Fidgeting, Sansan’s body stiffened in surprise at the Emperor’s dragon essence flowing down his thigh. He sniffled without realizing it, then quickly came to his senses and covered his mouth with both hands. If he was caught crying alone while they were together, he’d be scolded. Not himself, but the palace servants.
But it seemed already too late. At the small sound, the Emperor ended up opening his eyes. Blinking quietly in the darkness, as soon as the Emperor adapted to the dim vision, he reached out and pulled Sansan back into his arms.
“Are you already awake?”
“…Y-yes.”
“Why are you in tears alone?”
“…Th-that’s, I-I was yawning…”
It was an unconvincing lie. The Emperor clicked his tongue. Then suddenly gripping his nape roughly, he abruptly began kissing him. Eung, eueung. At the hands roaming his body along with the kiss, Sansan let out pained moans in gasps.
“Ah! Haa.”
Despite dawn breaking, the Emperor spread Sansan’s legs. Naturally, it started again.
“Why do you keep crying?”
“Heuuk, eung. Euheuk.”
“San-ah, am I not asking you?”
The reason for crying was obvious. Because he disliked it. This act he was doing with the Emperor every single day without fail.
In the palace right next door, his younger sister was sleeping with the baby of the man inside him in her belly. Now her belly was swollen like a mountain, making even movement difficult. Yet the Emperor never once looked in on her, seeking only him.
Even though he’d shown him getting beaten right before his eyes earlier, shameless as Sansan was not, seeing his younger sister’s face became harder and more agonizing day by day. On days when he was summoned to Geoncheonggung Palace, the shame was at least less, but when the Emperor entered here at Yeongnyeong Palace’s Dongbaejeon, his heart felt heavier.
The Emperor preferred Sansan’s bedchamber. He said he liked it because it was a place imbued with Sansan’s body scent.
“Heueut, be-because it feels good…”
However, Sansan spoke the lie as if accustomed to it. He’d been beaten when he honestly said he didn’t want to. Next he’d said it hurt. Then asking “Let me see where it hurts,” he harassed Sansan with acts too shameful to speak of before ultimately driving into him even more violently in the end.
As such days repeated, Sansan also developed some tricks. Saying he cried because it felt good passed most smoothly among the options.
Though he wrinkled his fine eyebrows slightly as if displeased, the Emperor passed over it without much comment as Sansan expected. He held the sniffling Sansan and went at it from morning till the end.
Thud thud, the sound of bones meeting, agonized sounds, rough breathing and sounds of pleasure continuing as if about to break became entangled and spilled over the silk gauze curtains.
Birds intermittently joined in chirping, singing that Yeongnyeong Palace’s morning had dawned. Sansan just swayed while pierced through until the Emperor did as much as he wanted. Because that was Sansan’s duty that Sanwol had entrusted.
***
Before Sansan entered the palace, the imperial palace had been relatively calm. Because the Emperor rarely became angry regardless of what happened beneath the surface. However, after Sansan entered the palace, he habitually became angry even at trivial things.
With a thud, the Emperor who had violently struck the armrest threw the paper in his hand with a fierce motion. As a senior eunuch prostrated beneath the throne as if waiting, all the high and low ministers in the morning assembly followed and prostrated. The other palace servants went without saying.
“How impudent.”
The Emperor said while grinding his teeth. Though he’d rushed to Yeongnyeong Palace in one breath just one shichen ago to give a scolding and returned, his anger seemingly not dissipated, he’d been holding the letter the whole time before finally throwing another fit. The senior eunuch glanced at the paper that had fallen before his eyes and swallowed a sigh.
Mother, happy birthday. I’m sorry for being inadequate. If I go home I won’t cause trouble, won’t talk much, won’t scream, and will just stay quietly in my room. I wonder if Yeon is doing well too. I miss you. Please take me home.
The last sentence “Please take me home” was blotched and smeared as if it had gotten wet and dried, making the outline of those characters barely visible. He’d probably written it while crying.
This morning, Sanwol had busily moved about to send food ingredients and goods to her family home for her mother’s birthday feast. It was something she did every year a few days before her parents’ birthdays. Sansan had been watching the items being neatly stacked in the large carriage when he slipped a letter among them.
