# Chapter 106
I felt sorry for Boss. Even though he was finally free from the brainwashing, he still had to continue suffering.
“…Am I destined to forgive Boss?”
I couldn’t understand my own feelings. Even now, when I close my eyes, those hellish days appear vividly, yet when I see him smiling as if everything is fine, the knot of emotions inside me slowly begins to unravel.
Perhaps it was truly time to accept it. Perhaps the time had come to forgive Boss.
“What I did and what Kay experienced are separate matters.”
“But—”
“It’s natural for you to keep hating me.”
No. That wasn’t natural. Looking at it objectively, Boss had no choice.
Before, he couldn’t feel his own emotions, so he had no choice but to treat me harshly. After I possessed Kane, he didn’t know I was Kay, so Boss treated me as a researcher from Peace. Moreover, it was natural for him to despise the person in charge of Alice.
In the end, there was no fault of his anywhere. To the point where I felt foolish for resenting him.
“I’m sorry.”
But I still couldn’t bring myself to say that I forgave Boss. Even while acknowledging my foolishness, I still needed time before I could act as if nothing had happened.
Time until the memories of that dark, pitch-black space faded away.
Even after hearing about his past, I only thought about myself. I deserved to be called selfish. After all, wasn’t it only natural that Boss suffered more?
Yet I couldn’t comfort him, and still couldn’t forgive him… I hated myself for being unable to erase my resentment.
“I know Boss is suffering too…”
No matter what I said, it would only sound like an excuse, so my words naturally faded away.
“It’s okay. Maybe because of the brainwashing, I don’t feel that troubled.”
Boss’s expression as he said this truly seemed unbothered. As if he had no memory of that day at all.
But his smile, claiming everything was fine, couldn’t have looked more sad.
I felt something surge up inside my chest.
“How! How can it be okay!”
I tried to let it go. It was strange for me to point this out when I couldn’t even forgive him.
But simply watching was harder than I thought. Boss might genuinely be okay, but I wasn’t.
I didn’t want to see him recounting such painful memories so calmly. Hadn’t he suffered enough? Yet why couldn’t Boss even allow himself to fully grieve?
“Really. It’s just, a slightly painful memory.”
“Slightly?”
My voice trembled involuntarily with overflowing emotion. Unlike me, who was staring directly into his eyes, Boss avoided my gaze.
“…Of course.”
“Then why are you crying…!”
As if something that had been held back finally burst, tears began to roll down his cheeks.
“I am?”
As if he hadn’t even realized he was crying, Boss absently wiped his cheek at my words. Looking at the moisture on his fingertips, he murmured in an airy voice.
“…So I am. I was crying.”
His tone was dull, as if he’d just realized it. The smile gradually disappeared from his face, leaving his expression blank. But that was brief—his brow slowly contorted, revealing Boss’s complicated feelings.
“You’re not okay at all, are you.”
Normally, I would have been flustered at the sight of Boss crying. Tears didn’t suit him. But now, I thought it was a relief.
Seeing him accept his sadness and shed tears made me smile in reassurance. In truth, I had been anxious all along. Worried that his emotions might fester inside without being properly expressed.
“…I guess so. I must have been sad after all.”
Like clouds clearing to reveal the sun, he slowly raised his head. Though his smile was contorted, it felt natural.
It took a while after that for Boss to stop crying. His tears, which had flowed as if soaking into water without disturbing his breathing, finally stopped completely.
Perhaps now embarrassed about crying in front of me, Boss remained silent for a moment.
I broke the silence and carefully voiced what I had wanted to ask all along.
“…May I know Boss’s name?”
I felt that if not now, I might never know. Even when telling me about his past, Boss hadn’t mentioned his name.
Perhaps he didn’t want to reveal his name. But I wanted to know. I wanted to call him by his name, not just “Boss.”
I held my breath, waiting for Boss’s answer. This time, I would understand even if he refused. In the midst of such memories, even recalling one’s name could be painful.
“Of course.”
But Boss answered with a radiant smile, as if relieved. It was an unexpected response for me, who had been half expecting refusal.
During the brief time waiting for his answer, I felt increasingly tense. Though he would be the one speaking, my heart was pounding as if it might burst.
