Chapter 18
Hyungoh’s last encounter with Michael eleven years ago couldn’t exactly be called pleasant. To be more honest, it was very unpleasant. He still remembered in detail all the trials he’d endured in escaping from Michael’s mansion and fleeing to Korea.
The CCTV cameras that operated twenty-four hours without gaps, Marsha who constantly fiddled with the gun at her waist, the faint gunshots that came like tiny noises every night, and the men in black suits glimpsed through the gaps in the curtains…
And Michael, who had seemed somehow precarious.
The blindfold slid down along his chin. Michael slowly brought his face closer to Hyungoh. Hyungoh didn’t avoid him. You approach me, and I accept you without any resistance.
Yes. It had always been this way.
When they were close enough to feel each other’s breath, Michael smiled gently. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? he said. Hyungoh, who was blankly facing Michael, offered an awkward smile.
He’d harbored a lot of resentment during this time. Whether intended or not, Michael was the one who had awakened the emotion of fear in Hyungoh.
Death isn’t that far away, Choi.
Recalling those words, Hyungoh lowered his eyes. He felt like he wouldn’t be able to control his emotions if he continued looking at him.
“I’ve been waiting.”
Michael, who was sitting gently leaning against the desk, came and nestled against Hyungoh just like he did when he was younger. You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for this day.
Hyungoh awkwardly patted Michael’s back. Now that they’d actually met, he was having trouble adjusting. Michael in my memory wasn’t this tall. Looking at his face, Hyungoh could still see traces of Michael’s previous appearance. His long bangs that almost stabbed his eyes, his slender yet solidly defined jawline, and his eyes that once glowed only blue now seemed to gradually redden as they caught the light from the crimson curtains.
“You’ve… changed a lot, Michael.”
“Yeah. Now I’m taller than Choi.”
His gentle voice tickled Hyungoh’s ears. It was clearly different from his delicate, thin voice of those days—what would you call it—a soft, marshmallow-like voice that was also husky and deep. You’ve grown older too. You were such a delicate child. Just from his lowered voice, Hyungoh could tell how much Michael had grown.
Michael smiled and slowly unbuttoned Hyungoh’s outer coat. Aren’t you hot, Choi? Surprised by his skillful hand movements, Hyungoh grabbed both of Michael’s hands and sputtered incoherently.
“You’ve grown so tall, Michael. Looking at how my height hasn’t changed after several years, I guess my growth plates closed early, haha. You’ve become really handsome.”
“Handsome?”
“Yes, handsome.”
“So you won’t call me cute anymore?”
“Huh, what?”
“You used to say you liked me because I was cute. That I was lovable.”
Michael took Hyungoh’s hand and placed it gently on his cheek. Then he smiled broadly, looking satisfied. Did I say such embarrassing things? Hyungoh awkwardly smiled along with Michael. His face began to grow increasingly hot.
“Did you hate me that much?”
Enough to not show your face for all these years? Michael asked in a subdued voice as he gently rubbed the back of Hyungoh’s hand.
“I was sorry back then, Choi.”
“…”
“I’ve always thought I was sorry.”
His apology was very sweet. It tempted Hyungoh to choose a simple and easy path, whispering that he should forget about the past. Michael says he’s sorry to me. He’s been feeling sorry all this time. Hyungoh’s lips twitched.
You said you wouldn’t run away!
In that moment, Michael’s shout echoed in his head. And as always, it reverberated, circling around his ears.
Crash. It was the sound of awakening from a fantasy. Hyungoh snapped back to reality. Right. I was afraid of Michael. So afraid I wanted to run away from everything. Coming to his senses, the kind-faced Michael in front of him started to look different. He recalled Michael’s eyes, filled with anger and betrayal, glaring at him.
You betrayed me first, Choi.
The coldly chilled temperature and quiet stillness, being sucked deeper while losing all sense of direction, feeling like a lost child in space where tears wouldn’t even come—such an unfunny situation. Everything felt as vivid as if it had happened yesterday to Hyungoh. That’s why he resented and feared Michael even more. Those terrible memories that emerged abruptly without consideration always whispered the same thing:
Death isn’t that far away,
it said.
“Choi?”
Michael called out with concern to Hyungoh, who was trembling with clenched fists.
“Are you still angry?”
“…No.”
After taking a calm, deep breath, Hyungoh barely managed to answer with a voice mixed with a sigh. He had resented Michael. But Hyungoh himself knew very well how false that resentment was. Though he nearly got into serious trouble because of Michael back then, Michael had been equally troubled and exhausted. He could almost understand it.
He could have accepted if Michael had asked for forgiveness. But Hyungoh had stubbornly closed his ears before Michael could even ask for forgiveness, and frantically ran away.
“I’m sorry. Forgive me, Choi.”
Michael kissed Hyungoh’s two hands that were neatly folded together. The trembling gradually subsided. Huh. Hyungoh caught his breath. His heart, which had been pounding as if it would collapse his entire body, also calmed down.
