1―12. Confession
Severely shocked by the words “because of you,” Seo Sihan interpreted what followed like this: You’re making it too obvious that you like me, and it’s burdensome. I hated it, so I messed up while trying to figure out how to avoid you. So it’s all your fault….
But Seo Sihan had no choice but to be honest with Jeong Minha.
“…Yeah.”
“As a fan?”
“That’s right.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Huh…?”
Jeong Minha lowered his left arm that had been blocking Seo Sihan. He threw the gun on the floor and placed his hand near Seo Sihan’s heart.
“You’re saying this is just fan feelings?”
As Jeong Minha pushed with his hand as if shoving him, Seo Sihan leaned his back completely against the wall. With no room to escape, he faced the sound of his own heartbeat. It was so loud his ears rang.
Seo Sihan looked at the person in front of him. Jeong Minha’s expression was somewhat gloomy.
“…Hyung might be able to say that.”
Jeong Minha, who had paused for a moment, immediately grabbed Seo Sihan’s left hand with his right hand. Then he pressed it against his own heart.
“……!”
Thump, thump. He could feel a heartbeat pounding just as strongly as his own.
“But I can’t….”
As Seo Sihan just stared blankly, Jeong Minha released his hand again. The vibration he’d been feeling disappeared. Jeong Minha’s face was calm. It was hard to believe he was the owner of that noisy heart from just moments ago.
Jeong Minha asked while turning his head away.
“Hyung, what do you think of me?”
“I….”
Seo Sihan opened his mouth, then closed it again. The words wouldn’t come out like usual. Whatever he said felt like the wrong answer. This was a problem even Seo Sihan himself hadn’t been able to solve for years.
As he stood flustered with his mouth shut, Jeong Minha turned to face him again and started pressing him. He kindly gave short-answer questions to a student who didn’t know the answer.
“Hyung, do you like me as a fan?”
“…Yeah.”
“Do you think I’m cool?”
“Yeah. Very much.”
“When?”
“You’re always confident… and hardworking too…. All of it.”
“…Do you think I’m cute?”
“Totally….”
“Why?”
“Just… when you’re eating and stuff, when you’re sleeping or…. No, this is also always….”
Jeong Minha pressed his lips tightly shut for a moment and turned his head. He seemed to be holding back laughter. Right after, he returned with a serious expression again and continued questioning.
“Hyung. I’m moving out of the house starting tomorrow.”
“…What?”
Seo Sihan, who had been making an embarrassed expression, became serious as well. Just as he was about to ask why, Jeong Minha continued.
“I’m kidding. Why did you look so upset just now?”
“……”
Seo Sihan looked at Jeong Minha with an expression of disbelief. What has he been doing since earlier? But because Jeong Minha looked serious, he couldn’t say anything. No, he just couldn’t. Seo Sihan was weak to Jeong Minha. Especially when he looked like he did when they first met.
“Hyung, actually I got a lover. I’m not moving out, but I’m going on a date tomorrow.”
“……”
Soon Seo Sihan even frowned. Seeing that, Jeong Minha smirked with only one corner of his mouth raised.
“I’m joking. Why were you upset just now too?”
It was Seo Sihan’s favorite expression of Jeong Minha’s, but he wasn’t very happy right now. Why do you keep saying things like that? Seo Sihan turned his head with an aggrieved expression. If he was going to keep asking questions like this, he didn’t really want to hear them.
“Hyung, I like you. I want to date you.”
Seo Sihan stood there blankly, then three seconds later turned his head immediately to look at Jeong Minha.
Jeong Minha’s teasing expression from just moments ago had already changed to a tense face. Then he slowly opened his mouth.
“…This one is sincere.”
Seo Sihan’s eyes widened and he couldn’t even blink. His head wouldn’t work. He couldn’t properly understand what he’d just heard.
Jeong Minha looked into Seo Sihan’s eyes and spoke.
“I said earlier it was your fault that I messed up, right? Because I like you so much, hyung, because I keep thinking about you! That’s why I failed. Actually, it was like this during the trials too.”
Jeong Minha’s voice became increasingly urgent. Once he started speaking, the sincerity he’d been holding back poured out.
“You’re always cheering me on, hyung. I kept thinking about that. I absolutely couldn’t concentrate. But I overcame it again. Do you know why? Because I, because the reason I have to win the gold medal…!”
Jeong Minha, who had caught his breath, looked up boldly with shining eyes and shouted.
