# Chapter 94
“Yeah. So sleep in the bed tonight. Your back will give out if you keep sleeping on the sofa.”
Mo Eunje spoke as if nothing had happened, with the same casual tone they’d used in their everyday conversations before. Then he avoided Tae Igyeol and headed for the entrance to put on his shoes. By coincidence, he noticed the laces of Tae Igyeol’s sneakers were coming undone. Reflexively, Mo Eunje crouched down and tied them tightly. He could feel Tae Igyeol’s gaze watching the entire process, but he kept his eyes fixed only on the shoelaces, not looking up.
“I’m going now.”
Mo Eunje got up and left with that simple goodbye, opening the front door. He’d worried that Tae Igyeol might stop him, insisting they talk before he left, but fortunately, that didn’t happen.
“Haaah…”
He sighed as he stepped into the elevator. He wondered what he was doing. It would be better if Tae Igyeol would just clearly express his feelings with words. No, Tae Igyeol should not put those words to his lips. The moment he brought those feelings into reality and revealed them, everything they had carefully built up layer by layer would shatter into pieces.
He could just gradually suppress his feelings over time, and once Tae Igyeol was okay, they could go back to their comfortable relationship like before. It would take some time, but even though it hurt, cutting out his own feelings was the only way to preserve their current relationship.
So Tae Igyeol must never speak aloud those feelings he’d been harboring until now.
&&
After Mo Eunje left, the front door closed.
“Haa, fuck…”
Tae Igyeol, unable to control his emotions, roughly tousled his own hair. Mo Eunje had been strangling him and not giving him even a brief moment to catch his breath. Maybe he’d acted too hastily after hearing from Cha Hyunwoo that he was Mo Eunje’s first love.
But he didn’t regret it. They had to go through this phase at some point, and it had just come a little earlier than planned. Even with stocks, there’s no company whose shares rise continuously all year round. Even relatively low-risk blue chips fluctuate slightly up and down. Our lives too have emotional ups and downs, with good days and frustrating days alternating due to various factors including environmental ones. So there was no need to overreact just because Mo Eunje was going through a brief period of confusion.
The reason he hadn’t directly confessed but instead expressed himself indirectly, letting Mo Eunje figure it out himself, was to give him time to sort out his thoughts while staying by his side. If he had confessed outright, Mo Eunje would have immediately packed his bags and left the house. And then Tae Igyeol would have gone crazy not knowing how he was doing.
“This is driving me insane…”
Mo Eunje was acting slightly differently from what Tae Igyeol had anticipated. He had expected some awkwardness and discomfort, but Mo Eunje avoiding him to the extent of staying out all day and not properly showing his face was the worst-case scenario within the margin of error. He had planned to give Mo Eunje enough time to think and wait about a month, but that was assuming Mo Eunje would still be by his side. Now, recognizing that only a hellish week had passed, he no longer had confidence in his ability to wait.
It upset him to see Mo Eunje’s face growing gaunt day by day, making him wonder if he was eating properly. He couldn’t help but kiss Mo Eunje’s forehead when he was pretending to sleep and apologize for the confusion he was causing him. However, he could categorically state that not once had he ever felt sorry about the fact that he loved Mo Eunje while having a one-sided crush on him.
He felt like he would die missing the sense of fulfillment he had felt when Mo Eunje had embraced him in his half-asleep state. It had been Tae Igyeol who woke up early in the morning and slipped his arm under Mo Eunje’s neck to act as a pillow. But he hadn’t expected Mo Eunje to hug his chest and place his leg on his thigh.
Mo Eunje had opened his eyes the moment he instinctively sensed danger, and then jumped out of bed in shock, allowing Tae Igyeol to pretend to be asleep and avoid the crisis. If that hadn’t happened, his reason might have flown out the window, and who knows what he might have done. After that day, Tae Igyeol, finding it difficult to control his precarious desires, had no choice but to sleep on the living room sofa. He had no other option since it had become impossible to lie next to Mo Eunje and fall asleep without doing anything.
His phone, which he’d left on the living room table, rang with its rough ringtone. Thinking it might be Mo Eunje, he hurried to check.
Fuck…
When he saw the caller, a curse escaped along with a sigh. It was Ban Hajun, who was wasting his time doing nothing. Still, it seemed better to see even him now than to be alone, to calm his anxious mind. Though he wasn’t sure how much help Ban Hajun would be.
“Where are you?”
– “Why are you answering the phone like that? I’m not Mo Eunje, you know?”
“I know you’re Ban Hajun, you bastard. Just tell me where you are.”
– “Home. Want to drink?”
Tae Igyeol sighed once more as he sat on the sofa, leaned back, and crossed his legs. When he didn’t respond, Ban Hajun explained the reason.
– “You were right. She was having an affair with her boss. I got dumped one minute ago. Not even a call, just a message. My pride is fucking hurt right now.”
