When Seungju, barely having regained his senses, responded, this time the other end of the phone became quiet as if it were a lie. He heard some mumbling sounds. Soon, a sharp voice came through, as if the person had never used that affectionate tone.
– Who are you?
“I’m… I’m an employee at General Manager Baek’s company…”
That’s when it happened. Someone swiftly snatched the phone from Seungju’s hand. Seungju’s head shot up from where he’d been lying face down.
Someone? Who else could it be? Who else would there be besides the phone’s owner?
Baek Muyeon spoke into the phone.
“Hey, fuck off, don’t call me.”
Wasn’t this the first time seeing Muyeon curse? At this unfamiliar manner of speech, Seungju’s mind was experiencing cognitive dissonance. Muyeon irritably hung up the phone. Then, as if even more annoyed, he threw the phone onto the floor.
Looking at the phone that had fallen to the floor, Seungju’s eyes widened. No, what if it breaks? What useless worry to have in the middle of all this. If it breaks, he can just buy another one. It’s not like he won’t buy one because he doesn’t have money. He doesn’t buy more phones because he doesn’t have enough hands to carry a hundred of them.
Silence descended again. Seungju thought about what kind of phone call he’d just taken. That was Baek Muyeon’s phone, which meant the woman who’d just called was looking for Muyeon. He thought he’d heard things like missing him and being lonely.
And since Muyeon told her not to call, Muyeon and the woman probably knew each other. Of course, he did tell her not to call, but…
No matter how he thought about it, it was a fucking suspicious phone call.
Seungju felt slightly annoyed at his own sluggish thought process. Then he remembered that he still wasn’t fully sober from the alcohol, and that he was dead tired from their exhaustingly intense encounter. Then another question crept in.
What time is it for a woman to be calling?
With his brain not working properly, Seungju finally arrived at a plausible thought and frowned. At almost the same moment, a cold voice came from above his head.
“Company employee?”
“……”
“Not boyfriend, not lover, but company employee?”
“……”
Seungju slowly turned his eyes. An expressionless Muyeon was looking down at him.
“You’re just my company employee?”
That voice was so cold that Seungju felt as if his heart, which had briefly surged with anger, froze with a thud. So he missed the timing to respond. Fuck, did I say something wrong?
While he missed the timing, all kinds of questions whirled through Seungju’s head. Who’s that woman? At this hour? You curse too? No, more than that, what’s with that tone suggesting you’re pissed that I introduced myself as your company employee at this timing?
But Muyeon didn’t miss the timing. His cold voice cut through Seungju’s thoughts.
“Looking at it, what you’re doing is really funny, Heo Seungju.”
The questions that had been jumbling up Seungju’s mind until just moments ago stopped. And flew away in an instant. Seungju’s mind couldn’t keep up with why he was being criticized or what he should say.
“I don’t know what you’re doing running around outside…”
“Wait, wait a minute.”
Seungju sat up from where he’d been lying. In the dim darkness, he could see Muyeon’s mouth twisting. Seungju somehow felt he knew what would come next. Something like ‘fuck you’ or something with that kind of feel. He first felt it was unfair. What? Why? Why am I hearing this from him right now?
In his confusion, he picked the most impulsive answer.
“Are you speaking informally to me right now?”
Muyeon didn’t answer. He must have been at a loss for words. That alone made Seungju feel somewhat relieved in this incomprehensible situation.
Muyeon’s silence didn’t last long. He opened his mouth with a laugh. What was in his voice was scorn.
“You do all sorts of things, really.”
“What?”
“Are you doing this on purpose?”
“What? What am I doing?”
“Are you deflecting by asking if I’m speaking informally?”
This time, the person at a loss for words was Seungju. After the absurdity passed, he got angry, once again a beat late. Seungju finally got his bearings. His voice rose.
“Who’s deflecting right now?”
“Isn’t it you?”
“Me? I? You’re going too far. Deflecting? Where am I deflecting? Isn’t this what we should be talking about right now? Who was that person just now?”
“Are you really curious about that right now?”
Seungju again couldn’t find words to respond with. He closed his eyes and pressed both hands to his temples. And he thought for a moment. What the hell is this conversation?
Naturally, there was no way for Seungju to know the answer. He first turned on the mood lamp on the side table. Squinting his eyes at the dim but somewhat brighter view, Seungju pressed his forehead with one hand again.
When he looked up, sure enough, Muyeon was wearing a shameless expression. He’d seen cold expressionlessness before, but this was yet another new face. It was an attitude and manner of speech he was seeing for the first time, but it didn’t feel out of place. He’d once thought that showing an arrogant attitude seemed like a habit ingrained in his body.
