After that day, Yuwon continued searching for a face resembling his. For the first time in his life, he tried sending DMs to people first. He found several people he thought might be him, asked them out on dates, and met them in reality, but everyone shattered his expectations the moment they appeared before their eyes.
The atmosphere itself was different. Even though they went straight up to a room on the first meeting just the same, the moment a stranger’s hand touched his body, revulsion surged first. That made him even more heated. While the memory of that person in his head was gradually becoming hazy, he was chasing the shadow of a man whose name he didn’t even know.
Every time he tried to give up because he couldn’t understand at all why he was obsessing over such trash, he appeared in his dreams. Things like his gently downturned eyes, slightly bright chestnut-colored hair, the dimple that slightly showed when he smiled shyly, and his even teeth kept shimmering like a mirage.
What the hell is sexual desire? You just had to touch, penetrate, and cum—it was ridiculous that he was suffering from such sexual frustration because of someone he’d only met and talked with for one night. It was possible to get aroused by closing his eyes, focusing only on stimulation, and imagining that person in his head, but when he actually tried to enter the main game, he’d return to reality and revulsion would well up.
After trying with various people like that, several unfavorable labels were attached to Yuwon. Erectile dysfunction, eunuch, sexual dysfunction, all show and no substance—things like that. Thanks to that, Yuwon had maintained his virginity until now since that first attempt at twenty. Despite being a virgin who couldn’t even lose it, his reputation was at the level of a slut. It was an utterly pathetic state.
Looking for someone he knew nothing about except their face and nationality was no different from looking for Mr. Kim in Seoul. The person he’d constantly wandered around through the SNS of others he had no interest in, thinking that with that level of appearance they’d definitely stand out—to think they’d appear in such an unexpected place like this. And walking in with their own feet into a program his cousin was producing seemed like a miracle.
“Ha…”
Yuwon glared at the man in the photo and sneered.
“…Yoon Sungjin, Yoon Sungjin.”
The affection and curiosity he’d once held while wandering around looking for him for years had long since turned into spite and resentment. Yuwon’s purpose was only one. To meet Sungjin again, deceive him by pretending to still long for him, pretending to even love him, seduce him, and then when he became attached to him, take only his body and leave. He planned to heartlessly abandon him the moment he mistakenly thought he had him.
You’ll understand when you experience the same thing. What kind of humiliation and sense of betrayal he had bestowed upon him that day. What the price was for mocking him who had naively fallen in love thinking he was a bit different.
After staring at Sungjin’s face for a long time, Yuwon discovered the slightly indented dimple next to the left corner of his mouth and scoffed.
“Look forward to it, Mr. Yoon Sungjin. It’ll be fun.”
What kind of face will he make when he faces the person he screwed over 3 years ago in front of a camera he can’t escape from? He already wanted to see that expression. He felt good with anticipation for what kind of stupid face he’d make.
***
About 2 weeks after submitting the application. Sungjin, who was spending his usual days no different from normal, was gradually feeling relieved. I don’t know how long after submitting an application you normally get contacted, but I thought they’d scout promising applicants early on. To prevent cases where their minds might change or they’d appear on other programs, that is.
So the fact that he hadn’t been contacted until now, which felt like a month had passed, probably meant he’d been eliminated, didn’t it? Sungjin prayed that would please be the case.
Let’s just go quietly like this. Quietly. Having already sold the gift card he’d received to a neighborhood resident and exchanged it for living expenses, Sungjin was gradually even forgetting the fact that he’d applied.
On such a peaceful weekday afternoon. A message like a bolt from the blue flew to Sungjin’s number.
010-XXXX-XXXX
<Cool&Beauty (COOL&BEAUTY)> First Round Successful Applicant Notice
[web sender]
This message has been sent to document successful applicants among <Cool&Beauty (COOL&BEAUTY)> applicants. Document successful applicants should access the link below and select an offline meeting schedule they can attend…
What is this? He couldn’t believe it even seeing it with his eyes. Sungjin avoided the result and pretended not to see the message for about an hour. I guess these days they send separate messages to failed applicants too. Haha. While he was desperately averting his eyes and focusing on work, soon a call came from the same number.
