I’d been pretending to be fine, comforting myself that I was okay alone, deceiving myself well, but the moment I faced reality, I lost confidence.
Should I have confessed everything to Yoo Seonjae and looked for a solution? But if I did that, the baby…
I thought it would have been better if Yoo Seonjae loved me less. Me, who wants to protect the baby, and Yoo Seonjae, for whom I come before the baby.
Because I know Yoo Seonjae’s heart better than anyone, I can’t return to him. Even if I’m healthy, I can’t guarantee the baby’s safety, and if I’m in danger because of the baby, Yoo Seonjae will mercilessly get rid of the baby and try to save me.
I can’t let that happen.
It’s funny, but I had a baseless certainty. That both I and the baby would be safe. But it takes time until that happens. Ironically, I don’t have the certainty that Yoo Seonjae will wait for that time. I hate myself for saying I like him, saying I love him, but not being able to fully trust Yoo Seonjae.
“Baby, I’m sorry. Daddy is too weak.”
I wish I were dominant. Born with a healthy constitution so I could accept something like pregnancy without any trouble.
The water’s already been spilled. It was me who chose to run away without telling Yoo Seonjae. So I have to take responsibility for my choice.
“So, baby. You need to stay attached well too. We have to go see Daddy together later.”
After spending a week in Yeongjong Island, I went down to Taean. I wanted to go somewhere farther, but this time too, my physical condition didn’t cooperate.
Whenever I got in a car, I had severe motion sickness. Even though I’m normally the type who never gets motion sickness, whenever I got in a car, all kinds of smells stimulated my sense of smell and made me want to vomit. As if I shouldn’t get any farther away from Yoo Seonjae.
Around that time, I started reacting sensitively to other alphas’ pheromones. Normally, even if I felt alpha pheromones, I was fine, but now if I smelled even a little alpha pheromone, nausea immediately rose.
I thought it was just dry heaving like motion sickness. Just like getting motion sick whenever I got in a car, my sense of smell had just become a bit sensitive.
But before long, I realized it wasn’t simple motion sickness, and I almost stopped going outside during the day.
Every day in an empty room, I thought. About the day the baby would be born safely and I’d return to Yoo Seonjae. I wanted to tell Yoo Seonjae then. That even though everyone said it was difficult, I safely gave birth. That your and my child is smiling this brightly. So now, let’s put down the guilt that his father died because of him, and let’s share the self-blame about Dr. Yeonwoo and Hyung Yeongjae’s matter.
“Yeah. I have to do well for that.”
I have to hold on tight without ever letting go.
“Ah, come to think of it, I haven’t given our baby a name.”
I wanted to give a good prenatal name. Actually, I wanted to name it together with Yoo Seonjae, but since I wouldn’t meet Yoo Seonjae until the baby was born, I had to name it alone.
“What would be good…”
The contemplation wasn’t that long.
“Choco. Should I go with Choco?”
That day, in the dream I had on the day I conceived the baby, young Yoo Seonjae handed me chocolate. The small golden chocolate I’d forgotten.
“Right, Choco. That was you.”
Young Yoo Seonjae’s face came to mind and I smiled without realizing it. Smiling like that, I cried a little again. I miss him. Can I… do well until the end?
“No. I have to do well. I must.”
I pulled myself together and smiled in front of the mirror.
Whenever my condition seemed a bit better, I took that opportunity to move. Thinking I shouldn’t stay in one place too long, I tried to move residences quickly, but it wasn’t as easy as I thought.
On nights when I moved for a long time, I was invariably tormented by pain. The pain I didn’t notice during the day when I was fully tense consumed my whole body at night.
“Haa, ugh…”
I moaned every night, struggling with pain like being stabbed all over with needles. Even when I thought I should take painkillers, I just endured for days thinking it might be bad for the baby, and eventually, the day I fainted in an empty room and was taken to the hospital, I learned that I had imprinted on Yoo Seonjae.
“Han Yeoul-ssi.”
“Yes.”
“You’ve imprinted. Where is your partner alpha now?”
“Imprinted… you say?”
