“Have other cute things before it’s too late. There are so many better things than you think.”
“……”
“Hyung, you’re late, Yeongwon.”
“I’m not late. This is just the beginning.”
“……”
“I saw a video yesterday of hyung acting cute in front of the camera too. You did it better than when you were young?”
It meant that there’d be plenty of cute and fresh things around him just like Yeongwon, so look around at those, but it was an unexpected answer.
“Where did you go around watching such things again?”
“Being clumsy is of course cute too. But cute behavior by peers is actually not very appealing to others of the same age.”
“……”
“I started finding hyung, who was twenty, cute when I was ten, so isn’t it natural that my standards got higher as I grew? I’ve experienced it all, so how can I go down? That’s boring.”
He’d already experienced the loveliness that freshness gives for a long time, and it was time to gradually move on to feeling mature loveliness.
At the moment when he should be feeling new charms, if he returned to feelings already full to bursting, naturally there’d be no interest.
Moreover, when the most lovable person in the world was beside him, how could other people’s cuteness catch his eye?
There was no reason to deliberately view negatively the unique atmosphere that comes from age. He was the type who wanted others to see him that way too.
Additionally, he didn’t hope to be seen as older than his age. He wanted to digest well roles that fit his image, then naturally transition when the atmosphere changed.
It wasn’t that the outwardly visible image had to be treated a certain way, but that he wanted it to be felt that way.
Jiseo’s claim about age was also his outwardly visible image. Inwardly, Yeongwon firmly thought he and Jiseo were similar.
He had fulfilled his physical age and Jiseo had fulfilled his dream age. The promise to be together when grown was matched to their mutual common standard.
Jiseo could seize Yeongwon at any time if he just swallowed a little pity, but Yeongwon with bound feet had to endure ten years of becoming an adult without budging.
In that regard, the one who was far more urgent was Yeongwon. So it inevitably had to match his standards.
It was regrettable that he could only give ten years to pursue dreams, but getting married wouldn’t block Jiseo’s path forward.
“Even if we get married, I can always understand when hyung is busy. Once filming starts, you can’t see each other properly for months.”
“Why would you try to marry someone like that?”
Yeongwon burst into laughter unknowingly at Jiseo’s words that immediately followed like a rebuttal. He seemed to have momentarily forgotten what Yeongwon’s profession was.
“I’m that kind of person too, so what does it matter?”
“……”
“Even if I meet an ordinary person, it’s the same, hyung.”
“If we meet each other, three months of not seeing becomes six months. Is that good?”
“Yes! Because I’ll be able to understand twice as well.”
Whether Yeongwon had been firmly gritting his teeth, he countered Jiseo’s words without losing a single point. Then at this point, he asked Jiseo again in a serious tone.
“Is the reason hyung won’t marry me because you don’t like me? I’m asking properly again.”
“Because you’re young.”
“Then can we date? Or can’t you even do that? Do you really only see me as a younger sibling?”
At the whisper as if dying of frustration, Jiseo let out a sigh mixed with a faint laugh.
He, who had been lightly tapping the table, stretched out both hands and gently brushed Yeongwon’s face. Then he added in a gentle but firm voice.
“I think I can do it when you’re around thirty.”
“……”
“Whether dating or marriage.”
“Then stamp it first. Let’s announce it later.”
“Even if it’s a problem to be tied to hyung in any relationship. No.”
No matter how much he asked, Jiseo only put forward the reason that Yeongwon was young. Yet at the bold claim he couldn’t ignore, he took a step back for a moment. Right. Conceding a hundred times, he could pull the line to up to dating.
“Dating is possible. This too will take a lot of time. But what you want is……”
“To get married and then date.”
“We have a conflict of opinion from the start.”
“It’s not a conflict. Hyung is just unilaterally not keeping the promise.”
It was clearly Jiseo’s fault for not keeping the promise with Yeongwon. It was also clearly his fault for not actively breaking it, thinking it could be passed over as just a childhood promise.
