“The school contacted me. They asked me to let them know whether he’d be returning to school or taking another leave of absence. They said they sent emails and texts to the person in question, but nothing was submitted by the deadline, so they called.”
Mother, who hadn’t been able to contact Jisu well even after his leave of absence, had let it slide thinking he must be busy with work, but after receiving the call from school, she hurriedly went up to Seoul to find Jisu.
But Jisu wasn’t living in the one-room apartment his parents had gotten for him. Mother was flabbergasted when the building owner said he’d moved out over a year ago. Every month when she sent rent and allowance money, he’d sent a thank-you text saying he’d received it well, so if he’d moved, there was no reason not to tell her.
When Mother finally got through to Jisu and asked what had happened, Jisu reacted as if it was no big deal.
- I’m living with a friend at their place. Their parents immigrated.
‘Even so, why didn’t you say anything until now?’
- I was busy working during that time. And when I was about to tell you, Dad collapsed, so I missed the timing.
She had a lot to say, but the kid treated it so lightly that she just let that matter go.
Because there was a more important issue remaining.
‘By the way, why didn’t you return to school? Isn’t your work finished?’
- Ah! Right. I forgot.
He really seemed surprised.
‘This kid. Is that something to forget?’
- I’m sorry, Mom. I’ll apply to return to school right away.
‘You weren’t like this before. You’re worrying Mom.’
- Oh, come on, Mom. Don’t you know me? I’m Mom’s son, Yoon Jisu.
He acted coy with playful banter.
Mother calmed her startled heart.
‘Tell me the address of the place you moved to. Mom will go there. I need to see how you’re living.’
But Jisu adamantly refused. His reason was that he was staying at a friend’s place and didn’t want to burden them unnecessarily. Since he was so serious about it, she had no choice but to meet him outside, and that’s when she noticed her youngest son had changed somehow.
“I should have caught it properly then… I was too complacent.”
Jiwon couldn’t follow what Mother was saying at all.
“Mom, so what happened to Jisu? He took a leave of absence, worked at a company, then returned to school, right? How does a kid like that become a wreck? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Mother had always been the type to take anything related to Jisu seriously. Even a single scrape would have her carrying him to the emergency room.
At the time, that was a thought made without knowing the severity of the situation at all.
“A year ago, Jisu didn’t return to school—he dropped out.”
“What? Our Jisu?”
Jiwon doubted his own ears.
If he’d returned to school last year, he’d be a senior this year and would graduate in just one more year. Moreover, it was ridiculous to think that his younger brother—a model student among model students, not someone like Jiwon—would drop out without saying a single word to his family.
“Mom, you’re talking about Jisu, right?”
He laughed.
“Come on, Mom, say something that makes sense. Did Jisu drink a lot? He’s dropping out? That bastard, I need to beat him once.”
“Jiwon.”
Mother quietly stared at Jiwon. Her eyes had already reddened, and tears flowed.
“The kid… our Jisu isn’t normal.”
She sobbed.
“What should we do about our Jisu?”
Only then did he instinctively realize it wasn’t simply a school problem.
Jiwon couldn’t just sit there. He wanted to confirm it with his own two eyes. What on earth had happened to his younger brother, to that kid.
He immediately kicked back his chair and strode toward Jisu’s room. Mother followed Jiwon and tried to stop him.
“He’s sleeping. Talk to him later when he wakes up.”
“I’ll hear what he has to say first.”
Jiwon brushed off Mother’s restraint and flung open the door.
“Hey, Yoon Jisu! Get up, you bastard!”
The smell of alcohol pervaded the room. That wasn’t all. The stench of urine was unbearable. It was similar to the smell he’d encountered when cracking down on homeless people at Seoul Station.
Convinced that this smell absolutely couldn’t be coming from his younger brother, he immediately went to the window and threw it open. Along with a loud rushing of wind, cold air came flooding in.
“Not getting up?”
He kicked his younger brother with his foot.
“What did you do so well that you’re sleeping? Get up!”
He pulled back the blanket, then held his breath—hup.
The source of the unpleasant smell really was his younger brother.
His clothes were dirty, his body smelled disgusting, and his hair was matted and tangled wildly from not washing for who knows how many days. There was even gum stuck in the tangled hair.
Jiwon froze in shock.
That kid can’t be my younger brother Jisu.
“Jiwon, stop it. He can’t get up anyway.”
Mother pulled Jiwon back.
“What… why, why can’t he get up?”
“He took sleeping pills. So come out quickly.”
Mother closed the window and dragged Jiwon outside. Jiwon, who had been standing firm, reluctantly left the room.
“Sleeping pills?”
