Side Story: Chains

He looked up at the man with narrowly raised eyes.

A fleeting faint smile spread across the man’s lips, but it was hard to tell whether he was smiling or what.

Anxious.

Anxiety always evokes useless emotions. He thought this feeling had been buried long ago and would no longer remain. I must forget. I must absolutely forget, he endured gritting his teeth, but sometimes memories strike like hitting the brain in seizures.

“Do you like music?”

The man asks in a voice slightly softer than before.

Min, lying on the wide table, knows that at this moment he has fallen to an existence worse than raw fish. Thinking so, a wicked pleasure flowed down his spine. It was truly a strange thing. At some point, anxiety and fear came to be recognized to Min as another name for pleasure. Habits are scary. A brain imprinted through brainwashing breaks too easily. While humans are much stronger and tougher existences than thought, they are simultaneously terrifyingly weak and easily surrender.

“I’m not sure if you’ll like this kind of thing.”

The man strangely drags out his voice. Lying on the hard table, his back has been aching and starting to hurt from earlier. Min exhales evenly and places a quiet gaze back toward the man. Suddenly, a bang sound came from the speaker where he just raised the volume. It was a type of song Min was hearing for the first time.

“It’s David Bowie. Perhaps old music isn’t your taste?”

A sharp voice that seemed to scrape the lungs dug into Min’s interior. It felt like his heart was pounding even more violently.

He shook his head left and right, denying the man’s words. Music doesn’t matter either way. However, the uniquely distinctive voice didn’t feel unfamiliar somehow even though it was definitely the first time hearing it. In that voice that can’t be called good or bad, dark and sticky memories are soaked in. He had an ominous premonition. Goosebumps bloomed all over his body.

“Ah….”

The man’s hand, which had approached suddenly, roughly grabbed Min’s leg. Min, flustered by the force that lifted his lower body without warning, turned his face to the side and avoided the man’s piercing gaze. Anyway, the lower body wearing nothing would be shining obscenely under the dimly lit lighting. Min had already given up long ago on predicting his own state. He knew there was an implicit rule that once he voluntarily walked into the entrance the man opened wide, he must endure anything.

“It’s incredibly swollen. Here… completely red.”

The muttering man boldly spread the blatantly exposed hole even wider on both sides. The hole that had been holding a vibrator all day was now appropriately opened to the point where it didn’t need to be thrust into. Even if it’s not a very large size, just having such a thing stuck inside the hole gave considerable foreign sensation. 

In fact, play using tools was a method Min didn’t particularly like. No matter how skilled a partner he met, after using them indiscriminately, the ending was always bad. For several days he would be so swollen that he couldn’t even move, his bottom would be chafed, and naturally there were hygiene issues too, so from the receiving position it wasn’t a pleasant thing at all.

Nastassja.

Min’s eyes flashed open at that familiar auditory hallucination. Suddenly with a bang sound, David Bowie’s voice tangled dizzily. Min’s face, which turned pale white, became even more pallid and distorted through the flickering cracks of lightning. Grotesque fragments scattered wildly around him. A scream so large it seemed to tear burst from inside his chest. But it was a strange thing. Instead of spreading out as sound, the scream struck Min’s heart and began pounding madly. A strange pain as if his chest was tearing covered him immediately.

Nastassja.

You resemble Nastassja Kinski in her youth.

It’s truly a strange thing.

Different nationality and gender… yet the appearance in <Cat People> suits you very well.

K.

The moment he confirmed the hideous vibrator’s form gripped between the man’s fingers, Min blacked out right there.

Min didn’t know the man’s name. Of course, he couldn’t know about his occupation either.

Thoroughly keeping silent about personal privacy was the group’s rule. Not only age but occupation, where they live, even the most basic personal information like names are not shared with each other. If caught secretly exchanging private information without other members knowing, there was a strict rule that they could never participate in the gathering again.

There were only two things Min could know about the man.

His appearance with a mysterious atmosphere where age absolutely couldn’t be gauged. His neat appearance wearing black horn-rimmed glasses seems like a similar age to himself, but perhaps he might be younger or older. The uniquely intellectual and clean image somehow kept reminding him of someone he didn’t want to recall, but if looked at closely, they didn’t resemble each other that much. The man had slightly bolder lines than ‘him.’

He’s never raised his voice, but when angry, he has inherent cruelty that can present humiliation worse than that at any time. This is also a fact learned through experience. Every time they met, the man was polite and didn’t speak more than necessary. He seemed to belong to the reticent type. 

However, his personality during play changes as if he transformed into a different person. If even one thing goes against his mood, he feels a fear like every hair on his head stands white one by one about what punishment he’ll receive next. And then he gets an erection in anticipation of the next act.

Min had already given up being human long ago. Just because someone is human doesn’t mean they’re much different from beasts. Perhaps they harbor brutality closer to raw than beasts even more. Now Min has reached a state where he can enjoy such raw vividness in his own way. This is all thanks to that perverted man who told him to call him father.

If one more thing is added here, it’s that although he doesn’t know what occupation he has, he possesses enough economic power to enjoy a fairly free life.

“Do you have the leisure to think right now?”

