“Really?”
It was something he’d said without much meaning. But Seonha looked immensely pleased as he rested his elbow on Hongdan’s knee and brought his face close.
“Really? Do I look okay to you right now, Hongdan?”
Hongdan had no choice but to meet Seonha’s eyes.
In his gray pupils, countless stars were twinkling once again. He could tell what feelings those stars represented without using ticklish expressions.
It was a bit… burdensome.
Hongdan scrunched up his face and pushed Seonha’s forehead away.
“It’s not a compliment. Even if you’re better than general trash, you’re just recyclable trash at best.”
“But that means I can be used again.”
However, Seonha immediately rubbed his hair against Hongdan’s thigh again with a silly grin. His threshold for expectations was far too low to begin with. Though it was Hongdan himself who had lowered it.
Hongdan felt satisfied seeing Seonha completely deflated, yet felt a faint sympathy rising.
It was because he saw his past self overlapping with Seonha.
The Choi Hongdan from the time when he loved Yeon Seonha—who would easily shrink at trivial things while being mindful of this and that, and would be delighted as if he’d gained the whole world over small things.
But there was nothing good about holding onto such things for long. Hongdan shook his knees vigorously, shaking off the withered feelings.
“Ah, it tickles! And stop peeling tangerines too. I’m full.”
“Huh? No way! The recommended daily amount of vitamin C is 100ml, but you’ve only eaten two! A tangerine has about 30ml, so you need to eat at least three!”
Seonha, who had been acting as a home protector all along, seemed to have gotten a job as Hongdan’s personal nutritionist. The only problem, if it was a problem, was that it was unauthorized employment even the employer didn’t know about. He secretly wondered if there was a meal plan hidden somewhere in the kitchen.
“Fucking hell, seriously.”
Hongdan clicked his tongue and ignored the illegal worker who had started preaching about why vitamin C was an essential nutrient for humans. Essential nutrients or whatever—he just needed to not forget that Yeon Seonha was a harmful existence to him.
When he turned his head away completely and pretended to ignore Seonha, only then did the sermon stop. Seonha gently rubbed Hongdan’s ankle bone while muttering with a sulky face.
“Hongdan, you agreed to stay with me for three months. During that time, you also have an obligation not to get sick.”
Jeez. Anyone would think he was an eighty-nine-year-old man on his deathbed.
Hongdan snorted.
“I wasn’t sick even without eating that stuff.”
“But you’re eleven years older than I remember. In just a month and a half, you’ll be in your thirties too. You don’t exercise, and when I’m not around, you don’t eat properly either. They say when the first digit changes, each day is really different from your twenties!”
“Just go ahead and hold a ritual for me to die as soon as I turn thirty.”
“Ah, that’s not what I mean!”
Seonha glared while gripping Hongdan’s ankle like a hostage. Hongdan just shrugged his shoulders with a nonchalant expression. In the end, all Seonha could do to throw a tantrum was moisten the corners of his eyes. That at least worked effectively on Hongdan. It was also Seonha’s signature skill that had developed recently.
“…You’re mean, really. Even though you know how I feel.”
Wow… seriously.
How can it pour out like a faucet was turned on?
Whether it was acting or not, Seonha’s tear ducts had definitely broken down badly since the accident. Hongdan looked down at Seonha, who had unfailingly started sniffling, and replied indifferently.
“I don’t particularly want to live being considerate of that.”
“Can’t you speak just a little more nicely?”
“You said you weren’t asking me to like you.”
“Uuugh…”
At Hongdan’s point, Seonha’s shoulders sank completely. As if he’d taken quite a blow, the tears that had been brimming disappeared somewhere in an instant.
Seonha repeated rolling his lips and sticking them out for a while. However, when Hongdan showed no interest even by the time he was tormenting his lips for exactly the thirty-eighth time, he stopped the meaningless act and just turned his body halfway around. Seonha tapped Hongdan’s knee with a timid gesture.
“Then Hongdaaan… could you go to the library with me this weekend?”
“Library? The one we used to go to?”
During their school days, they would study together at the public library every vacation.
No, in fact, it was no different from Seonha unilaterally tutoring him.
