I entered the quiet and cozy café located on the outskirts of Seoul, hurriedly took off my coat and organized it, then headed out to the hall where the piano was. This place, with its antique atmosphere, is the only part-time job I haven’t quit and my favorite place.
Since it’s not too far from central Seoul and the work isn’t demanding, Cha Juheon only allowed me to keep this job. He wasn’t unaware that I’d be bored just staying at home, and he also knew that music has a good influence on the fetus, so he didn’t particularly stop me from doing this work. He probably allowed it because it wasn’t strenuous labor that required physical strength or caused stress.
This place is what keeps me from completely letting go of music. Perhaps that’s why playing here doesn’t feel like work, and it even gives me breathing room. Above all, it feels like I’m meeting my former self again, making this quite a precious place to me.
I’ll have to quit this too once my belly gets bigger, but for now I’m relieved that I don’t have to force myself to quit immediately. This place isn’t just somewhere I earn money, but meaningful work that lets me reflect on who I used to be.
It would be even better if that alpha wasn’t standing there blankly… While warming up my hands by pressing the piano keys, I looked at Cha Juheon standing awkwardly in a corner. That person who brought me here, Cha Juheon. He doesn’t need to follow me everywhere I go, but he seems to feel some strange sense of responsibility toward me.
There are plenty of taxis and I could travel with the other performers, but he insists on bringing me all the way here. Usually he’d stay in the car or drop me off and come back, but today for some reason he followed me all the way inside.
I’m realizing anew that just his presence is really uncomfortable. It’s not that I dislike it or anything, but should I say he bothers me somehow? He’s someone who creates a strange tension, so I can’t relax comfortably around him. I’m worried I’ll make mistakes in today’s performance in front of that person too…
“If you can’t lean against the wall or sit down, why did you come in to suffer?”
Anyway, I quietly observed Cha Juheon, who came in unnecessarily and is suffering for it. Seeing him unable to sit down thinking it’s dirty was annoyingly distracting. It was only natural to be irritated when the person who followed me is acting like that right before my eyes.
If he can’t sit on a chair, I wish he’d at least lean comfortably against the wall. It’s already surprising enough that someone with germaphobia came in here, but still, since he’s already here, I wished he’d be at least a little comfortable. No matter how I look at it, he seems very uncomfortable, yet he won’t just wait comfortably in the car.
“Is there no solution?”
I looked around unnecessarily and racked my brain thinking of solutions that wouldn’t come. But even if I sprayed all the hand sanitizer I have, he would never sit at that table and chair. Still, at least he didn’t wear those strange clothes wrapped tightly around his body just because this is a performance venue. Frowning and scratching my forehead, something suddenly came to mind.
“Oh, my jacket.”
The moment I saw the hook above the wall where Juheon was standing, for hanging bags or clothes, I thought of my outer coat I’d left hanging in the office. Should I bring him that? If I look carefully, Cha Juheon has no aversion to me to an abnormal degree.
I couldn’t ask him directly, so I’d been wondering about it on my own for a while. Unlike what I’d been warned about by the Chairman or the Executive Secretary of the Chairman’s office, Cha Juheon didn’t seem uncomfortable being in the same space as me. It’s strange, but it could be my imagination, so I’ve just let it go each time. But the more I observe, the more I realize Cha Juheon’s behavior isn’t my imagination.
In fact, there was even brief physical contact, but he didn’t seem displeased or show any disgusted reaction. I don’t know the reason either. Of course, that doesn’t mean I deliberately created situations that would make Cha Juheon uncomfortable.
Since I fully recognize his tendencies, I’m still being careful about things that might make Cha Juheon feel uncomfortable. Even after that, Cha Juheon didn’t seem displeased when my clothes brushed against him or when he looked directly at my face, and he even carried my things sometimes.
That Cha Juheon, who can’t even touch other people’s belongings. He’s still extremely sensitive to unfamiliar environments and others except me. Why is it only like this with me? I can’t help but wonder. I even searched to see if this reaction might be related to pregnancy, but I couldn’t find any particular answer.
The conclusion I came to most closely is this: He’s quite serious about the contract. I concluded that it’s because he finally found a surrogate he likes and has tremendous affection for the baby created through the contract. For this baby’s sake, he’s doing his utmost, even overcoming his severe germaphobia. He’s definitely trying to make me comfortable for the baby’s sake.
