# Chapter 100
Before departing, Woosang exchanged goodbyes with friends other than Bel. They were sad about Woosang leaving but accepted the farewell quite easily, nodding in understanding and saying they would wait.
Though he had said he lived wandering without a place to settle, he had more good friends than I expected.
Among those friends, I was the most insignificant person, yet I reminded myself that it was me who was by his side now.
“What are you thinking about?”
Woosang asked as he handed me coffee.
With time still remaining until our flight boarding, Woosang and I were sitting in a coffee shop inside the airport. I tried to maintain composure among the busy people around us.
Time had passed as fast as light, and already it was the day of our departure to Quebec.
“It still doesn’t feel real that we’re leaving.”
“Me neither.”
“Haha…”
I wondered if he was anxious like me. Even if he was anxious, I felt it would be a different kind of emotion from the anxiety I had.
“Come to think of it, the ID seems to have been processed well. Actually, I was really nervous earlier when picking up the tickets.”
“Yes, somehow it all worked out well.”
With our departure to Canada, I needed to create a new ID besides the one I had been using, so I had been quite busy for several days.
But for some reason, the ID I had turned out to have no problems.
I thought about investigating how this happened but gave up. The only person who could have arranged this was Hund. It seemed he had completely stopped tormenting me.
Of course, the initial problems with my identity had been because of him, but I didn’t want to go out of my way to hate him now that he was trying to let me go.
My relationship with him was truly over now. Perhaps by the time we return to Paris, he would have forgotten all thoughts of tormenting me and would be living alone somewhere.
I rolled the empty cup back and forth, waiting for time to pass. Woosang seemed to have finished too, as he cleaned up his cup and stood up.
“Let’s go now. It’s already time to depart.”
I stared intently at Woosang’s face looking down at me, then nodded.
***
It had already been about a week since we arrived in Canada and stayed in our temporary accommodation.
“What are you going to do today?”
“I’m planning to go to the bookstore and the market to shop.”
“Sounds good. I’ll be back around sunset today. Contact me if anything happens.”
Woosang said as he cleared the empty bowls on the table.
On our first day in Canada, Woosang had stayed inside the house, struggling to adjust to the time difference.
But from the second day on, saying he had things to do, Woosang went out without even a moment’s rest, and even when he returned home, he worked without pause.
I hadn’t heard the details yet, but it seemed to be about residence permit issues. Since he said he would explain it to me later, I watched what he was doing and waited without saying much.
“See you tonight.”
“Yes.”
I waved to Woosang who was saying goodbye at the door after putting on his coat.
After the door closed, I stood alone and looked around the empty house. The house, which had no resemblance to where we had lived before, felt unfamiliar.
Of course, he said this house wouldn’t be our place to stay for long either, but since it was the first space where just the two of us could stay without worries, I felt somewhat attached to it.
But being alone in the house without Woosang, I would unknowingly have lonely thoughts. At times like these, I needed to keep my body moving.
I quickly prepared to go out, just like Woosang had.
I locked the door with the key Woosang had given me, and slowly walked out of the building.
The temporary residence located slightly off center in Montreal, Quebec province, had everything we needed nearby.
It wasn’t as crowded as Paris, nor did I need to be intimidated by unfamiliar languages like in Berlin.
The only issue was that I felt hesitant about wandering around such an unfamiliar place.
I went into a large bookstore near the house and examined the unfamiliar interior. Needing books to kill time alone at home for the next ten days while Woosang would be away, I picked up a basket placed at the entrance.
I looked around the interior with awkward steps and gathered a few books that seemed good.
‘That is…’
Just as I was about to head to the counter thinking I had looked around enough, something caught my eye.
As if entranced, I went over and picked up a book.
After that, I paid for the books and went straight back home. Despite my heavy hands, I didn’t mind, excited by the thought of reading books after a long time.
As soon as I got home, I just changed clothes and placed the books I had bought on the table. After staring at the books spread out on the table for a while, I lay down on the sofa and opened the book I had been interested in.
It felt like a distant memory to stack books and read them like this, as I hadn’t had the leisure for so long.
So, without even taking a sip of water, I read books on the sofa for hours.
Tap-tap. Then, a cheerful sound rang out as if someone was knocking on the spine of the book.
“…Huh?”
“Have you been reading books all this time?”
“When did you get back?”
I turned my gaze to the window as I saw Woosang peering in. I was pretty sure it had been around 2 PM when I returned from the bookstore, but the sky was already darkened.
“Just now. Couldn’t you hear the sound of the door opening?”
