Besides that, there had been countless incidents that left trauma. It was through all those processes that he became the current Yoon Sungjin, completely armored with defense mechanisms.
What if Suyeong is that kind of person too? His fingertips grew cold from worrying ahead of himself. On top of that, there was Yuwon, whom he’d encountered like meeting on a narrow bridge. It was a thought he’d been desperately having since yesterday, but if there was anywhere he could escape to, he wanted to run away.
Haah….
Sungjin finished his shower with the feeling of wanting to dissolve and disappear into the water. He dried his hair until fluffy and put on the clothes the production team had provided as sponsorship. It was an outfit consisting of simple swim trunks with a Hawaiian shirt thrown over them. It didn’t seem to suit him particularly well, but since the upcoming schedule was snorkeling, he couldn’t wear clothes that covered too much of his body.
I have to go…. I can’t say I’m quitting at this point.
At the very least, Yuwon wouldn’t be able to pull any unmanageable surprise moves while wearing a microphone…. And if not, he himself would be the one socially dead, wouldn’t he?
Sungjin trudged outside in a state where he couldn’t be more depressed mentally.
“Sungjin-ssi, you’re here. We still have a little time left, but shall we depart right away?”
When Sungjin came out to the front of the set, Yuwon, who had showered first, was standing there with the production team. The other participants were gathered in small groups of three to five and had entered the pool anyway since they had nothing to do until dinner.
Someone was tanning on a sunbed, while someone else had taken out PPL drinks from the refrigerator and was drinking them.
The first date began with the cheers of the other participants, excluding Suyeong.
The production team took Sungjin and Yuwon on a motor boat to the main island, then gave Sungjin and Yuwon a car with the destination set in the navigation. Cameras were installed throughout the interior of the vehicle.
“Which one of you will drive?”
Sungjin immediately raised his hand.
“I’ll do it.”
It wasn’t to emphasize some trivial masculinity in front of the camera, but rather he stepped forward because his trust in Yuwon’s life skills had hit rock bottom after yesterday’s events. Not being able to chop with an axe or grill meat well wouldn’t cause a big problem, but not being able to drive could threaten both their lives.
Moreover, wasn’t Yuwon someone who had lived abroad longer than in Korea? His main stage of activity was North America, but being in the fashion industry, he knew Yuwon frequently stayed in Europe too, in places like Paris, Milan, and London. There was no way someone who traveled briefly all over the world would be familiar with Korean road conditions. So it was safer for him to drive.
Sungjin snatched the car keys without giving Yuwon a chance to say anything. Then he headed to the driver’s seat without hesitation, forcing a desperate smile.
“I like driving, you see. Haha….”
Like hell I do. When Sungjin had to drive and go far, it was usually only when there was a problem at the production factory. He did it because he had no choice, but he fucking hated it. He didn’t want to do it if possible.
Hoo, swallowing a short sigh and starting the engine, Lee Yuwon got into the passenger seat with a strangely displeased expression.
“……”
“……”
Thud. The passenger door closed and with only the two of them and the camera left in the vehicle, silence descended.
“……”
“……”
“……”
Sungjin found this awkward silence more suffocating. Say something. That way I can at least get a grasp of what you’re thinking. However, Yuwon seemed to have no intention of opening his mouth until Sungjin spoke first. He just looked straight ahead with a slightly sulky, dissatisfied face.
Soon, the coastal road began to unfold on the right side as the production team had intended. It was a beautiful landscape with a long stretch of blue emerald coastline and rows of wind turbines spinning behind it.
“……”
I can’t just keep my mouth shut like this. Won’t that look like people who had some kind of incident to anyone watching? Sungjin broke the ice first, cold sweat running down his back.
“…The scenery is really amazing.”
However, Yuwon didn’t answer. Ah, fuck. Sungjin continued speaking, swallowing tears inside at the even more awkward atmosphere.
“The weather is nice too. Should I open the window?”
Although the weather was muggy, it wasn’t yet at a level where driving without air conditioning was impossible. Plus, the sea breeze was blowing, making it cool too.
He’d suggested it thinking that if they weren’t going to converse, at least talking about the scenery would somehow fill the content, but what came back was an unexpected sentence.
