Chapter 3
Doha’s arms suddenly went limp and fell at Jaei’s shocking statement. Jaei, who had barely escaped from the embrace of the strong and enormous baby, rummaged through a drawer in the display cabinet and found a back scratcher. This was the disciplinary back scratcher that had to be inevitably used when Doha was fourteen years old, when he suddenly stopped eating and confined himself to his room.
Doha stood there blankly, unable to move, greatly shocked by the statement “I’ve never had a younger brother like you.” Jaei, who returned to Doha while rolling up the sleeves of his loose black shirt, struck Doha’s sturdy trapezius muscle with the back scratcher and said.
“I don’t like how you’re acting lately. Why is a student skipping school?”
Cornered, Doha momentarily put on the most pitiful expression in the world and blinked his eyes sadly. The eleven-year veteran “temple dog” of an actor’s house could convincingly act like he was in deep sorrow in crisis situations.
“I told you earlier, I had a bad dream after seeing that interview. I wanted to talk to you in person, but you haven’t been home for a week because of delayed filming, so I was worried you wouldn’t come today either and just went to find you.”
However, Jaei, the guardian responsible for raising Doha in this house, did not fall for the youngest baby’s desperate plea. He began strict discipline, threatening Doha with the flimsy back scratcher that seemed like it might break at any moment.
“What were you thinking walking there alone so dangerously! I was already planning to come home and talk to you, but Hyunjin told me everything about what you’ve been up to lately. Skipping supplementary classes and hagwon! Wandering around at every opportunity! Don’t you know how dangerous the world is!”
Choi Hyunjin was Doha’s longtime friend who also knew Jaei well. Hyunjin had been reporting everything he knew about Doha’s private life to Jaei whenever he had the chance via messenger. In short, he was like an informant planted by Lee Jaei.
“Me? Hyung, are you still worried about that? Are your eyes okay? Is my hyung too tired from filming his movie? How many do you see here?”
After being struck on the other trapezius muscle with the back scratcher, Doha continued, waving two fingers with an incredulous expression.
“How small do I look in your eyes? Still around 130cm? Or the size of a squirrel?”
“Something smaller than a squirrel is being sassy. You don’t have to study well, but don’t wander around alone. Always stay in safe places like school, and stick with friends when there are no adults around. After hagwon, come home quickly, lock the door, and stay inside. If anyone gives you a business card saying they want to cast you, tear it up. You were so good and obedient when you were young, why do you listen less the more you grow? If you’re going to be like this, go back to being small. Don’t grow up.”
“How can you say such a harsh thing?”
Jaei, who was about to praise Doha’s childhood in detail, flinched and closed his mouth. Doha in front of him was pretending to be pitiful with all his might. The already fair-skinned boy turned pale, his eyelids trembling, his hand on his chest, breathing heavily with difficulty. If he were the Little Match Girl, it would have been a performance worthy of becoming a million-seller in match sales.
Even though he knew Doha was deliberately pretending to be pitiful, he was moved by the emotion Doha was trying to convey. At that moment, Jaei sensed a powerful potential in Doha. This child was a talent who could succeed in selling not only matches but also silent harmonicas or cold jade mats.
Convinced of Doha’s talent, Jaei judged it was time to give him a carrot. Putting down the back scratcher he had been wielding instead of a whip, he said.
“Was what I said too harsh? Was telling you to go back to being small a bit much? Did I speak too badly? Of course it’s a joke. You’re the flower I’ve grown.”
“Flower?”
“Yes. A precious flower I’ve carefully raised since you were a seed.”
Jaei, who had cut the carrot to a good size and personally put it in Doha’s mouth, gently caressed Doha’s school uniform tie and smiled brightly. Doha, who had been gathering tears in his tear ducts to show a pitiful appearance to Jaei, felt his eyes drying up, but he didn’t stop pretending to be pitiful and worked hard to gather tears in the dried-up ducts.
“You said you never had a brother like me. You should only say that to your real brother. How could you say that to an adopted brother? My heart hurts because I’m so wounded.”
“I need to have a real brother to say that. Who else do I have to say those words to besides you? I only have you.”
In that moment, Doha covered the love that was about to burst out of his mouth with his hand.
He could say with absolute confidence that in this relationship, the guilty one was not Ryu Doha who loved Lee Jaei more than family, but Lee Jaei who did not love Ryu Doha more than family.
