# Chapter 69
“You’re here? I’m so hungry I don’t even have the strength to stand. What did you bring?”
“Steamed king crab.”
“…Really? Wow, that’s crazy! I’ve been yearning for steamed king crab ever since seeing Ban Hajun’s photo!”
True joy showed all over his face—there was no need to pretend to be excited as if he’d just seen the king crab. The kindest person in the world, Tae Igyeol, like someone with an excellent character, had brought actual steamed king crab.
“I obviously know you like steamed king crab. You don’t think I’d be so disloyal as to eat it with just Ban Hajun, do you?”
“You really…! I’m so moved right now, can I cry a little?”
“One crab leg for each tear.”
“Giant conditions are forbidden.”
“If you don’t want to eat, then don’t.”
Mo Eunje, who had been serious, immediately broke into a wide smile and acted excitedly as soon as the merciless verdict was delivered.
“No, I really want to eat it! I feel like the world might collapse if I don’t have steamed king crab right now.”
“Such a fuss. Let’s eat outside. You’ve probably been cooped up all day.”
“Great! Oh, Igyeol. Have I told you that I love you?”
“…Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.”
“I’m dead serious. One hundred percent pure. I totally love you.”
Tae Igyeol met his gaze quietly with deeply sunken eyes. There was an uncomfortable feeling as if time had temporarily stopped. An awkward tension seemed to float in the air.
“…”
“…”
“Bullshit. You probably mean you love the steamed king crab.”
As he smirked and spoke as if it were insignificant, the unfamiliar atmosphere immediately became as comfortable as usual. Perhaps because he had reduced his sleep lately and was overly excited about seeing the crab, he briefly zoned out and felt a strangeness as if connected to another dimension.
“Was it that obvious? Let’s go quickly. I want to eat soon.”
Mo Eunje didn’t think deeply about it and went to the rooftop terrace with Tae Igyeol. Tae Igyeol hadn’t just brought steamed king crab. There was also black tiger shrimp chili butter grilled, as well as soju and beer. When Mo Eunje discovered the alcohol and quickly went back inside to bring glasses, Tae Igyeol had already unpacked everything and set the table.
“Wow, crazy. The visuals are no joke. It looks so delicious.”
He could see the broken crab legs that had been hammered. Thinking he could just wear a sanitary glove on his left hand, hold the leg, and pick out the meat, he attacked the steamed king crab with a combat-ready attitude. He was so happy with the chewy, melting flesh in his mouth that it almost felt wrong to be this happy.
“Would you like beer? Or soju?”
“Today, let’s just have beer lightly.”
Tae Igyeol opened two beer cans, pouring one into a glass and mixing it with soju before placing it in front of Mo Eunje.
“How’s Hajun? Is he very upset?”
Judging from the message that came with the king crab photo earlier, Ban Hajun seemed no different than usual. It would be nice if Tae Igyeol would voluntarily give a detailed briefing like Mo Eunje would, but somehow he never spoke up first before being asked, so Mo Eunje always had to ask him about everything.
“Well… he seemed fine.”
“Really? Ah, so you left early because he was more okay than expected? That’s a relief. I was worried he might have fish eyes again from being heartbroken.”
“He just ate the king crab well.”
“How could anyone not devour this delicious food? I could eat this well even while crying. As I eat, it’s so delicious I’d forget why I was crying.”
Although he had been eating nutritious food lately thanks to Tae Igyeol, this felt like a proper feast. Mo Eunje smiled happily, lubricating his stomach, which was enjoying luxury, with the somaek that Tae Igyeol had prepared.
“By the way, the more I research, the more I feel like I’m in a labyrinth, so can I ask you one thing?”
“What is it?”
“You said you have an unrequited love, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Then, for that person you’re in love with, could you die in their place?”
“Yes. Because it would be better for me to die instead of them.”
Tae Igyeol answered with a confident tone without even hesitating for 0.1 seconds, as if it wasn’t even worth considering. Mo Eunje’s mouth fell half open in shock. It wasn’t even an ordinary sacrifice but an extreme example, and he couldn’t empathize with how Tae Igyeol could be so confident based on what belief.
For Mo Eunje, even the emotion he felt for his first love was possessiveness and desire, not a feeling of sacrifice. It wasn’t just because he was young—his thoughts hadn’t changed much even now.
“No, how can you be so sure about that?”
“Why couldn’t I be?”
“Look, Igyeol. I’m asking a serious question, so could you think about it a bit more seriously? Dying and returning is something that only happens in fantasy novels—we only have one life.”
“I am being completely serious. No matter how many lives I had, I could die in place of them every time.”
“Crazy… No, how is that possible? Wow… This won’t work. I think I need to change the subject. This is beyond my reach.”
It was a mistake to have planned from the beginning to focus most heavily on love among human emotions and to explore it in depth. To try to write about love without knowing what love is—he laughed hollowly, wondering what he was thinking to make such a reckless decision.
