# Chapter 91
I opened my eyes.
An unfamiliar ceiling came into view through my blurry vision. After being unable to speak properly to Woosang yesterday and wandering for a while, I had finally checked into a different hotel and tried to sleep.
I blankly counted the days. Today would be the final day of Woosang’s performance.
But my schedule still had nothing fixed. After postponing and delaying, the time for decision had finally arrived right before me.
I was seized by an urge to bury myself in bed and disappear. After breathing heavily for a while, I rolled my eyes around.
My vision wasn’t normal, as if the world had been turned upside down. I rubbed my eyes and extended my arm to support my body. Rising from my spot, I strained my slightly trembling legs. Thankfully, as time passed, the shaking world began to stabilize.
But there was no way I could do anything in this state. After pacing around the room for a while, I suddenly remembered what Woosang had said.
‘Even if Teo wants to leave for somewhere else as is, I don’t mind at all.’
I knew that wasn’t the complete truth, but nevertheless, it felt like a small choice had been placed before me.
And Woosang would surely allow me a small escape where I could catch my breath.
I really wanted to run away.
‘It’s not like I’m trying to escape completely, so…’
I just needed some time to care for my trembling body. I desperately needed Woosang’s warmth and gentle gaze.
I lifted my eyes and stared at the clock hanging on the wall. Having slept for nearly half the day, the clock was already past 2 PM.
His final performance would start soon. There wasn’t as much time as I thought. So I needed to meet Woosang before then.
I hurriedly prepared to leave and walked through the dizzy hallway. A staff member said something to me that I couldn’t understand, but I couldn’t give any reply.
After checking out at the front desk, I looked outside. The clear sky, completely opposite to my mood, felt indifferent.
Dragging my heavy body to the street, I looked at the bridge crossing the river. The place where I stayed with Woosang wasn’t far from the central station, but yesterday’s accommodation required crossing a large bridge from the central station.
Though it was only about a 10-minute walk, my body was too heavy to move quickly. With sharpened nerves, everything passing by irritated me.
And as the pain intensified, I somehow concluded that I needed to leave for a distant place.
Laboriously crossing the street, I arrived at the performance hall where the show would be held.
Looking around, despite there being time until the performance, the lobby was bustling with audience members who had come to see the final show.
Then, a familiar face caught my eye. It was definitely one of the dancers who performed with Woosang.
It felt awkward to interrupt as he was talking with someone, but I needed time to talk with Woosang. After hesitating, I carefully approached him and spoke.
[Excuse me.]
[Yes?]
Despite my sudden approach, the man looked at me with a calm gaze, as if used to it.
[Are you performing today?]
[Yes. Ah, you’re Woosang’s friend I saw in Munich before?]
[Yes. I can’t reach Woosang, so I was wondering if you might know where he is?]
The man kindly excused himself from his companions and gestured for me to follow him. Though the indoor air conditioning made the breeze refreshingly cool even inside my clothes, the small beads of sweat on my forehead wouldn’t disappear.
I lightly wiped away the sweat with my hand and silently followed the man.
I couldn’t tell if this was sweat from nervousness or from feeling dizzy.
[I did see Woosang going somewhere earlier… This is the waiting room where we keep our personal items, so he’ll stop by before the performance starts. Feel free to wait inside.]
[Thank you.]
I nodded lightly at the man’s kindness. Without saying anything more, he closed the door and headed outside.
With the sound of the door closing, complete silence arrived. The only sound was the tiny ticking of the second hand.
I liked this quietness because even the sound of passing breeze had been unbearably irritating. But being in this quiet place, I gradually felt myself becoming smaller.
When I stayed with Woosang in Paris, I didn’t mind being pushed around by numerous people; rather, it felt like naturally blending into the scenery.
But now, even someone’s ordinary footsteps felt like a knife stabbing me.
‘It’s okay. I’m sure it’ll get better after resting a bit. If I just meet Woosang…’
I lifted my head and stared at the clock on the wall.
3:40 PM. The performance would start in 20 minutes. But for some reason, Woosang still showed no sign of appearing.
Other performers stopped by to pick up necessary items or spoke to me out of courtesy, but Woosang did not appear.
I felt suffocated, as if someone was strangling me, because of Woosang’s absence which seemed almost intentional. I forcibly took deep breaths in and out, barely holding onto my sanity.
After meaninglessly torturing my fingertips, I checked the stinging sensation and saw drops of blood seeping from between my fingernails. I simply couldn’t break the habit of hurting myself.
