“Didn’t you say you hate listening to guys sing?”
– Who asked you to sing?
“…Now that I think about it, that’s exactly what my father said to me. He beat me, saying he didn’t want to hear me sing.”
Yeon Cheonguk rambled on in a dazed state.
“Father only doted on Noona. Even before the business went under, I was the throwaway child. I had nothing going for me except hanging out with friends. My brain was crap for studying and I only liked fooling around. For as long as I can remember, I was a moron and Noona was the elite.”
– Sounds like your noona is the pillar of your family.
“Well, still, 90% of my arguing skills came from fighting with Noona.”
Suddenly, Yeon Cheonguk discovered a strange version of himself.
On the fifth day of talking to Hwang Jegu on the phone every day, he came to his senses and realized he was saying things he’d never told anyone.
Thinking back on it was absurd. Until he was forced to get acquainted because of Hakju’s errand, in Yeon Cheonguk’s mind, he had been someone to avoid getting involved with—a person who existed only in rumors.
And what about after that? Having actually witnessed the bastard’s true nature through a series of incidents, he should have put up even higher walls, trembled in fear, and minimized any involvement. But look at now. Here he was, clutching the phone like a teenager writing out radio dedications with his whole heart, spilling his inner thoughts.
Hwang Jegu threw out a comment in his low voice.
– For a throwaway child, you grew up pretty decent. Unlike me.
“…….”
– How did you manage to stick it out under parents like that?
They seemed to stay on the phone for about another 20 minutes after that. He only ended the call after Noona yelled at the top of her lungs to stop talking with his girlfriend.
He’d broken up with his girlfriend. He simply couldn’t grant her request to go to the study room together every day during vacation.
Yeon Cheonguk knew well that this wish wasn’t unusual among dating peers. In the past, he too would have been immature enough to stick together every day, using studying as a smokescreen to fool around, kiss, touch her body, and maybe even go all the way.
“…I’m sorry. I don’t think our personalities match.”
But right now, he didn’t have the luxury to indulge in the game of dating. Kim Yuyoung got frighteningly angry.
“How can you do this overnight? This is unacceptable. I… you…. At the Migliore stage, you said you had a girlfriend, you even talked about that. Why so suddenly?”
“It’s not sudden. Don’t you remember I’ve been bad at keeping in touch?”
Having no choice, Yeon Cheonguk took on the role of the villain.
“I can’t help it if my heart’s not in it. I’m sorry.”
“Ha…! Then why did you date me? Why did you hit on me asking to see me more, why did you play along?”
“I thought it’d be fun back then.”
“…….”
“I’m really sorry. I don’t think I can see you anymore. I hope you meet someone good who’s a better match for you.”
When it came down to it, what could you do when the heart wasn’t there? Kim Yuyoung seemed to hate the face, voice, and existence she’d wanted so badly. Curses came back calling him the most frivolous and terrible bastard in the world.
But it couldn’t be helped. He didn’t want to explain in detail to her the life Yeon Cheonguk was living through right now.
He thoroughly became a bad bastard and ended the relationship. She was a bright and pretty person, but this was as far as it went. As he turned away, Yeon Cheonguk realized one fact. His pride far outranked wanting to keep seeing someone and wanting to become someone special to them. Rather than exposing his pathetic wounds, he wanted to maintain the title of “popular guy who sings well.”
Yeon Cheonguk sat on a chair at the public bathhouse next to the market, sucking on a Jjujjuba popsicle. Roses of Sharon and trumpet creepers bloomed on the wall. The sounds of mosquitoes and flying insects occasionally brushed past his ears.
The father he couldn’t find, the songs he couldn’t finish singing, the wounds he couldn’t reveal.
It was a bit early for a nightly greeting call, but he seemed to want to chatter with anyone. He entered a payphone booth and inserted his card.
After exchanging meaningless greetings with Hwang Jegu, he suddenly said:
“I broke up.”
– …Why? So you’d jerk off alone all pathetically?
“Do you only fucking meet girlfriends for that purpose? Ah….”
Since the other person wasn’t in front of him, his original speech habits came out. He carefully corrected himself again and said gently:
“Do you meet girlfriends to sleep with them?”