He looked back at Mother.
“He said he couldn’t sleep for three days.”
“Who said that?”
“He went to the hospital on his own feet. Said he couldn’t sleep, asked for medicine. They called me from there.”
Mother burst into tears again.
“What should we do about our Jisu?”
She covered her face with both hands.
“Mom, really. Why are you crying? Don’t you know Jisu? Maybe studying was hard for him. Could be he’s having a belated adolescence.”
Jiwon hugged and comforted Mother.
He said they’d raised Jisu too comfortably, that he was just now acting his age, and defended Jisu instead.
But inside, he still couldn’t accept his younger brother’s change. He absolutely wasn’t a kid who would become like that.
Our Jisu, my younger brother, wasn’t a child who wouldn’t wash himself until he smelled of urine.
From childhood, he’d washed well, almost to the point of having a cleanliness obsession, and he was a kid who would openly frown at bad smells. He was a kid who would hold his nose even when Jiwon came home after playing and sweating with friends.
But there, lying down, was a homeless person wearing his younger brother’s face.
It felt like being possessed by a ghost.
Could there have been a schizophrenia patient in our family?
The vast majority of schizophrenia cases developed between the twenties and thirties. There was one among Jiwon’s middle school classmates too, and there were more than a few in the neighborhood where Jiwon lived. They were also among those he met constantly, at all hours, when working at the district police station.
When he asked carefully, Mother shook her head.
“It’s not that.”
She seemed to know something more, but Mother absolutely wouldn’t tell him.
“For now, will you wash him? Change his clothes too. Even if he’s my son that I gave birth to, I can’t wash a fully grown boy.”
That was also the real reason Mother had called Jiwon. The only man she could entrust her youngest son to.
Father wasn’t flexible enough to accept Jisu’s change. He’d never understood his pretty son who was excessively well-behaved and concerned with cleanliness his whole life, but he was also someone who would absolutely not tolerate that son smelling like a homeless person.
“Okay, Mom. I’ll wash him well.”
“Can you find the towels?”
“Mom, really. I’ve lived in this house my whole life. Go inside and rest. You’re in the way.”
Jiwon pushed Mother into the master bedroom and closed the door.
Then he stood in the hallway for a while, catching his breath.
He was still flabbergasted about what on earth had happened. It didn’t feel real.
Let’s just wash him like Mom said.
He wouldn’t know the whole story until his younger brother woke up tomorrow, so worrying alone wouldn’t help. That wasn’t his personality either.
Jiwon found the watering can Mother had gotten to water the flowerpots, then prepared old towels that could be thrown away and underwear for him to change into.
Then he went to his younger brother’s room and opened the window again. It would be cold for a bit, but getting rid of the smell was the priority. Since he was just wiping down his body anyway, he should be able to endure this much wind.
With rubber-gloved hands, he stripped off his younger brother’s clothes and dry-heaved several times.
It seemed his younger brother had defecated and urinated while wearing his clothes.
He can’t be in his right mind, he believed. This is definitely a precursor symptom of schizophrenia.
Even his body, which had nothing left but bones despite his 178cm height, seemed like evidence of that. There was no way the kid who’d been interested in his physique and consistently did muscle training would have neglected himself to this extent.
I was too indifferent, he reproached himself.
After spending nearly two hours carefully wiping down his younger brother’s body, Jiwon changed him into clean underwear and pajamas, then replaced the bedding with new ones. Then he put the trash from his younger brother’s body into a garbage bag and headed to the apartment’s recycling area.
It seemed he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep easily. He felt suffocated. After walking around the apartment complex in the cold wind, he eventually bought a pack of cigarettes at the convenience store.
It was his first time since quitting after learning to smoke for style a few years ago. Cough, cough—he kept coughing because of the spicier flavor than expected, but even that was brief; he quickly got used to it. After smoking two cigarettes in a row right there, he returned home.
No matter how much he washed, the smell wouldn’t go away. It felt like his younger brother’s stench had stuck to him. Only after washing and washing again until his skin turned red did he return to his room and lie down.
Then the thought crossed his mind that going to work tomorrow would probably be difficult. Despite the late hour, he called his team leader.
His younger brother was sick.
He might have to take a few days off.
He was going crazy from exhaustion, but sleep wouldn’t come.
If my younger brother really has schizophrenia, then will I develop it someday too?
In that state, marriage would be impossible.
How should I bring it up to my girlfriend?
Selfishly, he only thought of himself.
He fell asleep exhausted from worrying about his own future.
I wish all of this had been a dream.
I wish it had just ended as a simple incident.
And he really thought it would.
No one knew it was just the beginning—not even that kid.
