Sagyeong unconsciously glanced down at his own fingers. When his hand had touched his middle finger, it had felt as if he was caressing his finger, which was bewildering.
‘He did that when we shook hands this morning too……’
However, the immediate problem was that he couldn’t ask Sewan, the only person who could resolve this question, for an answer. How could he ask?
Did you touch my finger like that on purpose?
“Haah……”
Letting out a long sigh as if dragging it out, Sagyeong’s back as he collapsed onto the desk looked strangely drained of energy. Mintae, who glanced at this, patted his thin shoulder as if to comfort him or tease him. Then, sitting in his chair and leaning his head back, he kept poking his back repeatedly, so Sagyeong had no choice but to turn around to look at him.
“What is it? Sunbae-nim.”
“Mr. Kim, why were you like that in the autopsy room earlier? I saw you make that kind of mistake.”
Already troubled as he was, he had nothing to say when thrown such a direct pitch.
In reality, Sagyeong as seen by everyone was someone who followed rules. He was a principled person who didn’t even arrive late a single day without special reason. He was thorough and meticulous, never once missing documents.
His personality was also quite calm and composed, and he was very considerate. He maintained courtesy toward the corpses on the autopsy table to the extent that he endured looking at a corpse so severely damaged that all who observed felt nauseated, then quietly locked himself in the bathroom after the autopsy was completely finished to retch.
Thanks to this, it was understandable that Mintae was surprised by the fumbling mistake that anyone could make today, if the subject was Sagyeong. It was because Sagyeong had never spaced out in front of an autopsy table.
“I guess I was tired because I haven’t been sleeping well lately.”
“Why couldn’t you sleep? Ahh…… is it because of what happened at the concert last time? Well, it was pretty shocking. Since there’s a Korea University ward right next to us, why don’t you go to psychiatry and get some counseling?”
“It’s not that serious. There won’t be such mistakes in the future. I’m sorry for making you worry.”
“Hey, what do you have to be sorry to me about? I just asked because I was worried. Work. Work.”
Sagyeong, who gave an eye greeting to Mintae waving his hands in denial, looked straight ahead again. Naturally, he still couldn’t concentrate properly on his work. He kept being concerned about Sewan. He found himself biting between his teeth.
Recalling his coldly shining eyes, his spine became chilly for no reason.
Even before, he had thought the kid who was still so young was completely inscrutable, but that aspect seemed to have intensified as he grew up. The resigned attitude that hadn’t suited the child and had constantly bothered him had disappeared, but perhaps as an aftereffect, conversely he gave off a somewhat perverted and sinister atmosphere. Just as he had learned to pretend nothing was wrong about everything to survive, Sewan had also changed somehow.
Sagyeong, who had been thinking repeatedly, lowered his head with the momentum of burying it in the desk.
Since Sewan had appeared before him, he had been spending a lot of time trying to gauge his intentions and thoughts. He was wasting time making a fuss like this alone when he didn’t even remember him either way.
‘Should I quit this place?’
He had worked for three years, and now the team members worked in sync without even having to speak, so he had many regrets.
But if you hate the temple, the monk must leave. If you don’t have the capacity to move temples, you have no choice but to comply—that was the principle of life.
Of course, it would be the very last method, but Sagyeong, who had imagined the situation of quitting the research institute, swallowed a gloomy sigh inside. Then, with a “ddriring” sound, the intercom rang noisily. Soon his clean hand gripped the receiver.
“Yes, this is Kim Sagyeong.”
– Researcher-nim, there’s a visitor request. They say they’re police? They’re in the lounge right now.
“Police? Which case is it?”
– It doesn’t seem like they came because of an autopsy case. It’s Officer Jeong Seongyu-nim. Probably because of that incident. The concert.
Sagyeong, who was mulling over the other person’s name, nodded. It seemed that was the name of the police officer who had said he would question him on the day of the incident.
“Ah, Officer Jeong. I know him. Yes, I understand. I’ll come out right away.”
Sagyeong, who carefully stood up, glanced at Mintae. Then, as if he had figured out what it was about just by listening to the rough content of the call, he waved his hand as if telling him to go well and come back.
As expected, it was burdensome to leave people with whom he got along so well and find a new job. Sagyeong barely gathered his heart, which couldn’t do this or that, and left the research room.
* * *
Creak. The door opened.
Sagyeong entered the break room. At the same time, a police officer with a familiar face rose from his seat.
