Kiss of Fire
“I’m sorry.”
The afterglow of climax hadn’t even faded yet.
At the sudden apology, I flicked my lighter, lost in thought for a moment. An apology right after shaking and coming so satisfyingly. There’s only one thing that comes to mind at times like this…
“Do you have an STD or something?”
“No.”
The man slowly sat up. Even looking at him again, he had a beautifully structured frame. And paradoxically, a menacing cock.
“I have someone I’ve been seeing for a long time.”
“Hmm.”
Isn’t that usually what you’d call a lover? More importantly…
I chewed on my cigarette with my teeth before asking again.
“So?”
Instead of an answer, silence returned as he stared at me quietly. Unable to read whether it was embarrassment or observation in his expression, I ended up feeling awkward myself and scratched my forehead.
“Did I give off some vibe that I was expecting something?”
“……”
“Is this your first time doing something like this?”
“If by ‘something like this’ you mean—”
“A one-night stand.”
I pointed at the bed with my left hand. And at my naked body with my right.
“Or cheating. Either one.”
“Both are firsts.”
“Oh. That’s not an easy way to live.”
“I don’t think either is a typical experience for most people.”
“Is that so? Sorry. I was thinking by my own standards.”
I lit my cigarette and took a deep drag. His sculptural face watched me quietly through the smoke. For someone who’d just dropped their own bombshell, his eyes were remarkably calm.
“Then why did you do something you’ve never done before today?”
I grinned at the man.
“Because it’s the new year?”
“I’m not sure.”
The man pressed his fingertips together, lost in thought.
“—It wasn’t an impulsive act.”
“So there was at least some trigger for it. You fought with your lover, didn’t you?”
I asked casually while tapping off ash. Accidents caused while excited after fighting with a lover are usually like that. Keying a car, maxing out a credit card, or grabbing motel keys. As expected, the man nodded. But what came out of his mouth was somewhat unexpected.
And quite a bit more interesting than I’d anticipated.
—So when the conversation ended, I’d made the proposal.
“Then do you want to cheat with me?”
“What…?”
His dark, clear eyes blinked slowly.
“Why not? The year has changed, after all.”
I took a deep drag of my cigarette and exhaled with a smile.
“Might as well change men too.”
***
O’Bar is always open. All four seasons, year-round.
Of course, major national holidays are no exception.
I descended the stairs with a lighter step than usual. Unlike my mood, the interior held less than half the usual number of customers, sitting around gloomily.
“Oh, really getting that holiday vibe.”
“Fucking pervert.”
As I sat in my usual seat, my usual drink came out along with the insult.
“Are you here to pull that shit in my bar again?”
“What are you talking about?”
Despite my words, I blatantly scanned the bar. Familiar faces. Known faces. Boring faces. Right, an unfamiliar face. Over there too. That one… maybe, maybe not. I swallowed my beer and asked hyung.
“Have I slept with him?”
“How would I know? Write it in a diary or something.”
“New people taking the seats this year too.”
Single people on holidays are depressed. Especially if they’re gay men heading toward middle age.
So on this corner bar in Jangchung-dong that maintains its principle of opening at 4 PM and closing at 4 AM no matter what day it is, gays who didn’t go home for the holidays using work as an excuse or escaped after ancestral rites to avoid the full-scale bombardment gather, and unlike the raucous Happy New Year parties on January 1st, a deflated atmosphere hangs in the air.
But I like this shabby atmosphere.
I drank while leisurely observing the interior. Sex during this time, which holds no good memories for me either, has a quite self-destructive yet rebellious smell to it. A kind of unpleasant delicacy you deliberately seek out. More than anything, on days like this, new faces sometimes drift into this unfamiliar place to endure the boring afternoon.
Like right now, that man over there.
My eyes, which had been scanning the interior, stopped. I wasn’t the only one. Like a wave at the figure entering through the entrance, the noise disappeared in succession. It’s a rite of passage we always experience since new faces are rare, but this time an overwhelming silence flowed as if sound itself had been erased.
“Wow.”
