Kang Ikwon’s eyes expressionlessly aimed at the wrist Jed was pulling like a muzzle tracking a target. But unlike Teo’s worry, that day—nothing happened. Instead of firing, Kang Ikwon lowered his gun and obediently let them go. At least that’s how it looked on the surface.
***
[Eden.]
Jed called him hesitantly. It was a cautious attitude unfamiliar even to himself. Kang Ikwon stood at the window, looking outside without even turning his back.
“Hey. Kang Ikwon….”
Jed called his Korean name, which he rarely used. The motionless back finally turned around slowly. At the look in Kang Ikwon’s eyes when they met, Jed stopped breathing for a moment.
[Jed.]
When the drunk Jed first crawled into the bed of Kang Ikwon, who was still a teenager, instead of being flustered, he demanded a concrete explanation of gay sex. After listening seriously, what he said while tearing open a condom was ‘Let’s experiment.’ That experiment was, surprisingly, fantastically good. However, when Jed, who’d planned to end it as a one-time thing, got serious and proposed they alternate top and bottom going forward, Kang Ikwon flatly refused without room for reconsideration.
‘You just want good sex?’
‘I don’t want to do it with you enough to endure that troublesome process and unwilling feelings.’
Kang Ikwon answered, looking dryly at the bristling Jed.
‘If it doesn’t match your interests, quit.’
And in New York, drinking is still illegal at your age. He advised the senior two years older who’d just finished having sex with him. It was a gaze with less affection than looking at a cadaver in biology class.
After that, Kang Ikwon’s eyes looking at him had never changed even once. Kang Ikwon’s wall—expressionless, inorganic, fastidiously accepting only appropriate limits. The interest he had in him was always a convenience between appropriate connivance and faint contempt. So something really happened to Kang Ikwon?
And with me as the opponent?
“That… yesterday, he’s the one I’m dating now.”
He’d laughed off Park Seoyun’s words, but he’d been bewildered ever since Kang Ikwon had suddenly demanded the hotel room number from Moon Jaeyoung and barged in, and when even Teo seriously advised him, he was truly shocked. The expression fierce as a hellhound even from afar was still vivid in his eyes. Still bewildered, Jed stammered and spouted anything.
“Isn’t he, isn’t he cute?”
Kang Ikwon’s eyes narrowed and something wriggled inside them. Jed rambled incoherently and eventually spat out rapidly in English.
[I mean, I really like him.]
So I can’t accept your feelings. Those words were blocked before they could come out. Kang Ikwon grabbed Jed’s chin and lifted it. Unlike his sharpened eyes, his smiling lips and voice were gentle.
[Is that what you should be saying to me right now?]
[Uh… Eden, I honestly don’t really understand why you’re doing this.]
Jed said honestly. He had no conscience, but he wasn’t a cowardly or cunning man.
[We don’t care about this kind of thing between us, right?]
[Then,]
Kang Ikwon’s hand moved past his chin down to his throat. His fingers circled slowly with a cold metallic quality, like a key searching for an entrance.
[Are you and that man in a serious relationship?]
[I’ve never really thought about it that way? Ugh!]
In an instant, Kang Ikwon’s hand pressed down tightly on his Adam’s apple, choking. Jed, who’d staggered with his breath completely cut off, coughed.
[Cough… what are you doing?]
[Sorry. I lost control of my strength for a moment.]
Before he could pick up on the subtle nuance hidden in that calm voice, Kang Ikwon changed the subject.
[How did you meet that person?]
[…Why?]
[Just.]
Kang Ikwon walked back to the window. After a brief pause, he added:
[Curious.]
[…Last summer I came to Korea for work and was introduced.]
Jed answered, rubbing his throat with a voice still tinged with wariness.
[Because Dan’s friend’s lover’s regular bar owner is Jin’s friend.]
[How fortunate you met.]
[What?]
[Don’t mind it and continue.]
Kang Ikwon shoved his hands in his pockets and looked outside again. For someone who’d asked the question first, he looked uninterested.
[Actually, this was the place where we almost first met last year.]
[…Really?]
[Back then we each had different partners so we missed each other. So doesn’t it feel more like fate?]
Jed, absorbed in romantic sentiments, didn’t notice Kang Ikwon’s back stiffen as he turned away.
[No, I don’t believe in that kind of thing.]
Kang Ikwon answered after a moment. Jed snickered without paying attention to that sunken voice. Even Jed thought the idea of Kang Ikwon believing in love and fate was as funny as himself being abstinent.
