‘I, I couldn’t make Ruben smile like that even if he kicked my shin with full force…’
I’ve watched Ruben for quite a long time and have come to know even the subtle changes that pass across his face. It was a natural ability I gained from paying attention to him. Originally, I’m often told that I’m oblivious. But I think I’m an exception when it comes to Ruben.
It’s not that Ruben doesn’t smile at all in front of me. He’s definitely smiled real smiles in front of me before—not sneers or manic laughter, but genuine smiles. When that happened, Ruben would wear a gentle smile. It was a kind smile, as if soft, warm light was seeping from his entire body. I first saw that smile of his and had my heart completely stolen, leading to this moment.
But now it was different. Laughter bursting out reflexively at the sound of splashing water, laughter continuing without catching his breath like a child. Like a child bursting into laughter while splashing in water, it was completely unguarded joy. That’s why I felt strangely alienated. Because this laughter didn’t exist in the world of Ruben that I knew.
I had seen his anger, his insults, his cynicism for a long time, but I had never been allowed such joy. I had never seen this kind of face. An expression given over to purposeless pleasure—it was something I’d never been allowed from him.
Even while laughing together with Ruben, deep in my heart it hurts as if being stabbed. Isn’t the smile he makes looking at the woman before him Ruben’s real smile? The thought occurred to me that perhaps that kind smile he showed me was actually something he forced himself to fabricate. The thought that my love might have started from deception almost makes me want to cry.
The fact that a loved one’s laughter can be this lovely—am I perhaps fundamentally a being who cannot know this? Such unguarded joy might not be permitted to me, whom Ruben wouldn’t choose in his right mind.
Out of spite, when I splashed water at Ruben too, he escaped completely into the water. Ruben was really good at swimming. Is it natural since there’s a pool in the house? Unable to swim at all, I flailed around chasing Ruben, but couldn’t even reach his feet. Ruben circled the pool once to tease me, then came behind me and hugged my waist.
“Wh, whoa?!”
I almost fell as my legs gave out from the sudden contact, but barely managed to find my balance. After several attempts to pull me backward as if to knock me down, Ruben came out of the water and swept his hair back.
“Haha, you don’t fall easily. Usually women fall right over when I do this.”
“Ah, uh, th, then, do, don’t you like it…?”
“No. It means you have good core strength, right? I like healthy women.”
Ruben, sweeping back his sparkling blond hair and smiling kindly, is dizzyingly beautiful. The gentle appearance is all Ruben’s acting. I knew that. I also knew that none of the women who dated Ruben were happy. But Ruben wasn’t just beautiful—he was kind. Just as I had imagined that day I first saw him, kind and friendly. Did he act this way when alone together? Actually, wasn’t this his true nature and his public persona the act? I know it’s not. This appearance won’t last even a few days either. Even knowing that, I wanted to be deceived. Everyone else before must have wanted to be deceived by this appearance too.
‘But, healthy women…’
I suggested him as a lover, but even knowing I’m a man, Ruben seems to think a lover must be a woman. I need to fix this somehow—while I was hesitating with that thought, a moist hand touched mine.
“Here, it’s warm, but…”
“…”
“Don’t you want to go somewhere warmer?”
Important thoughts fly away again. Wet eyelashes, swept-back blond hair and a handsome forehead. Seeing Ruben looking at me with a slightly flushed gaze as warm as a campfire, I just want to be deceived again.
*
“Huk, ha, uh, uut…”
“Ruben, haat, Ruben, so, I love it so much…”
I whispered while interlacing my fingers with Ruben’s. Even before getting to bed, Ruben kissed me and tried to lift my legs to do the so-called princess carry, but failed. Not just because of weight. Ruben possesses monstrous strength and could easily lift me up if he wanted.
However, perhaps because he couldn’t quite perceive that I’m bigger in build than him, or because it was my fault for squirming as I couldn’t accept the princess carry position at all, after several attempts he failed to carry me that way. Still, Ruben seemed to be doing his best to create a romantic mood. It was nice that he continued kissing as we entered the bedroom and laid me down on the bed.