For the past 10 years, I hadn’t known Boss’s name. Now, about to hear it after 10 years, I couldn’t control my emotions.
After waiting several minutes for Boss’s lips to open, they finally began to part. As if unsure himself, Boss repeated it in his mind a few times before looking into my eyes.
“Haylen Felix, that’s my name.”
“…”
In that moment, I felt something change within me. It was as quiet as if time had stopped, and I had the illusion that the surroundings were brightening.
It was just a name. But contrary to that thought, my heart was swelling overwhelmingly.
I slowly took his warm, gentle name into my mouth. Though I didn’t speak it aloud, his name rolling around in my mouth felt incredibly special.
“May I call you Haylen?”
It could evoke painful memories for Boss. But I didn’t want to let go of his name that I had finally learned.
I fixed my eyes, which had been darting around due to nervousness, on him. Though I was asking for permission, I already knew what Boss would answer.
“I told you. I’ll give you everything of mine.”
His answer came without hesitation, as if there was no need to ask. Even though he had hidden it for so long, he could have considered it at least once.
Those words made me feel as if I was special to him.
Hatred toward Haylen still remained in me. Yet somehow, I thought that if happiness existed, it might be now.
* * *
Haylen detected something unusual in the early dawn, when darkness still lay thick before daybreak. He gently opened his eyes at the sorrowful, muffled sound ringing in his ears.
It was a very small sound, but somehow it came through very clearly. Looking around, Haylen thought it came from outside the door and left the room.
His steps moved following the sobbing sound. Haylen’s feet stopped in front of the room where Kay was sleeping.
“Kay?”
After hesitating briefly, Haylen entered and carefully called his name. He saw Kay lying neatly on the bed. But there was something strange about his condition.
Haylen hurriedly approached him to check. Kay was breathing raggedly, with cold sweat covering his forehead. Since he didn’t feel feverish, it seemed like he was having a nightmare. Seeing him groaning as if in pain, Haylen began to wake him up.
After shaking him a few times and calling his name, the groaning gradually subsided as if he was waking from the dream. His body, which had been unable to breathe properly, gradually stabilized.
Kay slowly lifted his heavy eyelids. He blinked vacantly, assessing the situation. Haylen let out a sigh of relief.
“Ah…”
But for some reason, just when his condition seemed to be improving, Haylen sensed it worsening again.
His breathing became short and ragged. He seemed unable to breathe freely, clutching at his own clothes in pain. Haylen frowned at the sight.
He had woken Kay thinking he was having a nightmare, but Kay’s condition hadn’t improved. This meant some cause still remained.
Haylen urgently looked around. There were no objects visible that could trigger his trauma. It was just a dark room…
“Could it be…”
Watching Kay’s condition, Haylen turned on the light in the room, just in case.
Click. The dark room instantly brightened.
Kay’s eyes, which had been scattered unfocused, gradually began to find direction. After blinking a couple of times, he stared blankly at Haylen who was looking at him.
“…Boss.”
Seeing Kay still looking confused, Haylen brought his hand to Kay’s forehead to check his condition.
“Are you feeling better?”
But at that moment, Kay sharply knocked away his hand. With a slap, Haylen’s hand stopped in midair. As if it hadn’t been intentional, Kay, now coming to his senses, floundered helplessly.
“Ah… I, well.”
Kay, gripping the blanket tightly, hesitated, unable to find words, his eyes darting around.
“Is this distance better?”
Looking at him, Haylen, after seeming to think for a moment, increased the distance between them. Sitting down in a chair beside the bed, he spoke softly as if everything was fine, and Kay nodded with his lips firmly bitten.
“…Yes.”
Kay was confused. When he suddenly opened his eyes, Haylen was there. He couldn’t remember what dream he had, but it must have been an unpleasant one as his entire body was soaked in sweat.
And Haylen, with a worried expression, had reached out his hand. That was all.
But that hand seemed as if it would kill him at any moment, so Kay instinctively had no choice but to push him away. Haylen’s reddened hand weighed on his mind.
Kay opened his mouth to make some kind of excuse.
“…Is there anything you want to do?”
However, Haylen, guessing that Kay felt sorry, spoke first. He moved past the situation as if nothing had happened.