Just moments ago, Hyungoh had been acting as if the world would collapse at the thought of meeting Michael. But now that they’d actually met, far from being afraid, he was blushing, and while trembling at the unpleasant memories of the past, it was Michael, the very person who had created those memories, who was comforting him.
“I’ve reflected deeply for a long time.”
It was quite ironic. Was it because of Michael’s much-changed appearance, or was it because of the unfamiliar yet emotional atmosphere now? The reunion with Michael wasn’t as terrible as he’d thought.
Rather, he was embarrassed about how he’d been tensing up alone in fear until now. It was similar to a situation where a child whines and rolls around in all directions because they don’t want to get a shot, but when they actually get it, it’s not a big deal and they feel silly.
And… Michael being this gentle.
It was different from back then when he would lose control of his emotions, smash things, say incomprehensible things, and exude an eerie aura. There was even a sense of maturity in Michael’s sincere apologies.
“It’s okay.”
Hyungoh answered after a long silence. Yeah. Actually, there’s no reason not to forgive. Thinking about it, he’d resented Michael for awakening fear in him, not Michael himself.
“Then you won’t be afraid of me anymore?”
Michael’s eyes sparkled. Hyungoh flinched at his question.
“You won’t run away?”
Hyungoh couldn’t easily answer his second question either. Well. He couldn’t make careless promises anymore. After all, Michael was involved with a notorious mafia organization, and staying by his side would mean being exposed to numerous dangers, and Hyungoh wasn’t confident he could handle all of that.
Hyungoh’s self-imposed life motto was ‘to live a thin and long life,’ but wasn’t Michael’s environment completely opposite to that? If you make even a small mistake or get on someone’s bad side, you might get shot dead.
Seeing Hyungoh hesitating, Michael smiled subtly as if he’d expected it.
“Hug me, Choi.”
Michael said, spreading his arms slightly. Hearing his downcast voice, Hyungoh felt a sting in his chest as if pricked by a needle. Now you’re making me feel bad too. Seeing Michael waiting for a hug, Hyungoh reluctantly embraced him gently. Though, hugging someone bigger than himself, it somehow felt like he was the one being embraced.
“I like how Choi’s body is cold.”
A warm heat crept up along his side. Hyungoh trembled. The hand that was gently caressing in circles subtly brushed past the protruding nipple.
“Ah, wa-wait.”
Hyungoh pushed Michael away. Hyungoh put both hands on his burning face. Even without looking in a mirror, he could vaguely tell that his face had turned bright red like a radish.
What, what is this? Why is this happening? Michael, who’d been staring down at Hyungoh as he bowed his head in embarrassment, secretly smirked.
“What’s wrong, Choi? Are you hurting somewhere?”
Michael tilted his head innocently.
“Huh? No, no. I’m just… tired.”
“You must be. You also need to adjust to the time difference.”
Come in, Herick. Michael said, turning his head toward the door. Herick then flung the door open as if he’d been waiting.
“Choi, there’s an empty room in the mansion next door, so rest there. Get some sleep too.”
Michael, with a gentle face, kissed Hyungoh’s forehead and nodded to Herick. Herick frowned upon seeing Hyungoh’s bright red face.
“Follow me, Choi.”
Herick gestured to Hyungoh. Michael waved his hand slightly toward Hyungoh as he was leaving the room. Hyungoh, who was trying to calm his heated face, blushed again when his eyes met Michael’s.
Michael clinging to Hyungoh, saying he liked how cold he was, had always been a regular occurrence. But back then, Hyungoh would practically embrace him, and even if Michael put his hand inside his clothes like now, he would just let it pass.
Am I the only one being self-conscious about it? Hyungoh glanced back as he followed Herick. The door was already firmly closed. Michael didn’t seem to think anything of it. Was touching my nipple a mistake? Am I reacting too sensitively? He tousled his hair in embarrassment.
“What’s wrong?”
Herick glanced at Hyungoh and asked.
“Oh, it’s nothing.”
“…Choi.”
Herick stopped in the middle of the long corridor. Then he turned around to face Hyungoh. What, what is it? Hyungoh, with a flushed face, flinched as he was fixing his disheveled hair.
“I’ll give you one piece of advice, so listen carefully.”
“What is it?”
Herick was about to answer but then closed his mouth again. Hyungoh also tensed up along with Herick’s frowning face, wondering what he was going to say. After seeming to ponder for a moment, Herick finally opened his mouth again as if he’d made up his mind.
“The Michael now is no longer that infatuated guy in your memories.”
Herick approached Hyungoh closely and whispered low.
“Don’t forget the day eleven years ago when you betrayed Michael.”
“What…?”
Hyungoh’s pupils wavered like rough waves. Herick’s calm breath touched Hyungoh’s ear.
“Because after that day, Michael stopped liking you with such a pure heart.”