However, that didn’t mean the boyfriend in front of him didn’t feel like a stranger. Seungju rubbed his eyes with his fingertips. It was an action to try to clear his head, but after doing so, he instead felt tired. Seungju put away the anger that had surged up earlier and backed down for now.
“I really… I really don’t understand, so could you tell me why you’re acting like this?”
“You don’t understand?”
“Ah, fuck… don’t speak informally.”
Muyeon let out a snort. Scorn again. Seungju felt the urge to punch him. You’re laughing? Go ahead and laugh. And Muyeon’s next words made Seungju clench his fists.
“You’re really shameless.”
“No… no… why should I be the one feeling guilty?”
“Do I have to spell it all out for you one by one? You’re not a stupid person, Heo Seungju.”
“Ah, fuck…. Hey!”
Seungju finally exploded. At the same time, he thought—weren’t Muyeon’s speech habits, which he’d thought were concerning, probably the result of diluting that temper by about a hundred times? How the hell did he learn this talent of being so impossible to communicate with and saying only things that grate on people’s nerves, when he’s not even completely dense?
Whether Seungju was holding his head in agony or not, Muyeon took an attitude of not caring. He crossed his arms as if to see how far Seungju would go. At the same time as his insides churned and anger surged at the arrogant gesture, Seungju suddenly realized anew that Muyeon’s forearms, which stood out thanks to the crossed arms, were unusually thick.
Right, surely he wouldn’t hit him, but an escalating fight wouldn’t be desirable either. Seungju let out a trembling sigh and said,
“I’m fucking stupid, so say it in a way I can understand.”
“……”
Muyeon was silent. While Muyeon was silent, time seemed to flow very slowly. When Seungju was about to raise his head to look at him again, Muyeon let out a sigh. Seungju’s reason awakening from sleep and alcohol—no, his instinctive awareness—immediately caught what that meant.
A sigh like a scene from a play. I’m letting you off because it’s you. That nuance as if he were conceding.
His thoughts leapt over several stages of logic to arrive at a conclusion. Because he’d felt something similar before. Deception, narcissism, self-satisfaction.
Surprisingly, that thought didn’t stab at Seungju’s anger. Instead, he felt something pressing down firmly on his heart. Seungju raised his hand and placed it on his chest. As if that would make the suffocating feeling stop.
Meanwhile, Muyeon slowly opened his mouth.
“Should we start with how I can’t reach you when you drink?”
“……”
He wasn’t in the mood to respond, but if they started with that story, he had nothing to say either. Muyeon continued.
“And next is how you cling to just anyone when you’re drunk.”
“……”
This was news to him. His sunken mood dropped another level with a sinking feeling. What the hell did I do to Baek Muyeon when I was drunk?
“And then you don’t remember anything, right?”
“……”
Scorn crept back into Muyeon’s voice. He was saying this knowing Seungju couldn’t say anything.
“And I heard you telling someone else that you and I are nothing to each other.”
“……”
“Now do you understand what I’m thinking?”
I don’t.
Seungju was lost in the subtext of the words he’d just spat out.
He repeatedly thought about those words—that he was angry because their relationship had been denied. If it was a line chosen for self-satisfaction, it was truly cunning. Because it made him want to believe it, regardless of what intention was behind it. Goosebumps rose. In the silence, Seungju suddenly realized he’d been holding his breath. He slowly exhaled. Along with the escaping breath, he only then became aware that the feeling pressing on his heart was the pain of a wound.
And his undiscerning heart tried to pick up clever words on its own to mend the wound. Seungju couldn’t help but grimace.
He forcibly shifted the focus of his thoughts, which were trying to run off the rails, to Muyeon’s question. Feeling like he’d already lost, he opened his mouth.
“Are you angry because you think I’m… treating you carelessly?”
“……”
Muyeon didn’t answer. After a moment, he sighed again. This time it was lighter. That didn’t grate on Seungju’s feelings. Rather, he felt a little relieved.
Muyeon uncrossed his arms and dropped his shoulders slightly. He raised one hand and touched Seungju’s cheek with his fingertips. Seungju was a little startled by the cold touch. Muyeon opened his mouth. His voice had softened.
“…Yeah, let’s go with that.”
“……”
“Good grief, really… you sure speak prettily.”
While complaining with his mouth, Muyeon’s large hand slowly cupped his face. His thumb rubbed his cheek. The touch that quickly found warmth was undoubtedly affectionate.
Enough to make him want to mistake that you and I share the same feelings.
Seungju suddenly felt angry. Shouldn’t he have gotten angry earlier if he was going to get angry? While thinking the order was a bit strange, Seungju blurted out words as his mood directed.