“Do you like Suyeong-ssi, Sungjin-ssi?”
“Pardon?”
Sungjin was momentarily startled and tightened his grip on the steering wheel. It took a lot of effort to calm his pounding heart and answer as composedly as possible.
“Uh… She seems like a good person.”
It wasn’t sincere to answer with a blatant “Yes,” and it seemed like giving a conspicuous answer, so he returned an appropriately ambiguous response. Yuwon frowned as if he didn’t like that at all.
“Specifically, what about her?”
Why should I have to say such things? Sungjin deflected again, sweating profusely.
“Hmm…. Her confident appearance is cool and she seems to have a lot of charm.”
Then an even more bewildering answer came back.
“I’m also full of confidence. I think I have enough charm.”
“Ye-es…. That’s right.”
Sungjin had no idea what he should answer. In reality, the more attractive one to Sungjin was naturally Lee Yuwon. Sungjin had a preference for getting aroused only by men, and Yuwon’s appearance was exactly his ideal with not an inch of error. A prim and haughty cat-like beauty who suited slightly long black hair well. Truly an ideal type as if drawn in a picture.
Even after experiencing that tremendous incident with Yuwon in America, his taste was stubborn enough not to change. If I can’t date someone like this, it’s better to just grow old and die alone—he even thought to this extent.
So Suyeong couldn’t even be Yuwon’s competition from the start. Yuwon shouldn’t be unaware of that either, but he couldn’t understand what kind of nonsensical thing he was saying. While Sungjin fumbled, not knowing what to answer, Yuwon pressed in again.
“Then should I think there’s a chance for me too?”
“Pfft.”
At another confession that suddenly pierced his heart, Sungjin reflexively let out a cough. His breath caught. He almost let it affect his driving, but since he’d only been running his mouth earnestly and didn’t truly want to die right now, he held on tightly to the steering wheel.
What am I really supposed to answer to this? Thank you for the sentiment but it seems difficult? However, if he answered that way, he couldn’t grasp at all how Yuwon would react.
He was just afraid, not knowing what unexpected action Yuwon, angered by the blatant rejection, might take—like asking what that day’s events were then, or saying how does it make sense that someone who could get erect and even ejaculate in a man’s hands says men aren’t his type, etc. He couldn’t understand at all why he was so obsessed with him to this extent. Around him should be overflowing with people more attractive than himself, people he could sleep with if he just wanted to.
Of course, what I did makes my heart skip guiltily, but because of such a happening, appearing on a broadcast and even publicly courting? It was hard to accept with Sungjin’s common sense. It was clearly a losing deal for Yuwon no matter who looked at it.
Sungjin tried hard to answer, hoping his response wouldn’t provoke Yuwon’s temper as much as possible.
“Uh… I’ve never… thought about that side….”
First, he tried to carefully appeal that he was pretending to be heterosexual, but what came back was only Yuwon’s snort.
“Then how about from now on? Is there a possibility?”
If he flatly said no, he couldn’t predict what kind of aftermath would come rushing at him. As Sungjin sweated profusely and couldn’t give any answer, this time Yuwon changed his question.
“Then I’ll ask again. Do you find what I’m doing unpleasant or dislike it?”
I don’t know. Yuwon wasn’t an object of emotions that could be divided into dislike or like, but an object of fear and dread. If talking only about appearance, he was an ideal type he’d never meet again, but how can I answer that way here?
It felt like holding a time bomb he couldn’t handle. Sungjin tried to calm his trembling hands and said,
“That… that’s not it….”
“Or?”
“……”
“Then can I try making an effort until Sungjin-ssi’s feelings change?”
This is really serious. How should he answer to pretend to be heterosexual while not offending Yuwon’s mood? He couldn’t think of a good method at all. The moment his head went completely blank, a savior miraculously appeared.
[The destination is on your right. You have arrived at your destination. Ending guidance.]
Sungjin’s savior was none other than the navigation. Sungjin desperately smiled and changed the subject.
“Oh, we, we’re already here! The production team seems to have arrived first. Let’s hurry and get out…!”
In the end, the conversation ended without answering Yuwon’s question. It felt like he’d barely saved his life.
