Unlike being tense from Cha Juheon’s observation, today’s performance also ended satisfactorily. As soon as the performance ended, applause came from somewhere and I could tell at once that it was Cha Juheon. Cha Juheon, who had neatly organized my clothes and hung them on a chair, had already returned to the car first and wasn’t at his seat.
As always, thanks to the owner who packed various things for me after the performance ended, I headed to Cha Juheon’s car carrying food in both hands. Looking at the bags full of coffee beans and fruit syrup, I worried that the smell might bother Cha Juheon. After expressing my gratitude to the owner, I quickly turned my steps.
Isn’t it uncomfortable for him to drive me like this every time? I felt sorry. I know that being mixed among strangers in an unfamiliar space is really hard for him. Because of me, when he talked to people or greeted them, sometimes his face would turn pale white, wondering if his insides were bad, and sometimes he would pat his chest. The baby aside, Cha Juheon’s suffering is no joke.
When I found Cha Juheon’s car and approached it, he got out from the driver’s seat and opened the car door for me as always. While grateful for that, I got in the car with an awkward smile since I couldn’t quite get used to it. As I carefully put down the bags the owner had packed next to my feet and was organizing them, Cha Juheon looked at my feet.
“What’s all that?”
“Ah… this?”
I trailed off awkwardly, embarrassed in case he would nag like during the hamburger incident last time. He wouldn’t scold me for accepting just anything, would he?
“The owner here packed this for me. I like the coffee here. The owner often gives me things like Dutch coffee concentrate and fruit syrup like this. The owner even packed some separately to give to you too, Executive Director…”
I did accept it, but I know Cha Juheon won’t take it. The owner packed it for him since I said he was my acquaintance, not knowing Cha Juheon has mysophobia. I was a bit troubled thanks to his share of food that I accepted because I couldn’t refuse. As I expected, he immediately shook his head.
“I appreciate the thoughtfulness, but I’ll just accept the sentiment. As you know, I only eat what I eat. Still, please be sure to convey my thanks.”
“Yes, I will.”
“You can have what was given as my share, Eunwoo-ssi.”
He’s not saying anything? Rather, he readily gave me the food, telling me to eat it. I nodded at his words while watching Cha Juheon start the engine. A man who only eats food made by a dedicated chef at home. Besides that, he doesn’t touch any external fruits, beverages, or any other food.
I’m uncomfortable watching that, but the person himself seems very comfortable. Is this what mysophobia is like? Since he’s lived his whole life like that, change would rather be uncomfortable.
“But hasn’t it been long since you stopped playing piano? I was surprised that your performance skills exceeded expectations. Thanks to you, I heard a good performance after a long time.”
It was an unexpected compliment from the picky Cha Juheon. I turned to look at him, not expecting such words. He was concentrating on driving with such an indifferent expression that it was hard to believe he was the person who had given a favorable compliment. Even if it was just something said out of courtesy, it didn’t feel bad. Rather, I felt good enough for my cheeks to redden. The applause earlier had been quite loud too…
“Thank you for listening favorably. In fact, it’s true that my hands aren’t what they used to be, but I haven’t let go of performing like this, so I haven’t completely stopped practicing. Ah, of course it’s absolutely not the amount of practice from when I attended arts middle and high school. Just enough so my hands don’t stiffen.”
“That makes sense. After all, your career direction changed. Still, isn’t it impressive to maintain it like this while being busy? You must have really liked piano.”
Did I really like piano? That unexpected remark hit me. Did I like piano? It wasn’t me who liked piano—it was my dad.
Dad really loved classical music, and fortunately I showed talent in piano. So that’s how it started. Not by my will, but by Dad’s will. Of course, I didn’t dislike it. But it didn’t bring me happiness.
The process of playing piano was very hard and tiring. The amount of practice was too much, and at a young age, mechanically playing piano as told wasn’t always happy. Why can’t I do this? Why are my hands so slow? And why is the rhythm so difficult? I want to go out and play. Those were the only thoughts.
The road to lessons was scary and my shoulders were heavy, and the professor was frightening. I wondered if other students really enjoyed music happily when receiving lessons or practicing. I wanted to know if only I was struggling and finding it difficult like this, how much others enjoyed music. That was the weight of my life having to make piano my profession at that time.
I came to like piano rather after I quit piano. That feeling might have been an emotion created by the regret and lingering attachment of having to quit despite having gone all the way to Cheonghwa Arts High School. But whatever it was, it’s true that I kept thinking about it and my heart ached.
So not often, but with the help of my lesson professor, I practiced occasionally in the practice room and participated in student recitals. My peers from that time have kept inviting me to performances until now for my sake. This cafe performance part-time job was also introduced by my arts high school peers, so I’m maintaining a persistent connection with piano. I can’t help but be grateful.
“You looked comfortable while performing, so it was nice to watch. You didn’t look like someone working.”
“…Did I look like that?”