“It’s because I want to put the gold medal on you, hyung!”
“……!”
Jeong Minha exhaled, and Seo Sihan stopped breathing.
Following his head, now even his breathing wouldn’t work properly. His heart was trembling so much he felt like he might collapse. He couldn’t distinguish whose heartbeat he’d been hearing.
Jeong Minha’s voice, which had shouted boldly, now began to tremble too.
“It wasn’t like this from the beginning. It’s just because a gold medal is cooler, because I was disappointed I missed it last time. But when I started thinking I wanted to give it to you, hyung, it became a definite goal. I absolutely have to win this. Isn’t that what you want anyway, hyung? But I can’t win it because I’m distracted by you.”
Soon he grabbed Seo Sihan’s shoulders and shouted again, trying to hide his trembling voice.
“So please cooperate with me!”
Seo Sihan barely managed to exhale and opened his mouth.
“…I, I….”
But Jeong Minha kept continuing.
“You said you only like me as a fan, right? Ha…. Seriously, don’t joke around. Everything you’ve done until now was just simple fan feelings? That doesn’t make sense. I… because you’re always cheering me on, hyung, and treating me well…!”
Jeong Minha leaned into Seo Sihan’s chest with his head lowered. He spoke while listening to a heartbeat pounding just like his own.
“…That’s why I came to like you, hyung. Haha, it really doesn’t make sense…. But it’s sincere. It’s not a momentary delusion. Do you know how much I’ve suffered because of you, hyung? How many months has this been now….”
“……”
“You’re always asking me if I need anything, if I want anything, hyung. And actually, I’ve received so much from you until now. I… I’m going to pay it all back. Whether I win a medal or work part-time again, I’ll pay it all back somehow.”
“That’s….”
“But… really, there’s just one thing I truly want….”
Jeong Minha hesitated for a moment, then stretched out both arms and hugged Seo Sihan.
Then he lifted his head to look up at Seo Sihan. His voice trembled to the point where he couldn’t hide it anymore.
“…Hy-hyung, can’t it be you?!”
Jeong Minha’s voice trembled, and Seo Sihan’s gaze trembled.
The sight of Jeong Minha hugging him tightly and confessing his true feelings for the first time was difficult to take in all at once. His mind was dizzy from their touching hearts.
Even when he tried to think of what to say, Jeong Minha didn’t wait. He kept confessing his feelings. Seo Sihan wanted to give him an answer.
But Seo Sihan was slow, and Jeong Minha, who had lost his composure in his urgency, was moving faster alone. From Jeong Minha’s perspective, it looked like Seo Sihan kept not answering.
When his confidence seemed about to drop, he leaned his ear against Seo Sihan’s heart again. It was loud. He looked up at his face. Unlike usual, with an unfamiliar tense expression, his ears and cheeks were bright red.
Jeong Minha, having filled himself with confidence, hugged Seo Sihan harder.
He met the eyes looking down at him while blinking his trembling long eyelashes.
If even Seo Sihan, who always had a similar expression, was like this, he couldn’t even imagine what his own face must look like now. Honestly, he was so embarrassed he wanted to run away right now.
But this time he couldn’t avoid it. Once Jeong Minha made up his mind, he had to see it through to the end.
Memories of his difficult one-sided love came flooding back.
“……”
As various events came to mind, Jeong Minha’s sense of injustice grew bigger than his embarrassment.
“…This happened because of you, hyung. If you brought me here, take responsibility to the end!”
Tears seemed about to fall from Jeong Minha’s eyes as he shouted with his face flushed red. Seo Sihan, growing urgent, had no more time to prepare his words. The words just came out following his heart.
“I… I mean….”
“Are you going to take responsibility or not?!”
“I, I will. Responsibility….”
“Do you want to date me too, hyung? Say yes!”
“…Yes!”
The arms that had been hugging him tightly stopped.
When he opened his tightly closed eyes, Jeong Minha’s eyes were wide open and he couldn’t even close his mouth.
“Really…?”
Seo Sihan looked at Jeong Minha like that. He could finally see all of him at once. The frustration in his heart began to unravel.
Seo Sihan had always been slow to realize things.
Just like when his secretary named his unknown feelings as “fan feelings” and once he affirmed it, he accepted it.
When his confused heart was told by Jeong Minha that it was love, only after accepting it did he fully realize his own feelings.