“You didn’t know? Well, seeing that the baby has no major problems, this baby’s father must be the imprinting partner.”
“Imprinting partner…”
“If you don’t receive pheromone showers, it will probably get harder. Where is the baby’s father now?”
At the doctor’s question, my mind went blank. Imprinting. We always avoided imprinting. Extreme heat and extreme dominance. In cases where there’s such a severe trait disparity, everyone says the recessive side is disadvantaged when imprinted, but when you think about it, the side with trait superiority loses more. I would be the one suffering extreme pain, but in exchange for that pain, I would ultimately take away a lot from Yoo Seonjae.
Not only would his condition collapse, but in severe cases, his trait type could even change.
“Um, Doctor. Could it be mutual imprinting?”
“Well. I can’t know for now. Since the partner hasn’t been tested. But if I had to guess, it’s highly likely to be mutual. Since Han Yeoul-ssi is extreme heat, naturally.”
Extreme heat, so naturally. I knew well the meaning hidden behind those words. The trait type that’s more affected by pheromones moves more actively.
That’s survival instinct.
If Yoo Seonjae also imprinted on me, then because I’m not beside him, he’s also suffering this pain.
“Fortunately—”
The doctor spoke to me without taking their eyes off the chart.
“Because Han Yeoul-ssi is currently pregnant, you’ve accumulated a fair amount of your imprinting partner’s pheromones in your body.”
“What does that mean?”
“Normally, when you imprint, you need to continuously receive your partner’s pheromone showers for a while, but it means you can skip that process. Of course, your body will be harder. It seems like you frequently received pheromone showers from your partner alpha even normally.”
“…”
So the doctor’s words meant that to the extent I received pheromone showers from Yoo Seonjae, I was accumulating his pheromones in my body? Because of pregnancy?
“You said it’s recently become hard to smell alpha pheromones, right?”
“Yes.”
“Didn’t you think it was strange?”
“Huh? What…”
Wasn’t it just a pheromone reaction happening because of pregnancy?
“Normally, to omegas, alpha pheromones are an attractive scent, not a disgusting one.”
“That’s… right.”
“But Han Yeoul-ssi feels that pheromone scent as disgusting.”
Certainly, whenever I smelled alpha pheromones, my stomach churned and I felt bad. I hadn’t smelled many alpha pheromones besides Yoo Seonjae’s normally, so I’m not certain, but I probably would have thought of it pleasantly. Since it’s a physiological phenomenon.
“Han Yeoul-ssi’s body contains your imprinting partner’s pheromones.”
“Imprinting partner’s pheromones…”
“Those pheromones are pushing away other alphas’ pheromones. There’s no way you’d like pheromones of the same trait type, right?”
“Ah.”
I almost laughed. Yoo Seonjae’s pheromones contained in me were beating away other alphas, and even that was so like Yoo Seonjae.
“If possible, it’s better not to use medication, but take it when you really can’t stand it. I’ll write you a prescription.”
“Yes, thank you.”
“Ah, and if it’s probably mutual—”
If it’s mutual?
“Han Yeoul-ssi will continuously pull your partner.”
“Pull them?”
“Since you’re extreme heat, your partner’s trait is probably more superior. Extreme heat omegas have a tendency to match their internal pheromone concentration to other omegas’ standards. To do that, you’d need your imprinted alpha. The only one who can amplify an extreme heat omega’s pheromones is the imprinting partner.”
“Ah…”
“Right now, Han Yeoul-ssi is in a situation where you need your imprinting partner beside you. So you have no choice but to continuously pull them.”
“Even though my pheromone levels are low and there’s almost no scent, is that possible?”
“That’s what makes imprinting so scary. They try to fill each other’s lacking parts.”
Then I’ll take away everything Yoo Seonjae has. Because Yoo Seonjae lacks nothing.
“Even if you’re far apart, they’ll know intuitively. They might not feel it themselves, but in the end, they’ll know. Where their imprinting partner is.”
Pulling them without even being aware of it myself, ultimately making them come to my side? As soon as I heard the doctor’s words, I thought I should move residences. Regardless of my condition, if I didn’t move residences frequently, we’d eventually meet.
