Concert preparations were more enjoyable than I thought.
“No, you can’t step out with your left foot there. We’re doing this among ourselves right now, but this is choreography that eight people have to match. If you do it like that, you could collide with other members. Let’s go again.”
“……”
“The beat was wrong. You came in too early. Again.”
“……”
“You seem to have almost forgotten this choreography. Let’s repeat just this part again.”
“……”
“I told you to come up with the strength of your thighs, not your waist. Getting injured happens in an instant. Again.”
……Of course, that didn’t mean it was easy.
Min Seungwoo was a strict teacher. He meticulously checked movements, beats, and even the way I used my body. Wrong parts were repeated until they were corrected, and there was no such thing as letting things slide.
After explaining several times, Min Seungwoo stared at me silently with his arms crossed. By now, I knew on my own where and how I had made mistakes.
“……I’m sorry. Let’s go again.”
“Okay.”
Perhaps because they were songs I had done too long ago, I kept missing little details.
‘Still, my body does remember.’
Fortunately, I got better the more I repeated.
Only after repeating like that for a while could I earn Min Seungwoo’s approval.
“Let’s rest a bit and then continue.”
As soon as those words fell, the person standing next to me flopped down on the floor. Then he stretched out his hand and poked my ankle with his index finger.
“Ugh, this is killing me…… Ijae hyung, sit down too.”
As I plopped down, Kang Subin rolled over and came a little closer, grumbling.
“He’s someone who returned after almost two weeks, isn’t this too harsh, Teacher Seungwoo? The pace is too fast!”
Min Seungwoo, who had been leaning against the mirror quenching his thirst, replied nonchalantly.
“It’s not fast. You can keep up with this much. You actually did the full song.”
“That’s true, but……”
Kang Subin, who let out a deep sigh, lay down using my thigh as a pillow.
“But you’re following along better than I thought. I was actually surprised. You said you don’t remember us at all, so I thought you’d completely forgotten things like songs and choreography too.”
“Some things I remember and some I don’t. As I do them, they come back to me little by little.”
“Whoa, I see. Then as you spend time with us, things about me might come back to you one by one too?”
“About you?”
“Yeah. You said you only remember my name and age right now.”
My face was faintly reflected in Kang Subin’s round, dark eyes.
“You and I were close, hyung.”
I couldn’t help but smile awkwardly. Because it was a lie.
Perhaps that thought showed clearly on my face, as Kang Subin stuck out his lips.
“It’s true, but you don’t believe me. You used to give me lap pillows often, you know? Like right now.”
That was true. But to be precise, it was closer to the fact that this guy quickly approached me when I let my guard down and lay down using me as a pillow, rather than me giving him a lap pillow.
And this close atmosphere was created more because he liked people so much rather than because we were close.
Kang Subin. 19 years old this year. He came from 5th place in ‘For Stadium’ and was in charge of vocals. With his round, gentle features and his tousled hair dyed a bright golden color, he looked exactly like a Labrador Retriever.
The youngest member, who was as affectionate and clingy as he looked, was warmly friendly not only to me but to other people as well. He spent far more time attached to others than not.
Of course, that didn’t mean he liked just anyone. Kang Subin had his own standards. Perhaps because of that, I remembered him gradually avoiding me after dirty rumors started attaching to me one by one.
Right now is before that, so…….
“That’s a relief.”
At the words I muttered quietly, Kang Subin blinked.
“A relief? That you and I are close?”
Anticipation flickered in his clear eyes. That innocent emotion made a corner of my heart sting for some reason.
After hesitating for a moment, I asked.
“It’s a relief for me, but…… isn’t it too unrewarding for you?”
“Why would it be unrewarding? Because you can’t remember anything?”
“Yeah.”
“Just because you don’t know doesn’t mean the time we spent together disappears. It might come back to you as time passes. Like how the choreography is coming back to you little by little as you practice.”
“……”
“And so what if you can’t remember? Just keep getting along well in the future like we did before. Are you going to keep being awkward with me just because you don’t remember me, Ijae hyung?”
“……”
“Hyung?”
