Samuel said as he put Harper in the car that he hadn’t come to ask for permission, only to inform them.
He said he had come expecting to be rejected by his parents from the start. As if he hadn’t even imagined that they might welcome Jay and Harper.
Samuel quite naturally informed them that he had already booked all the flights back to New York.
His face was detached. As if he had already given up on being acknowledged and permitted.
Because he felt he understood Samuel’s heart a little, Henry couldn’t say anything to Samuel.
All he could do was hide his sadness at parting and silently exchange farewells with him, Jay, and Harper.
After seeing Samuel off as he left by car, on the way back home with Veronica.
Henry was thinking about Samuel, whom he had just seen.
He couldn’t even fathom what kind of courage it took to do something knowing that Richard and Margaret would hate it, just because you loved someone.
Because it was a moment that would never come to him.
Henry envied Samuel for having such a moment.
After looking back one last time at the spot where Samuel had left, the moment he and Veronica were stealthily entering the house together.
Click—!
Suddenly the lights in the living room came on. Henry’s eyes naturally turned to the sofa in startled surprise.
“…Mom.”
Veronica, as startled as Henry, called out to her with a trembling voice.
“Veronica, Henry.”
At the firm yet affectionate call, Henry felt his heart stop.
She should have been asleep but was awake. Perhaps she had woken up to the sound of Henry and Veronica leaving, or she hadn’t been asleep from the start.
“Did you finish talking with Samuel?”
She asked Henry and Veronica as if doing them a favor, even though she knew everything.
“Why did you take Henry to Samuel? What if a perfectly fine child learns something strange from his brother?”
At her words, Veronica hung her head deeply.
“…I’m sorry.”
Henry bit his lip.
Veronica hadn’t done anything wrong. The person who wanted to see Samuel was himself, and Veronica had only granted his wish.
As soon as he inhaled to protest to Margaret, Veronica quietly grabbed his hand. Unable to even exhale the breath he’d swallowed, Henry looked at her.
She shook her head. It was a sign not to say anything.
“Samuel didn’t say anything useless to you, did he, Henry?”
Margaret, who approached with a gentle smile, stroked Henry’s hair. Seeing Henry’s lips, which had been thoroughly chewed and showed red blood, she grabbed his chin.
“I’m not trying to scold you, so don’t bite like that. You’ll ruin your lips completely. You’ll upset Mom.”
She looked at Henry with affectionate eyes. Normally he would have obediently stopped and apologized to her, but today he couldn’t.
Her love directed at him was beginning to feel grotesque.
Without paying any attention to Henry’s reaction, Margaret asked Veronica.
“Veronica, Henry greeted Samuel and came back, right?”
“Yes…”
“Then that’s enough. Henry, today is the last time with Samuel. Don’t meet him anymore.”
Henry’s eyes widened at Margaret’s firm words.
“Mom, but…!”
Shh, Margaret made a warning sound. Henry stopped speaking.
“Richard and I already decided that. Henry. Samuel is a child who was never born into this family. As of today, you’re the only son in our house. Henry.”
He wanted to say something, but she didn’t give Henry that chance.
“You understood what Mom said, right?”
Wasn’t she saying she would treat Samuel as a child who didn’t exist?
Henry couldn’t understand her words.
Had Samuel done something that wrong? No, was Jay such a bad person?
She wasn’t. The Jay that Henry saw was a decent person. Although he had met her for a very short time, she had been kind and gentle to him. Despite receiving such insults in this house.
Moreover, he could feel affection in her eyes when she looked at Samuel and Harper.
Because she loved Samuel, she was someone who feared being hated by him, his lover’s family.
In that regard, she seemed a bit more timid than others, but that was all.
Harper, Jay’s daughter, was no different.
She didn’t resemble Samuel, but so what? That young girl clearly regarded Samuel as her father. Wasn’t that enough?
Most of all, Samuel liked Jay and Harper. The Samuel he saw today looked happier than ever.
Because Henry had confirmed everything with his own eyes, he couldn’t comply with Margaret’s words even more.
His heated head spun round and round. Henry couldn’t hold back.
“…Why do you hate Jay so much?”
At the unusually defiant retort, Margaret’s face contorted.
“Henry, are you talking back to me right now?”
“I don’t understand. Because the Jay I saw wasn’t a bad person.”
