Different Dreams in the Same Bed (28)
“I’m going to stay home today.”
A small argument broke out from the morning. Jeongbae had realized yesterday at the student cafeteria that people recognized him. Yoon Jaehyuk’s boyfriend. Someone who fell considerably—no, very much—short of expectations. Unless he was utterly shameless, he didn’t have the courage to brazenly keep showing his face around.
“Why? Let’s go together just for today.”
Not knowing how to give up, Jaehyuk wheedled again with “just for today.” He’d been dragging things along day by day like that every single day. Jeongbae shook his head firmly. He had an excuse ready, knowing this would happen.
“Just for today, I’ll rest just for one day.”
“……”
“I’m really tired.”
Jaehyuk frowned in displeasure and looked down at Jeongbae for a moment.
“Then I’ll skip class today too and stay home…”
As he picked up his bag again, ready to come back inside, Jeongbae hurriedly stopped him. Since injuring his arm, the two hadn’t been apart for even a moment. The time stuck together was happy, but suffocating. Anxiety squeezed his chest by exactly that much.
“No.”
It was such a quick answer that even he was surprised.
“No. You don’t need to do that too.”
Jaehyuk’s hand stopped. Only then did Jeongbae realize he’d refused too firmly and added in a softened tone.
“I’m really okay. It’s just… I’m a bit tired, that’s all.”
It wasn’t a lie. But it wasn’t the real reason either. Jaehyuk’s brow furrowed slightly. Rather than anger, his expression showed he didn’t understand.
“You want to be alone because you’re tired?”
“…Yeah.”
A brief silence.
“We’re going together tomorrow.”
At the careful confirmation, Jeongbae nodded.
“Yeah.”
Jaehyuk didn’t ask further, but before opening the front door, he looked back at Jeongbae several times. Jeongbae deliberately avoided that gaze.
“Have a good day.”
“I’ll call you.”
Click.
The front door closed, and the house became quiet. Jeongbae stood there for a long time.
“Haa…”
It was a sigh of relief he let out without realizing. It was strange. The fact that he liked being alone felt unfamiliar. Not having to be attached. The sensation of not feeling suffocated for once. Just yesterday he’d felt happy being with Jaehyuk. And yet…
Jeongbae crouched down on a dining chair and hugged his arms.
‘Just for today.’
He’d made the excuse of being tired, but in reality both his body and mind were exhausted. Days spent working and studying without distinguishing between weekdays and weekends. After injuring his arm, he’d spent his days according to Jaehyuk’s schedule. He couldn’t even remember when he’d last spent a morning alone like this.
“I’m sleepy…”
Jeongbae collapsed onto the dining table in exhaustion. The cool glass touched his cheek. He blinked his heavy eyelids a few times, then closed them. Complete darkness. A comfortable and quiet time for once. Jeongbae fell asleep just like that.
‘Ah, what time is it.’
Looking at the clock, quite a bit of time had passed. For someone who slept little to sleep soundly for so long in such an uncomfortable position. His body must have been screaming for help. Jeongbae washed his face with cold water in the bathroom and looked in the mirror. The marks from where his face had been pressed were clearly imprinted.
‘I’m ugly.’
As he slowly stroked his cheek, he ended up comparing himself to his excellent boyfriend’s face. No matter how much he thought about it, he couldn’t readily figure out why Jaehyuk liked him. He’d become somewhat acceptable after filling in his missing teeth, but compared to Jaehyuk who drew people’s gazes just by standing still, he fell far short.
‘No matter how much I think about it, I don’t know.’
The problem was that since he didn’t know why Jaehyuk liked him, he didn’t know how to hold onto his heart either.
‘For now I’m managing with sex, but…’
Coming out of the bathroom, Jeongbae quietly gathered his bag. He was thinking of buying a new book since he’d finished all his workbooks. A reference book Isol had recommended as good for building fundamentals came to mind.
Buy a bunch of workbooks and solve them all the way through. For years, this was what Jeongbae did outside of eating, sleeping, and working. This year, at least he’d met Jaehyuk, toured the university, gone on dates, and experienced some new things.
‘I like you.’
The strong arms that hugged him tight. The voice heard in his ear. Before he knew it, Jeongbae was thinking of Jaehyuk and shook his head. Though the cast on his arm was uncomfortable, he found himself running to the bus stop without realizing. Even though there was nothing urgent.
