“Dad….”
I don’t know why I’m so certain it’s them. They’re not human and don’t resemble them at all, so why. Perhaps because I was so flustered, my head seemed to stop thinking for a moment and went blank.
“It’s not… right…?”
“Even if we’re reborn, please let us stay by the side of our child who will have no next life.”
He spoke in a low voice and hugged me.
“This time, please give us the power to protect our child without pain, without injury.”
My eyes felt hot. Tears flowed down my cheeks, so I blinked. Then the Haechi I had put down ran over and clung to my leg. Making sad whining sounds.
“That was their wish.”
He let me go. I sat down in that spot and held the Haechi in my arms. My head was too blank for any words to come out. Why did you make such a wish? Why on earth did you do that….
“Why….”
“Neither of them have memories of the past. They only remember the you of now who gave them a ball and talked to them.”
“That’s a relief… I….”
Is it a relief? I don’t know. Why didn’t they just be born somewhere else and live happily. Why did both of them do that. Why such a foolish wish…. I stroked the Haechi blankly. Then the Haechi whined and climbed up to lick my cheek. The Haechi that had been in Bihyeon’s arms also came out of those arms and leaned its body close to mine. They seemed to be comforting me. As if that became a trigger, tears burst out.
“Why did you do that… Don’t you even hate me?”
Aren’t you sick of me? You died twice because of me. But why are you trying to protect me again…. As I spoke in a trembling voice, the Haechis looked at each other and then patted my body with their short front paws to comfort me. In the end, I sobbed and wailed, hugging the two of them tightly. Perhaps infected by my sadness, the Haechis also started shedding tears. Feeling the warmth of these beings whining and snuggling into me, I poured out my sobbing tears.
“No… these aren’t the words that should come first….”
Right, there were words I needed to say before these hateful words.
“I’m sorry for hurting you twice. Thank you for coming back without hating me….”
My body trembled as I cried as if I was about to stop breathing, mumbling words of thanks over and over. Thank you, for giving me one more chance…. Now I won’t make Mom and Dad suffer, I’ll protect you, I’ll make you happy….
“Let’s… not hurt anymore.”
Body or heart. I didn’t know how much of what I said the Haechis understood, but it didn’t matter anyway. Perhaps worried because I was crying so severely, Bihyeon, who had been standing quietly behind me, hugged me from behind. He didn’t say to stop or to stop crying, but his warm presence and the hand patting my body were endlessly gentle. That made me cry even more. In the end, Bihyeon lifted me up together with the Haechis as I cried more sorrowfully with no sign of stopping, walked to the pavilion, and sat me down.
“I’m worried you might collapse soon.”
Bihyeon, who knelt on one knee in front of me and cupped my cheeks, spoke with worry. I could see the family members of the palace who had opened the door and peeked out at my crying sounds, now outside looking worried. I should stop now. They’re worried…. But the sorrowful tears that had burst out wouldn’t stop, so even as I wiped my tears with my sleeve, I continued to whimper and pour out tears.
“I’m sorry… I want to stop crying too….”
“Why are you sorry for crying?”
When your voice and your eyes are so gentle like this, it makes me cry more…. Bihyeon, who had been looking up at me, gestured to the bear. The fox, who had been pacing around, quietly brought over a blanket that Bihyeon once again wrapped around my shoulders. Just when I would calm down a bit, I would look at the Haechis clinging to me as tightly as I held them, and tears would come again. The tiger, who had been pacing nearby, suddenly climbed onto the pavilion, lay down, and wrapped around my body. Patting my back with its tail. Then the fox also came to my side and sat pressed close to me. Ah… it was warm. Both their warmth and their hearts thinking of me.
“Hey, Hansol. Why are you crying so much… Hm? Drink this first, okay?”
The bear, who hurriedly brought warm tea, came in front of me and poured it into a cup. Blowing on it with huffs and puffs in case it might be hot, he held it out to me, and I received it and drank the tea with my shoulders heaving as I cried. This tea was also so warm.
“Thank you… Thank you….”
One sip, two sips. As the warm liquid entered my body, I gradually calmed down. As I drank tea while crying, the situation became funny and laughter burst out along with the tears.
“If you cry and laugh, horns will grow on your butt.”
The fox beside me casually spoke and poked my arm. It seemed like she was teasing me to cheer me up. With tears still in my eyes, I laughed, “Haha.”
“I’ll grow horns then.”
“Really… You’ll definitely grow horns with this.”
The tiger and bear glanced at each other, then chimed in with a word each, laughing softly. And Bihyeon, who stood up from in front of me and sat beside me, smiled as if relieved.
“You name these two, Sol.”
“Me… I should?”
I sniffled and wiped my tears unnecessarily. The Haechis had been whining, but seeing me stop crying, they smiled brightly.
“They’ll be guardian deities protecting you from now on, so it’s right that you name them.”
Guardian deities protecting me…. Somehow not believing it, I blinked and looked at the sky. I took in the stars and moon of the night sky that sparkled especially beautifully today, then turned my gaze to the Haechis.