I became shy at Cha Juheon’s words, but it wasn’t wrong. Certainly, I had more leisure in my mindset approaching music than when I was swamped with lessons.
Well, this is also typical amateur mindset. Performing happily. Professional performers and majors have expectations and make it their profession, so they can’t always approach performances with a happy heart.
Amateurs can enjoy and perform with a light, carefree heart because minor mistakes are forgiven. This is also possible because it’s a hobby. Because it’s a position where you can be easily understood and forgiven.
“Hmm, then let’s buy a piano. I’ll give it as a gift. It would be good if Baek Eunwoo-ssi plays it when the mood strikes. It’s good for prenatal education too. If you have a piano, you won’t have to deliberately go to the practice room, right?”
It was a truly out-of-the-blue remark. Gifting a piano… It’s not just a small amount of money, and I didn’t even hope for such a thing. His willingness to gift an expensive piano as if it were nothing also felt burdensome.
“What? No. I don’t practice that much, and since it’s an apartment, there’s the soundproofing issue. Also, I have to move again anyway after giving birth, so it’s troublesome.”
Since I didn’t have even a speck of desire to receive a piano, I rejected his proposal, making excuses about moving.
“You can practice more, install a soundproof booth, and move it when you relocate. What’s the problem?”
When Cha Juheon made a face asking what the problem was, I was speechless. Rather, his face after hearing my words was full of puzzlement. He looks at me with a face asking what those things have to do with buying a piano.
Seeing that face, I knew that if I didn’t buy a piano, this argument would get longer. And that I would end up buying a piano anyway. It was a result I could tell just from watching his course of action until now. Ha, really… This person is starting again. He’ll definitely hound me until I accept.
In this kind of one-sided situation, I don’t know what’s best for me to do. Should I choose the most convenient and least expensive one? Yes. Let’s think positively for now. As Cha Juheon said, if I have one piano, I don’t have to go to the practice room and I can practice while doing prenatal education. My hands have been stiffening a lot lately anyway, so let’s think it worked out well.
Then it would be better to buy something practical, right? A digital piano that doesn’t necessarily need a soundproof booth? I can play lightly and wear headphones so only I can hear—that’s the best solution in many ways.
“If you tell me the brand you want, I’ll order it. Ah, would it be better to try playing the instrument directly and decide? After all, what’s comfortable in your hands would be better, right?”
“Any decent digital piano is fine. It’s not like I’m going to be picky about this and that at this point.”
“Digital piano? Will that be okay? The feel of pressing the keys will be different… Then since it came up, let’s go look together now. You don’t have other plans this evening, right?”
“What? I don’t have plans, but now? Is your time okay, Executive Director?”
At my question, he lightly nodded his head. Cha Juheon’s suggestions always immediately turned into action. His drive was that fast. So I often couldn’t keep up with his quick actions right away. Like now.
***
“Will this really do? This wasn’t in the plan…”
His face covered by a mask was full of dissatisfaction, and Cha Juheon looked at me and the piano with a displeased expression. He was blatantly expressing dissatisfaction toward the piano I was holding onto, loving it to death. Of course, I cleanly ignored his reaction.
“I clearly told you I was buying a digital piano.”
Even this was choosing the best among them. I was going to buy a small electronic piano that just produced sound well. I was immediately attracted to one that looked like an ordinary upright piano on the outside but was called a digital piano, showing how much technology has improved these days.
Moreover, since the principle by which it was made was the same, the touch was no different from a regular piano. Really, what amazing technological advancement. There’s no better instrument than this for an apartment. Amidst the inconvenience, I was quite pleased to find a piano I liked.
I told him a hundred reasons why this piano was good. But even while listening to that, Cha Juheon’s cheeks were puffed out. He seemed upset that I wasn’t buying the piano he recommended. But expensive pianos like Steinway or Bösendorfer that Cha Juheon recommended to me are impossible for me to manage at my level. I’m not a vessel to contain those instruments.
Not only the price exceeding hundreds of millions, but the maintenance is maddeningly difficult. They were instruments I couldn’t handle, being sensitive to weather and humidity. Even when Cha Juheon said he would thoroughly manage them through a professional tuner, I expressed extreme refusal.
Wouldn’t it be better not to buy at all rather than not being able to buy an instrument suitable for my level that I can handle lightly and enjoyably? I have absolutely no need for those instruments used in concert halls.
“Look at this, Executive Director. It looks like an ordinary upright, but here it’s adjusted digitally like this, and you can play it as just a piano or adjust it so no noise is created. I really absolutely love it.”
“…I didn’t even think of something like this. I naturally assumed it would be a grand piano.”
“Grand… If I need that, I’ll move and live elsewhere. There are too many troublesome aspects to bringing a grand into my current home. And I really love this. I want to go with this.”
When I pushed with eyes saying I really wanted this, Cha Juheon nodded as if he couldn’t win. At his reaction, I showed a sincerely bright smile. I was glad to have something to do at home whenever I’m bored. Though unintended, thanks to Cha Juheon, I gained a good friend.