“Ah, how do I use this thing again.”
An irritated voice. In front of the book search kiosk, Jeongbae stopped for a moment. It was that man. The one who’d extorted him at the hamburger shop a few days ago. With a premonition that something troublesome would happen, Jeongbae unconsciously stepped backward. But the man was a bit faster.
“Hey, student.”
“Yes?”
Jeongbae asked back in surprise.
“Yes, who else is there besides you, student?”
The man who answered tartly was neatly dressed in a navy suit. Just like before, he wore sunglasses even indoors. Overwhelmed by his refined and haughty attitude, Jeongbae’s shoulders shrank. The man didn’t seem to recognize that he and Jeongbae were acquainted. He was typically arrogant.
“…Can I help you with something?”
Jeongbae approached hesitantly. When the man stepped back slightly, he slowly clicked the mouse to activate the search window.
“You can enter the title of the book you’re looking for here.”
“Why should I do that?”
“Pardon?”
“There’s a person right here.”
The man responded as if he’d never used a keyboard once in his life. Despite his arrogant attitude, Jeongbae asked kindly.
“Um, the title is…”
“That Omega’s Secret Private Life.”
Cough. Jeongbae ended up coughing without meaning to.
“Didn’t you hear? That, Omega’s, Secret, Private Life.”
In the quiet bookstore, emphasizing each word loudly, the man drew everyone’s attention at once. The man was calm, but Jeongbae’s face turned bright red. Thinking he should hurry and help, he quickly entered the book title and printed out the book location.
“Here, if you follow this paper…”
“Ah, I don’t know. Just find it for me.”
“Yes. Then together…”
Jeongbae obediently guided him, and the man followed Jeongbae with brisk strides. As if buying a book alone at a bookstore was a first in his life, he looked around here and there from behind his sunglasses.
“Ah… it’s this way.”
Contrary to expectations, the book was in the social sciences section.
“Ah, that’s it.”
When Jeongbae found and handed him the book, the man brightened and took it. Jeongbae’s eyes glanced over the book cover.
<That Omega’s Secret Private Life>
Subtitle: The Position and Control Structure of Omegas in Modern Society
Jeongbae blinked, wondering if he’d seen it wrong.
“Some people buy it thinking it’s a dirty book.”
“……”
“It’s not that kind of thing.”
Jeongbae quietly closed his mouth. He couldn’t say he was one of those people too.
“Then I’ll be going…”
Jeongbae, drained of energy, was quietly trying to disappear when the man’s words held him back.
“What books do young people read these days?”
“Pardon?”
“I’m asking what you read these days.”
“Ah, I just read workbooks or reference books…”
“Not that kind of thing, don’t you have any books you’ve read recently?”
Jeongbae recalled the essay collection he’d read for the first time in a while at Jaehyuk’s school library. Simple, modest writing by a fisherman.
“I read an essay collection.”
“Then find me that book too.”
“Pardon?”
“Why do you keep asking ‘pardon’? Can’t you hear well?”
“Ah… no.”
At the man’s rebuke, Jeongbae quickly searched for and found the book. The man flipped through the book Jeongbae held out.
“It’s not like romance puts food on the table…”
“……”
Jeongbae’s face flushed hot with embarrassment.
“I’ll buy this too. Where’s the register?”
At the man’s words, Jeongbae’s eyes widened. It was unexpected. The man walked ahead with large strides, his face asking why Jeongbae wasn’t guiding him quickly. In the end, Jeongbae accompanied him to the register and watched the man pay for the books. As expected, the man didn’t even know how to stand in line properly.
“Well, enjoy your reading.”
Thinking the business was finally over, Jeongbae bowed in greeting.
“Thanks for today.”
“Not at all. It’s nothing.”
“Thanks for the hamburger that day too.”
Jeongbae was startled. The man did remember him. Before Jeongbae could feel anything was strange, the man waved once and quickly disappeared. Jeongbae felt as if he’d been bewitched by a fox.
On the way home, a text came from Isol.
[Hyung, why didn’t you come to school today? I’m bored.]
The tone was just like Dogyeom’s. A smile appeared on Jeongbae’s lips.
[Yoon Jaehyuk is so scary, like he’s going to kill someone. I’m on the run.]
At the following text, the hand holding the phone tightened. Though he was closer to Jaehyuk than anyone, not knowing his heart was frustrating.
[Let’s hang out together next time you come to school.]
