Suddenly curious, Yiyoung blinked at Chahyun and asked.
“What do you want to bring out?”
“Well, thoughts or emotions, things like that?”
It was an unexpected answer, so Yiyoung asked again, slightly surprised.
“Do you feel beauty, Chahyun-ssi?”
Then Chahyun made a puzzled expression as if it were obvious, and answered plainly.
“Enough to want to burst it out.”
That’s something you can’t obtain through effort alone, Yiyoung thought.
Thankfully, Chahyun seemed to highly evaluate Yiyoung’s talent, but it really wasn’t that impressive. He had simply been born with an aptitude for music by chance, among the many ways to express thoughts and emotions. Just like some people write or draw.
However, those were all merely techniques and means. What was truly difficult was finding the beauty or value to express through such tools.
As Chahyun said, Yiyoung innately knew how to speak with the tool called music. But what he should express with it was always a concern. It was because he hadn’t yet discovered something with beautiful value. That’s why he was even more curious about love.
But Chahyun says he feels beauty he wants to express. So much so that it would feel frustrating if he didn’t burst it out, overflowing from his chest.
Having thought this far, Yiyoung wanted to covet the melody of the heart that only Chahyun was listening to. It seemed like it would be beautiful, as Chahyun said. He could tell from his words and actions.
Yiyoung repeated back to Chahyun exactly what he had said to him last night.
“I know how that feels too.”
“What do you mean?”
Chahyun smiled with an intrigued look in his eyes. Yiyoung let out a short groan, then chose words that could explain his thoughts as easily as possible. In the end, he imitated the way Chahyun had told him the story the day before.
“You said it all seems to come out ruined when you try to express it through music, right? For me, it’s words and actions. They keep coming out different from what’s in my heart.”
For Yiyoung, music really was just the easiest means of expression. It was too difficult to convey his heart as it was through words and actions without causing misunderstandings.
“That’s why I envy you, Chahyun-ssi. What kind of person you are, what you’re thinking—it all shows through your actions.”
“…That’s probably not such a good thing though?”
Of course, for a deceitful person, there would be no greater disaster. But Chahyun was different.
“But even so, Chahyun-ssi is lovable.”
It was sincere. At least the Moon Chahyun that Yiyoung saw was a person with rich sensitivity who pursued value. He also possessed enough strength to uphold clear convictions. That’s why, among the many, many people surrounding him, he could love the weakest one of all.
The only difference was that twenty-eight-year-old Chahyun expressed himself in a warm and tender way skillfully, while the current Chahyun expressed himself with unpolished honesty. Just because the method of expression changed didn’t mean the underlying essence changed.
Yiyoung added with a slightly sullen face.
“Whether it’s the past you or the present you, Chahyun-ssi, you’re really someone who’s hard not to like.”
Unlike Chahyun, Yiyoung was a man who had nothing good to gain from showing himself as he was. That’s why even his own music didn’t feel beautiful. Sometimes it seemed like it was nothing more than the dregs of emotions he had mistaken for love, wrapped up to sound pleasant.
“Really?”
Chahyun didn’t seem to relate much. But his mood seemed to improve from receiving the compliment, as he soon smiled broadly. Then he said something that could make Yiyoung faint.
“Then can I play you more songs I made? Lovably.”
Chahyun didn’t give Yiyoung time to jump up and object, and picked up his guitar again.
***
Before he knew it, it was two in the afternoon while he’d been absorbed in singing.
It had been fun to hold a guitar after so long, but more than that, Yiyoung’s reactions were so entertaining that he’d lost track of time. He should probably head home soon.
Chahyun said brightly to Yiyoung, who had become exhausted from listening to his songs.
“I’ll get going now.”
Then Yiyoung, who had been blankly staring into space with unfocused eyes, suddenly snapped back to his senses. The way he straightened his back, which had been drooping more weakly the more he listened to the songs, somehow looked like he was shouting ‘Finally!’ He must have really wanted him to leave.
And yet, without saying a single word to leave, Yiyoung had silently endured the sound of a dying cat’s crying, which made Chahyun both amused and find him cute, so he smiled naturally.
Since he’d eaten, he should brush his teeth before leaving. Chahyun put the guitar down on the dining table and headed to the bathroom.
