Chapter 4
“Those people are…”
Looking closely at the people around him, they were the other dancers who’d been with Usang during that performance.
A man who was casually socializing with others. It was somewhat different from the Usang I knew.
It was strange of me to say this about someone I’d only met a few days ago, but from the first time I met Usang, throughout these few short weeks, I’d always thought he would be alone.
That somewhat lonely expression and behavior.
Those things had made me misunderstand who Usang was.
But contrary to my thoughts, he was quite loved by many people.
Having built a sense of kinship with him alone in my heart, I awkwardly scratched the back of my neck for no reason.
It wasn’t a feeling of betrayal or pain, but I felt embarrassed—as if I’d misunderstood on my own and then realized it on my own.
I turned around and headed home without speaking to him, as if we’d never known each other.
Because of the years I’d lived without interacting with others, I’d done something clumsy.
I felt needlessly stifled.
I’d thought that after tomorrow’s performance, I would naturally have a meal with Usang, but somehow it didn’t seem possible now.
I wasn’t a snot-nosed kid making my first friend, so it was just laughable that I was putting on this one-man show.
If I’d ever met and talked with someone, I would know about other people’s lives, but that was the furthest thing from my experience. After returning home, embarrassed by these unfamiliar emotions, I just pounded my innocent pillow.
Bzzz—
Just then, a small vibration rang on my phone. I turned on the screen to check the content. It was a message from Usang.
“See you tomorrow.”
At those short words, I felt my embarrassment significantly improve.
The sudden change in my mood was something even I couldn’t adapt to. I looked through all the texts Usang had sent me again.
And I recalled his website and performance pamphlet that I’d browsed through numerous times.
To drive away the slightly dizzy feeling, I took out the book I’d been reading during the day and started reading it again, but somehow the letters wouldn’t register properly.
What new emotions would I feel tomorrow?
“…I’m tired.”
I muttered as I put the book down.
Yet at the thought of facing a new world I’d never seen in books, it felt like my heart was beating fiercely.
***
Arriving in front of the performance hall in a light summer suit, there were quite a few people who seemed to be audience members.
But for some reason, I was the only one among them dressed formally.
Was it because it wasn’t a classical performance? I rubbed my reddened cheeks with the back of my hand and gripped the bouquet I’d bought once more.
And I pointlessly smoothed out the stiff new clothes I’d bought yesterday.
“This is awkward.”
Since I didn’t usually wear such clothes, my reflection in the mirror just looked clumsy.
I left the flowers at the desk inside the performance hall and sat down following the other people.
After being swept along mindlessly with the crowd, I could finally see my surroundings.
Quite a few people were seated inside. That’s when I recalled that today’s performance was sold out.
Thinking of Usang anew, I just waited for the performance to begin.
Not long after, the performance started. When the lights went out and then small lights came back on, two Latin men were standing there.
The performance was about the country of Colombia.
At first, the two men communicated in their own language, but eventually, they lost the method of communication with others. Unable to speak, they suffered in their given lives.
Eventually learning new languages and living on, they were incomplete beings.
They were angry at those who didn’t appreciate their efforts, but others just ignored them.
Usang didn’t have a fixed role there but played various roles. He mostly danced, but he wasn’t the protagonist of the stage.
However, seeing him perform various roles was very exciting. The performance was interesting from beginning to end.
Since it was a dance performance, I naturally thought they would only dance, but there were various stories.
When Usang recited quite proficient Spanish while wearing a suit that looked like it came from a classic film, I couldn’t help but smile. Even there, Usang seemed to stand out alone.
The hour and a half passed in an instant, and before I knew it, the performance had ended. As everyone stood up to applaud, I also stood up and clapped.
I could feel my heart trembling finely with an inexplicable heat that I’d never felt in books.
Usang, when greeting after the performance, wore his usual small smile.
Even though he must have been tired after sweating so much, he showed no signs of fatigue. I couldn’t take my eyes off him and kept staring at him endlessly.
It felt like my mouth was completely dry.
Next to Usang stood the woman and man who’d been with him yesterday.
Whether they’d always been close, or had become close while preparing for this stage, I wasn’t sure, but Usang seemed to be loved not only by the audience but also by his colleagues.
He was a person so very different from me. I realized this anew while watching that stage.
After the dancers exited and all the audience members began to leave, I also slowly moved along, mixing with the crowd. I retrieved the bouquet I’d left and went up to the lobby, staring at my phone.
Come to think of it, I hadn’t asked Usang separately if we could meet this evening.
I didn’t particularly think we’d be able to meet after the performance, but still, I wanted to give him the bouquet.
It will probably take quite some time for him to change clothes and get ready to come out.
Thinking he might be busy, it was uncertain if he’d check a message even if I sent one.
But shortly after, I could see that a dancer I’d seen on stage was already up here.
Surprised by how quickly they’d changed, I looked around and saw Usang standing with a colleague in the distance.
