The snow that had fallen over the past few days had long since melted away. This also meant that Texas weather wasn’t cold enough for snow to remain for long.
Of course, the temperature Henry felt was different, so he was experiencing a chill cold enough to give him goosebumps.
Henry shivered without realizing it. Declan, who keenly noticed, asked.
“…Cold?”
Henry put strength into his whole body and tried hard to endure the cold. At least to him, he absolutely had to show he wasn’t cold.
Because there was the excuse he’d made to him in the science lab last time.
“No, not really.”
“You look cold.”
“I’m not. My clothes are thicker than yours, so what are you talking about?”
Henry vehemently denied it while walking with his body stretched out to avoid shrinking. Because he could feel the gaze staring at him intently, he had to put effort even into enduring the cold.
Though it didn’t seem like he was convinced, Declan immediately brought up his original purpose as if he didn’t feel the need to discuss it further.
“After training ended today, did you see William going to find the kids separately?”
As the name of someone who might be the cause of what had troubled him all day came up, Henry’s face naturally scrunched up.
“Grady?”
It was obvious without hearing that it wouldn’t be good news for him. The owner of the post might not be Grady, but even if it wasn’t, he was someone who didn’t like him.
Before he could even realize it, Henry’s face crumpled. He managed to hold back the sigh that was about to escape once.
Henry tried not to frown at Declan and urged him to tell him what he’d seen.
“What did he do?”
“…It looked like he was talking about you to the kids.”
Henry wasn’t particularly surprised. However, the sigh he’d managed to hold back poured out. His effort to stop sighing became meaningless. He couldn’t even count how many times he’d sighed today.
“Did you hear what he was saying too?”
“A little.”
Declan nodded and answered. Henry looked up at him with a face wanting explanation.
Henry could only get an answer after some time had passed. Somehow, he seemed to be hesitating to tell him.
“What kind of content is it that you’re acting like this?”
Henry, feeling frustrated, asked him again. Only then did Declan Russell tell Henry what he’d heard.
“…If Henry Lowell becomes captain, kids like you won’t have a chance to play as starters until graduation. It was roughly that kind of story.”
He knew it wouldn’t be good words, but it was an absurd story.
What power did he have to decide who would be starters or not? Moreover, he had no intention of deliberately leaving anyone out. If someone did well, shouldn’t they naturally be made a starter?
When it came to football, Henry had no likes or dislikes toward individuals. He thought it didn’t matter as long as they played well and could work together.
Henry’s greatest wish was always victory.
All his strength drained away. Until Declan first brought up Grady’s story, he’d been full of thoughts of going to find him depending on the content. If it seemed wrong, he’d even planned to confront him.
But not now.
He felt that even if he spoke to him, he wouldn’t admit his wrongdoing.
It would have been better if it were an area where he could show the truth, but it wasn’t even content that allowed that.
His head throbbed. More than anything, what grated on Henry’s nerves was—
“What about you? If you were in a position to hear that kind of story from him, do you think you would have believed it?”
He couldn’t shake off the worry that there might be people who believed Grady’s words.
Worried that someone might believe his words and be badmouthing him somewhere.
Worried that more posts slandering him might have been uploaded to that community.
Worried that there might be many who believed it.
Henry’s voice trembled slightly as he tried to forcibly empty his thoughts. The man in front of him was still looking at Henry with persistence.
He was being caught by him, showing what a coward he was.
Henry tried to avoid his gaze, wanting to hide even a little.
“…Most people probably wouldn’t believe it.”
Eventually, until he returned an answer.
Only after hearing Declan’s answer did his anxiety begin to settle, albeit very slowly. Henry drew a faint smile on his lips, finding himself ridiculous for becoming like this from just one word from him.
“Can I ask you one more thing?”
At Henry’s words, the man stared at him.
Unlike the past, the current Henry Lowell knew that this kind of reaction wasn’t ignoring him but meant consent that it was okay to ask.
So Henry brought out the part that had bothered him throughout listening to the story.
“Why did you tell me? It’s not related to you anyway. You could have just pretended you didn’t hear it and moved on, right?”
Henry thought that perhaps he might have been worried about him.
He hoped that the reason he hesitated to reveal what he’d said was because he was concerned that he might get hurt.
Henry looked at the man with earnest eyes. He needed confirmation.
He wanted to confirm that what he’d seen of him and his inner thoughts weren’t so different.
If he could confirm that his one-sided thoughts weren’t delusions, he felt he could trust him without even having to ask about the comments.
He looked at him while barely suppressing his nervous heart, wondering if he would brush it off with “just because” this time too.
“You wanted to do it. …Captain.”
As if he knew his desperate heart, Declan readily told him the reason Henry had so wanted.
He didn’t know if it was the truth or not, but anyway, today’s Declan Russell didn’t avoid it.