Unlike his affectionate behavior, the displeasure rising from Kang Ikwon’s back grew increasingly thick and impossible to hide. The room’s air grew heavy along with that dark energy. The murderous glare that had been fixed on them was still vivid, so Jed watched carefully, then tried to make him give up by extolling Jin’s loveliness.
[Eden, Jin is really, really wonderful. I’m head over heels for him. You don’t believe some weird rumor, do you?]
[Rumor?]
[That Jin deliberately only chooses men who already have partners to date.]
[First I’m hearing of it.]
[He really hates people who cheat! He always says bastards like that should be paid back in kind.]
[Then aren’t you in danger too?]
Kang Ikwon said in a flat tone. Jed waved his hands vigorously.
[It’s fine because I only see Jin in Korea.]
[So you’re saying you deceived him.]
[I just respected his values. Jin’s dictionary doesn’t include sex partners, you know.]
Jed confessed innocently.
[After having sex, Jin only has two choices. Date or end it. There’s no ‘just keep having sex.’ I didn’t want to end it as a one-night stand, and Jin got a lover, so in the end everyone became happy.]
[Certainly it would be hard to be honest in that situation.]
[Right?]
Relieved by the unexpectedly understanding agreement, Jed had no idea what Kang Ikwon was thinking inside, what he was suppressing to produce that calm voice. After going on about his lover for a while, Jed stopped when he realized there was no response coming back. Normally he’d worry if the other person was offended, but Jed wasn’t a normal person. He asked brightly:
[Should I introduce you? If you meet him, I’m sure you’ll definitely like him too.]
Kang Ikwon’s shoulders, which had been settled cold and quiet like a snowy mountain, moved.
[What would you introduce me as?]
[A friend.]
Jed said as if it were obvious. Kang Ikwon sat on the windowsill and crossed his arms.
[How about we change that relationship?]
Jed, who didn’t understand immediately, blinked and looked at Kang Ikwon.
[…What?]
[I realized something from this incident. How fickle and absurd emotions are.]
[What?]
[Believing something is yours and cherishing it, then having someone else get their hands on it—feels really fucking shitty, I’m saying.]
Kang Ikwon’s voice was calm. The sunlight pouring in cast a backlight, making his expression unreadable.
[Eden. If I’m misunderstanding, tell me. You’re not seriously saying let’s seriously date me, are you?]
[That’s right.]
[You and me?]
[Yeah, you and me.]
[Us?]
Jed stupidly repeated the same words. In fact, it wasn’t something within the realm of comprehension either. Jed, who’d had his mouth hanging open, stammered.
[Wh-why?]
[Why, you ask.]
Kang Ikwon stood up and walked toward him. The backlight peeled away and his shadowed features were revealed. Kang Ikwon’s body felt more massive than usual. The face staring at Jed was more beautiful than the boyhood he’d first been attracted to, but strangely gave him chills. Jed stammered.
[Ah, th-then I’ll see you in New York.]
[The idea of choosing one of the two doesn’t even exist for you.]
Kang Ikwon scoffed.
[Then there’s no need for it to specifically be that man, right?]
[But Jin is… Jin is….]
Jed made a tearful face. Though Jed’s taste in choosing one-night stands was not having a taste, when it came to choosing a steady partner, he was as picky as Kang Ikwon. Normally, he’d had no intention of making what Moon Jaeyoung called a “local wife” type partner all the way in Korea, which required half a day of flying. However, he’d liked him enough to willingly bend his beliefs in the face of Cha Gyujin’s principle that sustained relationships were only possible between lovers. Jed protested to Kang Ikwon with all his might. It was a timid voice contrary to his feelings.
[Jin is special.]
[Well, there’s not just one man in the world, so it doesn’t have to be that person specifically.]
Kang Ikwon returned Moon Jaeyoung’s words to Jed.
[Or can you exchange everything with that man?]
[No.]
Jed answered without hesitation. Kang Ikwon smiled. Precisely, only his lips were pulled up and it didn’t look like a smile at all.
[I’m glad you’re this kind of bastard.]
I don’t like you making him happy, but I hate making him cry without justification even more. The fingers that had been grazing his cheek gripped both sides tightly. Though skilled at handling all firearms, Kang Ikwon, who was especially a clay shooting sharpshooter, would twist his lips in a smile instead of showing disappointment when a pigeon rarely flew past. In those eyes rising with a stronger thrill than penetrating the target was a chilling obsession that would make one not want to look back if they were his prey. And right now, the target his muzzle was aimed at was precisely—
[So end it with that man immediately.]