“I told you to manage things better. You deserve to be dumped.”
– “I’m on my way. I’ll bring alcohol, so order some delicious side dishes.”
Tae Igyeol hung up after a perfunctory reply. Ban Hajun’s officetel wasn’t far, so whether he came by car or taxi, including the time to buy alcohol, it wouldn’t take more than 20 minutes. He opened a delivery app and ordered grilled salted eel. In truth, it was his desire to nourish Mo Eunje that had prompted the choice.
“Wow, our Igyeol ordered eel to comfort abandoned me? I just happened to meet the delivery person in the elevator.”
When the doorbell rang, Tae Igyeol opened the door to find Ban Hajun carrying the delivered grilled eel. The two of them set up the packaged eel on the dining table and immediately poured drinks.
“Where’s Mo Eunje?”
“He came and left again.”
“He was flying around in the live broadcast today. It seems like he’s really established himself now.”
Tae Igyeol had monitored the live broadcast too. He felt relieved that Mo Eunje’s condition seemed good, but also anxious as he appeared not to be thinking about him at all. He felt angry at the thought that he was just one of many people watching him at the same time, and then self-deprecating that someone so bright and shining was too precious to be seen by him alone. All these complex emotions had crossed his mind.
“But what do you mean he came and left again? Did you go out together and then Mo Eunje left because he had something else to do?”
“He went alone. He just came home to get his phone.”
“I’m hearing Korean, but why can’t I understand it at all?”
About to curse at Ban Hajun’s lack of comprehension, Tae Igyeol decided to exceptionally extend the kindness he usually reserved only for Mo Eunje and summarize it in one sentence.
“Mo Eunje is avoiding me.”
“…I knew it that day we ate lamb skewers. You were showing so obviously with your whole body how madly in love you were, acting so impulsively—I’d run away too if I felt that much pressure.”
Ban Hajun downed his soju and beer mixture and put two large pieces of the sliced grilled eel into his mouth at once. When Mo Eunje put two pieces in his mouth and chewed, he looked as cute as a squirrel storing food, making Tae Igyeol smile and want to feed him more. But when Ban Hajun ate the same way, he just looked like an annoying, greedy glutton.
“What are you doing, eating so disgustingly? Eat one piece at a time. You’re going to devour all five portions by yourself.”
“That’s petty, making a fuss about how I eat. Even a dog isn’t disturbed while eating. I’m already emotionally vulnerable after being dumped, with stress at max levels, so don’t bother me.”
“Your conscience is dead. You have no idea how much I’ve spent on alcohol and food every time you’ve broken up with someone.”
“…Let’s not talk about me. Let’s talk about you.”
“What.”
“What sudden change of heart made you act like that? You were so obvious that day, I was shocked. Even Minho, as clueless as he is, seemed to have figured it out to some extent.”
Tae Igyeol was already aware that even Gye Minho had grasped the situation. That day after they parted, he had come home, showered, and found a private message from Gye Minho.
[Igyeol, I’m really happy right now. I hope our friendship between the four of us lasts forever.]
It was an indirect expression, but probably the best that the anxious Gye Minho could do. Tae Igyeol hadn’t replied. He had no intention whatsoever of giving up his feelings for Mo Eunje just to please Gye Minho, and there’s no such thing as eternal friendship in this world. Especially not now that he had obtained new information.
“Mo Eunje’s first love was me.”
“Did you dream that?”
“You crazy bastard, it’s true.”
“…That’s strange. You don’t smile brightly, and even if you did, you’re not blindingly pretty like Mo Eunje described.”
Ban Hajun showed a genuinely incredulous expression, unable to accept it. Instead of frowning, Tae Igyeol drank his soju and leisurely raised one corner of his mouth in a slight smile.
“What, is it really true? Unless Mo Eunje has lost his mind, he wouldn’t have said it himself… No, he’s not exactly normal either. Is Mo Eunje crazy?”
“Hey.”
“So what strange story did you hear that’s making you so confident, scarily so?”
Tae Igyeol, immersed in the fact that he was Mo Eunje’s first love, generously explained the past with Cha Hyunwoo. While conveying the objective information, he remained silent about the conditions he had set when offering him a job at Taeyang Actors. Ban Hajun wouldn’t understand because their approaches to relationships were completely opposite.
“Wait a minute. To summarize… Mo Eunje’s first love was you, but he gave up in less than two weeks. How could someone as serious as Mo Eunje give up so easily? Why?”
“Probably because of our family relationship. Fuck, why did our parents have to be friends?”
“Wow… Have you ever considered that thanks to that, you’ve been stuck to Mo Eunje like a magnet until now? Is your conscience completely dead?”
“What do you expect from me? I don’t care if I have to throw everything else away as long as I can have Mo Eunje.”
His deep voice reflected his true feelings.