Henry was satisfied with that. He decided to trust him.
Because in the current him, he couldn’t find any intention to harm him.
“Do you want me to become it too?”
“…Yeah.”
A smile naturally formed on Henry’s lips. The negative thoughts weren’t completely burned away, but it was enough to feel a little more at ease.
If he asked everything, his insides would feel refreshed, but it might earn him Declan Russell’s hatred.
So Henry chose to be satisfied just with the fact that he’d heard an honest answer.
The person who likes loses. Henry’s love had always been that way, and there was no change this time either.
So it was okay even if there was no answer in return.
“Thank you for… caring.”
Actually, he wanted to talk. He wanted to tell him about his anxiety.
He wanted to hide the hideous bottom and only take out the fragile parts to show. He wanted to present before him a part of himself that seemed like it would crumble at any moment.
He hoped Declan Russell would recognize, understand, and pity such a him.
And in doing so, perhaps someday the other person would also show him their weak parts.
Since he’d already been caught by him with all kinds of secrets, now it was his turn. Henry wanted to demand a perfect secret that only they knew and understood in their relationship.
What if he runs away after knowing my inner thoughts? Henry suppressed the ugliness that was about to burst out.
***
Finally, Friday morning dawned. With anxiety that hadn’t completely disappeared, Henry began spending the day full of tension.
After afternoon classes ended, as soon as students gathered on the field, voting began.
There was no speech or self-introduction.
It was a simple method of writing names on paper.
Henry wasn’t used to situations where what he thought was his was taken away. Because of that, he lost his usual relaxed appearance and tried not to look around at the rustling sounds.
He worried how many times his name would be written. He worried if someone who wrote insults about him in the comments of posts on the community was inside the club.
As he waited anxiously, time felt like it was passing slowly.
“Did everyone write?”
“Yes.”
Answers burst out from everywhere at the coach’s question.
“Alright, then come out and submit them.”
Those sitting on the grass all got up at once.
Henry also got up from his seat to submit the paper with his name written on it. He was about to go to the back to stand in line, when right in front was Grady William.
He was smiling.
Definitely, he looked much more relaxed than himself.
After all the votes were collected, they sat back down on the grass. As he concentrated intently watching the coach opening the votes and recording them, the friend sitting next to him whispered to him.
“Henry, don’t tell me you’re nervous?”
He couldn’t hide it anyway. The very fact that he was asking meant he’d failed at pretending to be okay.
“…Yeah. A little.”
Henry complied with the question thrown at him. The man who heard the worried answer burst into laughter.
“Hey, what do you have to worry about? What crazy bastard would vote for Grady?”
“You never know.”
“Hey, I guarantee that won’t happen.”
Henry Lowell himself was anxious, but Henry Lowell’s friends weren’t. They were naturally certain that Henry would be chosen.
Silent laughter burst from Henry’s mouth at how they were certain of something he himself couldn’t be certain of.
Rather than joy at the trust directed toward him, his head grew dizzy at the unconditional expectations directed at him.
Just as Henry was trying to hold onto his blurring vision, the coach’s hand stopped. The paper in his hand was the last ballot.
“Then I’ll announce the results.”
At his words, the noisy field was instantly dyed in silence.
“A total of 121 votes confirmed from everyone. The results are… Grady William 34 votes, Henry Lowell 87 votes.”
His breath was released all at once.
Joseph’s arm, who had been sitting behind and was just as nervous as Henry, wrapped around his neck.
“This year’s captain is Henry Lowell.”
Henry let out a breath of relief rather than joy. It was a much larger vote difference than he’d thought.
“Hey, I told you it would be you! Why were you nervous?”
“Right. Because you were nervous for no reason, I worried too.”
“But William did take more votes than expected, didn’t he?”
Surrounding such a Henry, everyone said something to him. He looked at the person who had spoken to him last.
“…34 votes is taking a lot?”
Those who heard Henry’s question all burst into laughter. It was a reaction asking what obvious thing he was saying.
“Hey, of course. That bastard did underground work to bring you down and only managed to fool that many. Idiots. I’m certain that if that bastard hadn’t done bullshit and voted fairly, you would have gotten over 100 votes.”
Rather than being the personal opinion of the person who spoke to him, everyone was agreeing with his words.
Unlike him who had always received everyone’s love, Henry was relieved by the fact that not everyone hated him.
His breathing quickened. Henry instinctively turned his head to look for Declan Russell.
Far away, he could see him.
Noticing Henry’s gaze, he turned his face. Their eyes met. He smiled faintly at Henry.
Thump, his heart dropped. One corner of his chest fluttered.
Henry, unlike usual, ended up turning his eyes away as if running away.
‘Ah, I’m really in big trouble.’
He realized instinctively.
That he had come to like him to a point of no return now.
Declan Russell was no longer a passing crush.