As soon as he came to his senses again, a burning hot pain suddenly arose. He struggled with a defensive attitude, frowning. The man’s rude fingers invaded into the expanded hole. It took time to notice that fact. His head was that fuzzy. It was probably since hearing David Bowie’s music.

“Aheuk….”

A faint smile caught on the eyes of the man looking down with an expressionless gaze at Min moaning while biting his lips. Having thrust in the third finger, he began to stimulate slowly while coaxing the inside. The hole expanded by vibrator for a long time accepted the man’s fingers without difficulty. Should I try thrusting all the way to the wrist like this. 

The man’s leisurely brain turned slowly. If he twisted wildly with his large hand stuck all the way to the wrist inside the hole that’s as small and narrow as the body size, this delicate body would probably be shattered to pieces.

That wouldn’t be bad either.

Looking at Min’s body trembling palely, he made the spasming thighs spread even wider. Ueuk, the shape of the legs being forcibly spread while gritting teeth looked quite erotic and pleasing.

<It would be better to be careful if possible. I’m saying this for your sake.>

Even in the secret group that wanted anonymity and thorough privacy protection because they hated rumors, rumors still existed. The man was always at the center of those rumors. Rumors about the man were always intense and fascinating mysteries in this gathering.

<There’s talk he’s a doctor and talk he’s a lawyer belonging to a major law firm, but according to L’s investigation, all of it is false. Perhaps the rumor about being a gangster might be certain. There’s a new organization that took over the Gangnam area recently, and there’s also a theory that he’s a key executive there. Since he’s been receiving implicit protection from Seoul Mayor Jung Uisik for several years, it’s an organization that even prosecutors can’t touch. They say he’s a mid-boss level there.>

Adults’ rumors are not much different from children’s.

All rumors erupt from water channels. Trivial stories woven like gutter water mix with other filth to create huge masses.

In Min’s view, the man suited an occupation like a clean-looking civil servant or young university professor much better than a mid-boss of some new organization. The face of a serious philosopher who strongly argues for the parallel theory of spacetime. Beneath such handsomeness, the eyes looking down at Min are extremely fierce.

The man was popular befitting someone who carried countless rumors. Among the ugly waves of people who feared him yet struggled to be sold to him, Min had hesitated for a moment. Perhaps it was an emotion that could be called disillusionment. Even though he escaped from the era when he had to endure endlessly terrible situations as J and K’s plaything, he didn’t understand his own psychology that still tried to crawl along the bottom.

<I told you to be careful.>

Someone’s sharp remark flashed through Min’s mind. He too looked at Min with an expression of absolute incomprehension.

<There are stories he drives partners to a half-dead state. His hobby is to completely ruin them to the point where they can’t even have this kind of sex at all. You’ve also gone as far as you can go now. In the end, you’re the same. No different from the beasts here. As people say, you’ve been doing victim cosplay all along.>

Victim cosplay. That phrase was one of the numerous ridicules Min had received from people. Not even being a woman, having the form of a man yet being sexually abused under the same sex—is that even plausible? What obvious lies. Unable to handle your own perversion, you crawl out to secret gatherings of such trash.

He thinks he’s somewhat immune now. Like the past years panting like a beast under J and K, humans are stronger existences than thought. While also sometimes being terrifyingly immersed in self-pity. The moment he thought he was immune, blood flowed from his wounded heart. Being immune was only his own delusion.

Min wasted a whole era immersed in self-pity from wounds. Perhaps because of the pain from years that couldn’t be compensated anywhere, he developed a habit of exaggerating everything, and his persecution complex symptoms intensified. 

At the hospital he attended for counseling, he was eventually sued for defamation on charges of harboring groundless delusions about the doctor. Min still firmly believes that the medicine that doctor prescribed him contained aphrodisiac ingredients. Honestly, whatever the truth was, it didn’t matter. It was just that if he didn’t blame others and the world like that, it felt like his head would go crazy.

***

The man, looking mockingly at Min’s appearance making nasal sounds between pain and pleasure with a still unripe face like a boy, suddenly curved his finger inside the hotly loosened hole. 

In fact, judging by face alone, Min was far from the man’s taste. He preferred rough men who retained untrimmed wildness as is. He can never forget the pleasure that spreads like ecstasy when penetrating such things from behind. The reason he, who detests weak herbivores, came to have favorable feelings toward Min was because of the autobiography that was criticized and condemned by the world as ridiculous content. 

That confession book about being rolled around and sexually trained by all kinds of men while having an innocent face was enough to cause a sensation in this hypocritical society that still prioritizes Confucian order as the top priority. So, with such an impudent brat-like face at that.

At the sensation of being sharply thrust and scratched wildly, Min opened his mouth and let out a cry, ah, ah.

“Father… no, should I say daddy.”

The man’s eyes were fierce as he stirred inside the hole with a smirk. His face reflected in the flashing lightning felt terrifyingly like a demon from hell. The moment he confirmed the demonic nature dwelling in the handsome, neat face, Min trembled while feeling extreme pleasure. I definitely knew that face. The same face and similar expression. Where did I see it. Where did I see that face… Is this another obsession? Has the delusional symptom that countless hospitals diagnosed me with relapsed again.