“No, I must have been too focused.”
Only then did I put down the book I was holding and sat up straight. After sitting in the same position for hours, my lower back felt sore and tingled as if it was knotted.
“I was worried you might be bored while I was away, but I’m glad you weren’t.”
“I read because I was bored.”
Woosang just smiled silently at my words and examined the books I had bought.
Then, reaching out, he picked up one of the sprawled books and briefly skimmed through it.
“Did you buy this book today too?”
“Ah, yes. You said we needed it…”
“I didn’t think you’d really buy it.”
The book I had bought was about French grammar. Woosang looked through the content page by page slowly, as if it was unexpected.
Coming to Canada, Woosang said we would need French language certification to continue living in Quebec.
Although it was a language I already used fluently, Woosang had said he needed to learn grammar and such, so after looking through it and finding it full of content I didn’t know, I decided to buy it.
“Honestly, I thought Teo would just make a Canadian passport through some loophole.”
“…I don’t do that kind of thing anymore.”
Perhaps I would have done that a few months ago, but I was different now. I wanted to solve things with my own strength without resorting to tricks.
It felt like only then would I deserve to remain by Woosang’s side.
“I’ll help you. I was quite good at grammar, you know.”
“…Really?”
“That was five years ago, but we’ll manage somehow if we do it together.”
He handed over the grammar book he was holding to me. I looked at the place where marks had been left as Woosang had opened it. I hadn’t known there were such complicated rules in the language I used, so I felt dizzy just looking at it.
“What did Woosang do today?”
“I met dancers living in this area and talked about auditions. Bel’s friend lives in this city.”
Surprised that he already knew someone in this city, I just nodded slightly, saying, “I see.” There was a reason he had been going straight to bed when he came home all week.
“But I think I’ll have more free time after this month passes. What would you want to do first when that happens?”
“…”
“Nothing comes to mind yet?”
“No.”
Woosang said to think about it for a while, then stretched and went into the bathroom. Soon after the sound of the door closing, the sound of water pouring from the shower was heard.
I silently listened to that sound and gently closed my eyes.
‘Things to do. Things I want to do.’
My head quickly filled up at his words, making me unable to think of anything.
Actually, after coming here, I thought about secretly finding the place where I lived as a child without telling Woosang. But after spending a few days in Quebec, I wondered if I really needed to do that, and my heart was full of doubts.
On the other hand, I also had an intense desire that made me feel like I had to go there.
‘Let me think about it a bit more. Just a bit more…’
If I lived adapting to reality without resorting to tricks, in 10 or 20 years, the past would just become an unspeakable, rough blemish.
So I didn’t need to find it. But I still felt like I had to.
The back of my head pulled and pricked like it was being stabbed with needles. I seemed to have thought too much.
Meanwhile, the bathroom door opened again, and Woosang walked toward me, drying his hair.
“Aren’t you tired today?”
“I’ve somewhat adjusted now, so I’m okay.”
As if knowing my pain, Woosang gently caressed my forehead with his damp hand, gradually making the pain I had disappear.
I closed my eyes and took a shallow breath.
A familiar scent brushed my nose, leading me into tranquility. It would be perfect to hold him and go into the bed like this.
“But there’s no water at all in the house. Didn’t you buy water today?”
“Ah.”
I had forgotten to go grocery shopping because I was too excited about buying books. Woosang looked at my face, then reached out to pinch my nose and shake it briefly.
“Don’t starve yourself because you’re reading books.”
“…I won’t.”
A laugh escaped me unwittingly at his playful voice.
I was happy. I felt so good that I didn’t care about the unhappiness I had been deliberately recalling.
***
Woosang spent most of his time outside, or even when he came home, he looked busy processing documents.
Even when he returned home, he would exchange a few words and then fall asleep right away, so naturally, the time I spent alone grew longer.
I didn’t think we would be able to create leisurely time for just the two of us, but I hadn’t expected the time we could see each other’s faces to decrease this much, so I sometimes felt lonely and sad.
But I wasn’t just sitting still at home passing time.
I was doing my part properly by doing housework, grocery shopping, and studying.
And during times when Woosang was completely away from home, I looked at maps on the internet and searched every corner of Quebec.
I felt like it would be good to visit where I used to live.
‘Next week, I need to go to Toronto for an audition. It will take quite some time, so I’ll probably stay overnight and come back.’
Woosang asked if I wanted to go with him, perhaps worried I’d be anxious being left alone, but I deliberately refused.
It was an opportunity. Next week, on the day he was away, I could go alone to find where I used to live.