His toothbrush, which he’d definitely left on the sink, wasn’t visible. Thinking Yiyoung might have thrown it away already, he looked around, and it was hanging prettily on the toothbrush holder attached to the mirror. It felt like it meant he could come visit again next time, which made him feel good.
As he grabbed his belongings proudly occupying a spot on the toothbrush holder, he saw Yiyoung’s reflection in the mirror standing at the bathroom threshold. Yiyoung blankly staring at him as if he was going to watch him brush his teeth was a bit strange. It somehow felt like he was rushing him, so Chahyun smiled as he put the toothpaste-covered toothbrush in his mouth.
‘I’m going, I’m going.’
Actually, Yiyoung’s complexion was such that it wouldn’t be strange if he collapsed right now.
After coming out of the bathroom, he put on his wristwatch and picked up his dress shirt and jacket. He’d been wearing his own pants since showering in the morning.
Chahyun said as he put on his shoes at Yiyoung’s apartment entrance.
“I’ll wear the t-shirt home. The suit is hot and stuffy.”
He’d insisted on wearing suits every time he met Yiyoung because he thought he looked impressive in his own eyes, but it really was clothes he couldn’t wear anymore. But now that he’d even played Yiyoung songs he’d written when he was in eighth grade, it seemed too late to look cool with just his outfit.
After finishing putting on his shoes and straightening his back, he saw Yiyoung, who had come to see him off, staring intently at him. Chahyun opened his mouth.
“Yesterday and today were really fun. Thanks for letting me stay over.”
“…Yes.”
Yiyoung answered quietly, dropping his gaze from Chahyun toward the floor. Chahyun tapped the tips of his shoes on the tiles of the shoe-changing area and continued.
“Get more sleep. You probably couldn’t rest properly because of me.”
“You too, Chahyun-ssi.”
As if his throat still hurt, Yiyoung slightly furrowed his brow and touched his neck. Chahyun really, truly said just one more thing for the last time.
“See you next time.”
“……”
Instead of answering with words, Yiyoung nodded while still rubbing his neck. Chahyun unconsciously made a tearful face and tilted his head back greatly. A long sigh escaped on its own.
Ah, he really didn’t want to go home, he could die.
But Yiyoung was shouting with his whole body toward Chahyun that he wanted to rest alone now. If it were twenty-eight-year-old Moon Chahyun, he would have made a gentlemanly exit at this point. No, if it were him, he wouldn’t have done something like singing twelve self-composed songs purely to torment Yiyoung in the first place.
But the current Chahyun just couldn’t do that.
Even just one more hour would be good, he wanted to hang out with Yiyoung more. If he didn’t allow it, keeping Yiyoung at the apartment entrance like now under the pretext of seeing him off was also a method. Standing here all day thinking of small talk was nothing to Chahyun.
Unable to overcome the impulse, Chahyun inevitably continued speaking.
“When should we meet again?”
Even though Yiyoung’s small shoulders drooped, Chahyun’s mouth wouldn’t close.
“Even if it’s not a day we’re going on a date, call me anytime if you need anything. Like if a bug appears in your house and you want me to catch it, or you’re too lazy to go to the dining table to get the remote.”
“Um, Chahyun-ssi…”
Yiyoung opened his mouth with difficulty and asked in a hoarse, cracked voice.
“…Do you want to eat dinner before you go?”
Finally, the words he’d been waiting for came out. However, Chahyun’s face brightening was only momentary.
For some reason, the word “Yes!” didn’t come out readily, and an expression filled with deep reflection appeared. It was obvious that kind Yiyoung had said it while reading the room even though he didn’t want to at all.
Fortunately, it seemed he’d regained some energy after eating pork soup, but Yiyoung had really looked like a walking corpse just until morning. In fact, while washing Yiyoung, Chahyun had resolved to restrain himself from now on.
He should stop being clingy around here. Chahyun hid his disappointed feelings and said as politely as possible.
“No. I just remembered something I have to do today too.”
It wasn’t urgent, but this was true.
Chahyun gave a peck to Yiyoung, whose face was even flushed red from exhaustion.
“I’m really going.”