Henry put strength in his eyes and spoke clearly toward Margaret.
He knew she would be angry at him for biting back, but it felt like he couldn’t bear it without spitting it out.
“Henry.”
Veronica urgently grabbed Henry’s shoulder.
“Mom. Please go in and rest. Henry really liked Samuel. So I think he needs time to accept it. I’ll talk to him properly. Okay?”
She put strength in her hand, but there was no way Henry would be easily pushed back.
Henry had no intention of moving at all. He definitely wanted to hear an answer from Margaret.
Why was the fact that Samuel loved Jay and Harper a reason he couldn’t meet him?
How was the fact that they loved each other a sin grave enough to sever family ties?
“Do I really have to say it with my own mouth for you to understand? You’re a smart child, Henry. Unlike Samuel.”
A hollow laugh burst from Henry’s mouth.
“I don’t know. This was my first time meeting her today, but I liked Jay.”
Margaret’s expression hardened.
For the first time, Henry felt that this family trapped in faith was terrible.
She must have known too that it was a reason too shameful to speak of. Otherwise, there was no way she would repeat the expression “don’t you know?” while not being able to explain to him. It made him nauseous.
She had said, what if a perfectly fine child learns something strange?
What exactly was that strange thing?
No matter how strange Samuel might be, could he be stranger than himself?
Wasn’t liking an Asian woman who was divorced with a child more normal than himself, who liked men?
“If Samuel is a strange person, then what about me?”
Unable to contain his boiling emotions, Henry finally ended up revealing part of the secret he had been hiding.
Margaret’s face became one of incomprehension.
“Henry, what are you saying? You wouldn’t do that.”
It wasn’t a question. It wasn’t trust either.
It was coercion.
That Henry Lowell should not be like that, would not be like that, and could never be like that.
She wasn’t even imagining it.
That Henry might have parts that were different from others.
“You don’t know. That.”
Henry couldn’t overcome his impulse.
The thought came to him that he wanted to say it and give up on everything. Even though it was something he had wanted to protect so much.
Margaret’s expression hardened coldly.
“Henry Lowell. Go up to your room right now.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Go up. I won’t say it twice.”
Feeling dizzy, Margaret closed her eyes while pressing firmly on her brow.
“For the time being, don’t think about leaving your room. Don’t come out until you realize what you did wrong.”
His eyes reddened with a sense of injustice. Henry put strength in his eyes, trying not to shed tears.
“Veronica.”
Margaret called her eldest daughter’s name. She urgently grabbed Henry.
“Henry. Let’s go up for now. Calm down and talk again. You’re too agitated right now.”
“I…”
“I know. What you’re trying to say. So, okay?”
No, Veronica didn’t know anything. Margaret and Richard knew even less.
Henry let out a hollow laugh. Without even thinking to lower his voice, he laughed with a tearful voice.
From a very young age, Henry Lowell had been given only one role. The youngest son of Richard Lowell, who ran a church.
A child with deep faith, obedient, and purely innocent without a speck of dust.
As a child, Henry, who returned from Sunday school that had only been boring, was always praised. Margaret would stroke Henry’s head like that and say.
That he did well today. That God would be listening to his prayers.
Each time, Henry tried to live up to the adults’ expectations.
Sometimes, lest he make a mistake when Richard tested him on Bible verses, Henry would memorize the thick Bible by heart.
Before meals, when offering prayers, Henry would say “Amen” with the loudest voice among his siblings.
Sometimes he didn’t want to go to church.
There were times when he wanted to run around and play with friends he had newly made at school rather than listening to boring hymns on the weekend and offering prayers that received no answers.
However, Henry, even though young, endured all those impulses.
Because it wasn’t permitted to him. Because he didn’t want to disappoint his parents.
It had been years endured while severely controlling himself.
The constant efforts of childhood, when he had to deal with boredom through effort, all felt futile.
God had never listened to him.
If He had listened.
The fact that he came to like men.
The fact that Samuel fell in love with Jay.
The fact that he was ordered to cut off his relationship with Samuel just because he fell in love with Jay.
None of it would have happened.
He was beginning to hate the life of the youngest son placed in a wealthy family running a luxurious church.
Moments when he wasn’t happy, moments when he wasn’t satisfied, only kept increasing.
His breath caught. Somehow it felt like he now understood the cause of his long-standing frustration.
