‘Since I can’t function as a manifested person anymore, there’s no way to measure it…!’
In other words, if they included that case in the variables and proceeded with the research, different results could emerge. Perhaps the words the staff members exchanged before leaving the research lab were referring to this.
As my thoughts reached that point, my mind grew hazy. The strength drained from my legs, and it became difficult to face the Research Director properly.
“Indeed, Guide Myeong Eunha catches on quickly. Is that why you’re holding on like this next to Esper Do Ganghyun?”
Confirming my state, the Research Director stopped explaining and smiled gently.
“Anyway, there have been so many incidents recently. Various incidents that would make you give up both your grandmother’s hospital bills and your feelings toward Esper Do Ganghyun.”
‘The matching rate would naturally drop.’ The Research Director muttered as if talking to himself. To me, it sounded like a devil whispering.
“But it’s troublesome if you act like this. Even though people’s hearts can’t be helped, we have a contract between us.”
“……”
“So at the very least, shouldn’t we try making an effort?”
Finally, the Research Director’s long preamble ended. Even though I knew it was the beginning of an ominous proposal like the pair contract from a year ago, I couldn’t stop it in time.
[Clinical Trial Consent Form]
Being unable to refuse was also the same.
“You don’t need to worry so much. The verification is already complete, and minimal safety is guaranteed.”
The Research Director spoke casually. It was a tone that showed he knew I couldn’t refuse the proposal.
It wasn’t wrong, but even so, it wasn’t easy to readily sign the consent form. Especially when I saw the warning text located at the bottom.
It couldn’t be helped. Just as my grandmother was everything to me, I was everything to my grandmother. The reality was that if something happened to me, my grandmother’s life would immediately be in danger.
As I hesitated for that reason, the Research Director eventually added a supplementary explanation irritably.
“…Haah, it’s an experiment that implements a partial transfer of an Esper’s ability. Given the nature of Esper wavelengths that are inevitably favorable to Guides, there shouldn’t be any major problems, and in the first place, the ability’s entirety is simply to repeatedly recall specific memories to maximize emotions.”
‘I don’t need to say what kind of emotions, right?’ At the Research Director’s question, my face flushed hot.
Even though there wasn’t anyone in the Center who didn’t know about my feelings for Do Ganghyun, cases where it was mentioned directly to my face were extremely rare. It was an attitude as if he was holding my emotions hostage. As if to say, no matter how much you struggle, could you really not sign?
‘You’re certain the matching rate will return just by recalling past memories a few times.’
The thought naturally occurred to me: I was that easy, huh.
I held out stubbornly without signing, acting on misplaced defiance from feeling unfairly treated. The outcome was practically decided anyway, but I didn’t want to give in easily.
‘At least……’
At least I had to secure one thing.
That was because I had realized recently while leaving my grandmother with a caregiver: when the situation is urgent, the Center backs down.
The matching rate problem was clearly significant enough for them to present the “caregiver” card to me. So this time, an even greater compensation had to follow.
‘I need to get a definite answer about maintaining my grandmother’s treatment!’
Even if all I could manage was holding out with reddened eyes without being able to open my mouth properly.
Sensing my intention, the Research Director’s face hardened coldly. Unable to meet his eyes, I bowed my head deeply.
“You know what? Guide Myeong Eunha is surprisingly stubborn. For someone with no ability, no backing, nothing.”
“……”
“You don’t even know how to throw a tantrum.”
The Research Director’s words gradually became sharper. His earlier appearance of trying to maintain minimal courtesy had completely vanished.
However, I maintained complete silence through all of this.
“Or is this the tantrum? Anyway, fine. Tell me what you want. It’ll be Guide Myeong Eunha’s first and last rebellion in life.”
“…Guiding, I heard there’s a drug that promotes the generation of guiding within the body.”
After a long wait, I opened my mouth with difficulty. Even as I spoke, tears seemed about to force their way past my eyelids.
What I was bringing up now was about my grandmother’s rare disease that I had wanted to avoid so much. A disease where, despite being a Guide, her wavelength became abnormally weak, making it impossible to guide Espers and causing even herself to fall into a state of guiding depletion. It was a disease very rarely found in Guides who had lost their imprinted Espers.