When I finally moved my tongue, the liquor I’d been holding in my mouth spilled out. But far from being dirty, I couldn’t tell if it was saliva or alcohol—it only tasted sweet. Do optic nerves have taste buds too?
“What ‘wow’…”
Pujo hyung, who turned his head a beat late, also lost his words for a moment. The man tall enough to fill the doorway didn’t step inside but stopped and slowly looked around the interior. His perfect coat and suit, inappropriate for the holidays or this kind of bar, added to the sense of incongruity.
“Hyung, has that person been here before?”
“I don’t know… seems like his first time.”
“I think I’ve seen him somewhere. Isn’t he a celebrity?”
“This bastard thinks anyone even slightly handsome is someone he knows or a celebrity.”
We conversed with our eyes fixed on the entrance like guns aimed at a target. We weren’t the only ones, so there was nothing to be embarrassed about. Setting aside his good looks, he was a rarely seen refined man. His calm and good-natured impression was clear enough to neutralize his robust physique, and his neatly buttoned-up appearance with no ulterior motive was ascetically arousing. That prominent freshness isolated the man discordantly in the bar. Like a masterpiece hanging on a shabby wall, he didn’t fit. When the man finally took a step, everyone’s gazes moved along with him. He seemed either awkward or, conversely, so accustomed to this kind of attention that he didn’t notice it at all. I wanted to know which it was, so please come closer. As if my thoughts reached him, the man slowly walked this way. I whistled briefly.
“Telepathy worked!”
“First-time solo customers sit at the bar with 99% probability.”
Hyung, who’d quietly shot back, smiled at the man like a flower in full bloom.
“Welcome. Is this your first time?”
“One Gin Fizz, please.”
“A classic choice.”
Hyung gave some fake flattery in a pretentious greasy tone.
“Hyung, me too…”
“Please wait, customer.”
I’d slipped in my order, but now he wasn’t even looking at me.
Unfortunately, the man who’d taken a seat about three seats away ignored the gazes densely stabbing into his back and cheeks, lost in deep thought. In a way, he seemed a bit… nervous. When his large, masculine hand propped up his chin, the dim lighting cast deep shadows over the remaining area. Each time his lowered eyelashes slowly blinked, melancholy spread over the shadows.
“Your Gin Fizz.”
A glass clearly made with effort was placed in front of the man. His profile as he brought the glass to his lips and slowly tilted it to pour it in was elegantly spare. It’s rare to feel that kind of refinement from someone at first meeting. Even more so if it’s a young man my age.
I pulled myself close to hyung and whispered.
“Where did he suddenly spring from…? Have you heard any rumors?”
“Nope.”
The owner of O’Bar in Jangchung-dong, Jung-gu, Seoul, where all news arrives late, removed from the gay bar mainstream, shook his head. A glass in a very different style from the one dedicated to the man appeared in front of me. I sipped the half-hearted Gin Fizz and smacked my lips.
“Well, whatever.”
“You gonna go for it?”
“Would you not?”
I propped up my chin in the exact same pose as the man and smiled.
“I already started the moment he walked in.”
“Like he’d fall for it.”
Hyung crossed his arms and sighed.
“I’ll eat my words, but he’s not someone who’d frequent a place like this. He must have made some mistake. He’ll probably get up after just that one drink. Look at that innocent and pitiful face. He’s flustered… Ah, so cute.”
“He just looks lonely to me.”
I licked my lips.
“So I should comfort him. Hyung, wanna bet? He’ll order another drink.”
I was confident. And as if hearing my inner thoughts again, the man turned his head. Even under the dreary lighting, his dark, deep eyes looked straight at me for a moment before slowly sliding away. In that instant, my heart dropped with a thrilling thump. The man raised his empty glass toward over my shoulder.
Second order.
“Between the Sheets.”
Here I go.
I left my remaining drink and stood up. I heard hyung calling my name but didn’t look back. The moment our eyes met head-on, the weight of the challenge changed. Even for me, who seems to choose randomly, I have selection criteria. And when people choose drinks too, there’s a certain law.
“Doesn’t seem like you’re much of a heavy drinker.”
I quickly blocked the direction connecting to the hall, cutting off competitors from view first.
“Or are you not in a drinking mood?”