Of course, there was a way to apologize. Or keep the promise. However, his heart that cherished Yeongwon absolutely couldn’t follow, blocking it.
But he didn’t even jokingly say childishly, “Why were you born later than me?” Anyway, even if he did, Yeongwon would immediately counter with “Why were you born earlier than me?”
“I was born late to give hyung time.”
He didn’t know how Yeongwon knew, but he spat out exactly the words Jiseo had kept only to himself inwardly. It seemed it had somehow shown in his eyes unconsciously.
“Hyung is also twenty and I’m also twenty. But I say let’s get married right away. What would hyung do? If we both equally promised when young?”
“I’d have to do it. Because we promised.”
“If that were the case, I’d become a real thief, using an old promise as an excuse to marry a twenty-year-old with a bright future ahead. Do you know how fortunate it is that hyung has aged? Of course, I’m still a thief now too. Because I’m taking hyung who’s only thirty.”
“……”
“Compared to that, now I only have to feel a little guilty.”
At words that weren’t meant as teasing but contained sincerity, Jiseo ultimately had no choice but to shake his head and hold his forehead.
Did Yeongwon know what he was saying? That he was spitting out exactly what he wanted to say.
“You’re telling hyung to be a thief?”
At the playfully whispered words, Yeongwon furrowed his brow as if asking what that meant. Seeing that, Jiseo once again let out a long breath and shook his head.
He absolutely couldn’t narrow the difference of opinion between Yeongwon and himself. With only objectively visible facts, his words were clearly correct, but Yeongwon seemed unable to accept it.
He might understand with his head, but not with his heart. Because what he considered precious and what Jiseo considered precious were different.
“People all know I really like hyung. I haven’t been asked what my ideal type is, but I also said I debuted as an actor influenced by hyung.”
“Didn’t everyone think it was because we’ve known each other since you were a baby, because we’re close?”
“They know I like you. They might not know if it’s because you’re an old marriage partner, but they know I like you with fan sentiment.”
“They only know it’s fan sentiment.”
“The grain is the same. And I couldn’t say it properly because I didn’t have the qualifications then.”
“Qualifications?”
He became curious about what qualifications he’d lacked while so openly saying he liked him. Looking at his bold actions, it absolutely didn’t seem like he’d say such words himself.
Despite having already said it, Yeongwon couldn’t easily bring it out and only moved his lips.
“I mean……”
“……”
“No, because I was young. Because it was like that then. I’m a minor, and if I sincerely say I like hyung who’s an adult, the relationship is kind of like that. It’s not a problem for me but could be a problem for hyung.”
“……”
“Now it’s not, so I can be confident. I endured because of this too. Anyway, I could say it if I waited just a little.”
Because he really liked Jiseo, he hadn’t even accidentally let slip from his own mouth that his ideal type was him. Because he didn’t want a label attached that would put him in a difficult position.
“Promises exist to be kept.”
“I’ll keep it. In ten years.”
“No……”
At the firm answer that fell without frills and unchangingly, a sigh containing frustration burst from between Yeongwon’s teeth.
In his life, he’d almost never thought Jiseo’s stubbornness was strong. Come to think of it, it seemed to be because Jiseo had always matched him. If he’d been someone difficult to coordinate with, creating conflicts in everything, he would have clashed with him earlier in the process toward the promise.
If that had happened, what kind of talk would have gone back and forth? Perhaps they would have set an exact promise date.
He hadn’t been deeply involved in Jiseo’s life during that time. Even so, he’d never said with his own mouth that it was okay for Jiseo to meet someone else during the time until he became an adult.
It was fortunate he hadn’t heard talk of Jiseo meeting anyone during that time.
He’d never once imagined someone standing beside Jiseo. Nor had he ever thought of a case where he came to like someone.
For the first time, just setting up Jiseo in his mind and merely looking at him, everything was hateful. He hated even thinking of any case. Even though he’d done nothing, resentment already surged.
“Then how am I supposed to live for a whole ten years?”
