On one hand, he even got the impression that he was afraid of touching him. A straight senior Yiyoung had met during his college days had fled only after getting to bed, leaving behind the words “I guess I can’t do it with a man after all.”
But judging from how he looked when they first kissed, and the gaze and expression with which he’d stared at Yiyoung’s lips yesterday, Chahyun was definitely not straight even if he was bi. The current Chahyun had an air about him that would push for more than just kissing if only Yiyoung would allow it.
When his thoughts reached this point, Yiyoung inevitably became a bit dejected.
‘…I should have asked when we were dating.’
Naturally, Yiyoung had wanted to sleep with Chahyun.
Though there was physiological desire, more than that, he’d wanted to share with him the unique intimacy that only sex could give. He’d wanted those deep nights and lazy mornings when whispered low tones and even breathing rang out loudly. He’d hoped to enjoy together the privilege of lovers who communicate by pressing together the most tender flesh on their bodies without reserve.
Now he should think it fortunate that they hadn’t done that.
But if they had, even though it would have ended up like this anyway, at least that moment would have been incomparably happy. Just as Yiyoung was letting out a long sigh, someone banged on the front door of the house.
Yiyoung, startled awake from his thoughts, straightened his back. Since there were no scheduled visitors, he suddenly felt wary and stealthily approached the front door. When he slyly opened the silver tin door, he could see Chahyun through the slightly opened gap. Yiyoung immediately hardened his face sullenly.
‘Why does he keep coming without even contacting me?’
Regardless, as soon as Chahyun’s eyes met Yiyoung’s, he showed a refreshing smile.
“Want to go for a walk?”
What scheme is this now?
Chahyun’s outfit was as bright as the smile on his face. His appearance with a grid-patterned bright shirt tucked into light blue jeans was comparable even to a college freshman.
At the warm spring energy Chahyun was radiating, Yiyoung frowned even more.
“I’m busy.”
Yiyoung answered briefly and pulled the doorknob sharply. As if anticipating being turned away at the door, Chahyun quickly wedged one foot in the door gap. Chahyun asked in a brazen tone.
“What are you busy doing?”
“Work. I have a piece due tomorrow.”
Yiyoung answered while firmly pushing Chahyun’s sneaker out the door with his toes.
Actually the deadline was in ten days, but it was a lie he’d made up to send Chahyun away quickly. Having someone he wasn’t even close to suddenly show up without notice was uncomfortable after all.
Chahyun, disregarding Yiyoung’s refusal, grabbed the edge of the tin door and said shamelessly.
“Then I’ll wait inside, so give me coffee.”
Gasp! Yiyoung gripped the doorknob even more firmly and looked back. Though the inside of the house wasn’t messy, it wasn’t in a state to receive guests either. Moreover, the wallpaper and flooring were old, so even when cleaned as thoroughly as possible, it always looked somewhat dirty.
Yiyoung felt Chahyun pulling the door and urgently shouted.
“I don’t know when I’ll finish. Move your hand so I can close the door!”
“If my finger gets cut off doing that, only Bae Yiyoung-ssi’s life will become miserable.”
That was true, but since he couldn’t close the door against Chahyun’s strength anyway, there seemed no need to worry in advance. Even though Yiyoung pushed the foot with all his might and pulled the door, Chahyun didn’t budge. Cold sweat formed on the side of Yiyoung’s forehead.
‘What kind of strength is this?’
He’d expected him to be much stronger than himself given the difference in physique, but he was finding out for the first time it was this much.
He was flustered by the difference in strength he’d never felt before when the door swung wide open. Yiyoung, who’d been holding the doorknob, staggered and stepped barefoot onto the cement floor outside the front door. Having barely avoided falling forward, Yiyoung looked up at Chahyun and said.
“Does Chahyun-ssi have nothing else to do besides tormenting me?”
“That’s about it for now. I’m on sick leave.”
Come to think of it, he had amnesia. Yiyoung groaned with a “ugh.”
Chahyun held out a frog doll made of fluffy yarn to Yiyoung and said.
“Well, since you’re busy, I’ll concede again today. Just walk with me for 30 minutes.”
It meant he’d return the doll if he took a thirty-minute walk with him. Yiyoung stared fixedly at the doll with quite serious eyes.
