“I’m sorry…….”
“What do you have to be sorry about, Eunha? We both know each other’s situations.”
“Still.”
My position was exactly like a shrimp getting its back blown out in a fight between whales, but most people didn’t think that way. The people in the guiding room were the same. Not everyone felt that way, but since they were the ones actually suffering the losses, things had become awkward.
“I think I’ll be commuting to the research lab for a while.”
“I figured. Given your position, I thought it would be difficult for you to commute outside the Center.”
‘Even if it’s Center property, strictly speaking, it’s still “outside,” isn’t it?’ She smiled gently, lightening the atmosphere.
“Don’t worry about this side. Even though things look like this, the workload itself has decreased.”
That was an undeniable fact. Ironically, it was because the disciplinary action against the two Espers who caused this incident played a big role.
No matter how much the Center accommodated high-grade Espers, they couldn’t let things slide without disciplining those two. The matter was too serious to handle it that way.
‘If they tried to gloss over it, the fact that Esper Hyun Yoonseo tampered with the measurement device and triggered an emergency might be exposed.’
Because of that, the two of them had recently been participating in raids on all gates occurring in the metropolitan area regardless of grade. Since the manpower that was previously deployed was drastically reduced and the quality of the raid teams changed, it wasn’t strange that the number of injured and dead noticeably decreased.
“Rather, I’m worried about your side.”
Of course, there wasn’t much difference in my workload.
“If the guiding frequency is similar, this job would actually be less burdensome. But I can’t ask you to stay, so… damn.”
The Section Chief glanced at the luggage in my hands. Since no additional personnel were needed in the communal guiding room, she seemed purely worried about my situation.
However, as a fellow guide, the Section Chief couldn’t bring herself to tell me to abandon my paired Esper. She couldn’t have done that anyway.
“It’s okay. Maybe because of the matching rate, guiding Esper Do Ganghyun isn’t that much of a burden.”
“If that’s the case, then that’s a relief…….”
“The research lab people also help me a lot.”
Only then did the shadow lift from the Section Chief’s face.
Besides, it wasn’t entirely untrue. Strangely, I had never felt overwhelmed while guiding Do Ganghyun.
What had been overwhelming to me was only Do Ganghyun as a person—him, himself.
Perhaps reading my dark expression, the Section Chief playfully patted my shoulder. I took a couple of steps back from the not insignificant impact, and when I raised my head,
“Take good care of yourself, and when things settle down later, make sure to come back, okay?”
Affectionate words followed.
And this time, I was able to return an answer with a bright smile.
***
Center Research Lab.
In front of the building that I could never get used to no matter how many times I came, an equally uncomfortable person had come out to greet me.
“You’re here?”
“Hello…….”
“We don’t have time, so let’s hurry.”
The Research Director took the lead and walked briskly. He seemed completely unbothered by my lukewarm trailing greeting. He just prepared to start the experiment in a businesslike manner, as if it were routine work.
He had shown the same attitude during the clinical experiments conducted several times before, so I wasn’t hurt or disappointed. However, that indifferent attitude and inhuman appearance of only knowing research evoked a strange discomfort.
‘It’s like I’ve become a lab rat.’
Would it even be fortunate if I were a lab rat? The way he frowned each time he looked at the matching rate results that showed no change made me, as the person involved, feel like a defective product. Even though the matching rate value that had been continuously dropping had stabilized, which was already no different from showing results. As the experiments continued, I kept feeling an inexplicable sense of dissonance from the Research Director.
“Besides what’s been conducted at the research lab recently, what’s the history of your guiding with Esper Do Ganghyun? Have you ever felt anything particularly different when guiding?”
It was even more so because he showed signs of having something he so blatantly wanted.
“Why are you asking him again when you already know everything?”
At that moment, Do Ganghyun entered the research lab roughly. Just like during the pair contract, he had been very dissatisfied with the clinical experiment contract that was made without him present, so whenever he came to the research lab, he always displayed such a low mood.
Moreover, he was currently under severe disciplinary action—participating in all metropolitan area gate raids—so his condition itself wasn’t very good. It was only this much because the matching rate at least maintained the status quo without dropping further.
‘Also because he doesn’t avoid guiding, at least in the research lab.’
I bowed my head deeply with self-deprecation.
