Before that incident with Won Dogyeong, I used to often eat lunch together with Deputy Manager Han or go get coffee. On the surface we weren’t anything, but if you asked whether there was really nothing, it was the kind of relationship where there seemed to be something.
It was hard to call it a “some,” but rather, what should I say, a potential “some.”
Haemin always encouraged me to make it work, but each time I just laughed it off. It wasn’t that I disliked it, but I thought it was fine even if it just ended ambiguously like that.
Anyway, as a result we weren’t anything, and now I had no intention of that either.
But Haemin, who didn’t know my situation, lightly scolded me.
“Try to make it work. You’re not completely uninterested either, but you’re too standoffish.”
“No, I’m not interested. I’m too busy with work.”
“What, really? You always laugh it off, so I guess you really aren’t interested?”
“That’s what I’m saying.”
Myeong Haemin was sipping her coffee when she suddenly set down her cup with a thud, narrowed her eyes, and turned to look at me.
“Something happened to you.”
“Nothing happened.”
“No, something definitely happened.”
“Nope, nothing.”
I smiled while breaking out in cold sweat inside, but Haemin thought for a moment then opened her mouth with sparkling eyes.
“The alpha you live with?”
This sharp-eyed bastard. I just clamped my mouth shut and glared into the distance. I’m not good at lying.
“Kim Minwoo, that son of a bitch, what did he do to our Jeongwon?”
Ah, I’d told her that name.
Myeong Haemin went to the same university as Won Dogyeong and me, but by the time Haemin and I became close, Won Dogyeong had already become famous on screen, so I told her my childhood friend’s name was Kim Minwoo.
Not just Haemin, but everyone I met after college knew that the childhood friend I lived with was someone named Kim Minwoo and that his job was office worker.
“I said Kim Minwoo was interested in you.”
“It’s not like that.”
“What kind of office worker comes home from work and cooks dinner every night for a friend he has no ulterior motives toward?”
He’s not an office worker. Though of course I’m very grateful for the cooking.
“And also, it’s weird to suggest living together without paying rent.”
“He said he didn’t like living alone.”
“See! He’s such a cunning fox!”
Haemin crossed her arms and huffed, then whirled back to look at me and snapped.
“So what is it?”
“Umm.”
Should I just tell her? There was nothing I couldn’t tell Haemin. Excluding Won Dogyeong, she was one of my closest friends, and she wouldn’t go around spreading it either. She hated that sort of thing the most.
I also kind of wanted to confide in someone. It was quite a major event to handle alone.
However, before I could open my mouth after deliberating, Haemin whispered with a horrified face as if she’d realized something.
“Don’t tell me… he totally devoured you…?”
I avoided her eyes and laughed awkwardly. How did she know?
“Kim Minwoo, that bastard, I didn’t like his name from the start. Hey! Get out of that house right now!”
“Mm.”
Why the name… It felt strange, like she was criticizing my naming sense.
“No, wait, so how do you feel about it?”
“I think I’ll move out of the house… but actually that’s not what’s important.”
When I glanced around, fortunately the smokers were gathered in small groups far away in the opposite corner, and there was no one close enough to hear our conversation. I lowered my voice and spoke.
“I’m pregnant.”
“What!!!”
Haemin jumped up and screamed. I covered her mouth and hissed through my clenched teeth, “Be quiet,” and Haemin obediently nodded.
“I’ll tell you the details next time over drinks, ah, we can’t drink. I’ll tell you over tea.”
“……”
Haemin crossed her arms and didn’t answer for a long while. I felt unnecessarily intimidated and just fidgeted with my fingers and gulped down my tea.
“Are you going to have it?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, congratulations. If there’s anything I can help with, just say so.”
“…Thanks.”
“This… young punk acting so brazen….”
“We’re the same age though.”
“Tsk. Anyway, it’s shocking, but since it’s come to this, make it work.”
“Huh?”
It was an unpredictable flow. What was she talking about?
“Huh?”
At my question, Haemin seemed flustered and rolled her eyes around.
“Aren’t you going to try to make it work with Kim Minwoo? …Come to think of it, why are you moving out? Don’t tell me that bastard told you to leave?”
Haemin scrunched up her face like a demon. I could clearly see what misunderstanding was unfolding beneath that, so I hurriedly shook my head.
“I haven’t told him yet. I’m going to talk to him today.”
“Ah… but why are you moving out?”