***
Doha was not born. He simply existed from a certain moment. When he first opened his eyes, he was standing in the playground of Haesung Elementary School, wearing an old and worn gray coat and black gloves. That was the beginning of his life.
The first day of Doha’s life was in winter, a cold day with snow piled up. Doha turned in a full circle from where he stood to check his footprints. The snow was accumulated but no longer falling, yet there were no footprints in the snow. Even his own footprints, which should definitely have been there, were absent.
Feeling very curious about this fact, he walked around the empty school playground. After hanging from the horizontal bar for a while, swinging his legs and spending time alone, he left through the school gate and wandered aimlessly on the streets of Haesung-dong.
As he walked, he contemplated his own existence. Doha had no memories at all. He couldn’t remember even what happened yesterday. However, he knew how to speak properly, could read the words written on signs, knew to cross at green lights with his hand raised, and possessed the knowledge that an eight-year-old would typically have. He was in a state where he could mix in with people and live without any problems right away.
The most fascinating thing was that he knew his name, age, and birthday. Ryu Doha. Eight years old. Birthday on July 10th. But even this wasn’t a memory; it was just a recognition of information that had been input into his mind. He had no memory of anyone calling his name “Ryu Doha,” no memory of telling someone he was eight years old, and no memory of having his birthday celebrated.
So Doha thought that he hadn’t been born but simply suddenly existed from that day.
Where should he go now? It seemed like there was no “my home,” and although he knew there was a place called a “police station,” for some reason he was scared and didn’t want to go there. As he wandered the streets in shoes as old and worn as his coat, his small feet became frozen. When taking even one step became painful, he sat down quietly in front of a store with a red sign.
While holding his hungry stomach and wondering what and how he would eat to survive from now on, the store door suddenly opened, and a delicious smell wafted past his nose. A boy who walked out of the store was passing in front of him, carrying a large plastic bag with the name of a tteokbokki restaurant on it. Doha’s gaze followed exactly where his sense of smell was directed.
At that moment, the boy, who had glanced at Doha crouching in front of the store, suddenly hesitated and slowly stepped back. Tall with long legs, he approached with large strides and stood blankly in front of Doha.
Doha was a little afraid of him. He was wearing a thick short puffer jacket with English embroidered on the left chest, and somehow it was instinctively imprinted in him that he should be careful of middle school boys wearing such jackets. Was he trying to steal money? Even the gaze that was staring at him quietly was frightening.
So Doha quietly lowered his eyes and stared as if mesmerized at the plastic bag that smelled of tteokbokki. As he swallowed hard, he noticed that the boy’s hand holding the plastic bag was trembling. It was a bare hand without gloves. He vaguely thought it was trembling because it was too cold.
Only after about a minute did he speak. It was a question that was a bit difficult for Doha, who had suddenly appeared in this world, to answer.
“Who are you?”
The whites of the boy’s eyes, which until just before had been white and clean, were now bloodshot with burst capillaries. He must have been very cold, as his voice and lips were also trembling. Seeing him like that, Doha’s voice trembled as well.
“I’m… just…”
He couldn’t answer, “I’m just here. I was here when I opened my eyes.” He didn’t know what the boy was curious about when they were meeting for the first time, but all Doha could tell him was his name. A name that no one had ever called him by and that he didn’t know who had given him.
“I’m just Ryu Doha.”
“Doha? Ryu Doha?”
The boy asked again with a scream. At the same time, he dropped the tteokbokki bag he had been holding. Doha, who was crouching below, quickly caught it. Just then, a cold wind blew, and his hair fluttered wildly. The boy began to cry.
It was probably because of the wind that was blowing so fiercely it felt like it was cutting flesh. Even Doha, who was thinly dressed, felt pain throughout his body as he physically felt the cold.
He straightened his crouched legs and stood up, politely offering the tteokbokki to the boy who was much taller than him. The boy, who received the tteokbokki, asked foolishly while sobbing and streaming tears.
“Your mom?”
“Don’t have one. Dad either.”
“Home?”
“Don’t have one.”
“Then why are you here?”
“Just. I was here.”
The boy’s crying grew increasingly intense. His first impression, which Doha had thought was scary, had already disappeared, leaving only a foolish and pretty face. Anyway, it was a very grateful thing for Doha. That in such cold weather that made tears flow freely, he stopped on his way and showed interest in a kid he was seeing for the first time.
