# Chapter 95
Tae Igyeol recalled his grandmother’s case. His grandmother had also told him that when she got married, international marriages weren’t common, so she received many disapproving looks, and her family opposed it until the end. But she said that even though she might have driven a nail into her parents’ hearts, she never regretted marrying his grandfather. Thanks to love, she learned what she truly liked and genuinely wanted.
Tae Igyeol was also thinking that if Mo Eunje accepted him but his parents didn’t give permission, he would live without seeing them. Even now, he barely saw them a few times a year, and since he was financially independent, there was nothing to miss. To be blunt, he had baseless confidence that as long as it didn’t interfere with Tae Iden’s acting career, Tae Hyunseok and Song Yeonhwa wouldn’t oppose it.
“Ugh, I can’t breathe. You know that’s not normal, right?”
“Casually dating and breaking up easily like you do isn’t normal either.”
“At least I’m more conventional than you, okay? You’re only twenty-six, and you’re saying you’ll throw everything away if you can have just this one person. Even dramas don’t do that these days. Why are you being so intense and deep about it? Just date casually with an easy mind. Mo Eunje probably thinks that way too.”
He wanted to argue, but unfortunately, he remembered what Mo Eunje had said in Busan.
‘It’s not like it has to be this person. I can just meet someone else.’
‘Crying over love, wow… Just thinking about playing with emotions makes me tired. There are so many things to devote your youth to besides dating.’
When it came to romance, Mo Eunje was closer to Ban Hajun’s casual attitude. Thinking about his past relationships confirmed it. Hadn’t he said with his own mouth that he was dumped before reaching 100 days in all of them? At the time, Tae Igyeol had thought Mo Eunje’s dating style was fortunate, but now it made him feel differently. If only Mo Eunje would show the same deep affection and intense obsession for love as he did for his work, but of all things, he was most relaxed in relationships.
Facing reality, he couldn’t help but drink soju. He downed three glasses in a row, and the soju that usually tasted sweet was just bitter, as bitter as his sorrowful heart.
“Hey, hey, drink slowly. So where did Mo Eunje go? When will he be back?”
“He said he’s staying overnight at that poet’s house, the one he did the live event with today.”
“Wow… A guy who absolutely refuses to stay out unless it’s at your place is clearly determined to avoid you.”
Before they lived together, Mo Eunje had a strong homing instinct, so no matter how drunk he was, he would either go back to his family home or stay at Tae Igyeol’s. The number of times he had stayed elsewhere could be counted on one hand. Even those rare occasions were unavoidable, so it was fair to say that apart from traveling, he never stayed anywhere except his family home or Tae Igyeol’s.
For someone like that to voluntarily announce he was staying out overnight was, as Ban Hajun said, a clear sign that he was determined to avoid him.
Thanks to asking Song Yeonhwa for help, Mo Eunje wouldn’t be able to find a place and move out right away. Mo Eunje was the type who took time with his choices and movements, making stable long-term decisions that generally avoided risks. He had excellent practical judgment and accurately understood his own strengths and weaknesses. Because of that, Tae Igyeol suddenly felt that dragging things out would only hurt himself. It seemed he needed to find the right timing for a confession soon.
“If Mo Eunje runs away, let him stay at your officetel.”
“Are you going to confess?”
“Yeah. So make sure you take him straight there and don’t let him go anywhere else unnecessarily.”
“…What terrible sin did I commit in my past life to deserve this?”
“There’s a stock expected to hit the ceiling next week. I’ll give you the tip.”
“Hey, what are friends for? Even if you hadn’t asked, I was planning to let Mo Eunje stay if he ran away from home.”
Ban Hajun, who had been sighing with a bitter face, quickly changed his attitude and grinned. At least now he wouldn’t have to worry about where Mo Eunje would choose to stay when he inevitably ran away after receiving the confession.
&&
After eating lunch at Jang Jiha’s house, Mo Eunje headed to the nearest subway station. Even though there was a separate guest room and he slept in a bed, his whole body ached from spending just one night in someone else’s home. He wasn’t even particularly sensitive about his sleeping environment, but strangely, staying out overnight made his body feel stiff and tired. That’s why even as a freshman in college, no matter how much he drank and got wasted, he always made sure to go home or to Tae Igyeol’s place to sleep.
He rolled his stiff shoulders as he walked under the warm sunlight. The distance to the subway station was quite far, more than he’d expected.