“I have no intention of making him take responsibility. Deciding to have it was my decision too.”
“……Are you okay with that?”
“Is there a matter of being okay or not okay? That’s just how it is.”
“I see……”
Haemin stared blankly at my face for a while, then gulped down the rest of her coffee in one go and muttered so quietly it was barely audible.
“This is the first time I’ve felt sorry for Kim Minwoo….”
“Huh?”
“It’s just something. You’re really independent, Jeongwon.”
“What?”
“Never mind. Since that’s what you say, I won’t add more… but make sure you talk to Kim Minwoo today.”
“I have to.”
After chatting about trivial things for a bit, I was surprised by the time and returned to my seat.
Even after sitting in the chair, I couldn’t concentrate at all and spaced out here and there, eventually picking up my phone.
[Me: Let’s talk this evening]
He must have been looking at his phone because the 1 disappeared quickly. For some reason, it took a long time for a reply to come.
[Won Dogyeong: Okay]
The day passed without me knowing what state of mind I worked in. On the subway heading home, I didn’t listen to music or fiddle with my phone, just looked outside and tried to let the welling worries flow away.
I imagined his reaction to this news countless times, but among them there was no Won Dogyeong who was happy. I also imagined him finding this matter absolutely horrible. It was okay if he wasn’t happy, but if he disliked it too much, I thought I might be a little hurt.
After having this conversation, what would happen between Won Dogyeong and me going forward?
It seemed obvious we couldn’t return to how things were before. For now, it might be awkward. In the worst case, he might tell me to abort it. If that happened, it would be difficult to see his face for a while. I’m sorry, but I have no intention of doing that.
But what if the child resembles Won Dogyeong too much and people around me find out? If an article comes out by mistake…
Should I just not meet him at all instead of just for a while?
I don’t want that though. I want to have a child, not cut ties with Won Dogyeong.
I drew various futures as they came to mind. They were mostly dark.
…What if it really turns out like that?
I don’t know. First, let me try talking to him….
I didn’t want to imagine being placed in a situation where I absolutely had to choose between the child and Won Dogyeong. I hoped the conversation that would unfold would be more hopeful than that.
My steps heading home were heavy. As if my desire to delay coming home as much as possible wasn’t conveyed, today of all days the elevator was obediently waiting for me on the first floor.
I suppressed the urge to press all the buttons to delay the arrival time and firmly pressed the floor where our place was. I tapped my feet nervously. I placed my hand on my belly for no reason and let out a deep sigh.
Sorry, I’m not saying anything bad about you.
Standing in front of the house, I took a deep breath.
It’s something I have to do anyway. Repeating to myself that putting it off wouldn’t change anything, I pressed the password.
Ttororeung-.
With a cheerful sound the door opened, and when I carefully entered, the house was filled with the sound of bubbling stew and the sweet smell of bulgogi. I slowly took off my shoes and went to the kitchen, where Won Dogyeong stood in front of the induction cooktop wearing an apron, stirring a frying pan.
It was such a peaceful scene that the determination and resolution I’d made on the way here felt absurd.
I hesitated and made my presence known, but he seemed lost in thought and didn’t hear, so I spoke up softly.
“I’m home…?”
“Oh, you startled me.”
Won Dogyeong flinched and dropped the spatula, then turned around and smiled the same as always.
“Go wash your hands, let’s eat.”
Normally I would have done so, but not today. The tension that had been building all day was surging at my chin. Whatever the outcome, I wanted to resolve this anxiety right now.
And with good reason—Won Dogyeong had been home all day every day since the day I found out about the pregnancy, as if his rushed schedule had wrapped up.
When I woke up in the morning, he was watching TV in the living room, and when I came home, he was waiting with food prepared. Every time I faced him and pretended to be calm while making conversation, an uncomfortable feeling like my insides were twisting came over me.
It had been a week of sitting on pins and needles both at home and at the office. Today I had to see it through.
“Let’s talk first.”
“……Can’t we do it after eating?”
Won Dogyeong asked in a sunken voice while stirring the stew. It might have been my imagination, but his voice seemed to tremble slightly.
“It’s important.”
“……”
Leaving him stubbornly standing in front of the stove, I first put my bag down in my room, washed my hands, and sat at the dining table.
“Sit down.”
He slowly took off his apron, walked over, and sat across from me. He was wearing the navy sweatshirt I’d given him as a birthday present once. Staring at me pointedly with those pretty eyes.