Just then, there was a clicking sound as the door opened. Thinking it might be Woosang, I jumped up from my seat, but it was Bel with a somewhat tired face.
“…”
“…”
Bel, frozen at the sight of me, stood still at the door before boldly walking in.
“You don’t look good.”
“…”
“Did something happen?”
If she had been with Woosang, Bel would have surely noticed our situation through him. Despite this, I tried to think of what to say in response to her gentle inquiry.
“No, nothing happened.”
“Really?”
“…Yeah.”
My tongue felt bitter, and I hesitated for a long time. Then, gathering my thoughts, I pulled something from my mind.
“Um, by the way.”
“Yes?”
Though I had made up my mind to speak, I still couldn’t find words. If in the past I had to swallow what I wanted to say, now my mind was truly empty, unable even to create words.
“Next summer, let’s definitely go to the beach together.”
“…Sure.”
Despite everything, I managed to find and utter words I wanted to say to her.
Bel slightly frowned at my words, then quietly reached her hand out to me. But after hesitating for a while, she hid her hand behind her back, just put the towel she was holding into the cabinet, then turned around toward the door.
“I’ll go first. Woosang should be here soon.”
“Okay. Thank you.”
She left without responding to my thanks, closing the door behind her. Yet I didn’t think Bel was being harsh.
The conversation with Bel made me feel somewhat relieved from the tightness I had felt earlier.
That’s why I needed to talk with Woosang even more. Whether to forcibly escape or to settle everything with Hund, that was all I could do right now.
But as time passed, with less than 5 minutes remaining until the performance, Woosang still hadn’t entered the waiting room.
Time kept decreasing, and my briefly cleared mind began to clog up again as if it had never been clear.
It seemed I couldn’t wait here any longer. I would need to look around for him.
I abruptly stood up and pulled the door handle.
“Oh…”
At that moment, I felt a strong force on the pulled handle. And as if tied to that handle, Woosang swept in.
In the instant I looked at his eyes, they were filled with embarrassment and dismay.
“Woosang, where were you—”
I wanted to say “where were you,” but seeing him brushing past me and rushing inside, I could only tightly close my mouth.
His indifferent gesture passing by without even giving me a glance, and his unexpressed expression. With those small things, everything I had seemed to collapse.
Only the ticking sound of the clock’s second hand filled the room, and for some reason, I couldn’t hear the sounds Woosang made.
“Teo, I’m sorry, but let’s talk when I come back.”
“What?”
“I have to go now because the performance is about to start.”
Still without giving me a single glance, he hastily placed his belongings on the table and headed outside.
I couldn’t let Woosang go like this.
Somehow, it felt like if he left this place, he would never return. Such an absurd delusion filled my head.
“Should we just run away like this?”
I blurted out words arbitrarily to hold onto Woosang. I hadn’t intended to speak so abruptly, but these words were clearly what I wanted to say.
And he would definitely give a positive answer to this. The Woosang I knew would surely do so.
My heart was pounding as if about to burst.
“No.”
But the answer I heard was not at all what I expected.
He placed his firm hand on top of mine, which was holding onto him. Then he applied force and casually pushed my hand away.
That somewhat cold action felt like throwing me to the bottom.
“I have things I need to do.”
“But…”
A small silence lingered, but it didn’t last long.
“Let’s talk again when I come back.”
I couldn’t bear to watch him slowly moving away even in this small space. I extended my hand to the opening door and closed it.
Bang! With the loud noise of the closing door, Woosang released the tension from his shoulders and gazed emptily at the firmly closed door.
“…”
“Don’t go. Just for now…”
For now, I wanted him to be by my side. I wished he would look at me and tell me he loved me as if it were obvious. I eagerly waited for him to remind me why I was standing here.
“I need to go now. You know that.”
“…Is it because I said harsh things to Woosang? Is that why you’re taking revenge like this?”
I couldn’t stop my voice from becoming rough. The emotions that had been uncontrollable for days were creating another mistake.
He was the one who made me like this. Woosang couldn’t completely escape this responsibility.
“It was Teo who kept me from giving up dancing. Don’t you remember?”
“…”
“I already gave Teo options before. So,”
He paused and looked at the clock again.
Together with him, I looked at the relentlessly running clock. 4:01 PM. The performance had just started.
He pushed my arm away without hesitation and headed outside. Through the open door, cold air flowed in endlessly.
The cold air, making it feel as if stepping out would throw me into a frigid world, showed no sign of stopping.
“Wait. Just a moment…”