It was a prize Chahyun had won for him with a shooting game during their date. The memory of that day suddenly came flooding back all at once and Yiyoung froze for a moment. In that gap, Chahyun added in a pleasant voice.
“The weather’s too nice to just stay inside.”
“……”
He’d thought he just needed to get back the composition notebook. But he did want to get back the frog doll in front of him too. It was too cute to just be thrown away.
Yiyoung nodded his head while receiving the doll Chahyun held out. Chahyun grinned as if satisfied.
Yiyoung and Chahyun walked side by side through the park, each holding a disposable cup containing iced Americano. During the morning walk on an unusually sunny day, Chahyun asked.
“How did you end up receiving such an ugly doll from me?”
“You won it with a shooting game, Chahyun-ssi. We happened to see it when we were on a date.”
It hadn’t been that special a day. On the way home after dinner, a typical street stall shooting game in a food alley had caught their eye. He’d been thinking the frog doll hung as a prize was cute when Chahyun, not missing that brief reaction, had won it for him. The shooting skills of someone from the Special Forces were useful in that way.
“……”
At the time, he’d been lightly happy and just thought it was fun. Now it was depressing to be reminded of what an attentive lover he’d been. Yiyoung was gradually coming to terms with his breakup with Chahyun.
Just as he was immersed in such tender sentiments, Chahyun broke the mood.
“I did something like that? You guys really played childishly.”
Yiyoung glared at Chahyun and frowned.
‘Is this really Moon Chahyun? Not a twin with just the same face?’
He was so different that even though he was right next to him, Yiyoung missed Chahyun to the point of desperation. It literally felt like seeing his evil twin brother or something. It was quite a talent to make every single word so hateful like this.
At least it seemed fortunate that there was no chance of liking Chahyun again.
Yiyoung grumbled with an indifferent expression.
“Try dating, Chahyun-ssi. See if you don’t become childish.”
“Why do you think I’ve obviously never dated?”
“Then have you?”
Yiyoung made an expression that said even if Chahyun answered yes, he wouldn’t believe it at all. Chahyun shrugged without any sign of embarrassment and readily admitted.
“No. I’m quite picky and have high standards.”
Anyway, he talks well. Saying this when he’d ultimately dated a man he’d said with his own mouth he “couldn’t see because he was too low-class.”
Chahyun continued while sucking coffee through a straw.
“I thought at twenty-eight I’d date more maturely. A bit more… sensually?”
Sensually? Yiyoung glanced at Chahyun with reproachful eyes.
Unexpectedly, Chahyun had an innocent face, the exact opposite of what he’d just said. From the atmosphere, it seemed he’d simply blurted out a curiosity he usually had without much meaning.
Yiyoung, whose expression had softened along with him, observed Chahyun intently and then opened his mouth.
“Chahyun-ssi.”
Chahyun turned his head and showed a face that seemed refreshingly pleased. Yiyoung hesitated for a moment to choose his words, then asked point-blank.
“Do you perhaps want to sleep with me?”
As soon as Yiyoung asked, Chahyun whipped his head to the opposite side and coughed up the coffee in his mouth. Yiyoung scratched his cheek awkwardly.
Though he didn’t know what it might have been like in reality, it was clearly the reaction of a virgin who’d mentally never dated even once. Somehow thinking it would be like that, Yiyoung had wanted to ask indirectly, but thinking he wouldn’t understand sexual metaphors well, he’d just asked directly.
Chahyun stammered in a slightly hoarse voice from clearing his throat.
“Why… would you think that. When did I… say something like that…?”
Chahyun was questioning when he’d said such a thing when he suddenly tilted his head as if even he was confused. This was enough of an answer that he wanted to sleep with him.
‘I knew it.’
He said he had a favorable impression of Yiyoung, but he definitely didn’t like him with the same feelings as before, and yet he also expected dates with Yiyoung to be sensual.
A sturdy man with a mental age of twenty wouldn’t suggest dating for two months really just wanting to have dinner together and take walks. Of course he might want to do those things too, but ultimately it seemed like he’d want to sleep together. When he quietly thought back, even Yiyoung hadn’t imagined just holding hands with the object of his crush at that time.
