Today was the day to go see Mom, so I prepared in a hurry. Mom has a second skin graft surgery, so I’m going to the hospital to see her face. In fact, there have been too many surgeries to call it the second, but I’m calling it that because it’s the second surgery performed after signing the contract. The first surgery was very successful and greatly alleviated the skin tightness symptoms that had been tormenting Mom.
Most of all, since there were special instructions from the Chairman, the medical staff’s attention toward Mom was also exceptional. I asked them to say that, but anyway, it was truly fortunate. Just the fact that Mom was receiving quality treatment made this contract meaningful to me.
Since the hospital is close to the apartment, I came out with all the necessary items Mom would need during her hospitalization. Though Auntie and the caregiver lady would take care of things well, as her child, everything felt insufficient no matter how much I prepared.
“Hmm, what else should I pack?”
As I was going over various things wondering if anything was missing, a message came from Cha Juheon. These days, his constantly arriving texts were even welcome.
[Be careful today. I’m sorry I can’t go with you.]
A faint smile came at his plain text. There’s no reason for someone so busy they don’t have time to rest to even care about the day of my mom’s surgery.
[Not at all. I’m grateful just for your words. You don’t need to worry about this kind of thing. The hospital is close, so I don’t think it will strain my body.]
Since I knew what his concern in his text was always directed toward, I reassured Cha Juheon first before he even asked. And we had already finished talking about not going to Mom’s hospital together. These days, Cha Juheon tries to take me wherever I go, but for him with mysophobia, the burn hospital would be harder to endure than anything so far.
I didn’t want to make Cha Juheon see such difficult things, and most of all, I didn’t want my mom to become a subject someone had to endure. Both were situations I couldn’t bear. And I don’t want to disrupt Cha Juheon’s schedule with my private matters.
In fact, Cha Juheon is a very busy person. He seems leisurely following me everywhere I go, but I heard he works even in bed until just before falling asleep. Though I don’t know the detailed work of a large corporation’s executive director, I could tell well that he was a person the company couldn’t do without.
His overseas business trip schedule visiting foreign branches was more frequent than expected, and he was busy touring local factories several times a week. Watching that, I thought I could never be in that position even if I died. It really wasn’t a position for just anyone.
It’s not just any company but leading a large corporation—it wouldn’t be easy. Even if pushed and made to sit there, I couldn’t last. This must be what they mean by not being able to eat even if given.
Such a person has been increasingly taking care of me lately, so I’m completely at a loss. Since this can’t become a habit, I need to practice going around alone again now. Because I can’t let his consideration become comfortable and take it for granted.
[Don’t worry about your mother’s surgery. I specially asked the professors.]
[Ah! Thank you! Executive Director.]
A bright smile came at the most welcome sentence. How grateful I am… It really seems materialistic, but the fact that he conveyed such words was something that put my mind at ease and made me grateful. So I don’t have to hide my grateful feelings, right?
I was having useless worries about whether I reacted too strongly to things only good for me when a reply came from him. And this text that came shook my eyes.
[I’m listening well to the video you sent recently. So, could I ask for one more piece next time? Thanks to you, I’m listening to classical music well these days.]
A laugh escaped at his words asking for next time too. This time too it’s a laugh from absurdity, but somehow I felt good. The video I sent just to let him comfortably hear the sound, grateful that he bought me a piano, has continued like this until now.
For Cha Juheon, a classical music lover, it must be a performance with many shortcomings, but whatever he’s thinking, he often asks me for performance videos. At first, I even regretted it, thinking I did something unnecessary. Because it was burdensome. His ears must be extremely picky from only listening to the best performances, so I wondered what he wanted to hear in my amateur performance.
But since I have to crawl if he says crawl, I had no choice but to play again since he asked. Cha Juheon doesn’t know how many hours I practice to send him one video, right? Thanks to that, I spend half the day with the piano. In fact, though I’m only saying this now, I was inwardly flustered after receiving his reply the day I first sent a piano video.
After receiving that message, I just blinked my eyes and read the text repeatedly. I had errors in my head for a while wondering if it was really sent to me by Cha Juheon, if I saw it wrong, or if I misunderstood the content. Moreover, that was a quite difficult piece I sent as a preview just to literally let him hear the sound.