However, Ruben, who experienced another failure when trying to spread my legs, seemed greatly flustered by my body not working as expected. It must have been his first time encountering the situation of his sex partner’s body being male. Taking the initiative from Ruben, who was flustered as if experiencing cognitive dissonance, was easier than expected.
“Ruben, huk, aah,”
“Go, good, kuk, li, like that, hiuk, call my name…”
After giving him a blowjob as usual to loosen his hole and slowly inserting, I felt something different from usual. Though what he’s feeling should be the same, Ruben was making an unusually strong effort not to make sounds today.
In reality, he’s spreading his legs beneath me right now and taking my cock, but is a healthy beauty named Elbek Tenjis riding him in cowgirl position in Ruben’s head? Jealousy surged toward the non-existent female Elbek, and I changed my mind about wanting to be gentle just for today.
“Ak, aah…!”
When I pressed down on Ruben’s body to deepen the insertion, Ruben screamed. Though Ruben’s rigidly erect member had a condom on it—when did he put that on?—so I couldn’t see the usual cute sight of him dripping semen, love fluid still spurted out from between his hole. It would be a sensation he could absolutely never feel from being penetrated. Knowing that I’m the only one who gave such pleasure to Ruben as an omega, my slightly displeased mood cleared.
“U, usually, kuk, no, not this, fast…”
“I know, I know…”
Though I knew there are times when it’s usually faster, Ruben was just so lovely that I kiss his protesting mouth. Feeling Ruben’s soft tongue touching my tongue along with a sweet scent, my chest swelled tight with affection.
“Wup, uuup…”
Moreover, Ruben’s kiss is especially aggressive today. His soft tongue sucks on my tongue, caresses my palate as if massaging it, and eagerly drinks my saliva. Ruben’s legs wrap around my waist, and he bounces as if moving together too, matching my rhythm. It seems I’ll be the one faster than usual, not Ruben. I pushed my cock deep into Ruben’s womb and moved my hips vigorously.
“U, uuk…!”
Ruben’s back stiffened and I felt water leaking from the junction once again. As he reached climax, my urge to ejaculate rushed in all at once from the inner walls tightening even more.
“Ru, Ruben, Ruben…!”
I screamed and pulled Ruben into my arms. Ruben’s scent sweeps through my mind and scrapes down my spine. I felt my member swelling as I ejaculated semen into Ruben’s inner walls. Is this what it feels like to be loved by Ruben? Was Ruben actually a human capable of something called love? Until now, was it simply that I wasn’t loved because I was me? Despair that assaulted me along with the ejaculation sensation made me pull Ruben in without any gaps.
“Huk, keuk, ah, aat…”
Ruben moaned weakly as he received semen into his belly. His hand fumbled up touching my back and pressed firmly on the nape of my neck.
“It feels good…”
When Ruben whispered in my ear along with a sigh, a thrill ran through me as if all the fine hairs on my body stood on end.
It was fine even if I wasn’t loved. In this moment, Ruben’s attention, Ruben’s affection captivated me more than anything in the world.
It was fine even if all of Ruben’s kind aspects were false. It didn’t matter if he wasn’t truly loving me, or if he was human scum incapable of something called love. If I could feel this sensation forever. If I could continue receiving even a little of his love, it didn’t matter at all.
Anyway, to Ruben I was originally a being who didn’t need to exist, trash and dregs. Even if he did terrible things to his previous girlfriends, did he only do what he’s doing to Elbek Tenjis?
‘I can endure it…’
If Ruben in private was always like this to his girlfriends, I can tolerate Ruben’s other evil deeds. I can bear it. If he gives me this kind of carrot, then a whip, even a club is fine!
Thinking that way while enjoying the afterglow of ejaculation and the satisfaction of knotting, I didn’t know yet at that time.
Just how terrifying Ruben as a lover could be.
