Jukyung narrowed his eyes.
“Do you like me?”
“Are you crazy? Who said that!”
I ended up yelling without realizing it. At those words, Jukyung shut his mouth tight. He clearly looked offended.
Jukyung and I glared at each other as if to kill, seething.
“Fuck.”
After a long while, Kwon Jukyung walked to the sofa, plopped down, and spat out a curse.
“It’s not like I’m playing with you. Earlier you talked like it was okay.”
He seems to be talking about what was said at the arboretum.
“So what I said during the day was about last night…”
“Last night was okay but what’s the reason today isn’t? There’s only one difference. Yesterday you wanted to and today I want to. When you want to it’s okay, but when I want to it becomes strange?”
“…Huh?”
Does it work that way again?
“You and I aren’t minors, we’re not related by blood, we’re vigorous twenty-somethings whose bodies match well—what’s wrong with sleeping together? It’s not like either of us is seeing someone or married, so what’s the problem? Are you a premarital chastity advocate? That’s not it either.”
“But you have someone you like…”
“No, that bastard doesn’t even know I like him, okay? Am I supposed to fucking spend my youth just jerking off while thinking of that bastard? I’ve already spent several years like that, isn’t that enough? It’s not like that bastard promised me a future, so what kind of chastity is this even? Is that what you’re saying? That bastard has a light ass and sleeps around with anyone, but I should keep myself pure just thinking of that bastard?”
Ha…
I stood there with my mouth agape. Several facts extracted from Kwon Jukyung’s words spewed in anger came back as a shock.
Seeing him say “bastard” and such, the person he likes is indeed a man. Kwon Jukyung was a beta who liked men. That was why he was skilled at holding me. There was no need to confirm it anew.
Of course, someone who has a crush doesn’t have to live just jerking off. But even so, does he need to say such things to someone he’s propositioning to sleep with? Does he need to nail it down that much that you and I are just a physical relationship? This is a matter of manners, isn’t it? Couldn’t he have said it indirectly?
Besides, who the hell is this bastard angry at? Is he angry that the guy doesn’t know his feelings? Why tell me that? He should tell that guy. No, even so, it’s a bit funny to be angry at that guy when the guy didn’t play with him. He said the other person doesn’t know. He liked him on his own, so why get angry on his own? Did that guy seduce him to date then eat him up and dump him? Anyway, this guy’s thought process was strange even in things like this.
In any case, hearing Kwon Jukyung’s inner thoughts left me feeling somewhat deflated while my heart strangely throbbed painfully. I rubbed my left chest roughly with my palm. I don’t know how every single word this bastard says is so irritating.
Fuck. The person he likes won’t look at him, but desire rises so he needs to resolve it, and I’m conveniently right here, that’s it, isn’t it? He doesn’t even know how to say it indirectly or hide it, just says everything openly. Only the outside is decent—he’s nothing but a total bastard inside.
Of course, thinking of it as sleeping together on a dimension of mutual desire relief, I wouldn’t lose anything either. Just like that bastard said, I don’t have anyone I’m dating, and I don’t even have someone I like. But why does my mood keep feeling so shitty? It’s a bit irritating, but I don’t like that bastard, so why do I keep feeling this fucking bad?
Not knowing how to respond, I stood frozen against the wall when Kwon Jukyung, who’d said his piece, walked back over briskly. With a momentum quite different from the earlier sticky atmosphere, he pressed his face close and glared, in an attitude almost like threatening.
“So what, you don’t want to sleep with me? Fuck, you honestly sleep around with anyone, so what’s with pretending to be clean? Compared to those bastards, what am I lacking? It’s not my face, is it money? Should I forgive your debt? Or should I pay you every time we sleep?”
This bastard really…
Whack.
I ended up throwing a punch without realizing it.
Ah, damn it.
And I regretted it as soon as I hit him. What is this for a pacifist like me? But when did I ever sleep around with anyone? Why make up stories that don’t exist? Since I have a one-night stand record, I can’t say I’m completely without shame, but I didn’t cheat, so what’s the big deal about that? Besides, even if that were true, why should I, who has no relationship with this bastard, have to listen to such talk!
Jukyung, whose face had turned, let out a long breath with a “whoosh.” His eyes looking at me again while slowly sweeping up his hair were like a viper’s. I flinched and shrank for a moment. Since I’d never fought, I honestly didn’t know fighting techniques.
That bastard Kwon Jukyung is also a pampered young master style, so it doesn’t seem like he would have gone around brawling, but since he’s bigger than me and has bigger fists, his power would be stronger. Since I hit him, I should take one hit so there’s no lingering resentment. Fuck. I have no money, so I hope it’s not enough to go to the hospital. I squeezed my eyes shut waiting for the impact to land on my face.