Ugh. Sungjin screamed inwardly and jumped up from his seat in surprise lest his colleagues hear, running to an empty conference room. Then he immediately locked the door and answered the phone.
“Wh-what is this about?”
When Sungjin responded while extremely tense, a cheerful female voice was heard.
―Hello, is this Mr. Yoon Sungjin himself?
Sungjin answered while squeezing his eyes shut with the feeling that what had to come had come.
“Yes, yes… that’s correct.”
―Nice to meet you. I’m PD Lee Yurim in charge of producing Cool&Beauty that you applied for. Do you have a moment to talk?
He almost inadvertently answered “No,” but Sungjin barely held onto his mental thread.
“Ah, yes yes… A moment should be fine. I’m at work right now.”
Then the other party answered in surprise.
―Ah~! You’re currently employed at YUCAN, right? Since our main sponsor is YUCAN, we really wanted at least one participant from among YUCAN employees if possible, and I was so happy that there was such a perfect applicant like you, Sungjin. A text notice about the offline meeting should have been sent just a moment ago—did you happen to check it?
He’d seen it but wanted to ignore it pretending he hadn’t. Since he couldn’t answer that bluntly, Sungjin demonstrated quick thinking and squeezed out a socially acceptable answer.
“Ah, yes… I just checked it now.”
When he answered appropriately with clouded eyes, the other party’s excited voice flowed out.
―Ah, you checked it? Since we have a lot of people going through meetings, you need to fill out a form for the schedule. Could I ask you to input it when you have time?
“Ah, yes. I’ll do it right away.”
―It’s just a simple interview, so you can come without feeling too burdened.
“Yes, I understand.”
―Yesss, then I’ll be waiting. Have a great day!
“Yes, thank you.”
The call didn’t continue very long. As soon as the call ended, Sungjin crouched down and clutched his head. Should I ask if I can withdraw my application even now? Should I make up some excuse saying that appearing has become difficult due to personal circumstances?
However, he didn’t know if it was okay to cancel at this point. Won’t everyone be troubled because of me? I’ll seem like a weird person. He didn’t even want to imagine what would be said at the company. All kinds of painful suppositions and imaginings followed one after another.
“……”
I can’t do it. He absolutely couldn’t call again and say that it seemed impossible now. Please let me fail at the interview. Please. There are so many handsome men and beautiful women in Korea—how could someone like him be selected?
Sungjin prayed earnestly and clicked the link that came via text. Then he checked the schedule he could make time for and completed the form.
Why did I pass the document screening? He belatedly wanted to cry. However, he still had work piled up like a mountain, and there was no time to soothe his gloomy feelings for an office worker in this harsh society.
“Let’s just work…”
Sungjin left the conference room with dead eyes and returned to his desk. Other colleagues asked in passing if something was wrong, but as always, he only returned the same answer with the gentle smile of a working professional.
“No, I’m fine though? Do I look tired?”
***
The offline meeting proceeded right away that weekend. Why does it have to be the weekend? Well, other people would be office workers at companies other than YUCAN, so it would be a schedule considerate of them, but Sungjin felt slightly wronged.
I’m employed at the sponsor company, so all schedules related to program appearances can be taken as paid leave. Having to use my precious weekend for an interview is such a waste. I didn’t even apply because I really wanted to appear in the first place.
Arriving at the production company office while swallowing complaints inwardly while muttering to himself, Sungjin soon changed his mind.
“Hello, Mr. Yoon Sungjin. I’m PD Lee Yurim from Studio Light. Nice to meet you.”
The PD who introduced himself as Yurim seemed to be around Sungjin’s age. Having greeted him energetically, he soon brought up the main point.
“…so I think it would be good if you, Sungjin, could take on this kind of role in our program.”
The keywords printed on the proposal he presented were as follows:
[Sincerity] [Family-oriented] [Caring] [Warmth] [Seriousness]
“Ah, yes.”
They’re already establishing a character at the interview stage? He’d thought it would just be like an interview, but it was more full-fledged than expected, which was flustering. Well, since it’s a project with large-scale capital investment, they wouldn’t just roughly bring anyone, lock them up, and say, “You guys figure out how to make content among yourselves.” But my appearance hasn’t even been confirmed yet?
In any case, the character in the proposal Yurim presented wasn’t much different from the image Sungjin himself pursued.
