# Chapter 73
But since his life’s existence hinged on this unrequited love, and he could give all his lives, however many he had, to die in place of the other person, even if Mo Eunje hadn’t experienced it himself and couldn’t fully understand, he could at least acknowledge it to some extent.
“Right. It’s not easy introducing people to jobs, so you did well. If nothing else, Hyunwoo’s persistence and diligence are top-notch. So how’s the job treating him? Has he adjusted?”
“If he hasn’t adjusted after almost five months, he should just quit.”
“Igyeol, even after five years, you might not adjust if something doesn’t suit you. Don’t you remember how you couldn’t adjust to ballet school even when it was almost a year?”
“Fuck, why are you bringing that up?”
When they were about six years old, Tae Igyeol and Mo Eunje had attended ballet school, as it was said to not only build muscle strength and flexibility and create good posture, but also stimulate growth plates to help with physical development. While Mo Eunje had always been curious and easily found interest in various activities from a young age, Tae Igyeol had a deadpan expression from the moment he changed into his ballet clothes.
Somehow, they managed to keep attending until they completed exactly one year before quitting, and even then, young Tae Igyeol had never adjusted. However, when they attended Taekwondo classes, it seemed to suit him better and was more enjoyable—not just for Mo Eunje but for Tae Igyeol too, who ran around excitedly.
“So what does Hyunwoo say? Being a road manager must be tough—isn’t he struggling?”
“I met him last week, and he said that while the pay is poor and it’s physically demanding, it’s more fun than he expected.”
“That’s good. But you met him last week? Why didn’t I know?”
“You were buried in your study, so focused on your books that you didn’t even know if I was home or going out.”
“Ah… Right. Aww, is our Igyeol upset because Eunje didn’t notice?”
“I’ll rip your tongue out.”
As a murderous glare shot his way, Mo Eunje clamped his mouth shut. The healing hands that had been pleasantly pressing between his thumb and index finger could transform at any moment into a vicious weapon that might pry open his mouth and tear out his tongue.
“Next time you see Cha Hyunwoo, let me join you.”
“Why would you?”
Having hung out together in a group throughout their school days, Mo Eunje had naturally expected Tae Igyeol to agree, so he was taken aback by the grumpy response.
“Huh? No, I just thought it would be nice to see an old friend after so long.”
“Why bother seeing someone you don’t even contact? Forget it.”
“Hey, what do you mean ‘forget it’? I was actually closer to Hyunwoo back then, you know? As for contact, I can restart that anytime. Is it so objectionable to have a drink together?”
“Yes.”
“…Fine, whatever. You guys have fun together, or not, I don’t care.”
Despite Mo Eunje pretending to be upset, Tae Igyeol showed no reaction. He figured Tae Igyeol would arrange a drinking session if things went well with Cha Hyunwoo. If that day came, he’d feel somewhat sad, as if losing a part of himself—actually, he’d probably feel extremely sad—but Mo Eunje promised himself that he would sincerely congratulate Tae Igyeol and wish for his happiness more earnestly than anyone else.
“Igyeol.”
“What?”
Although Tae Igyeol had practically revealed who his unrequited love was, Mo Eunje slightly modified the question that came to mind, feeling it would be an invasion of privacy to directly ask if Cha Hyunwoo was the object of his affection. So this was his final question to dispel any remaining traces of anxiety.
“What’s wrong? Why call me and then say nothing?”
“It’s really not me, right?”
“I told you it’s not. How many times do I have to say it?”
“I don’t want things to get awkward between us. I absolutely don’t want to lose you.”
“…”
“Okay, okay. I won’t talk nonsense anymore. So no more Giant Frowning Face. You look really scary when you frown.”
Once it was confirmed that he wasn’t the object of Tae Igyeol’s unrequited love, Mo Eunje felt such relief that he almost burst into tears. Judging by the tingling in his hand that Tae Igyeol had been holding and pressing, blood was finally circulating again. Mo Eunje smiled broadly, making a tremendous effort to suppress the mysterious tears that threatened to rise up.
&
“He caught on. He definitely caught on.”
Ban Hajun, who had been listening to the story while emptying his glass, shook his head and cast an incredulous look.
Tae Igyeol exhaled a low sigh and gulped down his soju. It had already been a week since he’d talked to Mo Eunje about his unrequited love. Nothing had changed. Mo Eunje still slept with him in the same bed as usual, ate meals together, laughed while exchanging trivial conversations, and always rested his head on Tae Igyeol’s thigh on the sofa.
And since the day before yesterday, he had started actively looking at houses again. Though they had agreed to stay for another month, Mo Eunje said he had neglected house-hunting due to preparing for his new work, but with only a week left in May, he wanted to diligently search for a place he liked.