Yesterday afternoon, the two writers Jang Jiha had introduced him to were senior novelists who had debuted before Mo Eunje. Both writers had fallen into slumps and failed to publish new works, but eventually succeeded in publishing again after four years, and based on those experiences, they gave Mo Eunje practical advice.
One was afraid of his new work because his previous work had received great love, being made into a film and exported overseas. The other felt that after winning the International Booker Prize, the most prestigious literary award in the UK, the new work he was preparing felt so inadequate that he couldn’t write another word.
Some people use the impact of their works as motivation to develop and move forward, but this didn’t apply to them. Some rise higher using fame and honor as stepping stones, while others are crushed, unable to bear the weight of glory.
Though the burden and stress couldn’t be physically measured, it was clear that they had overcome a more extreme weight than him. Since their active periods didn’t overlap, if it weren’t for Jang Jiha, he wouldn’t have had the opportunity to make such good connections, so he felt increasingly grateful. If Tae Igyeol had wealth luck, he had people luck.
However, Mo Eunje couldn’t fully focus on the conversation with them. He should have been grateful just for hearing these vivid experiences that couldn’t be heard anywhere else, listening attentively, but in his mind, he kept finding gaps to insert thoughts of Tae Igyeol. This couldn’t happen unless he was going crazy.
Entering the subway station, he quietly examined the route map. Like a traveler lost in a destination, he couldn’t tell where he should go. After staring at the map for a long time, he impulsively decided on a destination and began walking.
Perhaps because it was a weekday afternoon, there weren’t many passengers on the train to Busan. Looking around the quiet interior, Mo Eunje checked his seat and sat by the window, fidgeting with his phone. He wasn’t sure if this was the right thing to do. Various thoughts were stirring chaotically in his mind, but his expression remained calm.
Soon, an announcement was heard that the train would depart soon. The doors closed, and the train slowly began to move. After staring blankly at the black screen of his phone, he let out a small sigh and sent a message to Tae Igyeol. If he stayed out another night without contact, it was obvious that Tae Igyeol would worry.
Just as all his nerves were directed toward Tae Igyeol, Tae Igyeol’s mind would also be filled with thoughts of him.
[I’m on my way to Busan]
4:11 PM [I’ll take a short break and come back]
The message was marked as seen immediately, but there was no reply. He turned off his phone screen and cast a meaningless gaze out the window. The world seen from a moving train without a clear focus was distorted, with nothing properly formed. Just like his heart.
Tae Igyeol had been by his side at every moment, too numerous to remember each one. Whether he was happy, sad, joyful, in pain, happy, or angry, whether the weather was clear and sunny, cloudy, rainy, or snowy. It was meaningless to count the days because without Tae Igyeol, nothing would remain in his life. In every moment that could be called a memory, more precisely, in every moment he could remember, Tae Igyeol had been with him.
And yet, how could…
As he let out a dispirited sigh, the phone in his hand vibrated. Six minutes had passed since he sent the message. The message had been marked as seen immediately, meaning Tae Igyeol had spent six minutes thinking about how to respond.
Tae Igyeol [Can I come too?]
4:17 PM
4:17 PM [No. I thought it’s been a while since I spent time with Mom and Dad, so I’m going to do some filial duty]
Tae Igyeol [You didn’t pack anything]
Tae Igyeol [I’ll pack some things and take the next train]
Tae Igyeol [Let’s go together]
4:18 PM
4:18 PM [I’ll go alone this time]
If he had intended to go with Tae Igyeol, he would have discussed it from the start and moved together. No, he would have gone home and enjoyed eating delicious food with Tae Igyeol rather than impulsively boarding a train to Busan to avoid him.
Tae Igyeol [When will you be back?]
4:18 PM
4:18 PM [Around next week]
Tae Igyeol [Let me know what time you’re arriving when you decide]
Tae Igyeol [I’ll pick you up]
4:18 PM
Tae Igyeol wasn’t his driver, yet he always did this. He wondered if he had become too accustomed to the kindness and consideration Tae Igyeol had shown him. Without even knowing what feelings those actions contained, he had simply accepted them with gratitude.
Because he hadn’t been taking care of Tae Igyeol with those kinds of feelings.
Feeling a tightness in his chest, Mo Eunje turned off his screen without replying. He closed his eyes, hoping that Tae Igyeol would empty his heart and stop obsessing over him for at least these three or four days they’d be apart. And then he fell asleep, dreaming of a time when the two families had gone on a vacation together when they were about ten years old.