So I’m also accepting his consideration without showing anything, so his efforts won’t be in vain. Cha Juheon is doing his best for the contract. Also, perhaps because I’ve gotten used to him and see him often, I definitely feel that his aversion to me is remarkably less compared to others.
Sometimes when the hospital is crowded, he’s even put his hand around my shoulder to protect me, so perhaps it might be okay even if my clothes touch his body. Rather than standing like that, it would be much more comfortable to lean against the wall with his body against my clothes, which would be less awkward. In any case, he won’t sit in the chair no matter what.
With a few minutes left before the performance starts, I hurried to get my clothes. Then I quickly approached where he was. When I suddenly approached, Cha Juheon looked at me without hiding his puzzlement. I didn’t respond to his expression and hung my outer coat on the hook on the wall. Since it’s long, if he leans here, his body won’t touch the wall.
After organizing the clothes, I gently pushed the awkwardly standing Cha Juheon toward my clothes. Surprised by my unexpected action, Cha Juheon instinctively expressed rejection and pulled his body back. But regardless, I pushed Cha Juheon against the wall again.
“Executive Director, there’s a lot of time left until the performance ends. It’ll be tiring if you keep standing at attention like that. Lean against my clothes here like this. Your body won’t touch the wall but my clothes, so it’s okay, right?”
What strange intuition is this? I had some certainty that he wouldn’t refuse my suggestion. To Cha Juheon, who was flustered and stammering at the unexpected suggestion, I didn’t give him time to answer and continued speaking.
Rather, I was even more bold, grabbing his shoulder and fixing his posture so he could lean comfortably against my clothes hanging on the wall. This time he didn’t refuse what I was doing either and did as told.
“The clothes aren’t dirty. Don’t worry and be as comfortable as you can. Just think of it as a barrier. If you’re really uncomfortable, you can wait in the car.”
Cha Juheon nodded inadvertently, and after pouring out the remaining words, I hurried back to the piano. And only after sitting on the piano bench did worry about my actions come flooding in. What if he gets surprised while leaning against my clothes and has a seizure and collapses? What if he has trouble breathing? Anxiety washed over me.
While pretending to adjust the piano bench, I kept checking on Cha Juheon. Fortunately, he didn’t have a seizure or faint, and was maintaining the posture I’d positioned him in while looking at this place.
“He’s really obedient?”
He didn’t faint in that position, did he? Phew… Why is his standing position so visible too? His location selection is also amazing. Cha Juheon is staring at me intently with an unreadable expression. I couldn’t find any emotion in that expression, making me unnecessarily anxious.
Am I going to get hit after work’s over? I don’t know. It’s already done, let’s just finish the performance well.
Is it because Cha Juheon is staring so intently? Unlike other days, I felt intense nervousness, so I exhaled deeply and focused on the performance.
***
Juheon stood motionless, feeling awkward about his position against the wall. He couldn’t believe Baek Eunwoo’s actions. Rather than leaning against Baek Eunwoo’s clothes hanging on the wall, it felt like his body was completely enveloped in the clothes.
It was a situation he’d never experienced before, so he was flustered, but he was certain that it didn’t feel bad. Rather than the cold, unpleasant smell coming from the wall, the familiar scent of Eunwoo actually calmed his mind.
As his mind settled, he finally noticed Eunwoo playing the piano. That appearance, immersed in the performance with a serious expression, was different from when he was baking bread. It felt like he was in his rightful place.
The sight of him in front of the oven wasn’t bad either, but he definitely suited being in front of the piano better. Like finding and wearing clothes that suit him.
Juheon had heard countless performances by the world’s top performers until now. He even prided himself on having insights about classical music comparable to any expert. He’d encountered a single piece in various ways through different performers’ interpretations. The Eunwoo performing in front of Juheon now is clearly different from professional performers. He once walked the path of a music major, but ultimately not anymore.
But somehow he doesn’t know why this performance feels so special and interesting. No matter how much Juheon thought about it, he set aside what he couldn’t understand for a moment and focused on the music. He wanted to forget complicated thoughts and purely enjoy this music and atmosphere that he could hear right now.
Right now, the space where Juheon is standing is completely filled with Baek Eunwoo. His pleasant scent vibrates at the tip of his nose, and there’s Baek Eunwoo shining under the soft lighting. As the piano notes from his fingertips fill the café, this place was full of Baek Eunwoo.