Sometimes he would bring the tutor who was teaching him, and sometimes he would bring materials and teach Hongdan directly himself. Despite his shabby family circumstances, the fact that Hongdan could maintain top school-wide grades was fundamentally due to his innate tenacious spirit, but Seonha’s help was also significant.
Moreover, if Seonha hadn’t taken him to the library, his bruises would have definitely just increased. Hongdan hated vacations when he had to stay home longer, and Seonha hated seeing injuries increase on Hongdan’s body. Since their interests aligned that way, the library became their second school.
“Yeah. The library has a lot of memories too.”
“Mm…”
Even so, Hongdan couldn’t easily give an answer. Just last weekend, hadn’t that incident happened when they went to school for the same reason? Since it wasn’t a very pleasant memory, he only hummed lowly. He also felt doubtful whether this method of carefully retracing memories was the right way to do it in the first place.
Anxious at the lukewarm response, Seonha hurriedly added more words.
“I won’t say weird things like last week eitheeer… J-just, you don’t have to do anything, you can just go and read books.”
Books.
After the divorce, he’d been too busy getting his livelihood together to have such leisure. Especially lately, hadn’t things become several times more hectic thanks to a certain leech bastard? Even imagining turning pages was a luxury.
Hongdan, a well-known bookworm, was instinctively tempted by those words. Seonha’s attitude, which had become much more docile these past few days, also played a part. Especially since, unlike the school, the library would have many people even on weekends, so Seonha wouldn’t be able to make a fuss. Having reached a conclusion, Hongdan nodded.
“Okay.”
“Really? Really!”
Seonha shook Hongdan’s knee repeatedly, demanding confirmation. In fact, judging by how his lips curved widely even before Hongdan nodded, he seemed already confident that he would get a positive answer.
Naturally, Hongdan didn’t play along with Seonha’s tune. Honestly, he almost let out a chuckle at how he was delighted like a child over such a short answer, but he firmly hid it between his closed teeth.
“If you’re going to make such a fuss, I won’t go.”
It was an empty threat. Nevertheless, Seonha shut his lips with a snap and obediently just fiddled with the tangerine again.
The movement of his hands peeling the skin couldn’t be more cheerful. It even seemed like an uncharacteristic humming had flowed out.
At that honest inner feeling, Hongdan’s heart tickled. He unnecessarily pushed hard at the broad back blocking his view. Then he grabbed the tangerine in Seonha’s hand and shoved it right into his mouth.
“Ah, I said I’m full! You eat it, you.”
“Wup!”
It was definitely too big to fit in one bite. It seemed like some peel was still left on it too.
Seonha somehow didn’t spit it out and chewed it with great effort.
His cheeks swelled up as if about to burst, and his lips and sharp jawline were stained with the juice that had dripped down. Yet the smile lingering at the corners of his mouth didn’t fade at all. Rather, it grew brighter.
“…Mmph. It’sh (It’s) tashty (tasty). Probashly becaushe you gave it to mee (Probably because you gave it to me, Hongdan).”
That was so uncomfortable.
His stomach had been comfortable even when he’d completely emptied two bowls of the heaping rice Seonha had served him and ate dessert. But the moment he saw Seonha’s face now, it felt like he got indigestion instantly.
“A tangerine is just a tangerine, what.”
Hongdan hastily turned his gaze away. There was the desire to avoid the discomfort, but he instinctively looked away because if he looked at him just a little more, he felt like he’d realize where this discomfort originated from.
“…Ah.”
However, that was the wrong choice. Not turning his gaze itself, but the direction was wrong.
Hongdan should have turned his head to the left, not to the right. He should have looked at the shoe cabinet with its coating half peeled off, not the window in the living room. Or if not that, he should have at least known that by this time, the sun had already completely set, and that the outside was stained with darkness.
The window didn’t just reflect the darkened outside. It also clearly reflected the face of the person watching it.
Thanks to that, Hongdan could now engrave his expression without missing a thing.
It was an extremely frustrating matter.
Because the vivid joy he’d felt from Seonha earlier was also smeared on himself.
Tap tap.
Hongdan called out to Seonha without taking his eyes off himself reflected in the window.
“Hey.”
“Yeah?”
“You buy something like blinds tomorrow. I hate looking at that.”