Perhaps he was temporarily insane. It would be a wiser, more realistic choice for him to write stories about human relationships, wealth disparity, ideals versus reality, and youth issues, as he had before. He was acutely reminded of how impressive Seong Giha was for writing a novel about love.
“You’re changing the subject? Won’t you regret all the preparation you’ve done?”
“What’s there to regret? It’s barely been two weeks. I’ll just consider it studying. It won’t be useful anywhere, but… Well, I hope I can think of some good, unique, plausible concept.”
Mo Eunje looked up at the night sky with a lightened heart. A half-moon was beautifully hanging in the dark sky. It looked like the bright comfort Tae Igyeol had provided by holding his hand, and it gave him courage that he could fill the remaining half himself.
Even if the waning moon gradually loses its light and changes to a fingernail shape, the moon itself doesn’t disappear, so after becoming completely empty, it becomes a full moon again. You must empty to fill—it’s just going through the process. Although he had scrapped what he had been preparing, it meant he could now write something new.
“Then… shall we continue the conversation we were having in the car last time?”
“Hmm? The conversation in the car? What was it?”
Mo Eunje tilted his head and put a piece of crab leg meat in his mouth.
Last time in the car, they talked about Ban Hajun’s tarot reading, and before that, the time they were in the car…
“…Ah!”
He remembered there was a conversation they briefly had in the car on the way home after dinner with Writer Kwon Jiyeon on the day of the livestream. He had intended to continue it at home, but Tae Igyeol seemed unwilling and brought up agency contract renewal, changing the topic.
“You don’t have to talk about it if you’re uncomfortable. I just thought it might feel good to at least talk about any difficulties or worries you have with your unrequited love.”
He had forgotten about it while preparing his new work, but now that the topic had come up in earnest, Mo Eunje felt his throat burning and gulped down beer from the can. Sharp carbonation randomly stabbed his throat. Somehow embarrassed that he had drunk beer out of nervousness, he finished the remaining somaek in his glass as well.
“What are you most curious about?”
Tae Igyeol, who had been watching for a moment, poured soju into the beer can. He would often make somaek this way, pouring soju into the can after a certain amount had been emptied. It was amazing how he always got the ratio exactly right.
“Hmm… how long has it been? Since I didn’t notice any signs, is it recent?”
No matter how much he thought about it, the only answer that came to mind was that it was recent. If it wasn’t a recent matter, it wouldn’t make sense for him to be this completely unaware.
“…It’s been a long time.”
However, lately, Tae Igyeol had been betraying Mo Eunje’s expectations frequently.
“Really? How long?”
“About 10 years.”
“What? You’ve had an unrequited love for 10 years? Wait, when you said you realized…”
“Yeah. Since I realized it 10 years ago, it’s been about that long. It might even be longer.”
He had thought that first love had ended as first love, but based on the circumstances, Cha Hyunwoo seemed likely. Still, since it was just a guess, he felt the need to confirm. As it was a somewhat sensitive question, his tone became extremely cautious.
“Do I… know this person?”
“Yes.”
“Really? Don’t tell me it’s Ban Hajun?”
“Fuck… I didn’t even know that Ban Hajun bastard 10 years ago.”
Before Mo Eunje could finish, curses flew with a fierce look. He seemed genuinely disgusted.
“Yes. I know it’s not him, but since you said it’s someone I know, I just threw it out there.”
“Eunje, you can say what you want, but if you’re going to joke, let’s keep it a bit more tasteful.”
“Wasn’t that tasteful? …I guess not. I understand, so could you please change your expression?”
When he asked with a bright smile and gentle request, the fierce expression that had looked ready to hit him gradually crumbled. Tae Igyeol seemed unaware of how intimidating the atmosphere became when he frowned.
“In Busan… you said you suffered badly from your first love.”
“…Yeah.”
“That first love has continued until now…”
“That’s right.”
The identity of Tae Igyeol’s unrequited love, which had only been outlined and not clearly defined, was revealed. It was someone Mo Eunje knew, and a first love that had been unrequited for 10 years—this was undeniable. While feeling perplexed about why he was unconsciously trying to guess Tae Igyeol’s unrequited love, Mo Eunje ultimately concluded that it was definitely Cha Hyunwoo.
“Why did you like them?”
“Because they’re handsome.”
“Really? Is it possibly me?”
He said this deliberately to lighten the mood because it was too pitiful that Tae Igyeol still couldn’t forget Cha Hyunwoo, who had become a father, but judging from Tae Igyeol’s stern expression, it didn’t seem to work.
“Sorry. Hey, but looks are nothing. Even if someone is handsome enough to eat up the universe, after three hours, all faces look the same. It’s not like you’re going to eat their face, so when you keep looking, you get tired and everyone seems the same.”
“…Interesting.”
Tae Igyeol put the beer can he was holding on the table and straightened up from his relaxed position in the chair.
“Then let’s try it now. Whether you get tired or not.”
And then, propping his chin on his hand, he stared intently with a gentle smile.