– Why else would I meet them?
The words “You crazy bastard!” almost burst out, but he held this back too. Hwang Jegu was still a difficult person for Yeon Cheonguk to deal with.
– ‘You’? That’s the second time.
“…….”
Should he just drop the pronoun altogether? As expected, every time they interacted, he was someone who made you tense at least once. Hwang Jegu threw out a solution in an annoyed tone.
– Anyway, if you ultimately wanted to fuck her, you should’ve told her to wait a bit. Couldn’t she wait a month or two?
“……No. I didn’t want to explain my situation.”
– Why?
“Just, it hurts my pride. And, what could she do even if I told her? I’d just be burdening her.”
– Then why do you tattle everything to me?
“…….”
He heard the sound of a lighter being lit on the other end.
– You don’t have any pride with me? You think I can do a lot for you?
No, that wasn’t it. He gave up trying to figure out how to explain that it just naturally happened that way.
“Just. I don’t know, it’s comfortable.”
Yeon Cheonguk, watching the card balance gradually decrease, chuckled.
“I guess I originally like phone calls.”
– No. I don’t like them.
“What the… It feels like the phone dating from before. Does it make sense that I talk more often and longer than when I had a girlfriend?”
When Hwang Jegu went quiet, Yeon Cheonguk added as a joke:
“You know, I originally have a good voice and way of speaking. People say it sounds even better on the phone, what do you think?”
– There was this kid before who said she’d get pregnant just from hearing my voice, I want to hook you two up. I fucking didn’t understand it.
“What? Haha… who said…”
– I didn’t understand kids who came while having phone sex either.
“Phone… what?”
– I didn’t know I’d get turned on by a guy’s voice.
“……Huh?”
– And. When I say I hate phone calls, it’s not an empty statement.
“…….”
– It’s late, go in. Hanging up.
Beep- beep- beep- the call ended.
The warmth of his palm remained on the phone from holding it for so long. As Yeon Cheonguk stood there dumbly holding the warm receiver, heat suddenly rushed to his face.
Wha… what did… what did that bastard just say…?
***
Today was the sixth day since he made the deal with Hwang Jegu. When the homeroom teacher called to check in, he said he was still inquiring about his father’s whereabouts. At the worried words asking “You know you’re not supposed to skip supplementary classes, right?” he responded perfunctorily.
Since last night’s phone call, Hwang Jegu had only left the word “soon.” Soon he might be able to meet both his father and Hwang Jegu again.
But when he called in the morning, he didn’t answer. The indefinite waiting had reached its limit now. It felt like confirmed news should arrive… Seeing that he wasn’t answering the phone, he both worried something had happened and felt anxious that he might have been deceived.
Tomorrow he had to go to his weekend serving part-time job too. Perhaps because of anxiety, he kept bouncing his leg—this was how many times he’d slapped his thigh to stop it.
The vigorous sound of cicadas seeped into the store. Yeon Cheonguk blankly turned the pages of the comic book one by one.
Yesterday’s strange phone call was settled as meaning nothing.
— I didn’t know I’d get turned on by a guy’s voice.
This wasn’t a problem at all. There was a strong possibility he’d misheard “I didn’t know I’d be moved by a guy’s voice”!
Even if it was real, it must have been a joke, so there was no need to worry about it. Even if the expression “turned on” wasn’t a word that would come from that bastard’s mouth, it couldn’t be helped. It had to be that way. Thinking of it this way made him feel much more at ease.
There seemed to be no need to assign any particular meaning to the next words either.
— When I say I hate phone calls, it’s not an empty statement.
So what if it wasn’t empty talk, and someone who hates phone calls had long conversations like phone dating for several days?
He must have been bored in that distant motel room in Jeongseon where even jerking off was hard. Knowing Hwang Jegu’s personality, there was a high probability he just blurted out words without much meaning.
There, now stop thinking about it!
He turned the page while self-hypnotizing. His heart felt much lighter, so the comic book content entered his eyes better too.
The rental shop part-timer sitting at the counter, fanning himself, casually asked:
“That’s a Japanese comic. Why are you reading it from the front?”
“…….”
