I know it’s understandable.
‘For Starium’ was a desperate opportunity for everyone. In this place where everything was uncertain, there wasn’t a single person who didn’t struggle to grasp at the thread of hope. Just as I had, Min Seungwoo fought fiercely every moment.
“I was in the same group as you during the second round, hyung.”
“Yeah.”
He nodded as if he remembered.
“We had a meeting among ourselves and finished distributing all the parts, but then the vocal trainer suddenly said you should do the first chorus.”
At the time, my part was the bridge, and it was Min Seungwoo who was doing the chorus, the first killing part to appear. There had even been a unanimous consensus that we wanted Min Seungwoo to handle it since it was the most important part of the song.
The problem was that before the vocal trainer made that statement, the footage of him entering the individual consultation room with me had been broadcast.
Combined with the cunning editing that had been ongoing before, I was portrayed as if I had used others to steal Min Seungwoo’s rightful share. It was made worse by the fact that the trainer in question was someone who openly favored me even normally.
Not just the viewers, but other trainees criticized my actions too. I even heard people say to my face how enjoyable it must be to steal someone else’s opportunity through unfair means.
The opportunity obtained dishonorably didn’t even become mine. Because I was conscious of the controversy, I got so nervous that I made a mistake on stage.
After that incident, Min Seungwoo’s interview was released, and I learned that he was greatly disappointed in me.
‘……It was a misunderstanding.’
I didn’t want to do anything shameful in front of my own efforts. The vocal trainer’s favoritism was uncomfortable if anything—it was never something I welcomed.
It was true that the trainer called me first. I did hear him say he would give me the chorus part.
But I refused. I thought the bridge part suited me well, and I also said I didn’t want to change it. Even if I had wanted the first chorus, that was something to be coordinated among the trainees.
As time passed, that issue was forgotten somehow. So I missed the timing to explain. Since my debut had been decided and people had made an effort to accept it, bringing it up would just be picking at old wounds.
Still, what I was grateful for was that Min Seungwoo didn’t hold onto that disappointment for long. Was it because there was almost no change in his ranking regardless of how things went? Or perhaps…….
“I thought it was a misunderstanding.”
I quickly raised my head, which I had been lowering. Min Seungwoo’s calm face entered my eyes, which had widened in confusion.
“That talk about you trying to steal my part—I thought that was a misunderstanding.”
“……”
“Were you really trying to do that?”
Min Seungwoo looked at me quietly and said.
“That you asked the teacher to let you captivate people’s attention even if it meant stealing my opportunity?”
“That’s……”
The bread had long since been torn into small pieces. I pressed the back of my hand firmly with my fingertips and said quietly. It was frustrating that even though an opportunity had finally come, I couldn’t properly explain because I had to maintain the lie that I had no memory of it.
“I don’t really know what I was like back then. What if I really was that kind of person?”
“Ijae.”
“Honestly, there’s that saying, right? There’s no smoke without fire.”
Words that had once hurt me flowed right out of my mouth.
“I could really be someone with something to hide……”
“Subin said so. That if it’s anyone, Ijae hyung isn’t the kind of person who would do something like that. And I thought so too.”
“……”
“That must have been a misunderstanding.”
“Seungwoo hyung.”
“You probably didn’t do anything wrong.”
My throat choked up at those words that fell so cleanly. Those were the words that the me of some time ago had wanted to hear so desperately I nearly went crazy. Words that would have been more precious than life and more needed than gold…….
“……Then why did you say you were disappointed?”
“Ijae.”
Min Seungwoo glanced at my trembling fingertips and said.
“For Sta was famous for its devil’s editing. That’s why you suffered so much emotionally.”
“……”
“Why do you think only you were misunderstood?”
“It was a misunderstanding?”
His calm voice continued.
“In the individual evaluation, I lost to Seonho once.”
I know. At the time, due to poor condition, Min Seungwoo couldn’t properly perform the dance part and received harsh criticism from the judges. There was a lot of talk about how the evaluation was harsher than expected, saying surely that Min Seungwoo wouldn’t be eliminated.