“Just get out.”
But the words that came out instead of a fist shocked me even more.
“What?”
Hey. Fuck, Kwon Jukyung, are you being this petty? You know I have no money…
“I’ll give you money, so get out.”
Jukyung rubbed his face as if tired and turned his body completely. He opened the wallet on the table, pulled out a card, and threw it at me.
“Take it and use it. Pay it back or not, do whatever you want.”
Then he went straight into the bedroom. He’s going to wash now, it seems.
I stood there frozen for a moment with my mouth open, staring at where Kwon Jukyung disappeared. I was dumbfounded and absurd.
Is me saying I won’t sleep with him something to get this angry about? Does he have some trauma about being rejected? Or is it anger control disorder from an inferiority complex? Looking at his perverted personality, he clearly has various traumas.
Moreover, strictly speaking, I didn’t flatly say I wouldn’t sleep with him. I just wanted to say we needed to talk to establish our relationship, but who knew he’d freak out like that without properly listening first?
Besides, fuck, to have someone you like but can’t sleep with that person so you’ll boldly declare you’ll sleep with me instead—is that even something a normal person would say? All the crazy acts until now were literally just the tip of the iceberg. From now on, I should call this bastard Kwon-sshi. His ideology is exactly that. If I had a younger sister, he’s the kind of non-burnable trash I’d have to keep from coming within 100m.
“……”
Fuck. It’s clearly strange to sleep with such trash, but I’m not that opposed to it—what the hell am I? Ugh, go die, Kang Doyun.
I sighed and sat down on the floor. I felt completely drained. Then suddenly a sparkling plastic piece on the floor caught my eye. It was the card Kwon Jukyung had taken from his wallet and thrown to me.
“……”
That doesn’t look like a debit card, does it? Isn’t it a credit card?
I bent down and picked it up. It was really a credit card. And black. Did he mistakenly pull out the wrong one, or is it just black in color?
“……”
Of course it’s just black in color. He doesn’t seem to be completely broke, but from his behavior, he absolutely wouldn’t have enough to have a black card. Besides, why would a guy who trembles even with a debit card hand over a black card to someone else? That doesn’t make sense.
Besides, what was important now wasn’t whether the card was black or not. What does that matter? It’s not mine anyway.
I was recalling Jukyung’s words “pay it back or not.” It seemed like that bastard, a selective miser, was so severely angry that he had no idea what he’d just said.
What is he going to do if I take this card and really swipe it like in the old days? Even if he comes to his senses later, he’ll definitely rush to stop the card. Won’t a situation occur like last time where I stay at a hotel, try to check out, but the card doesn’t work?
Worse is the case where that bastard reports it stolen to screw me over. When I try to use the card, sirens will sound and police will appear to arrest me. And that bastard will shamelessly testify that I rummaged through his wallet and stole the card while he was showering. That statement would naturally be believed. Realistically, where in the world would there be a person who would just hand over a credit card to a college classmate freeloading at their house?
An image came to mind of news articles saying K Construction’s second son Kang X got old, ran away from home, and got his hands on his friend’s card while staying with them… And my father would come find me and go wild saying I’m bringing shame to the family alone. And behind him would be my brother standing with crossed arms and a pathetic expression.
Damn it.
In the end, I got up and carefully moved the card onto the table as if it were a time bomb. Then I stood far away and looked at that card for a moment. It was a shame. How long has it been since I touched a proper card? But as long as it’s not my card, it’s just pie in the sky.
I shook my head. As I calmed down a bit, I thought I should wash up too. I should cool my head while washing. Sighing deeply, I gathered clothes to change into and entered the bathroom in the living room.
When I came out after washing, Kwon Jukyung was sitting on the sofa watching TV with wet hair. Even when I came out, he didn’t turn his gaze toward me. On the table, the card was still lying where I’d left it.
“Hey, Kwon Jukyung.”
No answer when I called. The corner of his mouth where I hit him was swollen reddish, making him look like a sulky child.
“Sorry for hitting you. Does it hurt a lot?”
When I sat next to him and tried to look at the wound, he swatted my hand away annoyed.
“I said I’d give you money, so why aren’t you leaving?”
I honestly can’t touch that card because I don’t know what your scheme is. And more honestly, I didn’t want our relationship to drift apart by leaving in this state. Did I develop affection after just being together for a month or two…?
“Hey, telling me to leave right away just because we fought a bit is too petty…”