Far from completion, I had no idea how to even practice it. I don’t know why Cha Juheon wanted me to play it to the end and send it, but I was troubled because I had to practice at an entrance exam level at this age. Fortunately, we negotiated with a different piece so it passed, but it was really nerve-wracking.
So from then on, the mindset of doing prenatal education when bored became quite serious. I became absorbed in piano practice with a mindset similar to preparing for a competition. It’s tiring, but thanks to that, I’m spending my days well without boredom.
Today too, I should quickly go to Mom and then practice again. It’s a strange feeling where burden and enjoyment coexist. I think I’ve felt this kind of feeling a lot since meeting Cha Juheon.
***
After Mom’s surgery ended, I heard from the doctor about Mom’s condition and future treatment direction, then stood up from my seat with Auntie. Fortunately, the surgery went well, and they said if she receives treatment well, there will be no pain from skin itching and tightness. How fortunate—I thought once again that I did well to make this contract.
After finishing talking with the doctor and walking a few steps out of the hospital room, unexpected dizziness came over me. Suddenly my head spun and everything went dark in front of me, and just as I was about to fall, startled Auntie grabbed my body.
“Eunwoo! What’s wrong with you? Huh? Look at Auntie!”
Cold sweat flowed from my forehead and back at the sudden dizziness. I’ve been feeling dizzy lately when sitting down and getting up, so I tried hard not to let Auntie catch my physical condition, but it ended up like this anyway.
“Oh my! Why does his face look like this! Since we’re at a hospital, let’s at least go to the emergency room, okay?”
Looking at Auntie’s face, I could guess my state without seeing it. It seems to look worse than I thought. Auntie, who had turned pale, supported me and sat me down on a chair in the hallway. My insides felt bad and nausea kept coming. Recalling the doctor’s advice to breathe deeply and drink water at times like this, I regulated my breathing and found water in my bag to drink.
While drinking water, I felt Auntie’s trembling touch rubbing my hands and wiping my sweat-drenched face. As I got some cool air, the dizziness gradually disappeared and my insides began to settle down.
Since my body was getting better, reassuring Auntie was urgent first. I slowly raised my head and looked at Auntie’s face full of worry and anxiety. I showed Auntie a faint smile.
“Are you okay now? I was so surprised… We shouldn’t be doing this—let’s go to the emergency room. Let’s go get examined. You overworked your body too much. What a young person went through to suffer so much… Lean on Auntie and get up.”
Auntie tried to lift me up, and I urgently stopped her. The emergency room is absolutely not allowed. If they somehow find out I’m pregnant, things will really get complicated.
“Auntie, I’m fine. I was so worried about Mom’s surgery that I’ve had indigestion since yesterday. I suddenly felt dizziness and chest pain from tension, but I’m fine now. I can just buy digestive medicine at the pharmacy.”
“…Really? Are you sure it’s just simple indigestion?”
“Of course. If there was something wrong, I would have told Auntie right away…”
Even at my words, Auntie didn’t let go of her suspicion. I persuaded Auntie by smiling indifferently as if it really was nothing, without making a big fuss. Perhaps feeling more at ease from my attitude, Auntie soon nodded her head too.
“Your complexion is better than earlier. Earlier your face was pale white and even your lips turned blue, but now you have color… When you’re worried, your stomach does turn upside down. So you take good care of your body too. Auntie really gets startled whenever anyone is sick. You absolutely can’t be sick, even thinking of Auntie. You know that, right?”
I understand Auntie’s feelings of being averse to anything related to illness. Knowing Auntie’s sincerity, who spent all her good years taking care of me and Mom, I was really sorry for this appearance of mine.
“Don’t worry, Auntie. You know well that I’m healthy. Maybe my blood circulation wasn’t working for a moment. I’m fine now.”
“I was more surprised because you’re usually healthy. I had all kinds of thoughts, wondering if work at the place you transferred to is hard. Leave Mom’s matters all to Auntie and Grandma, and you do your work well. There’s a caregiver here and we’re here too. Okay?”
“Yes, Auntie. I will.”
Auntie must have been really surprised because even at my words that I was okay, she kept checking and rechecking my face and held my hand tightly. But unlike reassuring Auntie, in fact my body wasn’t very good.
My insides have gotten much worse lately, and I’m worried this kind of thing might happen again. For now, I thought I should quickly return home and calm my body down.