As I cautiously approached him and poked my head out, Usang spotted me and greeted me.
“Teo, have you been waiting?”
“No. Not for long.”
“That’s good. Thank you so much for coming.”
Usang smiled brightly and suddenly spoke to the woman standing beside him.
“I’ll go first.”
“Huh? There’s the opening party tonight.”
“I’ll skip today. Officially, we were supposed to gather on the last day anyway.”
“What? What fun is a party without you?”
Among the dancers who’d performed together, the female dancer who’d been sticking close to Usang yesterday was again unwilling to leave his side today.
Usang slightly pushed the woman’s back and gave her a hint to go quickly.
“You have many friends, what are you talking about? Bel, see you tomorrow.”
“Come on, you’re closest to me. Fine. Is this your friend?”
“Yes. A friend who’ll be with me today.”
The woman named Bel looked me up and down, said she understood, greeted us, and moved away from us.
Only then did I come to my senses and handed over the bouquet I was holding. Usang accepted the bouquet with surprised eyes, thanked me, and smelled its fragrance.
“Thank you. It’s pretty.”
“I bought it based on the shopkeeper’s recommendation, is it okay?”
“Yes. It’s really pretty.”
Usang seemed quite pleased with it and couldn’t take his eyes off the flowers.
“I enjoyed the performance.”
“How was it?”
“It was fun. The ending was sad, but still, the dancing was cool and looked free…”
“Really? I’m glad. I have a lot I want to talk about. Ah, if you haven’t had dinner yet, would you like to have dinner with me?”
“Is that okay? I’d love to.”
“That’s good. Actually, I canceled plans to meet with you, but we didn’t specifically set up an appointment. I was worried you might refuse. I’ve even made a reservation.”
I was taken aback because I didn’t expect him to propose a meeting first, but soon I nodded slightly and waited for Usang to speak.
He led me to the restaurant he had in mind. Watching him, I could feel my heart beating slightly faster.
I wondered if he’d unnecessarily broken off a promise because of me, but I felt a sense of satisfaction in the fact that he’d deliberately avoided his other plans to meet with me.
Satisfaction. A small sense of fullness.
And a sense of disparity.
Clumsy words popped into my head, but I deliberately erased them and followed behind Usang.
The performance hall was in the bustling Marais district, and perhaps because of that, there were already plenty of wonderful restaurants around.
Was there ever an area in Paris that wasn’t bustling? It’s such a glamorous city that I hadn’t been conscious of it, but the Marais district was certainly noticeably splendid even within Paris.
Despite the French hating the rich, commercial things like these were still developed like this.
It was truly a contradictory city.
“We’re almost there. It’s here.”
“Ah.”
“It’s a place I visit when I occasionally want to treat myself. The price range is reasonable, and they’re friendly.”
“I see… It’s a nice place.”
I answered with a slight smile to hide my awkwardness.
In truth, I’d never been to a restaurant with such an atmosphere.
I didn’t have anyone to go with, and I didn’t eat fancy food by myself.
Led by Usang into the restaurant and seated, he said something to the staff and then asked me.
“Is there anything you can’t eat?”
“Ah, no. Everything’s fine.”
“Do you prefer seafood or meat?”
“…Meat.”
Usang said okay and continued his conversation with the staff, then finished the order with a thank you, as if familiar with the process.
Not long after, the food arrived.
“The tip you gave me last time, even after excluding the ticket price, there was quite a bit left, so I wanted to treat you.”
Was that so? I didn’t remember how much I’d given him then, so I fumbled with my words a bit.
Then, worried that Usang might offer to return the money to me, I decided to change the subject by asking about the woman we’d met earlier.
“That person earlier, is she your girlfriend?”
“Bel? No. Just a friend. We perform together often, so I’ve known her for a long time.”
“Ah.”
I nodded.
Although it was just to change the subject, I became needlessly embarrassed for asking if she was his girlfriend.
I couldn’t understand why I’d asked such a question. Noticing my discomfort, Usang seemed to pick up on it and began talking about the performance I’d seen today.
“Was there anything in the performance you didn’t understand?”
“I understood most of it, but I was a bit surprised that there were even lines in the performance.”
“Right? I didn’t know at first either. I was so surprised when they suddenly asked me to memorize Spanish.”
Usang explained the fun scenes during practice, where the other dancers came from, and also mentioned that he’d already been performing irregularly with his friend Bel for four years.
I listened attentively to everything he told me.
Then Usang paused and looked at me intently. Puzzled by his gaze, I asked.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Ah. It’s nothing. Just, I was thinking that Teo is a bit unusual.”
“Pardon?”
“…Please pretend you didn’t hear that. I made a mistake.”
Usang avoided my gaze and took a drink of water. Wondering if it would be troublesome to ask, I turned my head without saying anything.
A strange tension seemed to exist between us like a thin membrane.