No matter how high the basic matching rate was, Do Ganghyun was an SS-grade Esper, and I was a C-grade Guide. It meant that limitations were bound to show in front of the overwhelming workload.
Moreover, the guiding always stopped at light oral mucous membrane guiding, in other words, secondary guiding. In a way, it was natural that his condition was poor.
‘If we had intercourse, he would recover immediately…….’
For a moment, I recalled the time before things fell apart with Do Ganghyun, when I alone mistakenly thought we had connected hearts.
Back then, even if we didn’t necessarily have intercourse, we spent time together every night, so his condition was indescribably good. So good that this kind of disciplinary action couldn’t even affect his condition.
But now that had become a distant matter. After I was blown away by his ability in front of people, crashed into the ground, and realized the truth, it all became nothing.
Afterward, Do Ganghyun, who had been acting as if he gave himself to everyone in the world, wouldn’t allow anyone near except for ‘Myeong Eunha’—that is, except for me. To the point that it was fortunate that this light mucous membrane guiding had started again.
The problem was that the guiding that had started with difficulty had recently become sluggish again. In the research lab where there was a supervisor, he had no choice but to show his face, but that was it. Without exception, he was avoiding me.
And clearly, that timing was—.
‘You wanted to confirm it too, didn’t you? That I appeared in this place and you, you…….’
It seemed to be from that moment when he disappeared as if fleeing.
When my thoughts reached that point, my heart suddenly pounded and beat rapidly. Even though I had decided not to have expectations, even though I had decided to give up, I was helplessly shaken like this. In the end, it was back to square one.
I bit my lip, unable to hide my gloominess and anxiety. However, I couldn’t tell whether the reason was because of my unresolved feelings, because I couldn’t provide satisfactory guiding to Do Ganghyun, or because I couldn’t produce clear results from the clinical experiments.
“Haha, Esper Do Ganghyun, you’re here?”
“Instead of asking useless questions, just measure the matching rate properly.”
“It’s not useless. This is also all part of the experiment, and for producing accurate data—”
The Research Director stopped speaking mid-sentence and closed his mouth awkwardly. He belatedly made the judgment that there was nothing good about getting on Do Ganghyun’s nerves.
“Of course, the data that will be produced immediately is the most important.”
‘And it’s accurate too.’ The Research Director instantly changed his attitude.
Then, in response, the research team quickly came forward and operated the equipment. Before long, several black lines appeared and were attached densely, filling Do Ganghyun’s and my bodies. My top was lifted, and the suction pads touching my bare skin felt awkward.
In contrast, Do Ganghyun had taken off his top completely, sat in a chair, and was leaning back comfortably against the backrest. My gaze inadvertently went to his tightly woven abs. It was even more so because I knew how his rib cage that expanded greatly with each breath, and each line of muscle that evenly stretched and folded back, would move.
The moment I was unnecessarily tensing up at the sight I could never get used to no matter when I saw it, my eyes met Do Ganghyun’s.
“…….”
I was momentarily flustered and awkwardly turned my gaze toward the research team. It was noticeably unnatural, but it was better than meeting those eyes.
Do Ganghyun didn’t bother to hold me back and ask why either. While I was relieved, I also thought that days when we did clinical experiments were actually better. At least Do Ganghyun wouldn’t be there then.
The days I visited the research lab with Do Ganghyun were days without clinical experiment schedules. It was because it couldn’t affect the matching rate measurement. If I struggled with emotions while recalling the past, the values would be unstable and fluctuate.
‘In fact, this moment right now with Do Ganghyun is when my emotions fluctuate the most.’
But I couldn’t dare raise an objection. I just obediently waited my turn.
Then the Research Director nodded and disappeared beyond the glass door with the research team. It was a structure where you couldn’t see outside from inside. It felt like being a prisoner trapped in an interrogation room.
With a C-grade body stuck next to an SS-grade, it wouldn’t be wrong to say that. With that thought, I carefully approached Do Ganghyun.
“……Mm, Esper-nim, I’ll begin.”
As always, Do Ganghyun had no response. But I knew that was his way of giving permission. If he truly hated this situation to a terrible degree, he would have already left the place long ago. Silence was like a long-standing habit of his.
In that bleak atmosphere, I stood close to him.