As he approached the table where the officer sat, the gesture of extending his hand to offer a seat was quite well-executed. Yet it was also kind. Even during the brief investigation he’d undergone at the time, Sagyeong had instinctively sensed that Inspector Jeong was a refined person similar to himself. He could feel the unique instability of someone who hid anger or sadness beneath their face while pretending to be fine on the surface.
And strangely, he detected a slight sense of guilt directed at him. They’d only just met that day, so he didn’t know why. Did this man look at other people that way too?
“You’re Researcher Kim Sagyeong-nim, correct? I apologize for coming without notice like this. Do you remember me?”
“Yes, of course. We met just a few days ago. But is there something you need from me…? I already told you everything I knew during the scene investigation.”
Sagyeong looked at him quietly with suspicious eyes. Then Inspector Jeong waved his hands as if reading the doubt beneath that gaze, showing an awkward smile.
“I’m not here to investigate. We haven’t even properly identified a suspect yet. We’re just conducting a comprehensive investigation of the people who attended that day and the victim’s acquaintances. I was just passing by and thought of you, so I stopped in. I also have something to tell you.”
“What is it you wanted to tell me?”
“This place is near the jurisdiction for that case. It’s up to the prosecutor to decide, but there’s a high probability that the victim’s body will end up here.”
Sagyeong, who had been casually pushing aside the paper cup in front of him, flinched. It was inevitable that he would recall the corpse that had collapsed into his arms that day. A slight chill ran down his spine, but forcing a composed expression onto his face, Sagyeong asked calmly.
“I saw on the news that they haven’t gotten consent from the bereaved family yet. Has that been settled?”
“No. If it’s not sorted out within this week, we’ll probably just get a warrant. The media’s ready to tear us apart, but solving the case is important too. For now, the prosecutor in charge is continuing to persuade the family.”
“I see.”
“I heard Dr. Gi Sewan is here. The one who did the initial examination of the body.”
“Ah, right. He’s here. It would make sense for him to continue with it.”
“Yes. But I was worried that this might have become traumatic for you, Researcher Kim. My colleagues say you see corpses every day so you’d be fine, but… I think being in that kind of situation is an entirely different matter.”
He was right. It was an entirely different matter for him, so from deep within, a wish arose that this case wouldn’t be handled at this location. Moreover, if that autopsy was assigned to Sewan, it would become his responsibility too. But Sagyeong could count on one hand the number of times he’d properly expressed what he wanted. He rarely opened up honestly about things he disliked or found uncomfortable. Because he didn’t want to create conflict. This time was no different.
“I work with corpses every day. I’m fine. But I’m also a witness—is that okay?”
“You have a solid alibi for that time, and there’s no connection at all between you and the victim.”
“I wish I could have heard that person’s last words.”
“You can hear them from now on.”
Since it was something he couldn’t refuse or avoid anyway, Sagyeong tried to think it was for the best. If he participated in the autopsy and provided a clue for the investigation that led to catching the culprit, he might be able to resolve the strange discomfort that had been weighing on his mind since that day.
He quietly nodded and clenched and unclenched his hands for no reason, when Inspector Jeong stood up from his seat—apparently that really had been his only business. Sagyeong, who had unintentionally ended up looking up at him, tilted his head.
“You’re leaving already?”
“I have to go. I really was just passing by.”
“Ah… Take care.”
“I’m relieved that you seem okay. I’ll see you at the autopsy then.”
When Sagyeong awkwardly bowed and tried to stand up to see him out, Inspector Jeong waved his hand as if telling him not to come out and quickly left the break room. Sagyeong, who had been about to chase after him to see him off, soon gave up and turned his gaze to the window.
At some point, sleet had started falling outside. He wished white snow would fall heavily enough to cover the earth, but in truth, that amount wouldn’t even come close.
Observing the falling snow and mulling over Inspector Jeong’s words about how he should listen well to the dead person’s words from now on, Sagyeong muttered softly to himself.
“From now on…”
They say the dead don’t speak, but that’s not actually true. Corpses prove far more than one might think. What they ate before dying, how healthy they were while alive, what illnesses tormented them internally during that time…
But their emotions—those you can never know.
When it comes to the heart, once you die, everything ends. There is no such thing as “from now on.”
Inevitably, he recalled that time when Sewan was a child who knew nothing. That very time when he’d allowed him to live, him—the son of the world’s most terrible person. At the very least, he had protected all of Sewan’s “from now ons” while he grew into an adult. If there had been many happy moments, that would be fortunate amidst the misfortune, but if it had been the opposite, from Sewan’s perspective, he must have resented him for a long time.