“Star and Moon….”
I thought I might be told it’s a bit childish, but I really wanted to give them these names. Because I wanted to give them this night when we met, with its beautiful stars and moon that seemed about to pour down.
“Dad is Moon, Mom is Star.”
When I pointed at the Haechis with a calmed heart and said the names, they seemed to like it and smiled “Kwaang!” and hugged me. The way they wagged their tails was so cute that I laughed “Haha” and stroked the Haechis’ backs. Bihyeon, who had been listening quietly beside me, nodded with a gentle expression.
“The names… are a bit childish, right?”
“They’re good, why?”
He spoke softly while looking at the night sky.
“You gave them this night when you met again. They’re good names.”
It really seemed like he had read my mind. But that wasn’t a bad feeling at all. Rather, I was so grateful to him for understanding these names.
Living life, days like this come too. Mom, Dad. Enduring and living, days come when I feel this happy. I clearly resolved to live for those who worry about me…. If I keep living like this, won’t there come a day when I want to live by my own will too? Won’t there come a moment when I choose life at the crossroads of death? I closed my eyes while holding the Haechis. Perhaps because I cried, my body lost its energy. Bihyeon carefully picked up my drooping body and headed to the room. With somewhat quick steps.
“Oh my… I’ll go call Malgeum-nim.”
“Okay.”
I actually don’t remember anything after the conversation between the fox and Bihyeon. Because as soon as I slowly recognized that I was being carried while held in Bihyeon’s arms, my eyes closed. Still, my heart was so comfortable. Still cozy and warm….
* * *
The result of going outside after such a long time ended up being a cold. They said that because I had a high fever, I slept soundly for another full week before waking up. And time passed with me under an outing ban.
Now I had eaten up all the medicine in the glass bottle, and the amount of medicine the sheep gave me had also noticeably decreased. Naturally, Bihyeon and the Haechis were by my side. Perhaps the time spent without worry was medicine, as my body recovered a lot, and when the sun rose, I would leave the room with Bihyeon and the Haechis and diligently practice walking around. When we came out to the yard, the Haechis would play with the ball I gave them, and Bihyeon would hold my hand and practice walking together. The pace was slow enough to be annoying, but he did it steadily and willingly.
“I told you before. Maybe because Bidan is a snake, he seems to have too much trouble working during the day. So if you’re okay with it, Sol, I was thinking what if the two of you switched times….”
Perhaps because rumors about my physical condition had spread, today Boss Ppik and the fish customer came. Boss Ppik, who had been chattering away about trivial things that happened at the cafe, made a suggestion as if something had just occurred to him.
“Wouldn’t it be better for you to work during the day rather than at night? How about it!”
“There would be many customers during the day though… Would that be okay?”
“Why? Because you’re human? So what! The rumor that you have the Cintamani has already spread tremendously.”
Boss Ppik, whose shoulders rose as he laughed “Hahaha,” spoke proudly with proud eyes.
“Who would say anything to you!”
“Right, Boss Ppik is right. Even though you have the Cintamani, you’re still human, so I think working during the day would be good.”
It was a good proposal for me. I was worried that if there were many customers, I might bump into them and make the boss uncomfortable… but it was such an attractive proposal that I didn’t want to refuse. It would be much better than overworking in the early morning and collapsing and causing worry.
“Then I’ll ask for your help.”
“Oh my! That’s great. Bidan will be happy too.”
“That’s a relief.”
My eyes met with the fish who was clapping and happy. Although we were talking casually, it strangely felt like both of them were watching my reactions. So I thought I should apologize now. I temporarily pushed aside the blanket covering me and sat properly in front of them.
“Um… I have something to say.”
“A-again, what is it? I’m scared when you do that now…! If you’re going to say you won’t work at the cafe, I’m leaving! I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear it!”
The fish made a fuss and grabbed the arm of Boss Ppik who got up to run away. Then with calmed eyes, he smiled and gestured to me as if telling me to go ahead and speak.
“Back then… I’m sorry for saying harsh words.”
Blink. Boss Ppik’s eyes slowly blinked once, and suddenly tears poured down from them. Uh, I hadn’t intended to make him cry, so I awkwardly half-raised my body in confusion. Then the fish took out a handkerchief from his bosom and roughly wiped Boss Ppik’s eyes. Of course, the fish’s eyes also had tears welling up in them.
“Now… have you decided to live?”
“Yes.”
I didn’t say things like I’d decided to live just a little, or that it was for those who worry about me. But perhaps roughly understanding from looking at my eyes, the fish nodded while letting out a long breath.
“Yes… for now, that’s enough. It’s our job now to guide you.”
The fish smiled brightly as if that was still good.
“Someday… I hope you’ll make the choice to want to live for yourself.”
“Yes. I’ll steel my heart and try living. Because I feel like that day will definitely come if I do….”
“Yes, it will definitely be that way.”
The fish wrapped my hand firmly with both hands and closed his eyes.
“May it definitely be so….”
The voice speaking gently came to me slowly yet earnestly, like a prayer.