The words that continued in a chattering stream were all grateful words. However, the problem was that there was almost nothing I could give back in response to those words.
Whatever relationship we had, I would pretend not to remember anything. I would stay awkwardly like that, pretending not to know anything, acting as if nothing was coming back, and then when the right moment came, I would leave.
If I really disappeared from your side like that, wouldn’t you feel betrayed to the extent that you thought you were close to me?
‘Honestly, there’s that saying, right? There’s no smoke without fire. I don’t know anymore, honestly. It’s stressful that the group’s name keeps coming up on people’s lips with news that isn’t even good. Just when we were about to see the light……’
‘Subin.’
‘It’s kind of embarrassing to say I know you anywhere. I feel wronged because it feels like I’m being dragged down with you.’
After hearing those words, I didn’t want you to know the emotions I felt when I thought I had completely lost you.
“Hyuuung. Why aren’t you saying anything?”
As I just stayed silent, Kang Subin seemed to get anxious and frowned while squeezing my hand tightly.
Fortunately, before he could say anything more, Min Seungwoo intervened.
“Okay. Both of you get up. We need to start again.”
“Just 10 more minutes……”
“No. If you rest more, it’ll actually be harder.”
“What are you talking about? If we rest more, it’ll be even better.”
“……Let’s eat lunch after we finish the full next song. I’ll buy.”
“Oh, eating out!”
Kang Subin jumped up as if he had never been lying down. Then he even grabbed both my arms and helped me up.
“Let’s hurry and finish so we can eat. Do you want to choose the menu, Ijae hyung?”
“Me?”
“Yeah. Is there anything you want to eat?”
After about two hours of practice, the lunch menu I chose was udon.
“Udon? Suddenly?”
“……Is that too weird?”
“No, well. It’s not like it’s food we can’t eat? It’s not weird, but I wonder if Ijae hyung usually liked udon…… Can your tastes change if you lose your memory, Seungwoo hyung?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never lost my memory.”
“Hmmm.”
Kang Subin tilted his head. It must have seemed strange to go buy food that I didn’t usually seek out.
It made sense. During the year or so of dorm life, I had never once suggested eating udon. It wasn’t that I particularly disliked it, but I didn’t like it enough to seek it out either.
But I’m not quite sure why I said that. It seemed like an incomprehensible impulse had suddenly come over me.
“Huh? Wait. But Seungwoo hyung, flour… mmph.”
“Let’s go.”
Min Seungwoo, who had been putting on a thin jacket, covered Kang Subin’s mouth.
“I heard there’s a newly opened udon restaurant at the intersection. We can go there.”
At his words, I nodded with a slightly apologetic smile.
‘……I’m making him eat flour twice.’
Next time I should be more considerate without making it obvious—that thought briefly crossed my mind.
The small restaurant we followed him to was quite crowded. Perhaps because it was the middle of lunch time, less than 10 minutes after we finished ordering, four bowls of steaming udon filled the table. Kang Subin naturally pulled two bowls in front of him, saying he was hungry from moving around too much.
“Thank you for the meal. Enjoy your meal too, Ijae hyung. This is what you wanted to eat, right?”
As I hesitated while holding my chopsticks, Kang Subin placed a small plate in front of me and asked.
“Isn’t it?”
“It’s not that it isn’t, but……”
I definitely seemed to want to eat udon, but why does it feel a bit different from what I was thinking? After pondering for a moment, I picked up noodles with my chopsticks.
“Aren’t the udon noodles a bit thick?”
“Huh. Udon noodles originally look like this though?”
“I guess……”
Weren’t they thinner? The moment I thought that, a pleasantly low voice flashed through my mind.
‘Then shall we come again next time too?’
A food stall where cold wind came in every time people lifted the tarp and went in and out. A cramped plastic table so small that tall men’s knees would brush when sitting face to face. The food stall udon placed on top of it, where the only thing you could choose was the level of spiciness.
It was that udon I wanted to eat, the one I ate while sitting across from Seo Nakil, blowing on it to cool it down.
That perhaps meant I wanted to sit across from that quiet man and satisfy my hunger.
