# Chapter 19
“Have you had any water or food?”
“He hasn’t had a single drop of water for days. It seems his leg is broken. I couldn’t go inside…”
After hearing Jiman’s urgent explanation, Wimu called a soldier and had him unlock the cell. The soldier hesitated slightly but followed his instructions without talking back at Wimu’s firm urging. I smiled at him as he entered the prison cell. The corner of my mouth stung as it split.
“It’s been a while.”
Wimu gave a hollow laugh at my words. I could understand his disbelief. After all, my wretched appearance greeting him couldn’t help but be ridiculous.
“Can you stand up?”
I tried to push against the floor with all my might to raise my body, but it was beyond me. I was too weak to even maintain balance. It was partly because I had lost too much blood. Seeing me stagger, Wimu approached and supported me so I could sit properly.
He tilted the water bottle he had brought and let water flow into my mouth. As my parched mouth became moist, some strength returned. Jiman anxiously examined me as I hung limply on Wimu’s arm. Wimu looked back and forth between Jiman and me, and asked:
“How did you get injured?”
“That’s…”
Jiman hesitated and glanced at the soldier standing guard. The soldier fidgeted as the injury was mentioned and approached the bars. Wimu gestured to him, demanding an explanation. The soldier’s account followed in an aggrieved voice. Most of it consisted of justifying his own actions. He didn’t forget to mention that Kadilen was also angry.
“You used me to play such a trick. I couldn’t help but lose my temper and…”
“…I understand.”
Wimu’s response was concise. I wanted to see what expression his face would make after hearing the circumstances. I raised my head with difficulty to check his emotions. Tight lips and frighteningly subdued eyes. It was the emotion I had feared most to discover in him.
“You’re disappointed in me.”
Though I spoke calmly, my eyes grew hot. I couldn’t cry over something like this. After barely regaining a neutral expression, I waited for his answer. Wimu’s gaze, who had been sitting supporting me while organizing his thoughts, fell on me. I feared the words that would come out of his mouth.
“I resent you, Ludin.”
In the end, what he expressed was resentment. As if even having such emotions was painful to himself, Wimu’s face greatly contorted. I could understand how he felt. Though I couldn’t know exactly what Ludin meant to him, I knew he had always trusted Ludin. It was my choice to deliberately try to shatter that trust. Nevertheless, the moment of facing his resentment was painful.
“I tried to remember only the times when you shone. No matter how many impossible things you attempted, I tried to believe in you, thinking of the past. Now even I am tired. If there is a reason, please say something.”
His distorted face was tangled with numerous emotions. It was a face I had created — though his feelings for Ludin were so many and tender, I always shattered his expectations.
“It’s a misunderstanding. He just spoke that way to help Kadilen.”
“Jiman, you don’t need to do that.”
Though Jiman cried out as if wronged, Wimu’s eyes, full of disappointment, only grew darker. The soldier, aggravated by his words, added:
“You made excuses like that then too. The master was greatly angered. Still not reflecting…”
“Enough.”
Wimu, who had been listening to the conversation with a pained face, ordered in a low voice. The soldier pursed his lips with a displeased expression. Breaking the silence that had momentarily fallen, I opened my mouth.
“I’m sorry. I need to survive too. Kadilen is going to kill me.”
If I had no choice but to hurt him, it was better to completely crush his expectations. That way, he could resent me with an easier heart. I knew well how much a little hope could break a person. That was also the biggest reason why Wimu had suffered because of Ludin. The tiny hope created by the brilliant past. He had been watching over me until now, desperately clinging to it.
Wimu’s head dropped at my words, which drove a wedge into his disappointment. He put down the water bottle and moved away from me. Without hesitation, he left the cell and had the soldier lock it even more securely. The soldier smiled with satisfaction as he looked at me, left alone. Wimu opened his mouth one last time.
“I now realize that the person I knew has disappeared, Ludin.”
After checking my slumped figure once more, he turned away with a frown. Though I thought I had become immune to his retreating back, my heart collapsed helplessly. I felt pathetic for trying to check if there was any hesitation at all in his footsteps as he strode away from me. As if not feeling my persistent gaze at all, he walked out of the building without faltering. I lowered my head, unable to keep his diminishing figure in my sight until the end.
Jiman huffed and shouted. Though the soldier sharply cautioned him, his anger showed no signs of cooling.
“Why do you give up explaining?! If you’ve already abandoned everything and sided with Kadilen, you shouldn’t be treated like this!”
“Don’t get angry too, Jiman…”
It was my selfishness. The desire for him to be kind to me at least. Though it was a selfish wish, it was so desperate. His eyes reddened upon hearing my plea. I hadn’t meant to make Jiman sad, but I was too tired to control my words anymore.
“Just don’t hate me…”
“How could I hate you?”
I felt guilty seeing him quickly subdue his anger and comfort me. Jiman slumped down on the spot, stroking his face, tinged with fatigue, with one hand. The soldier, relieved at the calmed commotion, disappeared to resume his guard duty. A heavy silence settled in the space where only Jiman and I remained.
Though both my body and heart were tired, I couldn’t just remain still like this. As my deliberation lengthened, it seemed night had fallen as the outside became quiet. The exhausted Jiman collapsed and fell asleep. Even the soldier who had been keeping watch, occasionally checking on me and Jiman, seemed to be dozing, as there was no sign of movement. I stayed awake alone, thinking and thinking again.
Everything prepared at the palace was useless if I couldn’t convey it to Kadilen. No matter how good the information I had about securing advantageous positions, it was pointless since Kadilen didn’t trust me. Since I had failed to convince him that I had become an opportunist and taken his side, I needed another way to make him believe my words.