Five bundles of large croakers, five bundles of large yellow corvinas, ten live mullets, fifty live abalones, twenty bundles of octopus, ten bowls of oysters, one live roe deer, one small calf, two cow hindquarters, five live pheasants, five live ducks, five live chickens, three hundred pieces of yakgwa, three plates of dried persimmons, fifty ripe persimmons, five doe of chestnuts, five jugs of medicinal liquor, five seung of honey.
Just the food ingredients alone had many varieties. When silk, gold yuanbao, silver yuanbao, and jewelry boxes were added, the carriage became packed full. It was double the usual amount because the bestowments given to Sansan had been excessive.
Perhaps because of that, Sanwol was too distracted to notice what Sansan was doing. Had she seen it, she surely would have read it first and secretly hidden it, but unfortunately the letter mixed among the food ingredients and goods went undiscovered, left Yeongnyeong Palace, and ended up being sent before the Emperor.
Originally, everything entering and leaving the imperial palace, whether people or goods, had to undergo inspection. Though not as strict as when entering, even things going out could only leave if all approved.
So letters sent from the imperial harem to family homes were all things that had undergone prior inspection. Sansan hadn’t known this.
Head Court Lady Eom, who was conducting inspections one by one, opened the letter first to examine its contents according to procedure, then soon submitted it to a senior eunuch. Since there wasn’t really any major problem like treason, slander, or false accusation, it could have been overlooked, but the reason it wasn’t was because there were countless palace servants with eyes blazing to find Yeongnyeong Palace’s mistakes lately.
Head Court Lady Eom had already received and pocketed money from several of them.
“Is the written apology not ready yet?”
The Emperor pressed the senior eunuch in a sharply edged tone. The sloppy handwriting that seemed to crawl awkwardly, the completely wrong spelling, the content—there wasn’t a single thing that wasn’t astounding, but the most absurd among them was those stains that had gotten wet with tears and dried.
Thinking of Sansan who must have cried pathetically alone while writing that letter despite being cherished so much, a thousand fires rose from deep in the Emperor’s chest.
“I humbly report, Your Majesty. This servant heard from Chief Eunuch So about one sikgyeong ago that he is writing diligently without rest. If you wait just a little, it should arrive. Please have compassion.”
At that, the Emperor again struck the armrest viciously with a thud. The senior eunuch could only press his forehead to the floor.
As soon as the Emperor saw the letter, he went to Yeongnyeong Palace and threw it at Sansan’s face. Seeing him just move his lips in confusion, not wanting to contain his rising anger, he raised his hand. But he couldn’t strike. It was because thick tears pooled in those pale amber eyes, glistening.
Looking at those moist eyes made his heart keep wavering. He liked seeing the crying face yet also didn’t like it. Though he’d hardly struck him a few times and by his standards it couldn’t even be called hitting, when Sansan trembled with a face that looked ready to cry just from raising his hand, his anger cooled even while trying to hit him.
So unable to really scold him much, he’d commanded him to write an apology and returned to Geoncheonggung Palace. In such a situation, shouldn’t he have some sense? Though one shichen had nearly passed, not even a shadow appeared. He absolutely couldn’t calm his anger.
The Emperor looked at memorials while occasionally glancing at Hongdeokjeon Hall’s entrance. Each time he looked, wrinkles formed between his brows. Then just before dismissing the morning assembly, finally seeing Chief Eunuch So from Yeongnyeong Palace enter, his expression became noticeably expectant. However, soon realizing it was only Chief Eunuch So alone, wrinkles formed even deeper than before.
The Emperor scanned Sansan’s written apology submitted by Chief Eunuch So with an indifferent face. It had no meaning whatsoever. The other half had no sense either. Thinking that, the Emperor threw even the written apology away.
After the morning assembly was dismissed, he remained in Hongdeokjeon Hall for quite a while longer, waiting for Sansan who didn’t come.
Footnote:
Seung (승) – Unit of measurement for liquids
Doe (되) – Unit of measurement for dry goods
Yakgwa (약과) – Traditional Korean honey cookie
Sikgyeong (식경) – Time unit of approximately 30 minutes