Tae Igyeol had accompanied him until yesterday, and while he wanted to go today as well, he couldn’t overcome an inexplicable feeling of helplessness. So after dropping Mo Eunje off at Song Yeonhwa’s company, he came to Ban Hajun’s officetel. With plenty of alcohol purchased in broad daylight.
“If he didn’t catch on after everything you said, Mo Eunje would be an idiot.”
“Who are you calling an idiot?”
“Mo Eunje caught on, so he’s not an idiot.”
“Haah… Fine, I’m the idiot for telling you.”
“You are an idiot, but for the wrong reason. Making him catch on before confessing is an idiotic move… or maybe not?”
Ban Hajun, who had been speaking fluently, suddenly widened his eyes as if he’d realized something and met Tae Igyeol’s gaze. Since these moments usually led to nonsense, Tae Igyeol had no expectations as he wrapped some raw beef in perilla leaves—delivered as a side dish—and put it in his mouth.
“No, but until now, Mo Eunje had no idea, right? He didn’t even suspect anything.”
“So?”
“Now that he’s caught on, he’ll seriously think about it. Then when you confess, he won’t be so surprised, and the time you spend waiting for an answer will be shorter.”
“…”
“This guy’s a genius? I always thought you were really smart, but this is legendary. Did you intentionally make him catch on? Your strategy is epic.”
Ban Hajun expressed his admiration by clinking glasses as if for a toast. Tae Igyeol shot him a suspicious glance, wondering if he had actually heard the story correctly.
At first, he thought it wouldn’t be bad for Mo Eunje to catch on, so he had decided to speak only the truth without beating around the bush. But as the conversation progressed and he saw the other’s reactions, he realized it wasn’t the right time yet. Hearing Mo Eunje say he was afraid that he might be the person Tae Igyeol had feelings for and that he wanted to remain friends as they were now, he had no choice but to change course. He had confirmed that no matter how carefully he confessed, the confession itself would surprise Mo Eunje.
“Ah, wait. But… he said he’d ‘lose,’ right? That he’d just lose once but seemed like he’d keep your friendship.”
“Huu… Hey, could you please stop reinterpreting by looking at fragments the way you want to see them, and instead grasp the flow and context of the entire situation?”
“…So the conclusion is… rejection, right?”
He’d been rejected without even confessing. Before the confession, before Mo Eunje caught on to his feelings, he should have gradually and naturally changed their relationship, but due to clumsy desire, he almost ruined everything. If Mo Eunje, who had gone to the bedroom saying he was going to sleep, hadn’t come back out to ask the question clearly, Tae Igyeol would have gone in first and spilled words denying his own feelings.
“You don’t have to confirm kill me when I’m already dying, so take it easy.”
“Hmm… But isn’t it strange? With Mo Eunje’s personality, if he knew someone liked him, would he reject them right away without serious consideration? Especially when it’s you of all people?”
“He managed his expression, but he seemed quite shocked.”
Mo Eunje was inherently a safety-first kind of person. He preferred to stay in familiar and comfortable states. So when his closest friend, who was like family—or perhaps even closer than family—caught on that he liked him, it must have been all the more confusing and shocking. Although he tried hard not to show it by managing his expression, he couldn’t hide his wavering eyes.
Just as Tae Igyeol himself couldn’t hide his eyes while saying it wasn’t Mo Eunje.
“Yes, he must have been shocked. How could he not be? It must have been something he never imagined. Mo Eunje has only dated women until now.”
“That was before his literary debut. He hasn’t dated anyone since then, so it’s been quite a while since he’s been in a relationship.”
“That’s not the point—I’m talking about sexual orientation. For someone who’s only dated women, to learn that not only does someone of the same sex like him, but it’s a friend who’s like family—it would be stranger if he just said, ‘Sure, let’s date,’ and accepted it easily. That’s a completely separate issue from knowing about your sexual orientation.”
“Fuck, do you think I don’t know that, so you’re explaining it all to me?”
In truth, if he thought it would interfere with Mo Eunje’s work, he wouldn’t have brought up the topic of unrequited love at all. Mo Eunje was the type who couldn’t see anything around him once he became immersed in something and was completely incapable of multitasking. It was obvious that if Tae Igyeol stirred things up with talk of unrequited love, Mo Eunje wouldn’t be able to work. So he had intended to wait at least until the new writing was on stable ground and Mo Eunje had some peace of mind.
But the moment Mo Eunje said he was going to scrap the novel because writing with love as the main theme was outside his capabilities, contrary to his determination to take things slowly, impatience reared its head. A base thought suddenly surged—that he should seize the opportunity when Mo Eunje’s tension had eased—and his mouth moved before his brain could process it.