Kadilen’s distrust toward me was deeper than I thought. In the background, I thought his distrust toward Zendal would be great. Since Kadilen didn’t know much about Ludin, it seemed that Zendal’s consistent threats and Ludin’s suspicious changes had intertwined to give him certainty.
Almost a month had passed since the preparation for treason began. Jiman said he had been locked up here almost immediately after I left for the palace, so there was no way for me to know how far and in what way Kadilen’s preparations had progressed. It would be best if he could be safe without my help, but I was too anxious to simply believe that the original storyline would be diverted.
Looking at the sleeping Jiman, I sank into worry. It was impossible to persuade him with Ludin’s body anyway. The only method given to me was to continue conveying information to him, whether he believed my words or not. So that Kadilen might be at least a little cautious of the transmitted information.
I thought that if the same warning was repeated, it would concern him, no matter how uncertain the source was. My new role was to warn him incessantly. But there was a big problem. Because I had a record of failing after trying to coax a soldier to call Kadilen, it was even more difficult to approach him. How on earth could I make him listen to my story?
If he had no intention of coming here, I had to at least convey words to him. I examined my luggage to see if there was a pen or paper. There was nothing I needed.
As I moved my body, the untreated wounds were rubbed by clothes and the floor, bringing pain. Gritting my teeth and enduring the pain, my eyes closed. I needed to find a means to convey what I knew to Kadilen quickly, but my exhausted body was demanding sleep.
Though I tried to regain consciousness several times, I eventually succumbed to the overwhelming sleepiness. Before falling into sleep, I prayed that Kadilen wouldn’t appear in this dream.
* * *
Not long after, I woke up screaming.
It was a nightmare of Kadilen dying. Just like in the original work, he was caught by Zendal’s army at the first path to the palace and his head was cut off. His face, brutally sliced by Zendal’s golden sword, rolled toward me as I sat slumped.
The moment I saw Kadilen’s corpse, killed without even closing his eyes, a scream naturally escaped.
“Ludin!! Calm down. I’m here!”
I caught my breath while listening to Jiman’s voice reassuring me. My rapid breathing made my head dizzy. His firm voice helped me regain a sense of reality. Jiman continuously repeated words to soothe me until my trembling body subsided and I could breathe steadily.
“Everything is fine. We’ll be alright.”
The truth of those words wasn’t important. With his gentle voice, I gradually regained stability and raised my heavy body. Jiman’s concerned gaze followed.
“Did you have a nightmare?”
“…I’m fine now. It was just a dream.”
At my calm answer, he seemed a bit relieved and released the tension in his body. Though I tried to ignore it, the content of the dream gave me goosebumps. It was something that might happen before long. In my urgency, I searched through my luggage again. As expected, there was no pen.
“How long have I slept?”
“It’s hard to tell the time since we can’t see outside. You woke up not long after I awoke.”
His uncertain answer made me even more anxious. After continuously searching for tools, I finally gave up on finding what I needed. But I couldn’t stop here. My clothes, soaked with blood and sweat, caught my eye. Selecting a part that was as dry as possible, I tore off my upper garment.
I placed the tattered cloth on the floor and bit my finger. Jiman was startled by my sudden action and hurriedly tried to stop me.
“What are you doing?!”
Ignoring him, I bit my finger harder. Eventually, a deep wound formed where I had torn with my teeth. Using the blood flowing from the wound, I wrote letters on the cloth. Whenever the bleeding stopped, I bit again to ensure enough blood flowed. Jiman gave up trying to stop me and just watched the writing I was making.
I wrote three words. The letters were crooked as the direction was difficult to control.
“What… what is this?”
“These are places Kadilen must avoid. I don’t know about other places, but if he passes through these, he will die.”
When he sets out, Jiman and I wouldn’t be left behind. I was their most valuable asset. They wouldn’t abandon Ludin as a hostage for the success of the rebellion. Probably, when Kadilen’s army departs, Jiman and I would accompany the entire journey as his prisoners.
That meant that I would eventually have the opportunity to leave this prison and get close to Kadilen.
When that time comes, I intended to hand him this cloth. Even if it was discarded immediately, it was enough for the three words written in blood to be seen by his eyes. Once he confirmed the locations, I planned to shout them every time I had a chance to face him. So that he would remember my warning, if only out of annoyance.
Blood continued to flow from my repeatedly bitten hand. Though I thought it wasn’t much, my weakened body couldn’t withstand even a small amount of bleeding and staggered. As my knees buckled, I deliberately ignored the painful leg injury and neatly folded the cloth with the three locations written on it. It was my last method.
If even this failed, there would be no options left.
I had also considered taking all the blame and begging Zendal for his life. Since I would lose my life anyway, I could use it to save him. But I couldn’t be sure that Zendal, witnessing the betrayal of his beloved son, would spare all those associated with him. Perhaps he might kill me and then eliminate everyone, including Kadilen.
I could feel the sensation of the neatly folded cloth between my fists. As Jiman said, I earnestly prayed that everything would be alright.
* * *
Several days passed as Jiman and I shared and vomited the spoiled food given by the soldier. Finally, there was the movement I had been waiting for.
When the building door opened, there was commotion outside. Several soldiers entered and unlocked the cell where Jiman and I were confined. Despite Jiman’s questions about what was happening, they kept their words to a minimum with stony faces.
Soon, we were grabbed by rough hands and dragged outside the building. My legs, which couldn’t function properly, were helplessly dragged along the ground.
I squinted at the sunlight I was encountering after a long time. I didn’t know how long we had been locked up. Shielding the bright sunlight with my hand, I looked around and saw a fully armed army lined up in formation.
It was the beginning of the rebellion.