Fortunately, Min Seungwoo overcame the crisis. After that, he soared as if he had awakened, and even created the famous ‘For Starium undefeated legend’ himself.
“At that time, I didn’t think I lost in the competition, but rather that I didn’t properly manage my condition and didn’t do my best. It’s not a problem that I couldn’t do better than Kwon Seonho. The problem was that I did a stage I thought was shameful.”
“……”
“So in the interview I did after that stage ended, I answered that I was disappointed in myself, but……”
I said in a dazed voice.
“The first part…… was cut?”
“I didn’t know it would be cut like that and attached to your issue either.”
As I continued to tremble, Min Seungwoo spoke in a slightly softer voice.
“You seemed like you had no intention of explaining, so I couldn’t say anything either. It was a bit awkward to grab you when you seemed uncomfortable and bring up that incident first. I’m glad you brought it up first like this.”
“I……”
I bit my lip and lowered my head. Min Seungwoo waited for me. Until I raised my head again and looked at him, he just watched silently.
I had always found him difficult, with his cold and calm atmosphere. Perhaps because I couldn’t shake off the guilt from that time and avoided Min Seungwoo, he too had been cautious around me—that thought occurred to me.
I only knew that my misunderstanding was unfair and frightening, but I never dreamed that others might have been misunderstood like me too.
“……”
Strictly speaking, this was a crossroads. If I wanted, I could change direction here and take a different path.
No, I had to take a different path. If I took the same path, all that awaited me was a plummeting future.
If my future was to change, my choices had to change too. If silence couldn’t solve anything, then I had to open my mouth even if it was difficult.
‘Come with me.’
Because of that voice that said it would show me the way, I wanted to try making an effort.
I took a deep breath and opened my lips.
“I’m sorry for misunderstanding. I thought you were disappointed in me, but since we were debuting together anyway, you had buried the past.”
“You thought that apart from being disappointed, I would help with your comeback?”
“……Yes.”
I thought he would be dumbfounded, but surprisingly, Min Seungwoo laughed.
“Still, you were thinking well of me.”
“Well, Seungwoo hyung is a good person……”
I felt like the high wall that had been between us was gradually crumbling. It was a ticklish, strange feeling.
“I’m not quite such a good person.”
It was a completely unconvincing statement coming from someone who had cleanly devoured a cream bread he wouldn’t normally have even glanced at. Instead of answering, I shrugged my shoulders.
“The problem with misunderstandings is that they pile up too easily but are hard to resolve. Still, wouldn’t it get better if we got to know each other better?”
Saying we should talk more now that we’d opened up, Min Seungwoo leaned forward slightly. Between his fingers was a bread wrapper already folded into a scab shape.
“How was it after watching the whole program? Didn’t you have any questions for me?”
“Um……”
“You can comfortably tell me what kind of person I seemed like.”
What could there be to be curious about regarding Min Seungwoo from the ‘For Starium’ days? After thinking carefully, I asked.
“What kind of relationship do you have with Kwon Seonho hyung?”
“Seonho?”
“In For Sta, it felt like you were kind of…… rivals? Like you clashed beyond just competing.”
To some extent, it was true. At least Kwon Seonho was like that. He was always conscious of Min Seungwoo. To put it nicely, he burned with competitive spirit, and to put it badly, he took issue with everything.
That rivalry somehow turned into hostility as time passed. Kwon Seonho would grab me at every opportunity and speak badly about Min Seungwoo.
‘Min Seungwoo, that goody-two-shoes bastard. Even his looks are annoying, and the way he looks at me is so irritating from the start. I’m sure of it. He hates me too.’
But thinking about it, that was just Kwon Seonho’s one-sided claim. I, who had been intoxicated by the fact that I had a special relationship with him at the time, always just nodded at Kwon Seonho’s words, but I don’t think I ever thought to ask Min Seungwoo directly.
“Do you hate Seonho hyung?”