He briefly replied to Isol’s text and put the phone in his pocket.
‘Why is he angry? Is it because of me?’
Jeongbae blamed himself again and trudged along weakly. The shopping bag full of workbooks felt increasingly heavy. He barely stood in front of the apartment door, supporting it with his casted arm. He pressed the code and entered, and he felt a presence in the brightly lit living room.
“Hm? Dogyeom?”
Dogyeom had been coming home increasingly late lately and talking less. When his pretty face saw Jeongbae, it turned tearful. His large eyes moving here and there in confusion were full of tears.
“Why, what’s wrong?”
Jeongbae threw down the shopping bag and hurriedly took off his shoes and ran over. Only then did he realize. He’d been too caught up in his own struggles to look after Dogyeom lately. He’d thought something was strange recently…
“Hyung…”
Tears dripped down from beneath his lowered long eyelashes. Jeongbae pulled Dogyeom into a tight embrace. His heart sank, wondering what had happened. He was twenty years old, but still a child…
‘Don’t tell me something bad happened to him…’
Feeling dizzy, Jeongbae stroked Dogyeom’s back.
“Tell hyung. It’s okay. What… what happened?”
He hugged him tightly as if comforting him and asked calmly. Dogyeom slightly lifted his head to look at Jeongbae.
“Jeongbae hyung…”
“Yeah, I’m here. It’s okay.”
Dogyeom’s lips trembled. Not rushing him at his hesitant appearance, Jeongbae held both his hands tightly and quietly soothed him. After biting his lips for a long time, Dogyeom finally slowly opened his mouth.
“How… how do you change someone’s heart?”
“What?”
Jeongbae’s eyes widened. Before he could ask what he meant, Dogyeom burst into tears and burrowed into Jeongbae’s arms.
“Sob… How do I turn their heart around?”
“What… do you mean? Dogyeom, do you have someone you like?”
“No!”
At Jeongbae’s careful question, Dogyeom firmly shook his head.
“Then…”
“Kim Sejin. Kim Sejin. That bastard… won’t even look at me.”
“Ah…”
Jeongbae was momentarily speechless.
‘Why would those two who were always like brothers suddenly…’
As he thought for a moment, there was a part he could guess. Kim Sejin, who aside from occasional texts didn’t show his face at all. And Lee Dogyeom crying.
“Did Sejin… tell you he likes you?”
Dogyeom, startled, stopped crying abruptly.
“How… how did you know that, hyung?”
Jeongbae carefully wiped away the tears with his hand and continued.
“Who doesn’t know that? Everyone at the orphanage knows. He was so obvious about it…”
“……”
Sejin always silently staying by Dogyeom’s side. Dogyeom following Jeongbae around saying he liked him. And between them, Jeongbae was often troubled. At some point, he naturally came to understand the meaning in Sejin’s gaze toward Dogyeom. Jeongbae had silently, with a sympathetic heart, been rooting for Sejin. Both were like real younger brothers to Jeongbae. But Dogyeom hadn’t noticed Sejin’s feelings for longer than expected. Jeongbae thought what was bound to burst had finally burst.
“…But what’s the problem, Dogyeom?”
“Sejin says he won’t live with me. And… he won’t even look at me anymore.”
“What?”
“I keep going to the gym to find him but he ignores me. He told me not to come anymore.”
“What does that mean, Dogyeom?”
“I told him I could do kissing and sex and everything… but still…”
Watching Dogyeom pouring out words as if out of breath, Jeongbae’s face darkened.
“How do you… think of Sejin…”
“I like him. I like him.”
“……”
“It’s not romantic but if you like someone as a friend or as a brother, isn’t that enough? What’s being lovers? It’s not that different, is it?”
“Dogyeom, but…”
“We just need to live together and be together, right? I like him. What’s the problem?”
“…Dogyeom, the heart and body aren’t the same thing.”
Jeongbae knew that difference better than anyone. The one-night stand he’d done as a side gig to save money. But how could he make Dogyeom understand?
“I don’t know about anything else. I don’t want to be apart from Sejin. Why? Why? Why is he suddenly pushing me away?”
Dogyeom threw himself into Jeongbae’s arms. Jeongbae realized he couldn’t give an answer either. No matter how painful and hard it was, this was a problem Dogyeom had to work through himself. Jeongbae’s face slowly hardened as he stroked the head of Dogyeom, who was crying pitifully.
