphas who haven’t exposed their pheromones and enter a defensive stance. I just instinctively react that way. I show the extreme of sensitivity while even covering my belly with my hands. These actions and emotions that didn’t exist before were unfamiliar and even frightening.
The problem isn’t just this. Besides being wary of alphas, I have another problem giving me a headache, and this is a bit more serious. These days, my behavior of covering my belly and trying to protect the baby is getting increasingly excessive. You could think of it as my instinct to protect the baby unconsciously growing stronger.
It’s one of the characteristics that appears when paternal love grows in a pregnant omega. In a word, I’ve developed an attachment to the little one now. Of course, this isn’t by my own will but truly by instinct.
When an omega enters a stable period to some extent after pregnancy, excessive defensive instincts to protect the bloodline in their belly and an obsession toward the baby develop. But that’s happened to me too. Damn… It wasn’t just lending my body, it was the result of my genes mixing into the baby’s body.
So now I’m truly in trouble. Until now, I prided myself on living comfortably enough not to even feel that I was an omega, but as soon as I got pregnant, I’m feeling omega identity all at once. Even though we’re mixed half and half, the little one is ultimately Cha Juheon’s baby alone.
I shouldn’t develop paternal love for such a contract subject. No matter how much it’s omega instinct, it’s a baby I’m carrying through a contract that will definitely be sent away anyway. I wanted to grab a doctor right away and ask how long this troublesome state would last.
“If Executive Director finds out about this, there’ll be chaos. He’s already someone with high expectations for the baby… If he knows I have these feelings just because we’ve gotten a bit closer lately, he won’t even look at my face. He has a personality that hates crossing lines…”
I was anxious. I didn’t want to be like this either, but I was scared that Cha Juheon would misunderstand, that he’d misunderstand that I had other feelings and turn away.
He was someone who suspected how he could trust someone who contracted after saying they wouldn’t do surrogate motherhood and then changed their mind overnight. Someone who clearly drove the point home not to cross lines and to keep what should be kept.
Now he’d opened his heart to me and become a bit affectionate for the baby’s sake, but the moment he learned I’d developed paternal love for the little one, it was obvious he’d turn cold. So this emotion due to instinct must absolutely not be discovered.
Fortunately, perhaps because Cha Juheon was the biological father, this behavior somewhat softened in front of him. So I needed to be especially careful. So that line-crossing behavior wouldn’t come out.
I was learning these days that someone’s affection gave the ultimate sense of stability. Even if Cha Juheon’s affection was for the baby, I was living comfortably in a sense of stability I’d never felt before. So if I saw that cold Cha Juheon I saw at first again, I think it would be hard. Just imagining it made me feel miserable for no reason.
Isn’t it funny how people are? Since when did I feel this kind of familiarity toward Cha Juheon that I’ve already become attached on my own and am consuming emotions like this… Anyway, since my emotions could become a nuisance in various ways, I need to be careful and careful again.
If Cha Juheon knew I was being like this alone, how much would he laugh at me? He just devoted himself to the contract, but if he knew the other contractor had feelings like this, he’d be dumbfounded.
“Right. Think about it from a switched position. I would too. If he knew I was being pathetic like this just because he treated me a bit well, his affection would drop completely. Control your heart, Baek Eunwoo.”
I just need to keep the line. Enjoy what he does for me but just keep the line, and there won’t be any reason for either of us to blush. Only then can I avoid seeing Cha Juheon’s cold appearance.
***
Controlling my emotions to be careful about my relationship with Cha Juheon wasn’t difficult. Living as usual while doing mind control on myself, I adjusted the intensity and relaxation fairly well. But the defensive instinct of being wary of alphas got worse day by day.
Annoyingly so. It’s not like they were doing anything to the baby in my belly, but whenever an alpha approached, I became sensitive and sharp. So even now when I came to the company at Cha Juheon’s request, I was trying hard not to needlessly catch people.
“But for such a thorough person, all sorts of things happen.”
I muttered while looking at the USB that Cha Juheon requested. He didn’t make mistakes like leaving something at home, but he must be busy. He kept looking frantic about the issue of building a factory in America, and finally made the mistake of leaving this behind. It was strangely cute that someone who always seemed flawless made such a mistake.
Cute? Hmm, no… The expression “cute” is a bit much to use for someone 9 years older, right? Rather than that, it seems human. Yeah, this expression is better. Actually “cute” fits better, but I should observe propriety.
He said he’d send secretaries, but since I had business nearby anyway, I brought it out myself. By the time I arrived, he said he’d be in a meeting, so I decided to go and wait quietly.
I arrived at the office where he was meeting and sat at the table that Cha Juheon’s secretary guided me to, waiting for the meeting to end. Since the USB was needed at the next meeting as soon as this one ended, I was sitting right in front waiting.
Cha Juheon, perhaps seeing that I’d come through the window, gave me an eye greeting and concentrated on the meeting again. He said he’d come out briefly when he found time, but it didn’t seem like a situation where he could interrupt the proceedings to come out.
That’s because he who was speaking passionately was very focused on work right now. Since the blinds were up, the inside of the conference room was clearly visible. About fifteen people including Cha Juheon wearing masks were sitting around the table in the middle of a meeting. Cha Juheon’s appearance absorbed in work was unfamiliar to the point my heart pounded.
Having taken off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves to his forearms, he was absorbed in work. Cha Juheon’s appearance walking around here and there in the conference room, passionately exchanging opinions and presenting agendas to people was strangely cool. I thought he just went around spraying disinfectant all the time, but he was really like an adult. I realized anew the fact that he was the executive director of this huge corporation.
“Executive Director’s forearm muscles and veins are no joke. Why don’t I get muscles like that? Even though I’m an omega, we’re the same gender… Does Executive Director get muscles better because he’s an alpha?”
I was seriously having useless thoughts while looking at my own thin, shabby arms when suddenly a shadow fell over my head. When I raised my head, a male employee was looking at me. He who seemed to be an employee of this team blatantly looked me over, displeased about something.
“You don’t seem to be company-related, but how did you get in here? You don’t have an employee card, what business brought you here? Even regular employees can’t come in here.”
The secretary said I could wait here and even guided me to this seat. I don’t know who this person is to act so rudely.
“I came here briefly on an errand…”
“An errand? Are you from an errand service company? I don’t know what errand it is, but you should wait outside the office, how did you come all the way inside? And sitting in front of the conference room doing what? Since it’s a place anyone can’t enter, get out for now.”
With an annoyed expression, he pointed at the door and gestured with his arm as if telling me to leave.
“What? No, that’s not it, I’m the Executive…”
“Normally people meet in the first-floor lobby, how is someone no one knows sitting here where executives are meeting? Did they let just anyone in thinking you’d eavesdrop on something here? Get out!”
With no intention of listening to me, he cut off my words and continued only his own. But what kind of person is this? According to his own words, if someone is sitting in front of where executives are meeting, shouldn’t the order be to first grasp the situation of why they came and because of whom?
I couldn’t understand with my common sense how he could browbeat me so abruptly like this. The moment anger surged at the man’s rude attitude of even pushing my back with his finger telling me to get up quickly, I heard the sound of the conference room door opening roughly.
“What are you doing right now? Are you crazy?”
Just as my back was being pushed by his hand, along with the sound of the door breaking, Cha Juheon’s sharp voice was heard.