“Ha, where did you hear about that?”
“……”
“That’s right. You kept your mouth shut. But do you know why that drug isn’t used? It’s a temporary measure. It only lasts 2-3 hours at most.”
“Yes……”
Heu, a short sob finally escaped from my mouth.
“…I, hic, I know.”
The Research Director had a face full of things to say but didn’t bother adding more words. He just watched me sobbing for a moment, then added a clause to provide that drug. It was the first time at the Center that my wish was fully granted.
***
A week had passed since the clinical trial began. During that time, three experiments and four examinations were conducted, which was quite a fast pace for something being carried out in utmost secrecy. It was all thanks to the Research Director, who was unusually sensitive about the matching rate. Still, as he had promised, I didn’t experience any particular abnormalities in my body or major side effects.
‘I’m tired.’
I was just overwhelmed with fatigue from the packed schedule. Even that wasn’t enough to interfere with daily life, so I could handle the common guiding room duties as before. Rather, what actually affected daily life was…….
‘What kind of kid smokes cigarettes? Don’t pick up habits that ruin your body just because things are hard. Eat this instead.’
‘You must have had a hard time with guiding training.’
‘You know what I said during the day wasn’t sincere, right? My only Guide is you, Myeong Eunha.’
‘Am I your type? You can’t take your eyes off me.’
The experiment itself. I was struggling with the experimental effects I hadn’t even worried about.
Every night in my dreams, my first meeting with Do Ganghyun was recreated, and the past days we spent together with him in my heart continued again. Nourishment was being forcibly supplied to emotions that had been gradually wearing away. Because of this, every morning when I opened my eyes, I couldn’t control my feelings for him and floundered helplessly—it was an everyday occurrence.
“Haah……”
I sighed and looked at the unlit cigarette. Thanks to the restless dreams that were proof of the experiment’s success, starting my day by visiting the smoking room in this dazed state had become routine. I was immersed in memories of the past, recreating the situation from back then in this way. It was different from before when I used to visit the smoking room whenever things were difficult.
‘This is dangerous as it is.’
I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what was dangerous, but my instincts said so. And these kinds of instincts were usually ones that shouldn’t be ignored.
My grandmother used to say that Guides are born with a particular sensitivity to their own state because they need to fill in what Espers lack. So occasionally, if you feel a sense of foreboding regardless of the reason, you should also know when to stop…….
In reality, my wariness toward the Center and Do Ganghyun was becoming increasingly blurred. I wasn’t feeling a sense of crisis about the current situation where I was being treated cruelly and unfairly. The fact that only my heart’s pounding for Do Ganghyun remained—it seemed the experiment was making me blindly look at only one person.
‘I should stop immediately once the matching rate goes up.’
Originally, I had planned to extend the period and provide data for my grandmother’s sake. However, I was bothered by the sense of dissonance that bloomed within the experiment that had suspiciously no side effects and the smooth results. My grandmother wouldn’t want me to go this far either.
“—Gasp! Kheuk, kek! Cough cough!”
Lost in thought, I was lighting the cigarette when, unusually today, it wouldn’t light easily. Tears formed with violent coughing, and strength naturally entered my hand. Just as I awkwardly relaxed my grip, thinking the cigarette might break at this rate—
“Why do you keep looking for cigarettes you can’t even smoke?”
An unfamiliar voice came from above my head. Startled, I looked up to see a man crouching on the transparent smoking room booth ceiling like a delinquent, looking down at me in a slouchy manner.
‘An Esper!’
Recognizing through the wavelength I felt that he was an Esper at a glance, I hurriedly got up and left the smoking room.
‘This is the Guide wing, so why is an Esper here—’
However, just before my body could completely escape, the man blocked my way first. Even though the ceiling was fairly high, he jumped down without hesitation. Moreover, judging from his nimble movements, he was clearly at least A-rank or higher.
“I’ve noticed you come here without missing a single day.”
“…Who are you?”
“But you don’t even know how to smoke, and you come every time to pointlessly suck on candy instead.”
‘Well, looking at your appearance, you do look like someone who’d suck on candy.’ The man added with a smirk. He had no intention of answering my question at all.
